February 15th, 2010

Style Files: WAG Denim Disasters

Ah, denim. A wardrobe staple for the masses for gazillions of years.

And for good reason: Jeans are affordable (usually), comfortable (most of the time), and can be dressed up or down. Pretty simple.

But then why, (oh why) do so many WAGs commit heinous Offenses Against Denim on a regular basis?

Let us elaborate using two Manchester United gals – Hayley Grice, (Darren Fletcher’s fiancee) and Lisa Carrick arriving for the United v. Portsmouth match on the 6th*. Both chose to wear jeans that should equal a trip straight to fash-jail. Considering the hefty police presence at all footy matches, you’d think at least one constable would have stepped in and had a word about the acid wash/stone wash situ. Yeesh.

*We know that there are wee and sweet bubbas in this pic, but we are solely focused on total denim condemnation. Put your ovaries on hold.

Let’s take a look at some of our other major denim concerns to date.

The Floor-Sweepers:

Oh, how this one puzzles. We understand that the purpose of wearing trousers this long is to make your legs look longer. Lovely. But long-legged illusionists, lend us your ear: If you can hear your jeans scraping along the ground as you walk, it’s a distinct possibility that they are too long.

As seen on: Cheryl Cole. Coleen Rooney is a repeat floor-sweeping offender and although Victoria Beckham has been strictly skinnys lately, she cannot be forgiven for her past offenses.

So hurtful: When you have a shoe collection full of Louboutins, Blahniks, and Choos, why (dear God, why?) would you make them live entombed under a wall of denim, hidden away in shadow, breathing stale, dusty ankle air? We could weep.

Distressed Disasters

Alex Gerrard owns this category:  She’s never met a pair of ripped jeans she didn’t like. Alex has been working the biker chic look so often that we’re pretty sure she’s got stock in leather and studs.

A note to Alex – we think it’s about time you retired the Kurt Geiger studded boots. Go spend your OK! mag pounds on a fab new pair of Zanottis or something. (And let us borrow, mmkay?)

Bad Boyfriends

After several years of skinny jeans being the de rigueur denim choice for the WAG set, we welcomed the advent of the boyfriend jean with same excitement as Guti being offered a free mani with his highlights. Sadly, the girls have not found success with these either.

Repeat denim issue-haver Lisa Carrick should also be cited for this fashion felony. Her gorgeous legs are not being done any favors.

You’re not off the hook either: Alex Gerrard fails here and Posh can’t do much better.

So tell us, Kickettes. Are you denim purists or denim daredevils? Who do you think is committing the worst crime here?

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14 Responses to “Style Files: WAG Denim Disasters”

  1. Ofeily says:

    Lisa Carrick's child is so cute!!

  2. Coleen and Alex are the saving grace. Lisa Carrick is the worst of them all.

  3. Lucy says:

    they all look good, well with the exception of Coleen and Alex

  4. tammyv says:

    Wow… an entire demin diaster without a Lampard reference. What is the world coming too?

  5. HiL says:

    Sorry, can’t talk about bad jeans right now. still melting over Louise and the Fletch twins. there is nothing i love more than those type of pics, thank u!

  6. KW says:

    Personally, I own a pair of boyfriend jeans that are now a size too big for me, similar colour to Coleen's in fact. Acid wash jeans are a big no-no, however I like distressed jeans

    PS – Louise and the Fletcher twins are cuuuute!

  7. nora says:


  8. I pass on judging here. I've owned the same pair of Lee Riders bootcut for 25 years.

  9. Missy Manchester says:

    RE: Skinny acid-washed 80s look jeans and tops

    The 80s decade ended for a reason. So should its fashion disasters.

    RE: Mrs. Rooney

    I think she looks great! I like the colour and cut of the denim.

    RE: Mrs. Gerrard

    *yawn* Too bad Alex hasn't figured out that simple and classic is always better than clothes that "do" things. This look is no better than my great aunt Beryl wearing bedazzled christmas sweaters, jingle bell earrings and glow in the dark leggings.

    RE: Mrs Carrick

    It's not so much the boyfriend jeans that are the crime…it's pairing them with the grey blazer and tshirt. She looks like she should be painting the shed.

    • Missy Manchester says:

      That being said…I forgive ALL of the moms for their alleged fashion crimes…because obviously…they are giving their well-dressed (and very KEWT) little tykes all their fashion attention. :) :)

  10. Mel says:

    Ö I'm wearing acid washed leggings right now. OMG… I don't wanna go to fashion jail, vertical stripes make me look square shaped….

    • Okay. Just a warning for you, then. As punishment you must subject yourself to the Fine Footballers Disciplinary Institute for several months and have them "teach" you a lesson :)

      • Mel says:

        LMAO. Thank you very much! I am so relieved!

        Will Sergio Ramos be present during my stay there? If so i'm soooooooooo on the next flight there ;)