November 2nd, 2010

The Sizzle Query: Gareth Bale, Tottenham Hotspur

Yes Gareth, the tent doesn’t hurt, either. Getty Images/Zimbio

Although it might seem that we are heavy on the pretty when it comes to our favourite ballers, we don’t appreciate boundaries here at Kickette. Indeed, we admire hotness in all of its forms and if called upon, would fight to the death for your right to fantasise about whoever you like. Even Carlos Tevez.

And with that pledge in mind, we move onto the tricky question of Gareth Bale. Tonight, all eyes will be on young Gareth, whose hat trick in the first leg of Spurs Champions League fixture with Inter Milan kept his side in the tie. The left back/midfielder proved to be the game changer then, can he finish the job off?

While commentators across the globe debate this question, our eyes are on far more serious matters. Is that puppy hot? In previous references to the Welsh wonder, we’ve noticed a somewhat mixed response to his unusual brand of hotness, references to his resemblance to a selection of zoo creatures seemingly being the main criticism.

He certainly has the physique to attract the attention, but is that sufficient? Which side of the great debate on the Marmite boy of the EPL do you stand? And where exactly would you be smearing said vegetable based condiment if given the opportunity?

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91 Responses to “The Sizzle Query: Gareth Bale, Tottenham Hotspur”

  1. queenramoz says:

    right, thought he was fit since he was at southampton and nobody even knew his name.
    not even bothered, prefer it this way , without a million hoez on his dick.

  2. autumnmaple101 says:

    Always been fan since he was at Southampton. Gorgeous eyes and accent!

  3. Whitney says:

    His confidence is doing it for me! He's not so bad. I'd do him.

  4. MadameGourcuff says:

    he looks a bit primitive

  5. @Silcoxski says:

    Being Welsh I've watched Gareth play for quite a few years. At first I wouldn't have said he's hot, but as he's become a great footballer, he's also beome a hot one.

  6. katarche101 says:

    Well, let's put it this way: with any luck, after a few years seasoning, his looks – and perhaps behavior – will smooth out, and he'll become reasonably attractive and less geeky/gawky looking. The short tent thing is quite amusing though. (see Thomas Mueller of Bayern Munich as well….)

  7. Xanjie says:

    It's his lower jaw. Really. Sometimes it does strange things and makes the poor boy look like a horse/monkey. But when he's not slack-jawed, he's really cute. Gorgeous smile, amazing body, Godly left foot.

  8. Emme says:

    I know he's not Becks or Raul, but I kind of like the elfin quality he has. He surely has magical skills….he made a fool out of Maicon. Not to mention, he has got himself some great thighs. He's not perfect and though this may be comparing apples to oranges (and I will probably get a zillion thumbs down for saying this), when a certain Xabi Alonso came out on the scene, there were quite a few complaints about his nose. Now look at him – he's GQMFing it up all over the place. Maybe that will not be in Gareth's future, but he's still cute.

  9. mcgee says:

    he is cute…he looks like a little monkey, a cute monkey though, the kind that make you go "AWWWWW" like curious George :) hes cute.

  10. coys says:

    loved him since the day he scored against chelsea. Great body, great eyes, great smile. but above all he is a fantastic footballer . his combination of speed, skilled crossing, passing … (i could go on forever) makes every game he plays in so much more entertaining. I'd marry his left foot .

  11. Leslie says:

    I am a diehard Spurs girl and have been on the fence about Gareth for a couple of years. His hair has improved tremendously and he has filled out quite nicely. He has a cute little monkey face, and has transitioned from merely adorable to truly hot. I love, love, love him. I can't understand what he says sometimes (I'm a southern girl, that's probably why), but his smile and voice are primo.

  12. Julia says:

    Can't crossover to Spurs. As an Arsenal girl I just can't. Though I do appreciate his help to my fantasy footie league team.

  13. Lynz says:

    Honestly, when I first saw him I thought he was hot. But then I kept seeing him. And kept seeing him. And it dawned on me that he does kind of resemble a certain zoo animal. But he's still cute :3

  14. HiL says:

    He's a cute little elf and i loooooooove him :)
    so, yes :P

  15. LumkaLovesU says:

    Yes, Bale looks strange, but he isnt ugly. I happen 2 be very strangely attracted 2 him. *swooooon*

  16. Leya_S says:

    I love Gareth Bale, actually.
    Can I see how people could think he's not attractive? Yes. Do I agree? Definitely not.

    It is true that many footballers look seriously delicious on the pitch, but in real life they're not as good-looking. Gareth has his good and bad moments as far as hottness coefficient goes, but you should watch him interview…he's fabulously adorable, and the Welsh accent is perfectttttt..

    He's not everyone's cup of tea, which is totally to be expected, but I think he's hot.

  17. DreamiiGD says:

    :) :):):) I love him! i know he's not to everyone's taste but there's just something there!
    plus i think he'd be a beast in bed ;)

  18. cherryboomboom says:

    …. so you're a guy ?!

  19. Tocadisco says:

    Oh .. my god .
    when I saw that shirtless pic of gareth , I mean I still didn't click on it , I just started screaming .. really .. really .. loud .
    I am so in love with him and I am soo proud of him , he killed maicon last night !
    it was incredible !!

  20. Zinny says:

    I will get so many thumbs down for this but I DON'T CARE, it must be said:
    If this man were not a footballer, most of us wouldn't take a second look at him. He is not good-looking. At all. But, since fame and money and athleticism are so appealing, here he is on kickette.
    I'm not saying he's universally unattractive; some of you might legitimately find him hot. But for me, he is not handsome.

    • Leya_S says:

      I'm glad for this comment bc it makes me really analyze whether or not I would think [insert footballer here] was hot if they weren't rich and famous.

      That being said, I only disagree to an extent, and this is simply for me personally. I feel like the rich and famous part is too abstract for that to play a role in my attraction to specific players. Maybe if I met them in real life, I might be swayed by the money, but when I watch them playor interview, I'm not thinking about how rich they are, I'm just usually watching how well they play, or, in the case of an interview, what they say, and if they happen to catch my eye bc of certain physical attributes or a beautiful face, than so be it. Besides, there are PLENTY of players who are rich and famous who I don't think are attractive.

      The athleticism, on the other hand, is a DEFINITE factor. That definitely makes someone more attractive, but I don't necessarily see anything wrong with that.

      • Winnie Mata says:

        i agree with Zinny to an extent, however i can fully appreciate what you're saying. i think that it's the athleticism that gets me, rather than the money and the fame.
        i honestly could not tell you the amount of times i've swooned over players mostly because of their talent (ex. Ibrahomovic) and for players who are already physically attractive to be talented as well is only an ENOURMOUS plus in my book! ;)

        • Leya_S says:

          Haha, yeah Zlatan is definitely up there on my "hot bc of athleticism" list! He's a little bit of a butterface for me (no offense to Zlatan lovers), but his talent makes him hotter. When he gets up for those headers in the box, I swoon a little…
          But Wayne Rooney, even when he was good, I've NEVER thought he was attractive, money/fame/athleticism and all. I still don't. And I never will.
          Like I said, I can't say that I'm NOT swayed by money and fame, bc honestly, I might be and I just don't know it. But I think for footballers, its a lot more about the athleticism (and rock hard abs, lol)…

          ….oh and ATTITUDE! For example, its no secret that Cristiano Ronaldo is physically attractive and athletically gifted…BUT he grosses me OUT most of the time and i don't find him attractive bc he whines and dives on the field a lot and sometimes his attitude just literally makes me crazy. But then the other day I watched an interview with him and his home life where he visited his sister and played with her kids and it turns out he's a big old softy and then his quote where he said Kaka was handsome….all that melted my heart a little and I was like "why am I suddenly finding Cris more attractive?"

          Haha, so I guess the moral of the story is that there are a lot of reasons why ppl are attracted to different players? I don't know. To each his (or her) own.

          • I second that motion about CR7. Maybe I started to like him when he went to Madrid altogether haha :)

            • senora ramos says:

              lol. cron…i liked him with portugal (in 06), not with manu, and i stick up for him with madrid lol!

              but for me, i think bale is hot. and if i saw him on the street, and he wasn't a baller, i would still think he's hot. just as sergio (who many people think looks like a horse) is orgasmic hot, with money, without money, famous or no. if there is one baller that i think athleticism is hot, it's def zlatan. i mean gorgeous body, amazing skills, "interesting" features. i can't think of a single person that i think is hot just because of money and fame. those things don't make a difference in the long run.

  21. KALEY says:

    I LUV HIM >3<

  22. @mezz98 says:

    I think he's adorable.

  23. Erin says:

    Dog faced boy.

  24. Winnie Mata says:

    i said it before, and i'll say it again!

    Gareth Bale is a sexy little monkey!

  25. jelly says:

    Not my cup of tea, sorry…

  26. WAG2BE says:

    What is it with european men and their short shorts!!!???!!!! I have so much eurpoean in me i dont think i shuld be able to qualify as an american citizen BUT DEAR GOD I KNOW THEY MAKE LONGER SHORTS THAN THAT…. but anyway he's cute-ish….. hes def not better then my nando but hey nobody is so its cool =P

  27. nati says:

    I see the monkey-ness that people are talking about. Then again, I think Brad Pitt also has some monkey in him. They're both hot to me.

  28. Liz says:

    As an Arsenal girl I have to admit that there's something quite adorable about him although I think it's mainly his talent- did you girls not watch the game tonight?! He was amazing!

  29. Kylie says:

    Not for me, even though I would pick non-traditional good looks over someone clasically handsome. He looks rather cartoon-ish, which is adorable in a way…But no, not for me.

  30. zztop says:

    He's not that bad looking, I don't know what you're on about Kickettes. Good bod and magic skillz. As if any of you would kick him out of bed. I didn't think so.

  31. Amandinha says:

    he looks like Ace Ventura's dumb partner

  32. Mmmmmm… Me likes the beach volleyball photo!!!

  33. Kai says:

    Lol at all the girls sitting behind their computer screens saying "icky" and "monkey" etc….you probably don't look half as good.

  34. linds says:

    nope, not hot. i go more for the "will rip your limbs off by the sheer force of my will" serbian robots like nemanja vidic.

  35. Sarah says:

    Nice legs but looks like 'Elvis' from Fireman Sam.

  36. Simone says:

    Planet of the …………………………

  37. C16 says:

    Hmmm… He needs a haircut.
    Nice body, though.

  38. lilygold says:

    I think he's got a nice face but he doesn't photograph well . I bet in the flesh he is rather gorgeous. Anyway I agree with Blitzen, he needs a decent haircut. There's something about him that suggests he is a nice boy who loves his Mum and stays in touch with his family, ooh I want to give him a hug .Go Gareth tonight v Inter Milan, shove it up Rafa !!!

  39. Izzy says:

    I don't know why or what excatly but i find him cute plus he is one Hell of a Player! did any of you see that hattrick!?! so yeah don't judge!!! LOL

  40. Venice says:

    Whoops sorry. Well, it doesn't matter ;-)

  41. rslkdl says:


  42. alma says:

    he looks like a monkey

  43. Summer says:

    Gareth Bale…If you don't see him you can't understand…He's fantastic, special, magic, paranormal, pretty, generous, wonderful. He's like a Little Prince, the Little Prince of Wales and I go mad for him…Gareth Bale…

  44. His hotness lies on his talent, might I dare say. I tend to like amazing-but-not-so-cute players, so little Gaz is getting his way into my list.
    So yeah, he looks like a proper Welsh dragon, but he's awesome :)

  45. diana says:

    He reminds me of a character from Harry Potter…I just don't remember who exactly!
    hmm this lad is cute.

  46. aps says:

    I think he looks cute in a weird kind of way.

  47. SoccerLoverrrr says:

    he looks like someone from lord of the rings..great playerr tho!

  48. senora ramos says:

    his hellaciously hot. in an elfish orlando bloom kind of way. but still hot.

  49. shay says:


  50. blake2108 says:

    I could write an essay explaining my love for Gareth.

    Have been mad about him since I first saw him when he was at Southampton. I know he's not to everyone's taste, but hearing and reading some comments made about him do upset me. I can gather that the people making the comments aren't perfect either (although Gareth is perfect in my eyes) There's no need. I won't lie in saying I can see where people are coming from etc, but I think it makes him look gorgeously cute. Some pics are much worse than others too.

    He has the cutest smile I've ever seen, and his gorgeous Welsh accent makes me go week at the knees. His body is to die for too. The pic above is a pretty old one, and his body has improved since then. He really is just perfect.

    I'd do anything for him, We all have our favourites, and mine's Gareth. All those who don't like him, just mean that I have less of you to share him with :P (not that I would share anyway)

    I will meet him one day, if it kills me. I love him as a player too, he's one of the best worldwide at the moment and nobody can deny that. I've never been so proud as when he scored that Hat-trick the other week. Watching it made me feel so many different emotions at once. I just really do love him.

    So yeah, I'm definitely a lover of Gaz, which is ironic cos I hate Marmite, lol. I'd still smear and lick it off every inch him though, if I could, as well as doing many other things, too rude for this site. Shame he's already loved up, with a woman ¬¬

    He probably fits the BOBFOC perfectly for most of you, but he's perfect all over for me. Roll on the 4th of December, when I will hopefully see him play in the flesh :)

    Sorry I'm so protective over him too. I just really really love him. more than any of you can realise. but hey, haters gon' hate.

    The pic of him in my profile thing, is my fave of him. black eye and he still looks cute as. He just melts me

    So that's my opinion on the matter, and thanks Kickette for getting him on here again. Never enough though

    Wow it did turn into an essay pretty much, lol

    Just please don't be too mean with your comments, cos they will make me cry, haha

    • Venice says:

      It's alright girl, that's one of the sweetest comments I've read here in a while. I hope you have an amazing experience on the 4th of December :-)

    • Summer says:

      Your words are so sweet because they come from your heart…I think that I can completely understand you, because I think I feel the same thing that you've described for Xabi Alonso and John Terry…Finally we share the same feelings, the same passions only for different people…Also I think that Gareth is special and fantastic…I was at San Siro two weeks ago, I saw him, and I've immediately understood how much he was special.

    • Izzy says:

      Totally i loved your comment it was long but worth reading! LOL and yeah i think he's cute too! have fun seeing him in december!!!! :)

    • Winnie Mata says:

      lol awe :) cutest comment ever

    • Tocadisco says:

      He has a girlfriend ? :'O

    • FloraJane says:

      That was lovely. Thanks for sharing your story. And I understand your need to be protective of him. Every bad thing said about him hurts you. I feel that way about my man, too. :) You must be loving all this recognition for him right now. I'm not a Spurs fan, but I've been quietly cheering for Gareth. I hope you get to meet him some day, perhaps even on the 4th!

    • HeyWHAT says:

      You are completely insane.

    • leah says:

      Gareth Bale is soo beatiful!!! he is even more in person when i waited to meet him after a game GB is mine lol :) x

  51. LuvinBale says:

    Thank you -Thank you -Thank you Kickette!!!! It’s about time this little hottie gets his own article. My god do I love this boy- boy meaning he is 21 and I am…er…somewhat older.
    I love him and I love Spurs.
    His body is damn fine and his accent is adorbs!!
    I’m American so really any English- Scottish-Welsh accent will do.
    And he seems to be very sweet and humble. His interviews are just amazing- he’s so well spoken. Not the case with many footballers.
    Plus the talent this guy has is just sick!! I am totally geeking out over the picture of him on the beach. I’m dying!!!
    I know he’s not everyone’s cup of tea but I think he is HOOOOOOOOT!!!
    That just means more for me! :-)

  52. Cherry says:

    Do not understand the love of Bale. I am one of the "he looks like a monkey" people. Excellent player, but ick. Ewww and I wouldn't. Ever.

  53. Natasha says:

    I love his eyes and his body. That's all.

  54. blitzenTO says:

    Mmm, yeah, there's something about him that does it for me. Boy just needs a decent haircut is all.

    But then, I also find Dani Alves disturbingly hot, so that might tell you something about my taste!

    • VeNia says:

      ok now that makes two of us!i never thought i could find another person with the exact same taste as me!don't mind what they say,Dani is the man!!!

    • Natasha says:

      oooh I love Dani Alves too! And I thought I was the only one,now we're 3 hahah

    • blueverry says:

      There's nothing wrong with the taste of someone who appreciates the fine craftsmanship of one Dani Alves.

    • Make that 5 of us!!! I just adoooore Dani Alves and I'm so happy to share the "Brazilian genes" with him!!! hahahaha… Btw, Bale is cuuuuute!!!

    • Leya_S says:

      Ohh, Dani Alves. I think he's sort of violently sexy, meaning he just seems so intense and its hot!

  55. VeNia says:

    I love everything that has to do with that guy!!i don't know what attracts me to him, i think he has an extraordinary beauty plus hes a great footballer!!;D

  56. laligaforladies says:

    Absolutely yes. And I'm hoping he makes the move to La Liga, especially if the EPL ladies don't fully appreciate him :)

  57. Missy Manchester says:

    It's unfortunate that Gareth's most seemingly unattractive feature (his mouth) is so prominent.

    If his unattractive feature were bad skin, receding hairline, gnarly feet…he could at least camouflage them. But when your nose or mouth is considered unattractive by societal standards…you either need surgery or broad shoulders!

  58. @DebStimson says:

    nah…he doesn't do it for me….nice bod tho :)

  59. Dear God, no. I never cross the species barrier.