April 21st, 2010
The F5 Vote: Xabi Alonso v. Marco Borriello
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So we’re devious. Dastardly, even. You can hate us if you want. But this is the F5. It’s important.
As we all hit the midweek hump, we’re forcing our opinionated readers to stare into the windows of their deepest fangirl souls. We’re not going to let anyone get comfortable, making leisurely – but largely safe – choices based on torsos, thighs or coiff.
Rather, today is about opposites: Vanilla versus Chocolate. Chequered Wallet versus Chequered Past. Protection versus Pregnancy.
And we need to know: what kind of woman are you?
Please bear in mind that your preference here is indicative of your personality type. We must warn you that your choice could affect future career prospects and your ability to obtain credit.
Welcome to the F5 – Good v. Evil edition. Ay Dios Mio.
XABI ALONSO, REAL MADRID
One of the most fashionable footballers in the world is such a nice guy it nearly hurts. Not only has he had the honour of donning the cover of Esquire, but he makes one sinfully delish marketing ploy.
Even though he’s a shy guy, he’s made of a mean chest rug and washboard stomach.
You need more?
He’s an ovary explosion aficionado. Proved capable of pulling off the unofficial uniform of the Spanish NT which is something of a curveball for others. And he can play a bit, as well.
He broke hearts with his Liverpool to Madrid club transfer. His kid is known to throw a public temper tantrum every now and then. We can live with it.
MARCO BORRIELLO, AC MILAN
The type of guy who turns up late and offers up nothing but a big, fat FAIL, Marco Borriello ain’t got no shame in his game. His body is one of the best; so wickedly good, in fact, that he doesn’t wear suits. Suits wear him.
You need more?
Beckham likes his butt. He enjoys sex. And he showers in plain view of cameras. Despite the fact that we know that any date with this dude would invariably end in tears and a visit to a clinic, we still want him. In the worst possible way.
The semi-smutty, semi-we-wanna-see-where-it-ends hip tattoo. If Xabi is safe for school, Marco’s penchant for public sex is most definitely not safe for work (which, if we’re already headed to Hades, then we can admit was quite h-o-t).
Apparently, we all have the morals of an alley cat.
A quick reminder: Voting (which is via the poll below) will be open until 5am GMT/Midnight EST on Friday, 23 April; Only one of the footballers in each offered pairing will be included in the Finest Five 4.0 list; The new Finest Five list will be revealed on Monday the 26th.
Also: Inappropriate comments will be deleted.
COMMENTS & VOTING ARE NOW CLOSED