September 14th, 2009
Hot or Not? The Boys on the Bench
Our Finest Five number 3 Miguel Torres is now a Burger King boy (we’re sure you know about his pre-season switch to Getafe that will -hopefully- net him some pitch time.)
We’ll admit that we were perfectly content watching our boy and his robust rump ride the Real Madrid bench for many a match and were far more upset by the fact that he has never showed any interest in sharing his Whopper Junior with us. Sadface.
We’d like to think we can appreciate a man’s high heat index whether he’s an all-star hotshot or an 89th minute substitute. However, we’re way more superficial than that. Try to act surprised.
We consulted with our accountants and determined that a player’s sizzle stock is a combination of 1) playing time/team participation 2) sex appeal of current club 3) the temperature at which his plump posterior warms that bench.
It’s a tricky call.
The higher profile players do turn our heads. Watching them in action every week keeps the homefires burning for us. Watching a guy like Migi purse his lips all day without breaking a sweat is highly entertaining, sure. But being rejected from the front door of Whiskey Mist due to our man’s inability to impress the clipboard nazi would be devastating beyond repair.
How you feel about benchwarmers*, Kickettes? Are your picture folders starved for attention when a footballer’s bottom migrates to value-meal pastures with a side of on-field action? Do you feel your love waning watching your favourite player’s boots stay box-fresh day in, day out? Do tell.
*Injured players not included.