April 19th, 2011
The Finest Five 6.0: Speak Once Or Forever Hold Your Mouthpiece
Partaking in this discussion does not affect your rights to be taken seriously as a footie fan. It just makes you a more complete one.
Kickette’s Finest Five list has always been a controversial one with our readers.
We’ve caught a lot of flack over the years for not including Fernando Torres on this list. After his freckles petitioned hard for the right to sit atop our pretty pile, he opted for a club switcheroo, which caused all of our closets to take a turn for the worse. A lesson for all the men out there: if you’re in a room full of ladies who love labels, you better come correct, or else they’ll start policing for your immediate, sun spot removal.
In any event, beautiful ‘ballers are beckoning us once more and we’re ready to give our Finest Five list a makeover (or in Carlos Bocanegra’s case, a full body shower. We’ll bring the loofahs!) You’ll have to pardon our choice to skip out on a total face lift; our Tiffany’s piggy banks have been on diets since the World Cup.
With so many players in the world to pick from, selecting the finest of five ain’t easy (so many players’ lounges to investigate, so little time). Thus, we’re casting a net to you, Kickettes, but it’s not without exceptions. Ever since we once naively asked for you to make a case for/against good and evil, we never recovered from being told point blank that one of football’s most lovely specimens, Marco Borriello, was “perverse”.
For the record, we see nothing wrong with a man who enjoy doing dirty things in the water.
So we put this out there to you, dear readers:
1. Who is the one player you want to give a swift kick in the rear to?
2. Any player who is missing from this lust list?
Just for fun, feel free to tell us and the rest of the world who would be in your Finest Five list should we ever fall off a cliff and hand the Kickette site reins over to our readers.
We thank you in advance for your commitment to the cause.