January 25th, 2011
The Kickette Quiz: What Kind Of Aussie Abs Are You?
In case you missed it: from the critically acclaimed program, ‘Sticking with the Socceroos’, there were taut tummies in a tiny pool. Image: Robert Cianflone/Getty Images AsiaPac.
It’s time to learn more about how your roving eyes are indirectly related to your level of social awkwardness, Kickettes, then behold the latest iteration of our popular personality quizzes.
In honour of Australia Day, (a public holiday occurring tomorrow that all should have off from work but probably don’t), we’re dying to know how you like your abs.
This exercise should hardly be taxing on your mental dexterity, so the only excuse we’ve deemed acceptable for skipping out on voicing your preferences must involve the ongoing plight of your computer monitor in its battle against privacy invaders.
Without further ado, let’s dive right in.
Q1:Your idea of a fun Saturday night includes?
A) Being one of his six pack’s booty calls, since it would be a mayjah upgrade on the type of calls your mobile normally receives.
B) Learning how to drive, an suitably uncomfortable situation for you and all the other folks on the road.
C) A game of strip poker, since you’re the type to up the ante and go all clothes-in just to haphazardly discard your dignity in hopes he’ll do the same.
D) Drinking the equivalent of a developing nation’s GDP in liquor, before snatching the first guy who appears in your line of beer goggle vision.
Q2: Which type of pet best suits your personality?
A) Goldfish; because its a low-maintenance responsibility that you can’t even handle. Fast forward to your mean-spirited older brother flushing Goldilocks down the loo in order to put you and the stank tank out of its misery.
B) A Tamagotchi; you’d relish every chance you got to discipline the damn thing and force it to skip meals.
C) A leopard gecko; You want everyone to be comfortable in their own skin, even your kin-in-training.
D) A borrowed one. That you lose enroute to the park.
Q3: The female super hero you most identify with is?
A) Barbarella, so you can seduce your prey and make them marvel at your fabulously new enlarged bustline.
B) Elastigirl/Mrs. Incredible. You fantasize (often) about using your arms as swings.
D) Catwoman. Your former partners have likened your mental stability to that of every erratic female actress that has ever slithered around in the latex suit.
Q4: If you could go back to any point and time and live, which era would you choose?
B) 1912, to be exact. You’d hop aboard the RMS Titanic to ensure Jack never lets go…only to discover Leonardo DiCaprio’s time traveling experiences hit a snag. He wouldn’t join you after all, so you wouldn’t get the coveted after hours/below deck dance party invite you would’ve been pining for. Shame, really, because you would’ve blown the britches off the ladies when you showed them your “worm”!
C) The 1960s. You have a thing for Don Draper from Mad Men. And why wouldn’t you?
D) England, circa 1520. Because you think Henry VIII really was as hot as Jonathan Rhys Myers in The Tudors. You might need help.
Q5: Your Typical First Dates Include:
A) Whips, chains, blindfolds, and leather.
B) A lot of awkward silence.
C) Playing footsy under the table with the newly introduced as a diversion technique. Meanwhile, you’ll be slowly eye stripping his clothes off to fantasy-reveal how his midsection would look sprawled across your bed.
D) Getting sloppy drunk, hitting on the bartender, losing your purse and realizing far too late that your date has done a runner.
Rough, rugged and you don’t want no more drama in your life. Unless, of course, it’s at the expense of others.
You haven’t been to the foot doctor lately or else that narsty fungus would’ve disappeared by now. Instead, you just avoid the pedi place like the plague.
Oh, and scratch and sniff anythings are right up your alley.
You can clean a row of corn on the cob in minimal bites, without help from those pesky side-holder thingies. You’ve read Steve Harvey’s New York Times’ best-selling book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”. Twice.
Flair ain’t your forte, but it may accidentally be apart of your style.
You’re the type who remembers to self-medicate before flying, but always forgets to cut yourself off after having one too many of the in-flight mini bottles of wine.
Plus, You have a not-so-secret crush on Vinny from MTV’s Jersey Shore.