April 19th, 2010
The F5 Vote: Yoann Gourcuff v. Niko Kranjcar
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YOANN GOURCUFF, BORDEAUX
The case for: You might know him as “Lashes”, and oh yes, the nickname was given for a reason. Lashes is also the man who won The Kickette 2009 Readers Choice Award as the baller with the best body (by a landslide we might add).
Random factoid – after much careful consideration (think: zooming in until our contact lenses need replacing) we have established Yoann’s undies are clean. That’s always a plus, non? If you touch them, harps play and little turquoise bejewelled butterflies float up into the sky. Please, don’t thank us for this information, we are service-y that way.
The case against: Very little, apart from the fact that Yoann still hasn’t responded to our carefully-penned love notes in broken Primary School French. Well, there’s the odd cheesy editorial spread to hold against him. It’s not much, but it’s all we’ve got.
NIKO KRANJCAR, TOTTENHAM
The case for: Remember that movie There Is Something About Mary? Well, there is definitely something about Niko. And no, it’s not the scene you’re thinking about. It’s just a catchy phrase. Please try to move past that scene. Sorry, we’ve ruined this, haven’t we?
The “something” we’re talking about is a delectable combination of physical attributes from this fine Croatian midfielder. The eyes. The couldn’t-care-less hair. The hobo look that would normally give us the stabbies. The tongue. The fact he obviously doesn’t take himself seriously (pornstache, hello!). And we love that he’s is a bit emo. Except if it’s due to crapollocks injuries.
Before you accuse us of being marginally shallow, we must insist otherwise. We are shamelessly shallow – and thus, one of the reasons why there is so much Niko love at Kickette HQ is because of his simply thightastic kickers. (He’s a two-time TTO winner, after all.)
The case against: Only one. But it’s a biggie – he rarely Takes. His. Kit. Off.** This makes our objectifying of his personage more of a challenge.
* Thank you Venice for sharing what is possibly the only Niko-sans-shirt pic ever recorded.
** FYI – do you know what you get when you google Niko Kranjcar naked? It’s definitely not Niko. It’s definitely not pretty. And it’s definitely NSFW.
A quick reminder: Voting (which is via the poll below) will be open until 5am GMT/Midnight EST on Friday, 23 April; Only one of the footballers in each offered pairing will be included in the Finest Five 4.0 list; The new Finest Five list will be revealed on Monday the 26th.
COMMENTS & VOTING ARE NOW CLOSED