July 11th, 2011

The Finest Five 6.0: The Big Reveal

AS Roma players on Facebook

Marco Borriello can barely contain his excitement. Philippe Mexes’ missed-our-list consolation prize is the latest pout-plumping lipgloss from Boots.

You lot might be thrilled and excited about today’s reveal of the new Kickette F5 list, but we can assure you that our comments moderator is not. It’s taken us several weeks to rescue her from beneath the mountain of mail received on the matter and it’s very possible she may not ever recover and/or want to work with us again.

You should take pity on her and send flowers to the Mayhem & Fruit Beverage Suite, where she’s still holed up enjoying her quietly calm surroundings before bearing the brunt of the oncoming opinionated-readers storm.

And so to the business at hand. For those new to the Finest Five, please remember that just because we went through the trouble of canvassing your opinion doesn’t mean this is a democracy. In fact, this arbitrary list remains an unscientific work of our own foul and depraved imaginations. It’s also a reflection of who is better at arm wrestling in the Kickette office.

We make no apologies for our selections, and can only describe this hit list as “abtastic”. We look forward to…gulp…receiving your thoughts.


Fernando Torres (Chelsea), Joe Hart (Manchester City) and Pepe Reina (Liverpool)

You really don’t care why we told these guys to hit the massage tables, now do you?

Didn’t think so.



1. Cesc Fabregas, Barcelona

The best way to describe our affection for Cesc Fabregas is to compare to him to a ticking time bomb. Sometimes he fails to detonate, other times his choir-boy candy coating Kickette it listpaired with a bad boy centre blows us to smithereens. After breaking free from his steady girlfriend training wheels, his stubbly-bearded breed of geek chic has been revitalised (perhaps due to the supposed new woman in his life).

Sinfully smoldering as ever, we feel Cesc’s beauty appeals to anyone with eyes. It never hurts that he gives good wrinkle, too. Kickettes, if you ever have a digital desk frame in need of some football-focused eye porn, this Barcelona ace’s photos are only Google Image search + right click + save away.

2. Marco Borriello, AS Roma

We have this theory around Kickette HQ about this man’s secret smile powers. We honestly believe it could charm the pants off the grouchiest of shop girls – y’know the ones who downright refuse to give you an advanced sneak peek at next season’s newest Louboutins, even though there are plenty of pairs prominently displayed in their poorly maintained stock rooms? All those puppies want and need is a friendly owner to take them home, which would be Borri’s cue to provide a fleeting flash of his porcelain pearly whites in exchange for an entire litter of new stilettos. Just.like.that.

Serie A stud playerBut we digress.

Marco places a heavy importance on sex and continues to strip off on a regular basis. These are two very basic prerequisites that, when satisfied, firmly cement a footballer’s spot on this list.  Justifiably so, his impressive penchant for public nudity puts him among the ranks of other former long-term F5 members, such as D Becks (who once described him as ‘handsome’) and Cristiano Ronaldo.

We don’t hate this player or his game. We just want a turn on his board already.



3. Aitor Ocio, Athletic Bilbao

Some men take years to mature to the point where they’re comfortable ripping off their shirts and airing their abs in the publicly visible wind. T’was never the case for Aitor.

Recent history and news has spoken, and we now know that Mr. Ocio’s sole purpose in life is to melt our hearts and other body parts. The mere sight of his abs in a new Bikkemberg’s campaign actually gave way to a new total body experience for all of us. An impromptu 11th hour deliberation regarding our Finest Five selections was the only way we could restore order at Kickette HQ.

Aitor is, has always been, and will always be sexy as hell. His physical presence on the beach – especially when topless in tiny trunks – is vital to brokering peace in the Middle East, ending Global Warming and solving the riddle of why maltesers are like crack cocaine. At long last, this insanely hot piece of man-candy exists in a universe we know and love, one that involves him grating cheese for our jacket potatoes on his abs until his arms ache with bicep-popping joy.

4. Carlos Bocanegra, Saint-Étienne

Quick: someone call the stripper pole installation company and put a bottle of Moët on ice because Carlos Bocanegra just arrived on our Finest Five scene.

Kickette's list of good looking footballersWe like this rugged rough rider for the same reason he’s fond of the ancient Romans: because they are/were manly men who may or may not have been known to rip their dinners ‘apart with their teeth’.  No wonder our fantasies of him wearing next to nothing under his kit continue to permeate throughout our nightly beauty sleep schedules – his thighs are the size of our heads.  Yes, they’re somehow related.

The Boca party bus can’t stop, won’t stop there. Other commendable talents include sitting front row at fashion shows, acting like he belongs, bumping beers with the best of ‘em (aka world leaders) and caressing himself. A lot.

All hail Captain America!

5. Jack Rodwell, Everton

Don’t fight us on this one; we know firsthand how irresistibly enchanting his cheekbones are. Our awkward attempts at stalking self-restraint? Unsuccessful.

Equally appetizing as this barely legal teen’s fantastic facial features are his beastly broad (but smooth) shoulders. They appear to be soft enough to rub your face against cuddle up to. Or supple enough to soak up every last bit of cheap vodka poured over a Tupperware full of gummy candies. That is, if you’re into reliving your youthful uni days and all – a.k.a. something we’re always down for.

Being the sole British torch bearer on the F5 comes with its pressures, but that’s why we created our durrty girl rating scale. Similarly, on the ladies handbag front, he’s synonymous with every season’s must-have accessory of choice. A costly item, we admit, but no one here should feel above clawing their way out of a good Selfridge’s cat fight to snag one.

Then again, perhaps accosting Jack’s pecs in a dark alley would be more gratifying for us all. Ideally it would be a reciprocal ‘attack’, where we’d gladly adhere to whatever variation of 2nd base Mr. Hot Rod had in mind.

Cheers to you, Mrs Robinson!


Well ladies and gents of the Kickette contingency, what do you make of our (long-delayed) top secret F5 6.0 announcement?

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273 Responses to “The Finest Five 6.0: The Big Reveal”

  1. rihanna says:

    OMG Cesc it's beautiful ! magnifique ! amazing beauty cesc ^^

  2. Kris says:

    Cesc is uglier and uglier year by year …sorry Kickette! U r without taste!

  3. Alyssa says:

    I love Cesc, I really really do, (if a madridista can say something good about a culé, you know it's real love haha) but putting him on lists like this while his hair looks like it does now? Not ok. We can't have him getting the idea that it's even remotely ok.

  4. linvinnaar says:

    We'd be begging Pepe Reina to return to the F5 list as soon as he gets those raging biceps and abs of steel back from pre-season training. Give that man a break, he's had a double hernia surgery! You just wait and see.

    * this is not a threat.

  5. Ash Menon says:

    The Ramos, Kickette. The Ramos. Nuff said.

  6. Lindsey says:

    Best list ever. Quit your bitching and moaning these are delicious and beautiful men and the deserve to be on the list. GET OVER IT. These men are yummy!

  7. partypoison says:

    The only one on the list I've ever found attractive is Carlos Bocanegra.__It's going to take me some time to recover from not seeing Senor Ramos on this list. Also, Fernando and Hart relegated? That's bull.

  8. RONALIZA says:

    Sweetheart kickette,
    What do you think about my list ;)
    It's perfect I think

  9. RONALIZA says:

    where is cristiano ,Ramos and iker=(.
    It's just so frustrating like I don't know


    This is awful! First 2 okay but I wouldn't put them at the top of the list! Aitor is awful, nice torso but that 90's haircut just horrible. I do like hot bods but faces are more important to me. Rodwell??? WTF???? Are you trying to get racial equality onto the list or something? RE-VOTE!!!

  11. A to L says:

    My personal finest five wold be 1. Fernando Llorente 2. Fernando Torres 3. Sergio Ramos 4. Xabi Alonso 5. Cristiano Ronaldo

  12. Didi says:

    Err.. Okay, different people are attracted to dofferent things in people. So clearly, not eveyone will agree with the list. There is on exception to this though: The Ramos. I don’t like him per say, but I find him insanely attractive. Who doesn’t? Come on kickette, that was a given.

  13. Annika says:

    We do care.

    No me gusta! I mean, seriously? Cesc is cute and awesome at all, but definitely not the hottest footballer. Captain America, yes, hot as hell. But the rest… Where's Nando? Ramos? Benny Feilhaber? At this point, I would even take Pique. And Victor Valdes. And Llorente. Daniel Agger? All of them are much much much hotter. Three of them need to go!

    And who the hell is that Jack guy?

  14. mar210 says:

    Not having Nando in this list is like not admitting that he makes our ovaries explode EVERY single time we look at him.

  15. BarcelonaFan says:


  16. elylovesfootball says:

    Oh c'mon Kickette!! Where's Yoann???
    Even better, Lashes should be in the hot h.o.f.

    • elylovesfootball says:

      Oh my! I just found out Yoann IS in the hot h.o.f.
      I didn't know that, i'm happy to find Lashes there!! He deserves it.

  17. Savannah says:

    Love to see Boca there but the rest of the list is meh. So many more worthy than these! Boriello is totally unworthy to remain.

  18. fooey1709 says:

    WTF!!!!!!! im speechless! worst list EVER!!!!!!!!! this is just… SCREWED UP! that's all i have 2 say!!!!

  19. BlackRose says:

    No Nando, no Valdés, no Marchisio and no Piqué, all of which is ever so unfortunate, but our Sexy being 1st is and will always be great news. And that beard, OH, that beard…

  20. Mrs. Q.Borri says:

    This list is something!!! really kinda random or something like that (Im troubled) I mean Im a Borri lover so Im proud of him been on the list, Im also glad Boca made it and Aitor he is really cut! (good eye candy).

    But who is this guy named Jack something…?! i never heard of him and he is not even that hot… i would prefer a million times Nando there then him.
    I have to complain about the order, I know Ces is hot but he doesnt deserve to be first, Borri does! :) -is my opinion.
    Btw this list is somethig we would never expect… everybody was waiting for Ramos,Pique and Nando and non of them made it, so is best if you dont ask who we want if you guys are not gonna take it in cosideration. Is best that way! :)

  21. Shiv21 says:

    no pique or walcott !!!! tut tut tut kickette….

  22. irene says:

    The Ramos not in the list ????? are you serious ??????

  23. LizzyHS90 says:

    No Ramos!!?? I was for sure thinking he would be in the top 5 this time! Who is #5? He looks like he is 16 years-old.

    Carlos!! Happy to see him ;-)

  24. jessie says:

    I am assuming either Senor Ramos will be sent to the Hall of Fame list post haste OR there is a Senor Ramos list in production as I write. Come on you guys, I have to agree with my fellow ladies, with one or two exceptions this list is BORING. No spice whatsoever. Nothing wrong with a polite retraction and a new list issued.

  25. Ninanoir says:

    Not enough Spain NT. Simple as that. Take any random 5 Spanish internationals and they will outshine this sorry lot any day.

  26. goonergirl says:

    RODWELL?! RODWELL? At the expense of The Ramos or even Pique… i am glad i was sitting down.

    Otherwise though, spot on.

  27. DaffyDuck says:

    YES to Cesc Fabregas and Carlos Bocanegra. I don’t know about the other guys…I think Gerard Pique should definitely be on the list! But thank you for not including Sergio Ramos. I can’t stand that guy…

  28. essjay says:


    As does Ramos!

    Super happy about Boca on there though. Yuuuum.

  29. lulu says:

    I took a sharp intake of breath and had a short anxiety attack before opening this file. My head was filled with the thought/threat "Kicketters better have not dumped my Cescy from the F5". I should have more faith. However I do believe a friend of mine will be planning her attack on Kickette Towers for the dumping of Fernando. Especially for Rodwell.

  30. Kristina says:

    Horrible list !!! NO NANDO? NO SERGIO ????

    Cesc as number one? NO WAY! And seriously Jack Rod …. well ???? WHO THE F.CK IS HE ???

    1000000000 bad points for kickette

  31. Katherine says:

    Sorry, but I still prefer the previous 5 :/

  32. Michelle says:

    I wholeheartedly agree with 1-4. Captain America finally makes a showing!

  33. Jenny says:

    Where is Stuart Holden???? He should defo make this list!!!!!!!!

  34. LuvinBale says:

    I am in complete agreement with all of my fellow Kickette girls and boys- where the heck(not the word I actually want to use) did this list come from?

    Except for Borriello and Ocio this list is not acceptable.

  35. maya says:

    torres scored today! yay! he'll be inducted into hall of fame in no time. :)

  36. Mel says:

    I think 3 out of five is Pretty good. Somehow I don't understand how Fabregas is nr. 1, when Marco Borriello clearly is sex on legs in public……………… I don't think Fabregas can top that!!!!!

    I'm very happy with Borri, Carlos and Aitor. Fabregas and what's his face – unknown mystery man, don't really care…… Fabregas is so 2008…..

  37. katelyn says:

    Boca! love <3 although I miss Nando I wish PIqué was on the list :(

  38. red ninja says:

    Haha everyone likes/loves Ramos???? Haha stop moaning!! I SO LOVE THE FINEST FIVE! It is Time for nando to leave. + who’s HOT young Jack? Smexy!!!!

  39. Lizanramos says:

    What the **** kickette?! What is up with this disgraceful list?! No freaking SERGIO RAMOS? Shame on you!

  40. savinu says:

    It seems like kickette don't really care for Ramos… or pique lol

  41. greeneyezz says:

    whos responsible for leaving navas, ramos, piqué and nando out?


  42. Red_Girl says:

    I don't mourn Torres but Alonso? Why he not on the list – cool, sexy, intelligent, – and imagine that gorgeous stubbled chin nestling into your …
    I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

    • Caitlin says:

      Very good point! What about Alonso? Class and loyalty personified and gorgeous to boot!

    • Caitlin says:

      So she's getting thumbed-down now just for saying she doesn't mourn Torres? Come on girls – this is getting ridiculous! Please, let some common sense prevail and don't take everything so personal!

    • Americus Killaponius says:

      What part of Hot Hall of fame do you guys not understand? Xabi is ABOVE finest five. He's was PROMOTED.

  43. Hannah says:


  44. Lotte says:

    Call me a dirty ol' hag, but that Jack Rodwell has some fiiine features. The rest of the list is not of my liking. Bring me Roque Santa Cruz and Zlatan! Wait, can retired ballers also qualify? Then PEP GUUAARDIOLA!

  45. Zahara says:

    im fine with cescy and boca, but not anyone else..marco seems a bit dodgy to me, aitor is hot but not finest five, and who in the name of god is the number 5 guy?

    • Zahara says:

      and where is mi amor fernando llorente? he is the entire package: genuine good guy and HOOOOT!

      kickette, im quite dissapointed

  46. Trish says:

    Captain America FTW!

  47. Tee says:

    Kickette, read everyone's comments; what do they say?
    And please, Borri and Rodwell? – Rodwell is barely on this website – he does NOT deserve to be there. Simple Kickette – do the F5 again and put Pique and Sergio in their rightful place.

    If not for us, or you – then do it for them – they try so hard for us. In the Ramos (TM)'s case, so hard it makes his jeans go green. Green with envy that he isn't on the list

  48. Moonzi says:

    No Ramos? Are u kidding me?!!? This is not even a real list without The Ramos !

    • Moonzi says:

      And we will wait for the real list where ramos is # 1 ! Enough with the Bullshit how on earth Fabregas is#1

  49. Guest says:

    Wow at the comments. I for one am glad at the fact that you picked folks other than the "normals." Ramos is pretty but I kinda find him beefy to be honest. And I hate his hair. I watch Rodwell as a Toffees fan, and yes, he's hot! (For those asking who he is, he's only an up and comer on the English U21 team, and hey, there are fans of teams beyond Barcelona, Chelsea, Liverpool and Man U. And glad an American made the list!

  50. Kaitlin says:

    finally some bocamuffin. now let's get mr. feilhaber up there. (and put pepe back!)

    • April says:

      I agree on Benny… I think Boca is cute enough, but Benny is my USMNT standby… he is actually a close-second in my own personal F5. If they're gonna put this Everton kid up there, they HAVE to consider Benny.

  51. Zahara says:


    everyone else..has got to GO!

    no ramos? no nando at least? no pique?

    jeez kickette.

  52. Sasha P says:

    I'm glad to see Captain America here, as well as Aitor. Cesc (and Nando) need to go to the HHOF. The other 2 are very nice to look at, but not amazing, if that makes any sense. I am surprised that Senor Ramos hasn't showed up here yet, even though I'm not a certified Ramos fangirl. Hopefully the next list is even hotter. Oh, and yay for Yoann's promotion!

  53. bri_saldana says:

    I really, REALLY, don't understand Jack…..yes gorgeous, but I was under the impression that Fab Five was a list of obvious candidates that we "kickette's" consistently obsess about. SR 4 please!!!!

  54. MsLiverpoolLady says:

    I am totally sad! I was really looking forward to the Finest Five and I was sure I would see Nando, but if not Nando then at least The Ramos! Party foul!

  55. camille says:

    no ramos???? :( ((((

  56. VeiledHeart says:

    Cesc does absolutely nothing for me, but Marco is hot enough to make up for all of this list's faults. I'm ok with that. Marco makes everything alright.

  57. Footie Femme says:

    I hate to say it but this is so disappointing….I second the do-over.

  58. Emari says:

    Epic fail ladies.
    Cesc and Bocanegra are great, but the other three should be out!!!
    Piqué!!! Ramos!!!!

  59. Gabs says:

    I agree with many of the comments, I just don't get this list!!! Obviously Cesc and Borrielo were a must but I really don't understand the rest!! Aitor has an unbelievable abs but to get to the Fab 5 you need more than that. Boca is really cute but again he just doesn't quite have that extra something, although I can live with this decision. JacK Rodwell? It's just a bit random, isn't it? I like Theo Walcott better if you were searching for some english mancandy. I even miss The Ramos and I don't even like him!!! Anyway I demand a recount!!!!

    • Americus Killaponius says:

      It takes more than great abs! Exactly! I could not have said it better myself.

    • Tee says:

      completely agree, if you're gonna do young British talent, Hart (he's still young-ish) Walcott or even Wilshere would be better chouces

  60. Taylor says:

    what is this????!!!!

    Nando needs to be on here. even though he was a major flop and let down football wise this season… he’s still able to find a way into our hearts with those freckles…..

  61. Elisa says:

    am i the only one who does nor find Ramos or Pique attractive? cuz i actually like this list :)

    • Emily says:

      no, you're not the only one. for me, ramos is meh, and while i can appreciate pique's attractiveness in an objective sense, he just doesn't do it for me. it does seem like we're in the minority though. and, i'm pretty thrilled by the list as well

      • Alik says:

        Oh god! I so agree with your views on Ramos and Pique…and I thought something is wrong with me!

        • Emily says:

          haha i've thought that too! i've even gone so far as to talk myself into thinking I'm attracted to them. Gave it up a while ago, as there seem to be plenty of us kickettes who genuinely appreciate their charms, and would do a much better job looking after them anyways :)

    • MissU Paolo says:

      Nope. I am also meh on Ramos (which is a step up from WUT??!) but at least I understand him more than I do Pique

  62. Anita says:

    maybe i am the only one, but actually i kinda like this list, maybe i would change Jack for Nando, but i like the others

  63. eeraaa says:

    Blegh. Nuff said.

  64. DrStrangelove says:

    That was the most wildly, almost randomly subjective top five listing in the history of the internet. It's not just that there are ballers we all carry our little torches for (Crissy Roo, Nando, The Ramos etc etc) it's that there are masses and masses of other, more anonymous ballers as well who, by almost any standard, have better claims to be in a top five than at least three of that selection.

    C'mon Kickette, try to do a sensible top five or drop the whole concept. A top five implies that there is at least a case to be made for those ballers having some kind of claim to world hotness status, even if I don't personally agree with the selection. There really aint with most of those ones.

    In fact, come to think of it, a top five is way too small – it should be at least a top ten, ideally a top twenty. Can't be bothered to maintain the list yourself, having to add ballers and drop ballers and all that jazz? Then turn it over to the whims of, shock horror, *Democracy*!! With a top ten or better a top twenty, we would have all the usual suspects at the top, but plenty of room for more competition to see who got in the lower slots.

    But yeah. Booooooo.

  65. Rossanera says:

    This is an interesting list. Who even is Jack Rodwell? The good: Borri, Boca, Cesc, Aitor. The bad: why is El Ramos not on the list? I dare say every (nearly) Kickette alive carries a torch for him. The man has almost-universal appeal. The fact that he's not on this list perplexes me. Again, Jack who?

    Thought: have you ever pondered a List per League, Kickette?

    • Emily says:

      a list per league is a great idea!! like, brilliant! i'm completely fine with the F5 not being a democracy, but it would be cool to keep F5 as is while having an interactive league F5.

  66. Lizzy says:

    I liked hart :( and where's Ramos?? rODWELL?? Really?? No just no Ramos should replace him

  67. Ali says:

    I feel… iffy about this list. Captain America and Cesc were a must, but everyone else… eh… mixed feelings.

  68. Imweird says:

    My choice

    van Persie
    Joe hart
    Daniel Agger (why no one want this guy ?????? )

  69. Maxima Decima says:

    I'm gonna be honest, I saw Philou in the Pic at the beginning and I got excited.
    Then abruptly disappointed.
    As for the list: well, we all should just forget about it because I mean really, it's impossible to please everyone.

  70. numero nueve says:


  71. Pining4Pirlo says:

    What the hell happened?? This is horrible. You can't ask for our advice and then ignore it! Nando?! The Ramos?! What are you thinking?! And Jack Rodwell??? So he has a porn name, but that's no reason to hand him a coveted spot on the Finest 5.

    Sooooooooooo disappointed!!!!!

  72. Guest says:

    No real diversity on this list at all. A shame for such an international sport. No one with African, Arab, Asian background need apply. No one from Latin America. Just Eurpoeans and a Yank.

    • April says:

      At least Boca has some Mexican heritage? I know… that doesn't really help… was trying to take out some of the sting :-/

    • Deb S says:

      Ummm…I hate to burst your bubble but "Yanks" include people with "African, Arab, Asian" (and just about every other country too) backgrounds. Do come visit us sometime.

      • Guest says:

        I live in the US and was born in Pennsylvania so I more than visit. I am an Anglo married to a Mexican-American man. Please do not assume that I am ignorant just because I would like some more diversit y this list.

        I know Boca has some Mexican background- but he is more European background.

        Sorry- I just think that beauty comes in all shades and would like to see more of that on this list.

        • Guest says:

          Of course I mean European background as opposed to Mestizo is re Boca, etc. I am aware that Mexico has a diverse background before I get called out for being ignorant again. ;)

  73. Alice says:

    no Sergio? no Yoann? What is this, Kickette? I am beyond disappointed. Why is Jack Rodwell even there?

  74. Leya_S says:

    Okay so my first response was "Jack effing Rodwell, yesss!!"
    But the more I think about it, as much as I love Jack Rodwell, he's a bit young for F5 status. It's not an age thing, its more a "features" thing…like F5 status, to me, should be gained through some sort of notoriety or a propensity for being featured on Kickette almost weekly.
    Also, no Ramos and Pique, like wth???
    Everyone else I'll accept.

  75. Catie2838 says:

    I'm sad Nando is gone, ecstatic that Boca is up! But also curious as to why no Ramos? You know you love him as much as Cescy, Kickette, you know you do.

  76. Leizal says:

    So sad to see Joe being removed, I can't help but see him when I look at Jack Rodwell :( the other four are good though!

  77. LovinTheRamos says:

    No Ramos?!?! Blasphemy!

  78. jess gourcuff says:

    borriello is soooooo hot!

    and btw HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my future husbby YOANN<3

  79. Rezia says:

    I like when Cesc is on top. Erm…lemme rephrase: I'm very happy with Cesc in the top position. Um, is there any way to make this NOT sound dirty?

    Other than Cesc, this finest five is a disgrace. I'm sorry, but no Pique?! No Xabi?! No San iker??!! For shame Kickettes.

  80. hazl88 says:

    The only one i agree with on this list is Aitor Ocio,and maybe Cesc but not on number 1,and i can not believe that Fernando Torres and Sergio Ramos are not on the list

  81. Caz says:

    WHERE IS RAMOS?? its a disgrace,

  82. blake2108 says:

    I don't like any of them.

    How drunk were you when you composed this?!

    • Lotte says:

      Hahaha! Exactly my thoughts! But the dirty ol' lady in me kinda like Jake Rodwell…

  83. I <3 Ramos says:

    Kickete!!!! This needs a DO OVER! Ces Fabrega (Check), Marco Boriello (Check) Carlos Bocanegra (check) the rest CROSS THEM OUT!
    and yup who is this Jack dude from Everton?? I have nothing against him but What does he got over The Ramos that landed him here?! I just don't get it! It's Ramos who deserves one of the slots in the finest five!
    We're you guys that drunk when you made this list?? :( (

  84. Emma says:

    i feel let down. . .no Ramos?!

  85. Amber says:

    Worst list. About two could be taken off and replaced easily.

  86. aaaargh says:

    Yeah, fabregas has a stupid face, and shouldn't be on this list

  87. maria says:

    am i the only one who thinks ramos is ugly? AFELLAY needs to be on the list

    • Anita says:

      that makes two of us!! Ramos doesn't do a lot for me either, but Afellay is such a cutie :)

    • Deb S says:

      "Ugly"? really? Pique doesn't do much for me but I won't ever say he's ugly…he's just not my taste.

  88. Green 4 says:

    Where's the Ramos??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Come on.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  89. TanYDdraig says:

    Hello Carlos, Fancy meeting you here….

  90. April says:

    Okay… calmed down slightly over my hurt…

    What does a girl need to do here? What if I submit a report on the hotness of players I suggest? You know, make a real case for them with evidence and everything… I would. That is how strongly I believe in Nando's hotness and his commitment to our ovary-exploding needs.

  91. April says:

    The sheer amount of coverage of Nando on past postings (hair cut and freckle updates- have you ever searched "Fernando Torres" on your blog? He may have more coverage than anyone…), plus his generosity in the form of lack of base layers, bulges, and short tents should clearly keep him on the list. Change of club is not a good enough reason to suggest he isn't one of the finest… that would be ignoring all of the tenants (previously mentioned) that make this website the best place to discuss players. I mean, I still have yet to figure out how he has struggled to make the list in years past, never mind this go-round! Or heck, he'd be on my HOF by now!

    While I have a soft spot for Boca as a US boy, there is simply no way he surpasses the global hotness of Nando. And while I don't really get the Ramos thing myself, clearly a large majority of your readership is into him and surely that must count for something.

    I am apparently not drunk enough for this list yet! I would surely need beer goggles for half of them!

  92. I_like_boyz says:

    Fernando Torres looks like an effing GIRL! Thank you for not putting him on the list. Obviously I'm in the minority, but I actually like men who look like MEN. Nando's pale, hairless, dyes his hair blond and wears fricking headbands, need I say more? I'll take Boca and Boriello anyday. Good job, Kickette.

    Oh, and bring on the thumbs down. It'll make me smile. :)

    • Shaz says:

      THANK YOU!

    • Lilly says:

      Amen! Great guy, but no sizzle factor whatsoever. He's like My Little Pony

    • isabel says:

      nando is pale because it's constantly raining in england, hairless because it's more sanitary on the field, a lot of people liked him better when he was blonde, and beckham wore headbands, and nobody called him a girl. crespo wore them, forlan wore them, almost every italian wears them. plus, he is a great family man and a beautiful human being. your argument is invalid.

      • Shaz says:

        You disagreeing with someone else's point of view doesn't make their argument invalid.
        Bit arrogant, don't you think?

        • isabel says:

          that's just an expression. and i was just stating the facts, they are not necesarily my opinion. i don't even like the guy. i hate him, actually. i also hate chocolate, rainbows and unicorns.

      • LuvinBale says:

        I like the invalid argument bit.
        Yes it is an opinion but its still funny.

  93. Harley says:

    I love that Carlos and Aitor made the list, and I'm ok with Cesc being there, even if I don't think he should be number one. However, I was really hoping Marco would get kicked to the curb. He may be attractive, but all of his past exploits with women just make him seem a little gross to me (I feel the same way about Cris. Hotness can't overcome a terrible reputation and greasy hair. Sorry.) Jack Rodwell is a cutie, so I'm sure I'll get used to him. It just feels a little strange that such a young player made the list.

    So, great job with Carlos and Aitor, Okay/Good job with Jack and Cesc, and Booo for Borri.

  94. ramosgirl says:

    worst list yet! Where is The Ramos and all the rest of the spanish national team! i am truely disappointed with kickette for the first time in my life!

  95. Steph says:


  96. pasquaj says:

    two and three aremy faves…the rest are substitutes for me…they will never make my first team…but well done on marco and aitor

  97. Kristine says:

    Really Kickette? Really? Still no Ramos? Really? Seriously? Are you sure? Who the F is is this Jack guy? Really?
    Supremely disappointed.

  98. lulu says:

    Any chance on Afellay hitting the list anytime soon?)

  99. anna says:

    lol there’s no pleasing anyone. you could make a Finest 100 list and people would still complain why that person or this person is not on the list.

  100. anna says:

    Ramos is not attractive, at all, unless you’re into horse. He’s only hot from the neck down. However, I would understand him being on list rather than Cesc. I will never understand his appeal. He looks like a caveman.

  101. locaxelfutbol says:

    Reactions: 1. meh … 2. bom chiki bombom 3. aaaaaaaaaabs 4. Salute the Captain 5. who do you say?
    6. wait, there's no 6… where's Sergio?!?!?

  102. Rebecca says:

    GREAT JOB! forget them haters, this list absolutely fab!

  103. Real Talk says:

    The Real Finest Five list, in no particular order:
    1. Sergio Ramos
    2. Gerard Pique
    3. Xabi Alonso
    4. Cesc Fabregas
    5. Fernando Torres

    You're welcome, Kickette.

  104. xoWinnie says:

    epic fail on this list…like seriously WHAT IN THE ACTUAL BLOODY FVCK!
    what's the point of asking our opinions if you're not even going to take them into consideration, Kickette?
    …Jack Rodwell–WHO!?! where's Ramos, where's Pique? why is Cesc #1?
    he's NOT HOT ENOUGH FOR THAT! damn i would even have preferred to let
    Nando stay if i knew the list was going to turn out like this! SHEESH!

  105. kel says:

    I do not care for any of these people apart from Cesc and that's in more of a "he'd be fun to hang out with" way than anything else.
    Were you just trying to be less predictable this time? There was a reason certain players were always there or there abouts on this list.

  106. Deanna says:

    If you are going to be so random at least put Silva up there. He is fine as all hell.

  107. Shaz says:

    You've got to laugh at all the silly Nando fangirls crying because he has been removed from the Finest Five List. Most of them probably know nothing about football. And the 'GirlwiththeLFCtattoo' is deffo no Liverpool fan!
    Pathetic, but oh so funny.

    • jen says:

      oh, ok, so you hate him now and that makes you a real liverpool fan.. dunno who's pathetic, really..

      • Shaz says:

        Where did I say that I'm a Liverpool supporter? (I actually prefer the word supporter to fan)
        I'm not actually.
        And I don't care enough about Torres to hate him. That's what I mean when I say fangirls – get a grip you lot!

    • Annie says:

      How do you know she isn't?

      • Shaz says:

        The very fact that you ask that question just shows that you have no idea.

        Read her comment again.

    • April says:

      You're right… I know nothing about the sport… I must have been daydreaming while I was on the field playing it myself. That is the only reason that I could possibly find one of the players of the sport particularly attractive… o_O

    • Caitlin says:

      Well, I am a Liverpool supporter and I used to absolutely adore Fernando. My heart broke when he left. I don't hate him, but I don't feel the same about him anymore either. I do still think he is gorgeous though.

      As for all the fangirling; it is kind of embarrassing, because it gives all the rest of the female supporters a bad name. The fangirls are the reason most men think women don't know anything about football and just watch it for the hot players. There was a comment on this page from a girl whose username is 'Chelsealldaylong'. If she really were a Chelsea supporter, surely she'd be able to spell it correctly?

      • chelsalldaylong says:

        Learn how to read, dear. I guess I can’t expect much from a Liverpool fan.

        And before you attack me for being a Nando fangirl, I’ve been a Chelsea supporter my entire life.

    • Snobs ruin it says:

      Wow, of all the places for a football snob to look down her nose at "fangirls". This is Kickette right? You know where hot footballers are valued above all? If you're so intent on proving your football cred, Kickette may not be the best place to be kicking up a fuss. Maybe you'll be happier over at the Guardian football blogs? Or whatever forum of the club you happen to be a fan of? Oops, sorry, "supporter".

      Kickette isn't a place to get a grip, I do that when I'm playing my super serious football fan role on various other football sites. I come to Kickette to confirm that Fernando Torres is definitely naked with only a bobby pin on in a photo (seriously, he was…).

      "Pathetic, but oh so funny"…must be the reflection off your computer screen…

  108. stargirl_candy says:

    where's sheva? he's hot

  109. ando says:

    I like this list very much
    It's time that Aitor made it to the list. But, I am still missing Pepe Reina but overall I am a happy girl. Yoann made it to the HHOF, so I got nothing to complain:)

  110. JA7 says:

    But why? No Ramos, and no Afellay? #disappointed :( Though I'm really glad Carlos made it!

  111. Kerry says:

    Jack Rodwell makes me a little uncomfortable, mostly because he looks like my students. But Borri? Oooo…I have dirty, dirrrty dreams about him.

  112. Catherine says:

    Carlos Bocanegra FTW!!! I love love love Los!

  113. Benzi´s Girl says:

    Are you f***ing kidding me ???? That list is such a disgrace !!

  114. Merilin says:


  115. ChristinaLFP says:

    yeah!!!!!!! Captain America

  116. Rosey says:

    Cesc is cute but fine? I would rather see Adil Rami and The Ramos on here then Cesc & Rodwell. Get him back on when he is older. Joe Hart, I thought, was a keeper.

    Glad Marco is still on and Carlos is on!

  117. kathy91 says:

    OMG, this is a bad list! cesc,marco and aitor, okay. But no Nando? come on! and you should take a closer look at mats hummels, way hotter than jack Rodwell!

  118. Clemmajane says:

    No No No No No!

  119. DJ1786 says:

    NO RAMOS?!?!?! How can this be? Even with this year's vacay pics?!?!

  120. Krystal says:

    Wow, people need to stop complaining and just do their research. Just because he's not famous or on one of the more recognizable teams doesn't mean he's not cute. Everyone keeps wanting the same guys up here day in and day out, how BORING. What's the big deal with Ramos anyway, even if he was cute his bad attitude and bad sportsmanship towards all other players including those he won the world cup with is so off putting.

    • bri_saldana says:

      your logic is a bit flawed….there's dozens of super gorgeous players. If, and that's a big IF, the "just because he's not famous" thought process was what this list was all about then it would lead to more of a top 20; OR 100 for that matter. If your not keen to "The Ramos" then ok, to each his own; but honestly the "BORING" reference? Jeez, why even waste your time on this particular post?!?!? Go research something….

      • Zahara says:

        btw sergio ramos does not have a bad attitude or bad sportmanship…you cannot judge a player on one or two incidents…what about all the times he helps up the players hes tripped by mistake and him smiling all the time and him saying sorry to his teammates when he does something wrong? he has a heart of gold i think and bloody hell, he is gorgeous.

        • I <3 Ramos says:

          To Ms. Krystal, The Ramos may have done things that he himself is not proud of but he owned up for those and apologized for them as well… he loses control of his temper, true, but who doesn't… this may seem bias cause I really love the guy … nonetheless I just want to speak up… :)

          and yeah I agree with Zahara he is wickedly and bloody hell GorGeous!
          ;) :):D

  121. cassie says:

    they are all ugly. just give me nando

  122. chelsalldaylong says:

    This is a disgrace. No Nando?!

  123. caquark says:

    I can live with the list. Although Jack needs a bit more seasoning. I vote to just slide that Darren P. guy you posted a few days ago. With those eyes and cheekbones he gets an automatic pass to the list!

    • Wow says:

      I agree where is Darren P Kickette. He should be on the list. That men is what you call fine!

  124. mina says:

    Where is Nando, one of the hottest players ever? Where is The Ramos? Where is Yoann? I´m so dissapointed with your choice…

    • TFBlovesArsenal says:

      Yoann has transcended the Finest Five and joined the ranks of the Hot Hall of Fame.

  125. mina says:

    I dont like this list, BUT COME ON SERGIO IS NOT ATTRACTIVE!!!!

    He looks weird. His mouth, his nose, his hair. Body Yes, but the rest NO!

  126. Lisette says:

    I would go straight for Marco Borriello.

    Wait, am I allowed to say that?

  127. mochara says:

    Ermm Yoann? Where is he?! And Nando? I agree with Cesc on the top though so it's all good!

  128. USAFan04 says:

    Go Boca! <3

  129. Candice says:

    I approve of Cesc, Marco & Boca! I will always think it's a travesty that CR isn't in the HHOF though. If it's based on looks and talent, he must get in.

  130. USA!USA! says:

    BOCA!!!!! finally… how about showing some love to Stu Holden??!!

  131. mel says:

    no nando? no ramos? no pique? :(

  132. Alik says:

    The list is so…random…

  133. Sarah, Madrid says:

    I am just hoping there is a new list created to include RAMOS, that's how this will make sense to me, ONLY!

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      Yeah! I am actually came to peace that CRISTANO will never be included, but Ramos, really! lol.

      • xoWinnie says:

        Cristiano is Hot H.O.F. material. i think he's made us swoon, protest, laugh, cry, etc for years now. plus…DAT BODY! he is one of a kind :)

    • Deb S says:

      Yes, I'm sure Kickette has another list up her sleeve that includes The Ramos!

      C'mon Kickette…enough teasing…out with The Ramos list already!

  134. lilly says:

    kickettes, really, you should't be hungover while making ff lists.. now drink some aspirine and try again, please.

  135. Vivi says:

    Where's Sergio Ramos???? what a pity!!! ….rsrs…

  136. LisaB says:

    I may be in the minority here but I actually like this list, mostly because of the "whose been promoted" section. Kickette you should have gone all the way and made promotions out of all five.

    "Mainstays" like Cesc, Borri, Nando and the Ramos are nearing Hot Hall Of Fame status anyway and should be left out. Btw in the future, anyone who has made it onto two F5 lists should automatically be in the HHOF.

    I love it when Kickette goes old school on us readers and just chooses whoever she wants for the F5 list.

    • xoWinnie says:

      i guess Cesc is next then.
      but seriously. the Ramos needs his spot.
      this is a travesty!

  137. Americus Killaponius says:

    We all begged for Sergio. We PLEADED for him. Instead you give us this Jack Rodwell guy, that ain't nobody ever even heard of….


    Nothing against him or his hotness but I just don't know who he is. To me he's just a Kieran Gibbo look alike who isn't even on the senior team. Your time has not come, man.

    • xoWinnie says:

      this post made me laugh hardest today
      "that ain't nobody ever even heard of"
      that reminds me of something i'd hear on the Fresh Prince lol

    • Mrs. Q.Borri says:

      your comment was the most funny I have ever read!! so hillarious!!

      But Im with you I dont even know is is this kid anyways…. he didnt deserve it. sorry Jack!!

  138. jelena says:

    nando :'(

  139. Carolina says:

    Glad Boca made the list, but where is Fernando Torres, especially after the pic where he almost look naked and is wearing a hair grip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  140. Alisha says:

    Oh i'm heartbroken. Nando and Joseph both gone, it's like the end of he world </3

  141. IrishBlue says:

    Shocking!! Cesc & Bocanegra are good choices but the rest…..ffs….FFS!!!!!!!!!!

  142. Bree says:

    Jack Rodwell,seriously???And Cesc has a cute face but his body is average,he has a very weird legs.I think you could have done better Kickette.

  143. Alysa says:

    Sorry but I can’t agree with this. Fernando should be on the list and in the hall of fame

  144. naylovee says:


  145. Marlz says:

    hmmm, they are all hot bodied men but this wouldn't be my ideal top 5 though…no Pique or even Wilshere?

    • xoWinnie says:

      Cesc had his turn! there's plenty of other hot pieces at Arsenal to replace his hotness when he leaves

  146. gin_in_teacups says:

    Glad that Cesc remains and Boca has long deserved this. But the rest of this list is a big ole' WHA???

    And yet again – no Sergio? That is a crime against hotness! Honestly, he is so beloved that he shouldn't just be ON the list – he should BE the list. Or at the very least, he should be the standard by which all others are judged.

  147. jjjamie says:

    Not including The Ramos on the list is a crime against humanity. Let's be honest.

  148. YvoYeungGirl says:

    About time Captain America made it to the list! Even though the Americans are supposedly our default rivals, with guys like BocaBoca, I'd gladly switch over to the 'dark-side'. Love the dark features, and he should identify more with 'Roman God'

    And the Aitor Abs have finally made it on! I say just send him straight through to the HHoF. Kickette, you have been teasing us time and time again with this hottie's abs and tattoos, it's about time he made it on here!

    As for Cesc, I am still in a love-hate relationship with this puppy-eyed gooey goodness with his tranfer rumors (just pick, one or the other please!) but he has puppy-dogged his way to the top where he should be! One of the hottest cuties out there in the EPL.

  149. backoffmyNando says:

    Fernando goes straight to the Hot Hall of Fame…..ok?

  150. Monica says:

    Where is Gerard Pique??
    It makes me sad to see Freckles off the list, but at least Cesc is first!

  151. Seraphina says:

    Sorry, kickette, this list is a disgrace!

    Although Nando will always be on the top of my personal Hot Hall of Fame list, I accepted that he would be removed.
    But no Ramos? He deserved it so much and everyone begged for him…

    Most of these boys have hot bodies, but that's all they do to me… not enough for the F5!

    • AnnNina says:

      ^ My thoughts exactly.

      Epic fail, Kickette. Epic. Fail. :(

    • xoWinnie says:

      mmhmm! i am incensed that Joe was removed, but no Ramos!? what the hell is this mess!?

    • MsLiverpoolLady says:

      I can't believe Nando is not on this list…I am in shock! and no Ramos! Basically, YEAH WHAT YOU SAID!

    • Seraphina says:

      Ok, I had a day to rethink this. Maybe I'm wrong but I think the F5 spot doesn't bring the players lots of luck (it happened to those I care for at least)
      So cheer up everyone who's favorite was left out!

      • Crackers says:

        I hope you're right, hon – that is probably the most consolation I will get out of the list, so thank you for it.

  152. Fucholvr says:

    I believe this is the worse F5 list ever in Kickette history! I propose a do over!!!

    • Jade says:


    • Lucy says:

      Fabregas i sooo overrated!

    • backoffmyNando says:


    • Julia says:

      Exactly, do a new one! I honestly don't understand why there's no Sergio Ramos on this list, because the majority practically begged for him!
      Better rethink this list kickette.

    • FloraJane says:

      Srsly. Finest Five? Only if we put some bags over their heads! I think it should just be renamed as Random 5 of the Moment or something. A couple of the guys- I can see why some people like them, but they're definitely not Finest anything.

      • Ninanoir says:

        You're totally right. These guys may be new and exciting and a controversial choise, I guess, but this list is supposed to be epic. No epicness here.

        Although I woudn't say no to Aitor…

    • ramosgirl says:

      Agreed! where is The Ramos :-( this isnt a a F5 list without him! And I know torres was having a bad year, but you cant deny how fine he is! We need a do-over!

      • Crackers says:

        Yeah, Nando didn't suffer a drop in cuteness levels from the club-changing, even if red suited him better :(

        And I second the petition – WHERE IS THE RAMOS? Come on, Kickette!

  153. Sara P says:

    OMFG!!!! Boca FINALLY on the finest 5 list!! I knew it was going to be a good day this morning when I woke up….now I can't seen to calm down enough to get any word done today at work!!!

    OMG!!! Gorgeous!!

  154. Amber says:

    Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!! Finally some F5 love for Boca! Really loving the list even though I’m still unsure about Jack on account of him being practically jailbait. It seems that Christmas came early this year!

  155. FootyCookie says:

    i don't need to know why Fernando was relegated i'm pretty sure it has something to do with his attitude-i mean, his hair.

    agree with this F5 except 2 minor things :

    1) if you're gonna scout Bilbao make sure you choose the right hottie to represent *cough*Llorente*cough*


    2) omg why is Jack Rodwell on here thanks for making our pedo ways so obvious, Kickette.

    but really tho, thanks for keeping your Army's needs in check with the annual F5 updates, ladies x

  156. sarie says:

    I couldn't care less about most of them but Boca is on!!! Love love love Captain America! Cesc is adorable too.

  157. rslkdl says:

    I'll take bites of 1-4, please. Thank you.

  158. DaniSue says:

    Bocanegra!!!!!! YES YES YES. That’s all I have to say. Oh, and THANK YOU!

  159. Nina says:

    I'm very upset with our Torres and Reina choice.

  160. GirlWithTheLFCtattoo says:

    I do applaud Boca making his way to the promised land, however. Those dimples, oh my…

  161. GirlWithTheLFCtattoo says:

    Sorry, I disagree. No Nando!?!?? YOU MUST BE MAD! This is a crime against all mankind.

    Ok. Maybe that was a bit dramatic. But seriously girls, you've struck a nerve. I generally agree with your twisted logic but this, I can't get on board with. Not cool.

    • Crackers says:

      I know! He's been up to some shenanigans this year, but come on, the boy and his babyface (and his manly-man bod) are FIIIINE.

      Nothing against the hotness of Borri, Boca or Aitor, who are indeed smokin', but seriously? No Sernando on this list is just wrong.

  162. Americus Killaponius says:


    Number one where he SHOULD BE!!!!

    A little disillusioned with the entire rest of the list though…..

  163. Nina says:

    I’m very upset with our Torres and Reina choice.

  164. thelovehater says:

    Hooray! I love you guys! Boca on the F5!!! I'm breaking out the veuve (even if it is only 10am on the west coast)

  165. Cay says:


    Trying to stop myself from writing the lyrics to "When the Yanks come Marching In" here.

  166. hbandshbreak says:

    Still no Ramos? Seriously?