July 22nd, 2010
The Kickette Guide to Summer Sports Because The World Cup Has Ended, And It’s Pre-Season, And We’re Suffering: Tennis
Rafael Nadal smashes an ace. Image via men.mojblog.rs.
Don’t be sad, Kickettes. But we bring terrible news. This is the last edition of the Kickette Guide to Summer Sports. *pause for sniffles*
Anyhoo, we’re sure you’ll get over it when you see what we have to offer. It’s tennis. With man hunks. Naked ones. And unrivalled headband hideousness that make Sergio’s experiments in this field look like amateur hour.
You adore us. You do.
Tennis is a game played by men in shorts. This immediately elevates it above our other alleged ‘Summer Sports’, cricket and golf.
As far as we hardened, edjamacated journalists in the Kickette office can work out, to play tennis one collects a racket, a furry yellow ball, a net and a friend. Hit the ball at each other on a tennis court until you get bored, then repair to the nearest bar and drink champagne until you fall down. Brilliant sport!
Let’s apply the criteria while we still can.
You see, male tennis players keep their tennis balls in their pockets for quick and easy access. This can lead to false sightings, raised expectations and a lot of disappointment.
For example, in this image, Rafael Nadal appears to be sporting something that might be more at home in a vivarium. But having referred the matter to the Kickette Short Tent Institute, we have now confirmed it’s a tennis ball.
Getting one’s ‘nekkid’ on
After the disappointment of cricket and golf, we are pleased to confirm that flesh exposure is a frequent and cheery visitor to tennis. And there are a variety of plates on offer.
Like yours pale and underdone? Please welcome Andy Murray. Furry and friendly more to your taste? Roger Federer. And for those who just want plain and simple lumps of meat, we advise you click here and here.
Madrid Masters? We think so.
To acquire a reputation as a bad boy in tennis can be as simple as wearing the wrong colour wrist bands.
But a far more entertaining method for earning one’s stripes comes in the form of the ‘tennis tantrum’ invented by one John McEnroe in the late seventies.
Mr McEnroe not only perfected the art of utilising the hair/headband interface as a weapon (left) but he turned shouting the odds at hapless umpires into an art form.
No one has topped it since. Even Henman.
Johnny Mac via smh.com.au.
Roger, Mirka & twins Myla Rose and Charlene Riva. Bless. Image: AP Photos.
Not only is Roger Federer annoyingly good at tennis, he also has a lovely partner in former tennis player Mirka Vavrinec and recently became a father to twin girls. That boy must have made one hell of a Faustian pact. Seriously.
Other notable wives and girlfriends are listed here. Do these tennis boys know how to pick ‘em? We think they do.
The question is not, should you be watching tennis, Kickettes. The question is, why the ruddy hell aren’t cha?