June 14th, 2011
Stuart Pearce: Working For The Man
Stuart Pearce is working for the other side, Kickettes. Be brave in the face of inconceivable provocation. Images: Getty Images/Daylife.
As the fastest growing demographic in football support (Source: The Kickette Institute For Shameless Self Promotion), we feel that the time has come for the governing body of the global game to pay some mind to our more ‘specialist’ requirements. We’ve campaigned hard for our rights, but it seems that our assertions about global productivity being seriously affected by the lack of tanned manflesh available to help us get up in the morning are falling on deaf ears.
If that wasn’t insulting enough, we now suspect a dirty tricks campaign might be afoot. Have you noticed the recent trend for managers, coaches and other ‘mature’ gentlemen strolling unchecked around training pitches, press conferences and touchlines wearing shorts, tight jogging bottoms, comedy hats and in one case, an upsetting perversion of the common duvet? We have. And we suspect a plot.
We are highly sensitive creatures, totally ill-equipped to tolerate sights like those Stuart Pearce exposed us to this week. Your contribution to the game will forever be in our hearts, Stu, but the office therapy bill this month is going to eat into the party budget. This gives us cause for concern.
We know what you’re up to, powers-that-be. But you won’t drive us from our beloved game with your cruel and unusual tactics. We shall continue to demand a full ban on base layers in elite football, regardless of what you throw at us.