August 1st, 2012
The Sizzle Query: Álvaro Arbeloa
Recently, one of our Facebook mates posited a complex query to us, one that requires several parts imagination and one part explanation:
“Dear Kickette(s), what do you think of Álvaro Arbeloa?”
Mr Arbeloa is gently filed in our under-rated-and-squeaky-clean-hot category of objectification. He’s a gentle soul who hand-knits his jumpers in his spare time and blames all those late night pet rescue adverts for the cute puppy collection that he’s amassed over the years. No doubt AA would pass the mama introduction test, and we firmly believe he’d score high marks with our neighbours as well.
Punctual, efficient and dependable, we require our defenders to be tough tackling and strong, like this man. Commercial sponsors sometimes lean heavily on a player’s family man image (see: David Beckham), but luckily for us and the general paying public, husbandhood (don’t forget fatherhood too) suits him better than Real Madrid’s designer away game threads.
Keeping all those glorious qualities in mind, we’re only about 75% of the way on board (with one third of that due to his playing board games sans trousers). Before we go the distance with Alvaro, we need to know more about his personality and moral fibre. Does he enjoy “pull my finger” pranks? Rolling around in gelatin just because it feels good?
Kickettes, do you value a cheeky smile and bonus tongue like we do? Or is Mr Arbeloa’s meticulously clean whistle a bit too vanilla for your taste – preferring, instead, a footballer who spends his evenings skulking through gun shops in a leather jacket and driving a mud splashed motorcycle whilst flicking cigarette ash on dear old grannies?