December 8th, 2011

Stoke City’s Christmas Party: A Subdued, Robotic Celebration

To all the guys reading this, here’s our advice on shirt buttons: one open, you’re fine, two open, you’re cutting it close, three or more and you look like you belong on Tool Academy. Peter Crouch’s party ensemble is Kickette (and probably Abbey) approved.

In order of preference, the Club Christmas party season ranks pretty high for us, right behind ‘Ballers on Breaks (1) and the End of Season ‘Ballers & Bubbas parades (2). What can we say – we take pleasure in resharing all the tall tales of drunken stumblers and such.

Stoke City, the first club we’ve heard of getting their moderately well-behaved holiday drink on this month, went for the obvious venue option this past Tuesday: Mayfair’s ‘baller/WAGabee staple, Funky Buddha.

Ah, Funky Buddha, Christmas party-time in London.  Have you had the pleasure of attending the nightclub that just won’t die, Kickettes?  We have banned ourselves from returning to the scene of many, many alcohol-induced crimes. Plus, our mini skirts are too long for the female dress code admission rules, which calls for belt-length/micro-skirts only. If you don’t comply, you risk being turned away, as Chelsea’s Salomon Kalou once was at his team’s holiday festivities three years ago.

But back to our point: women clad in lycra hot pants were surprising no-shows at this club’s end of year bash. Is this the first of many crackdowns EPL managers will be enforcing to skirt messy after-party claims like the ones pinned on the Man United team of ’07?

We doubt it.

Before we get ahead of ourselves any further, we give you one unnamed Funky Buddha patron’s account of the most memorable part of the evening: Crouchie, flanked by team-mates Jermaine Pennant and John Carew, hitting the tiles for the electric slide before busting out in his signature move (that didn’t involve ‘the rope pull’ despite his mates’ cajoling, we’re told). Zzz….

“It was hilarious. Crouch got a circle round him as he did his body popping and locking…At one point he and the lads took it in turns to hijack the microphone and serenade the crowd.”

That’s all you fellas got? Pffft.

Bring on the Chelsea and Liverpool parties, please. That’s where the good stuff goes down.

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3 Responses to “Stoke City’s Christmas Party: A Subdued, Robotic Celebration”

  1. Marina_Isabella says:

    LooooooooOOOOOooooooong legs!

  2. lone- Brazil says:

    this guy is ugly and weird!

  3. Laura says:

    It was actually JT's birthday party