July 22nd, 2010

The Kickette Guide to Summer Sports Because The World Cup Has Ended, And It’s Pre-Season, And We’re Suffering: Tennis

Rafael Nadal smashes an ace. Image via men.mojblog.rs.

Don’t be sad, Kickettes. But we bring terrible news. This is the last edition of the Kickette Guide to Summer Sports. *pause for sniffles*

Anyhoo, we’re sure you’ll get over it when you see what we have to offer. It’s tennis. With man hunks. Naked ones. And unrivalled headband hideousness that make Sergio’s experiments in this field look like amateur hour.

You adore us. You do.

Introduction

Tennis is a game played by men in shorts. This immediately elevates it above our other alleged ‘Summer Sports’, cricket and golf.

As far as we hardened, edjamacated journalists in the Kickette office can work out, to play tennis one collects a racket, a furry yellow ball, a net and a friend. Hit the ball at each other on a tennis court until you get bored, then repair to the nearest bar and drink champagne until you fall down. Brilliant sport!

Let’s apply the criteria while we still can.

Short Tents

The peril of tent hunting in tennis is the presence and location of balls. Tennis balls. Go and stand in the corner, if you thought we meant otherwise.

You see, male tennis players keep their tennis balls in their pockets for quick and easy access. This can lead to false sightings, raised expectations and a lot of disappointment.

For example, in this image, Rafael Nadal appears to be sporting something that might be more at home in a vivarium. But having referred the matter to the Kickette Short Tent Institute, we have now confirmed it’s a tennis ball.

Dammit.

Getting one’s ‘nekkid’ on

After the disappointment of cricket and golf, we are pleased to confirm that flesh exposure is a frequent and cheery visitor to tennis. And there are a variety of plates on offer.

Like yours pale and underdone? Please welcome Andy Murray. Furry and friendly more to your taste? Roger Federer. And for those who just want plain and simple lumps of meat, we advise you click here and here.

Madrid Masters? We think so.

Infidelity/Bad boys

To acquire a reputation as a bad boy in tennis can be as simple as wearing the wrong colour wrist bands.

But a far more entertaining method for earning one’s stripes comes in the form of the ‘tennis tantrum’ invented by one John McEnroe in the late seventies.

Mr McEnroe not only perfected the art of utilising the hair/headband interface as a weapon (left) but he turned shouting the odds at hapless umpires into an art form.

No one has topped it since. Even Henman.

Johnny Mac via smh.com.au.

WAGs

Roger, Mirka & twins Myla Rose and Charlene Riva. Bless. Image: AP Photos.

Not only is Roger Federer annoyingly good at tennis, he also has a lovely partner in former tennis player Mirka Vavrinec and recently became a father to twin girls. That boy must have made one hell of a Faustian pact. Seriously.

Other notable wives and girlfriends are listed here. Do these tennis boys know how to pick ‘em? We think they do.

Conclusion

The question is not, should you be watching tennis, Kickettes. The question is, why the ruddy hell aren’t cha?

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52 Responses to “The Kickette Guide to Summer Sports Because The World Cup Has Ended, And It’s Pre-Season, And We’re Suffering: Tennis”

  1. YasminMarisa says:

    “to play tennis one collects a racket, a furry yellow ball, a net and a friend” oh my god rofl at this! Seriously though tennis was the first sport I started watching. I love it! Thanks Kickette but why no Safin? I know he’s retired but still. You should take a look at him Kickette. Plus I hear he’s quite the playboy and used to go out with Roman Abramovich’s WAG so he kind of has a football connection. Lol.

  2. MrsYoann says:

    how come no mention of yoann? he is an excellent tennis player though he chose football over it.. and he loves and admires safin! how come no mention of safin as well!!?

  3. Inés says:

    I love Roger Federer! he’s the best! history doesn’t let me be wrong…

    his lovely curly hair makes him more adorable than what he already is with his huge class and elegance!

  4. Gilly B says:

    LOVE Tennis and LOVE Rafa too:-) Best.Butt. EVER. Fact!

    False short tent sightings can be a prob, but a gen rule of thumb is to trust what you see at the end of a match when they fall to the floor in celebration. Usually no balls, 100% genuine tent. Lots of tennis coming up over the summer, so until August, enjoy ladies!

  5. JV says:

    No James Blake, Andy Roddick? I've always thought of Nadal as a bit of a but his face…

  6. Iwantyourcookies says:

    “The peril of tent hunting in tennis is the presence and location of balls. Tennis balls. Go and stand in the corner, if you thought we meant otherwise.” ROFL!
    thaank you fot that kickettes .. and .. am I the only one who thinks tsobnga is cute ? :P

  7. kenita says:

    lovely post, but it needs more Djokovic =D

  8. Goosie says:

    I <3 rafa!

  9. Lil says:

    tennis should have been first on the "Kickette Guide to Summer Sports" list.

    But how come Marat Safin is not even mentioned here?
    http://cowbell.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83423e30253ef0… http://thisrecording.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/…

  10. Lucy says:

    only Nadull? seriously you need to watch more this sport

  11. Sham says:

    Yeah right ! There are hot men in the game :D but it's tooooooooooo booring to watch !!!! Thanks God Forlan change it for football :D

  12. DJ says:

    i’ve tried watching tennis and honestly i find it boring, but i LOVE rafa.

  13. DC says:

    i love tennis. obviously, not as much as footie but oh the game and the boys and yes.

    also, Feliciano Lopez (Fernando Verdasco’s partner) needs to be on this post.

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5bnn6tgr01qcde57o1_500.jpg

    http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5m7vgI93H1qzm1mro1_500.jpg

  14. SunnyK says:

    Finally! Even if tennis isn't solely a summer sport since they never really stop, but it's a sport I can finally get on board with! Tennis is my first love — along with Rafa!

  15. beri says:

    RAFA *drool*

  16. Mrs Guardiola says:

    Mmm, Rafa.

    Good girls, Kickette. Well done.

    *applauds*

  17. simone says:

    Rafael nadal the reason i started watching tennis. I had never seen someone look so different in tennis especially the way he dresses. He makes tennis exciting and Novak Djokovic freakin sexy. Simple: i am not Spanish but I am watching a lot of sport lately because of them.

  18. elylovesfootball says:

    Yay Kickette! Thank you for this, tennis is definetely my second fave sport after football :D
    I liked this and i think Rafa is hot but you forgot to mention some hotter players and in tennis there are a lot ;D

  19. senora ramos says:

    well, i've tried tennis. i really have. and rafa's cute and all (but not even close to the loveliness that is roger federer). but it's just NOT soccer/football!! thank you for trying to enlighten me kickette, but i'll keep going with the mls and superliga. plus, friendlies are here!!!

    • Lisa says:

      mls AND superliga? and the so-called experts say real soccer fans don’t watch the MLS. That is awesome senora ramos. By the way, I think Rafa and your man Sergio might have been separated at birth.

      • senora ramos says:

        it takes a certain kind of person to watch SOME of the MLS matches, but they have gotten a lot better. and i live in the us :D and it 100x better than baseball, lebron james/cp3 saga, brett farve will he/won’t he drama, etc…
        and superliga is pretty entertaining! (most of the time) it gives the chance to cheer for the us against the eternal rival mexico (lol) and gives me help on picking a mexican team to get behind as i’ve realised that i’ve become mad for the sport watching multi-leagues and am just not as excited for the upcoming college/nfl season as normal :D

        and yea, rafa and el ramos are a lot alike :D

  20. Liz says:

    Rafa?

    YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

    And Tobasco Verdasco a close second!

  21. Barcelista says:

    Don't like the fact that he's a Real Madrid fan! But loves the fact that he loves football (and to watch Barca play (haha ;) ) which he admitted last year :D ) and that he is from Spain!

    But mhm.. I must admit that he's hot and I do love that noise he makes when he hits the ball ;) Vamos Rafa y Vamos España!

    • Lisa says:

      I agree with you on the whole support issue. The only thing stopping me from liking Rafa is the fact he is a Real Madrid fan. Its a shame really, he’s a better all-surface player than Federer. Matches between those two are the only tennis matches I stay up to watch.

  22. eatmyboost says:

    Iker hangs around with a lot of the Spanish tennis players – he's even played tennis in public with Rafa Nadal and David Ferrer (for charity).

    And I am amazed that you haven't mentioned the very hot James Blake.

  23. VeNia says:

    we got you at this Kickette!i bet most of us are already watching over Rafa huh??i am for sure!what can i say?i just love Spanish boys!!!

  24. Ofeily9 says:

    OK. Where is Nokav Djokovic?? And Robin Soderling and his eyes??

  25. Claire says:

    Thank you, Kickette, THANK YOU!!!

    Rafaaaaa !!! My favourite tennis player :) and lol, I have a long-time rivalry with my mum, cause she's a fan of Federer and can't stand Rafa. :D

  26. EternalDreamer says:

    When I first started reading this “Don’t be sad, Kickettes. But we bring terrible news. This is the last edition of the Kickette”, I was worried that Kickette was closing for business! Pfew! Crisis averted!

  27. Karin C. says:

    RAFA all the way!!!!

    plus Fernando.

    VAMOS BOYS:)

  28. Gen says:

    Nadal just cute… too cute, you should post some of the pics from the World Cup final… you'll even find one with Casillas and Nadal celebrating, if you go to Nadal's website ..

    Aaah but we still miss Safin…aaaaah

    • missd says:

      Safin… phwoar!! No one else comes close to that man's sexiness. He was all the more sexy for being slightly crazy in the head. Fed and Rafa are so nice and normal and well-adjusted, not that there's anything wrong with that but… tennis isn't the same without hot, mad Marat. :(

  29. jade says:

    4 words to describe nadal:

    hottie. with. a. body.

    nuff said no?

    (;

  30. Maria says:

    YES!!! RAFA!!!! Did you guys know he cried like a baby when Spain won the World Cup??

    He coulda been gracing Kickette's page more often if his dad hadn't made him choose between tennis and football… he chose tennis… we still don't know why…

    And yes… Spanish are sooo hot right now!!! Well… always! hehe

  31. Laura says:

    Wow, Fernando Verdasco! I feel bad now that I've been ignoring him in favor of his ridiculously attractive boyfriend Feliciano Lopez.

    Oh, tennis. <3

  32. izzy says:

    I've always watched tennis…I mean Rafael? Hello?

  33. gin_in_teacups says:

    Yet one more sport where the Spanish are by far hotter than everyone else. Speaking of which, I'm watching an old Real Madrid game and getting pointlessly futilely angry that they've just been scored against.

    Kickette, these other sports posts have been amusing, but they've definitely cemented that football and it's menfolk truly have my heart.

  34. Rachel S says:

    Haha EternalDreamer, I thought the same thing! I would've had a mini heart attack on the spot!

  35. Lisa says:

    Tennis… meh. Of all the sports profiled in this series, it comes the closest to meeting all of the Kickette criteria.

    I gotta say, looking at Pete Sampras wife Brigdette and when Brooke Shields was married to Andre Agassi, tennis WAGs ruled the roost.

    But even with all it brings to the table, tennis and all those other sports put together do not hold a candle to football.

    why the ruddy hell aren’t I watching tennis? Because its JUST NOT FOOTBALL. No other sport even comes close.

    In reading some of the other kickette's comments, all this series proved to me is who the real football fans are, Who the real Kickettes are.

  36. BAB says:

    More Novak Djokovic, Richard Gasquet and Juan Martin Del Potro please! :)

    • Steph says:

      Totally agree about Novak. He's hot! :) As for tennis, I've been meaning to start watching it, but I still haven't. lol.

    • Deb says:

      I totally adore Juan Martin del Potro!! Wonderful player and totally hot!

      • Barcelista says:

        OMG agreed! I absolutely adore Del Potro too! He's a wonderful player and he's also got that body and those eyes.. Mmmm.. :D

        • Barcelista says:

          Hahaha I just realised that I (almost exactly) repeated what you wrote! Sorry about that.. Didn't mean too just wrote what I felt about him :)