The Kickette “Finest Five” List

1. YOANN GOURCUFF – BORDEAUX

You might know him as “Lashes”, and oh yes, the nickname was given for a reason. “Lashes” is also the man who won The Kickette 2009 Readers Choice Award as the baller with the best body (by a landslide we might add).

Indeed, part of Mr. G’s charm is his commitment to repeatedly removing his clothes on the pitch. In the presence of news cameras and camera phones. Time and time again. (And again.)

Random factoid – after much careful consideration (think:  zooming in until our contact lenses need replacing) we have established Yoann’s undies are clean. That’s always a plus, non? If you touch them, harps play and little turquoise bejewelled butterflies float up into the sky. Please, don’t thank us for this information, we are service-y that way.

2. CESC FABREGAS- ARSENAL

The Arsenal captain’s with a name that conveniently (for us) rhymes with “Sex” is a long-time Kickette fav.

His transformation from boy into fully-formed grownup has been a delight to watch, and his willingness to Continuously. Get. The Abs. Out does a lot for his appeal.

Although he’s growing up (sniff), we sincerely hope the sexy and adorkable Mr. F will never be too mature for “doughnut discotheques”, Gossip Girl and Desperate Housewives.

Mr. Fabregas is one-of-a-kind. From the stellar footy skills to the puffy pillow lips we’d very much like to take a long nap on, there is no denying this man’s place in our “hell, yeah” list.

Nub nu, Cescy!

3. FERNANDO TORRES – LIVERPOOL
A short summary of why this pitch whizz kid is on the list? Certainly:

Few can make a woman’s ovaries self-detonate like Fernando Torres can. Additional bonus points were scored for Fern’s ability to bitch-face (rivaled only by David Villa and possibly Zahara); the freckles. (Oh, the freckles!); he looks sexy when wet. and says lovely things about the city he lives in.

In other words, you’ve got a man whose locks of gold cause the straight, gay,  in-between and undecided to swoon.

(Plus, who doesn’t like to drop the resto chain name in conversation for a little innuendo? “I had Nandos for dinner” is one of our favourite things to say.)

4. XABI ALONSO – REAL MADRID

One of the most fashionable footballers in the world is such a nice guy it nearly hurts.

Not only has he had the honour of donning the cover of Esquire, but he makes one sinfully delish marketing ploy.

Even though he’s a shy guy, he’s made of a mean chest rug and washboard stomach. He’s an ovary explosion aficionado.

Xabi also scored major kudos amongst the Ligarati when he proved capable of pulling off the unofficial uniform of the Spanish NT – we assure you, this is not an easy thing to do.

5. NEMANJA VIDIC – MANCHESTER UNITED

Serbian Mountain Man, Nemanja Vidic, how we love to count your muscle groups.

We also have much by way of appreciation for the thighs of steel, “hard-as” crooked nose, and your DNA which produces the cutest children known to man.

Bonus: he’ll carry your bags while you buy the entire women’s floor at Selfridges! Good robot.

Vida isn’t afraid to get down and dirty (good for helping you fight for the last Louboutin during sale season),  he once held the distinction of being the most booked defender in the Premier League).

He’s not afraid to sacrifice his hot body for club or country and he can also wear a suit like a second skin. We often refer to Vida as being “robot-hot” – and doesn’t every woman need a little hard machinery in her life? Ahem.