January 5th, 2011

The Resolve: How To Be Good In 2011

‘The Good Samaritan’? Well, our thoughts on seeing this photo of West Brom’s Peter Odemwingie were plenty biblical, if that counts… (Getty Images/Zimbio)

We in the Kickette office like the idea of people making an effort to give up their bad habits and become better people. Such commitment to the ideals of life inspires, and in some small way, makes us better people too.

Don’t worry. The sarcasm is coming.

Commitment to doing better is one reason why New Year is our favourite time. (Contrary to popular opinion, it’s not because of the freedom afforded to semi-alcoholics to consume booze all day and have to be hauled down the pavement by their friends, while screaming that they’ve lost their shoes.) Resolutions provide abundant opportunities for people to improve themselves and we’re pleased to advise that the world of football is not immune to this.

Please enjoy our rundown of the some of the most popular resolutions and see which footy peeps are embracing the idea of positive change for the future.

We’re off to look for our shoes.

1. Do a nice thing for someone every day – Peter Odemwingie

You see this man? The one at the top of the post with the killer abs heartbreakingly hidden under his evil base layers? This is West Bromwich Albion’s Nigerian/Russian midfielder Peter Odemwingie. During the warm up in West Brom’s away fixture vs. Fulham last night, Pete apparently struck a ball which ended up hitting a hapless fan on the head. (Getty Images/Zimbio)

In the lead photo (top), he is looking for her so he can give her his shirt to say sorry. In this photo (left), he is handing it to her.

Has being hit in the face with a football ever seemed so appealing? No. Thought not.

2. Trying new things – Elen Rives

Having finally conceded defeat to Christine Bleakley in the battle for the affections of Frank Lampard, Elen Rives has apparently taken the idea of change to heart. And the most er… orange of conclusions. It appears that she has replaced Frankie with the affections of Peter Andre, ex of the equally orange Katie Price and purveyor of pop classics such as ‘Mysterious Girl’ and ‘Insania’. (Getty Images/Daylife)

While we are thrilled that Elen has found happiness outside of the world of cats, a word of caution must be offered as her hopes for a departure from the world of football may be short lived.

Katie Price, ex of Andre, is also mother of ex-player Dwight Yorke’s son Harvey. Hmm. That wouldn’t be why Elen’s issued a denial, would it?

Note of caution: The key to keeping New Year’s Rezzie’s is not to overwhelm yourself with too much, too soon. Elen has ensured she does not overreach her personal capabilities by continuing to dress like a loonbag in public (see left). Phew!

3. Staying fit and healthy – Ronaldo (the other one)

It’s easy to allow oneself to slide into weight gain without really noticing. Blindly scarfing down an entire tube of Pringles and downing a keg of Egg Nog without pausing for air is surprisingly easy to do. And thus, after a week of festive excess, what better time to tone up than the New Year? (Reuters/Daylife)

In these photographs, Ronaldo (not that one, he clearly he has no need of such pedestrian exercise activities as his body is made entirely out of abs) demonstrates that dancing can be a great way to shed those pesky pounds.

Admittedly there appears to be rather less dancing in the aforementioned photos than drinking and pointing, neither of which have been found to shed weight during our extensive research. Still, it’s a start.

4. Giving up smoking – Wayne Rooney (and others)

Come on, Wayne and all the rest of you ‘ballers who can’t survive without a cheeky puff. You’re elite athletes! Stop pouring toxins into your body, you crazy fools! Also: you smell bad. (Image via threadedthroughball)

5. Being more honest – Victoria Beckham

Rabid newshounds that we are, we have already alerted you to Victoria Beckham’s recent revelation involving the veracity of her boobie situ. But in developments that dwarf this statement in both wow factor and abject horror, Vicky uses her Vogue interview to announce that she happened to glance at hubby David as he was waking up in bed in the morning and thought he looked ‘really crap’.

At some point in the foreseeable future we will overcome the excitement generating from the notion of waking up in sufficient proximity to Dave to offer a thought provoking opinion on the subject. For now? Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Come on, Kickettes, give us your best New Year’s Resolutions. And the approximate chances of you keeping them for more than thirty five seconds.

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15 Responses to “The Resolve: How To Be Good In 2011”

  1. Davis says:

    Ronaldo, the other one? Really!? He is Ronaldo, the one an only!
    the other one is just Cristiano.

  2. [...] Footballer new year’s resolutions. [Kickette] [...]

  3. SoccerDuckie says:

    Yeah, I'm just busy thinking where I'd like to be hit by the bloody ball, is all. But gotta get me to Lyon first, then hope like all getup the Gourcuff hits the ball so it accidentally hits me! As long at it doesn't ruin the makeup, but there's some, say, nose bleed, that'll be perfect!!!!! =D Now how to have this actually happen…hm…..

  4. SoccerLoverrr says:

    AAAAWWWWW!!! the peter odemwingie kindness act made me smile!! hes sooo adorable! i wish i was dat fan he gave his shirt tooo! *sigh*

  5. @AgnesWonka says:

    I have to stop smoking too :S

  6. Sahar says:

    I love Peter. I was wondering when kickette would feature him. I have met him in person and he is even better looking in person. Actually in pictures he doesn’t even look like the same person. Picture do a disservice to him. Also he is supersweet. Please continue to feature him.
    Also kickettes why haven’t we gotten a kaka photo. Kaka returned to the pitch. It’s been ages since we’ve seen kaka playing. Please give us a kaka pic preferably with Ronaldo.
    Thanks again for some odemwingie

  7. hereforthenando says:

    My New Year's resolutions are as follows:

    1. Go to grad school! I already applied, but the next part is actually choosing which one I want to go to and moving to another country…
    2. Find a (straight) man that dresses as well as Pep Guardiola and Xabi Alonso combined (In my dream world, this is 100% likely. In the real world, the chances are about as high as Liverpool has in winning the Champions League this year)
    3. After this year I won't be an undergraduate anymore, so my drinking will transition from undergraduate to alcoholic. I hope that this doesn't happen…
    4. Be a great Kickette soldier girl and community member!

    It has been a great year with all of you at Kickette. You make me laugh, Liverpool's form makes me cry, and that day that I saw those photos of Tim Howard naked goes down in history as the longest that my mouth has ever been agape in awe and amazement. Thank you for those moments (or hours…)

    • Surly Wench says:

      Good resolutions! Seeing as I have my Master's and a husband, I just resolved not to get arrested on NYE. I succeeded. Setting my expectations low enough: the secret to success and contentment! : )

  8. lisette05 says:

    I dunno – Zinedine Zindane smoked right up to the end of his career. And beyond, for all I know.

    I think the main concern is keeping their weight down. Frank Lampard once said (in the middle of ranting in response to Chris Moyle's taunts) that footballers had to have body fat between 8% and 10%. That can't be easy.

    I still get creeped out with the thought of someone giving themselves cancer, but I see why they do it.

    • sarrible says:

      Yes, but Zidane is French. He needs a certain amount of nicotine in his bloodstream at all times to balance the cheese and wine.

      My personal theory is that nicotine also suppresses herpes.

  9. blake2108 says:

    Would you like to know my personal solution? or one for the players?

    Mine is to hug my mum more and tell her i love her lots more. I know, sad isn't it. Oh and to see/meet Gareth Bale/Marc Albrighton. Those apply every year though

    For players, they should either join Twitter, all should provide us with at least one shirtless pic (a really good one)
    Or maybe one of them can make the resolution to fall in love with me. Got a few preferences….

  10. Bri says:

    It saddens me that Ronaldo is referred to as the other Ronaldo. He was schooling people before C. Ronaldo could manscape.

  11. tracy765 says:

    Kickette Staff, are you guys okay? You have me concerned, because since MONDAY you have offered me: Nando's epic short campsite (that's way more than just a tent) plus three new (to me) lust-worthy objects of, um, objectification: Ciaran Clark, Michael Dawson and Peter Odemwingie. Especially Peter Odemwingie, yum.
    Anyway, don't misunderstand me, I am all for the current pace of the flow of hawtness on my computer screen, I just worry about your ability to maintain it.