June 7th, 2010
The Monday Mmm: Frank Lampard, England
It’s technically after hours at Kickette HQ and a lot has fallen to the wayside since we accidentally started drinking ahead of normal public scrutiny hours. Since our next top 5 World Cup National Team hotties list for today is way late, a caption contest is all we can offer. Pick your favourite or make up your own. Enjoy!
Tired of conjuring up the same old boring head-pictorial to keep you interested in the aesthetically-displeasing mortal you’re stuck snogging? Say hello to your new mental makeout decoy: Frank Lampard’s Crotch. You can thank us afterwards.
Caption #2. (to be said by Ant & Dec or in an Ant & Dec-like voice)
Please give a warm welcome to England’s new vice captain’s vice captains!
Caption # 3.
Anything we will attempt to say about the above money shot will come across as too try-hard. Lamps is dead sexy. End of story.
A freeze frame/pause button is so necessary right now.
Captions #5 – 10 due to word count.
An invitation to Frank Lampard’s nethers is sort of like a members-only online sample sale.
Fashionistas worldwide anxiously watch the hands tick on the clock at extremely odd hours of the day while simultaneously hitting “refresh” with paranoid anticipation. Then, the internet Gods unlock the shopping gates and everyone and their Mum has exactly 1 hour to raid the crap out of the joint before leaving behind articles of clothing in sizes only Barbie can wear. Most girls finish the fiasco empty-handed and sadfaced.
Kickettes, on the other hand, are a much smarter bunch. We just short-cut the whole stressful situ and try our luck at the five finger discount. And today, and for one day only, his site’s firewall has been accidentally left wide open. Every woman for herself!