August 17th, 2009
The Elite Eleven: Our 2009 Squad Selection
You know, we’re feeling reflective, Kickettes. We’ve learned a lot about life, the universe and base layers over the course of making our selections. Indeed, we never thought one could become numb to abs or short tents, but it’s possible. We’re checking ourselves into a rest home to help deal with the vertigo.
Now onwards we go. Please – we implore those of you that take this type of thing very seriously (ie, everyone), to please read our selection notes below prior to sharing your feelings/having a spasm/calling the government to report us.
1. Those who refused to remove the garments.
On the pitch or off, top half, bottom half or both, we don’t discriminate but we did eliminate based on a lack of skin.
2. Those injured.
It is with our deepest regret that the delicious Owen Hargreaves and his crocked companions were left off the options list.
Come see us when you’re ready to suit up again and we’ll gladly reconsider.
Treating men like physical objects strictly for visual pleasure is wrong. Carry on.
3. Those retired.
Looking at you, (often), Maldini.
SELECTIONS MADE BASED ON:
We really wish to cater to every fantasy imaginable.
2. Our personal views and the compelling, highly detailed evidence and comments made by our fantastic legion of Kickette soldier girls.
We’ve laboured (and argued) over these choices for almost a year: trust us, we were in agony over the exemption of some of our favourite players.
(On that note – please can everyone refrain from calling politics on our choices? It takes the fun out of the game a tad.
If we bowed down to reader pressure, Nando would have been on our F5 list 2 years ago.
We’re lucky to still have all our fingers and toes we’ve upset the Nandettes so greatly. So let’s all refrain from said assumptions and just get drunk and ogle.)
3. Player positions
This may be a team entirely consisting of eye candy, but we wanted them to be technically able to play an actual game, should FIFA call.
Our kit? Shorts, no shirt, natch.
Obviously all players would be hosed down before taking the pitch.
Hope you enjoy! Special thanks to MA and CT.