January 25th, 2011
Special Delivery: Opening The Kickette Mailbox
And though our day to day expectations err on the low end of the scale (arriving at the office with two matching shoes is deemed a successful event), we do so love it when our in-boxes bring us surprisingly joyful messages.
We’ve long suspected our readers are completely barmy and/or mad geniuses, so it’s nice when we have factual proof of their superfreak natures/superiority.
Thus ends a long-winded way of saying we’re going to start printing the crazy crap that our beloved Kickette Army emails over in the name of tips, comments and/or incomprehensible rants about DDRs facial hair.
So, in the name of slow news days and half-arsed blog postings that have become the norm ’round these parts, please enjoy three of our favourite reader letters from the last week or so:
FYI: Because we haven’t gotten the a-okay from certain readers, (Okay, all readers), that we’re about to expose for their fantabulousness – we’re going off of initials only.
The “Boo’d Up” Xabi Alonso Worship note:
In reference to the above shot of Mr. Alonso, one of our male readers had this to say:
This shot makes me think we should put Cupid up for ritual sacrifice and crown Xabi as the new God of Love. At first I was miffed that you didn’t post this pic, but on second thought it’s better you didn’t. Likely I would have burst into flames upon viewing this image without having taken the required safety precautions (e.g. sitting on ice). My only question is how do we get this man a UNESCO World Heritage designation. I think we now know why that Dutch bastard, Nigel De Jong, karate kicked our boo during the World Cup finals. Jealousy, plain and simple. Or possibly he didn’t understand his own feelings of passionately swirling physical lust for one of god’s perfect creatures on the pitch and couldn’t find the pigtails to pull. As always, love your work.
We laughed, we cried, we hit “reply all” 7 times.
And then we noticed the “P.S.”:
P.S. Thanks for introducing Volkan into my lexicon of drool worthy hunkification. But even a half naked sweaty Turk like him can’t motivate me to wax hallucinogenic like a fully clothed Xabi wearing make-up can (not too much make-up).
Fictional words and male objectification. That’s what gets us up out of bed each morning, dear readers. And we’re glad you appreciate.
Sometimes, it’s possible to sum up statements of profound meaning in just a few short words. Take for example:
The Fernando Torres Obsessive Letter of Concern:
I think F Torres is losing his hair… But he’s married aka DEAD, so what does he care?
The entertainment value of the “DEAD” kept us going for several hours. And for the record, we don’t think Mr. T is going the way of his Spanish mate Mr. Casillas… yet.
Last but not least, it’s always lovely to find an appreciative letter about what we do buried underneath the threats and beheaded voodoo dolls from those wishing to express their disappointment in Yoann Gourcuff being taken off the F5 list.
The Fan Letter With Nods To Obsessive St. Iker Lifestyle Affectations & Links To Something We Have Mentioned In The Past But Only Briefly That Deserves A Second Look:
In my busy lifestyle of deciding between which pic of Iker to put as the desktop background on my laptop, I may have missed the post where you put the Adidas commercial with David Villa, Xabi Alonso, and Fernando Llorente taking off their shirts. If so, I apologize heartily for thinking even for a moment that you failed in bringing us news of shirtless players. Otherwise, here’s the link, and I think it might become part of one’s morning ritual like it has for mine.
Keep ‘em coming, Kickettes!