October 24th, 2011

Style Off: WAGs At Wayne Rooney’s Birthday Party

Manchester’s finest came together last night in the name of drinking and revelry. No, we’re not talking about this.

Wayne Rooney turns another year older today and as any good wife would do, Coleen organised a proper knees up at Wings Chinese restaurant. Several of Wayne’s Man United and England teammates and their WAGs were in attendance, including some of the Man City fellas. A-w-k-w-a-r-d!

As always, these events are about nothing but WAG fashion for us unless someone gets sloshed and strips before falling face first into the cake. Since there’s no indication of that happening (yet), let’s talk about the clothes.

Of course Coleen had her dress custom made by Liverpool designers Philip Armstrong and Tony Burke as one would for such a grand occasion. Maybe we should just talk about the covetous Charlotte Olympia clutch she’s got there, because everything else is making our corneas screech in horror.

The dress looks like something a girl would wear in a Victoria’s Secret ice capades show and those earrings should only be used for an Arabian princess fancy dress look. Soz, Col, but this is just not happening for us.


Joe Hart and girlfriend Kim Crew were there to help celebrate. Think Joe smiled smugly and sexily throughout the night given his team’s earlier triumph? Most likely.

Kim wore an Isabel Marant dress adorned with white lace and fringe and black accessories. We love us a LWD (little white dress) and this one is different enough without being insane or offensive. We’re glad someone was there to continue the love affair with Marant. It’s not a WAG event without her.


The Crouches put on their best black evening wear and made an appearance as well. Abbey wore this sexerific Dolce & Gabbana lace and satin bustier dress with some hotter than hot Louboutin leopard heels. Obviously this recent new Mum is going to look smouldering in whatever she wears, but we’re sick of seeing her in black. Call us, Abbey. Colour is your friend. We can help.

Kim is the clear winner here for us, but we’re generally underwhelmed. Thoughts? Concerns? Tell us.

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44 Responses to “Style Off: WAGs At Wayne Rooney’s Birthday Party”

  1. Laura says:

    So much money, so little class

  2. Danika says:

    Now for the comment:why would you have a dress made by a so called designer, when you have the money to buy the original piece(yes, Colleen your dress is copy) that, by the way looks better( I mean the Valentino dress)?

  3. Danika says:

    Hahhaha, hahahaha, hahahaha!

  4. Jen says:

    These WAGs need to get better stylists!!! Especially Colleen!

  5. YvoYeungGirl says:

    I must agree and disagree with some of the comments.

    Colleen's eyebrows have started their own cult. However, her dress is gorgeous and is really flattering. It make's her look really good. However, what really throws this look out the window is the styling of her. She either needs a stylist or needs a new stylist! The shoes, hair, and the earrings are a ginormous nono. It makes her stand out too much and accentuates all the wrong features (of her otherwise very fit person). The tan and oily look does nothing for her either.

    All in all, a fashion fail but is salvageable. I would totally wear the dress myself, but the styling needs a major haul-over.

  6. xbabyshakesx says:

    Collen's earrings are a HELL NO!

  7. lone- Brazil says:

    It is terrible, terrible choice the dress looks like it was done with the rest of the kitchen curtains and let makeup look like old

  8. Lucile says:

    Seriously Kim is the best dressed?!!? Her makeup looks like finger paints and her legs are a different colour to her face! She looks like shes on Level 1 of Wag class!

  9. mata says:

    That's an insult to Russian prostitutes everywhere, LOL :)

    • Anna says:

      but i see, i can't say _not_ nice things about Col, so, once again:
      SHE'S LOOKS LIKE A RUSSIAN… hmmm… how do i put is… GIRL?

  10. SierraGutierrez says:

    For the girl who said coleen made a Cinderella story true:

    Uh no. More like ‘Shrek, the movie’; pretty girl falls in love with ogre, turns into a fake plasticky looking ogre, then they have an ogre baby. Oh, and casting Crouchy as Donkey – those teeth! >.<

    Hmm, Scholes for gingerbread man? ;)

  11. Marina_Isabella says:


  12. Susana says:

    Why does Col always insist on putting her hair in a Cindy Lou Who do? It only makes her forehead and widow's peak look even bigger. And that dress is a mare…She must be moonlighting on a casino boat as a cocktail waitress. I like Coleen, but this is…a big waste of your hubby's paycheck.

  13. Doug says:

    The dress just needs to be a little longer.

    As for Joe Hart (and the Mica Richards and Yaya Toure), I'm mightily pissed off they let in that Fletcher goal. Cost me a lot of Fantasy League points (no, not the fantasy league we participate in around here, the one on the premier league website).

  14. JCJ says:

    Call me crazy, but I think that Coleen looks alright. I certainly wouldn't wear that, and it isn't perhaps her best look, but it's not horribly bad.

  15. eternaldreamer says:

    OK, I may get a ton of thumbs down here, but I think she looks fine (other than the outfit/earrings). Her make-up is fairly toned down with a bright red lipstick. I'm not 100% sure about the hair, but mixing it up with different hairstyles is good IMO.

  16. Now@kickette.com says:

    I've naver seen so much red on display like this in my life, why col why, why so red and orange?!

  17. Missy Hart looks like Joe Hart. THE MOUTH! Same with Sarah Schweini and Herr Schweinsteiger (check nose and eyes without make up). Is this what they call the perfect match?
    TO COLEEN: She’s WAYNE ROONEY’s wife. What do you expect? He’s cheated on her with unspeakable women. And after that once more. And another time. Why should there be any class?

  18. Rossanera says:

    Anyone else notice that Joe Hart gifted him a bottle of champagne and brought a card?

  19. Miss Lampard says:

    Actually I like Coleen dress, but I think it definitely doesn't suit her..and also bronzed skin in October, seems too much and too fake!!

  20. Anon says:

    How old is Kim? She's looking rather rough…

  21. _Titi_ says:

    Coleen's whole look is so tacky. You know what they say, you can take the trash out of the trailer but you can't take the trailer out of the trash. No matter how much these WAGs adorn themselves with expensive clothing and jewelry and how much they fake tan or get plastic surgery they still look tacky and fake as f•ck.

  22. Rossanera says:

    Coleen needs to fire her stylist. She's not a bad-looking girl, but she pops up in these get-ups that at best make her look frumpy and at worst make her look insane. Also, her eyebrows frighten me; her esthetician should also be fired.

  23. Sara P says:

    I actually like Coleen's dress and her look for the night. Does that make me weird??

    • ochocincosays says:

      its a good look in theory, but in actual practice. . .um. Maybe if the inset were black? Maybe if the lace were black? IDK, its NOT a terrible dress…its just awkward. And personally I think coleen is H-O-T, she could do so much better than the wayne rooney type, but oh love (and money) *sigh*.

  24. kaya says:

    I think y’all should cut Colleen some slack. I’m sure she did an 80s-inspired karaoke performance as part of the celebration, in which case, she’s spot on.

  25. Krystal says:

    Coleen, I love ya, but step away from the spray tan! I loved you because you weren’t super fake–don’t disappoint!

  26. xoWinnie says:

    "Joe Hart smiled smugly and sexily" oh god yes!
    i really like Coleen's dress, i just think the fullness and a-line cute of the skirt
    would have been better suited to someone a bit more petite
    she has nice curves, she shouldn't be ashamed to work them
    in some more form-fitting silhouettes!
    i do like her hair-do though, the earrings are a tad distracting though

  27. Hot4Spurs says:

    Coleen has done a little too much! It's so over the top that it looks a little strange. I'm imagining that dress but without the sleeves. Much better in my mind. She doesn't look so horrible though. Once again, Joe Hart's lady has used a whole bottle of eye liner and her eyebrows are way too dark for her blonde look. I do love her dress! Abbey played it safe. She looks good.

  28. Rachael says:

    Colleen’s dress is truly hideous, Kim looks okay but her shoes spoil it for me too clumpy Abbey looks nice but agree same old, same old Crouchy looks grumpy as hell, is it imagination or do they just look awkward and unhappy together these days?

  29. mata says:

    URGENT MESSAGE TO WAYNE ROONEY. Buy your wife a freakin mirror. Then make her look in it before she leaves the house. Please.

  30. Sarah, Madrid says:

    There something nice about Coleen dress catchy, maybe the color, but the top looks weird!

  31. Agnes Wonka says:

    oh Colleen! you put so much effort on your outfit that it went wrong. Her hairdo is amazing though!

  32. Lucy says:

    Coleen looks terrible and her skin looks orange :| yuk

  33. Sara says:

    Love Coleen's look!The best WAG! :)

    • Agnes Wonka says:

      yes, she's the best wag! she's like she made a Cinderella story true :)

      • memeandfootball says:

        i wouldnt call it a cinderella story because Cinderella wasnt cheated on while pregnant ahaha would like to see that cinderalla story.

        Wayne aint no prinse either!!!!! He is lucky to have Coleen.
        She deserves someone better, that respets her.

  34. Lucy says:

    Coleen looks so bad and fake!! and her skin is orange now?