September 14th, 2010

The Sizzle Query: Loving The Injured Amongst Us

No, this isn’t an involuntary game of Operation - although we wish the Arsenal boys wouldn’t be so resistant towards the idea. Nor is this a bad attempt at ‘Baller Tic-Tac-Toe. (But again, not a bad idea for ‘Baller Bingo expansion franchises.)

Instead, we’re foregoing our usual repertoire of hot gimpwalker queries (where RVP is often spotlighted) to display the early season spread of crutch-ridden cuties. Yes, this IS where our minds wander during our Tuesday morning scones.

Broken-bodied Boys

The worst type of ouchie, which equates to the most intensive type of lady-love treatment, Fulham’s Bobby Zamora suffered an agonizing broken ankle on Saturday, which his club confirmed was successfully treated during surgery later that night.

Initially the most traumatic, we like to think that a busted bone would be extremely beneficial to a well prepared Kickette - long days of rehabilitation on the sofa watching match reruns and snuggling your boy while he lies prone, immobile and best of all, totally helpless. Perfect, no? [Image: Getty Images].


England Football WalcottGuys on Gurneys

Injured one week ago whilst playing against Switzerland for Engerland, Arsenal’s Theo Walcott brushed aside his 4-to-6 week layoff by keeping his calm, and cool composure as he was transported off the pitch. The upside to this type of injury is that the man is upright, coherent but still immobile (so we can keep him in our clutches.)

Despite an ankle injury that we can only imagine is as terrible as having a broken heel stuck in a sidewalk crack, baby-faced Theo makes us yearn for a ride on his gurney. [Image: Michael Regan/Getty Images]


Strains, Sprains and Short Stay-Aways

While broken bones and gurneys offer something in the way of the dramatic, strains and sprains are the kind of low level injury dreaded by ‘ballers across the world; painful but largely invisible. And while in one regard this appears to be exactly the kind of boo-boo that we are more than qualified to deal with (rehabilitation involving intensive massage of the affected thigh/calf/buttock with some sort of liniment, we feverishly imagine) there is one area that can seriously scupper a gentleman’s ‘playability’ and our subsequent cheery demeanor.

The dreaded groin strain. *shudder*

We don’t need to get into the sordid details with you here, Kickettes. Suffice to say, Nicklas Bendtner has been sidelined with this horrifying complaint since the World Cup, meaning this is a long term, unpredictable injury with no certainty of a time frame for a return to full fitness. Your commitment will certainly be tested with this one, Kickettes. Image: David Ramos/AP Photo

Anyone you’d like to give a ‘get well soon’ shout out to, gang?

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51 Responses to “The Sizzle Query: Loving The Injured Amongst Us”

  1. I remember when Arsenal's Aaron Ramsay got injured. It was also so bad they didn't repeat it on tv. One of the Stoke players came over and held his hand in a way that Aaron couldn't see his leg. And the Arsenal player were just standing holding their heads. It was awful. He is back in november I hear. he's a brillant player i wish him all the best

  2. elylovesfootball says:

    I'd take the adorable RVP and Theo as well

    I was upset when Robin got injured again..

  3. neenyah says:

    Of course, I specifically hate injuries from my own teams. So aside from Pique's head, Puyi, Defoe, Dawson, Luka….

    Most painful would be Valencia's. Here's the video: Um, a word of caution to the squeamish. I think the look of panic on the other players are just as terrifying. Speedy recovery for him!

    Most serious/terrifying would have to be Sno's. Ahhhh, it's just so difficult coz the incident reminds me of Puerta's (and imma have to start bawling!!). I hope Sno remains strong and gets well.

    Bottomline, injuries suck. :'(

    • DebS says:

      yeah…that was brutal! I'm sure all the players can sympathize because most of them have injuries to knees or ankles and to see one THAT bad…wow!

      I bet a lot of the guys are feeling a lot more mortal and thankful that none of their injuries are that bad after hearing about/seeing Valencia’s and Sno's injury.

    • Leya says:

      Oh man, at first I didn't see what happened with Valencia. But you KNOW something's wrong when even the OPPONENT is frantically motioning for the medics to come on the field. Then I watched it in slow mo. It was bad. I've seen one worse than that, before, but that was pretty awful.

      RVP, that boy must be made out of glass. He spends a lot of time injured and it breaks my heart. I feel like he's always just getting his mojo back and then he gets injured again. And he used to be so amazing, but with all his injuries, he just hasn't been on his top form.

      Speedy recovery to all injured athletes!

  4. Inés says:

    I think, (maybe many of you will agree) that the worst injuries seen on the pitch are Aaron Ramsey’s and Eduardo’s! the Gunners have a curse in that matter….

    • kira says:

      The worst might have been David Busst’s injury. Peter Schmeichel got sick from looking at the injury, the blood and all.
      Then a few years ago there was a German goatkeeper (forgot his name) who got a safty hook of the net into his back. Once it entered the body it closed again and it took them forever to get that hook out… well you get the picture. Awfull. But in terms of tragedy, David Busst unfortunately tops it.

  5. LuvinBale says:

    I need Dawson and Defoe to get better real quick. If I have to massage Dawsons legs with ointment myself I will. That is my sacrifice. He’s so cute.

    Did anyone hear about the Young Boys player who had to be put into an induced coma? I don’t know his name but who ever he is get well soon!

    • yb says:

      his name's Emiliano Dudar he's Argentinian

      but they could wake him up again and he isn't hurt so badly.

      a broken nose and bad concussion…

  6. JV says:

    Get well soon Antonio Valencia!!!!!!! It was so awful watching that scene against Rangers today.

  7. aristeia says:

    Get well soon (no, seriously… SOON) to my babies Riise, Dirkie, Gigi. And Philou, you and I are on the same page. I know bb, I know.

    • aristeia says:

      And Mirko! Oh good god, lest I forget my favorite Montenegrin! Hurry back, oh King of Scruff, purple sunnies and the most epic of goal celebrations. It’s never the same w/o you.

  8. yb says:

    Ok, he isn't too good lookiking but I'm so glad Emiliano Dudar didn't get hurt as bad as it looked like in the beginning on sunday!

    He was knocked out on sunday playing fc basel with the bsc young boys bern…

    They had to interrupt the game for quite a while and the referee sent the other players to the locker room…

    I hope he gets better soon!

  9. Chris says:

    you forgot Michael Ballack in your list.
    I’m no real fan of him, but in his situation the injury came up at a really shitty time for him.
    Poor Micha!

  10. Jan says:

    Maybe he doesn’t fit in with these guys but my bb Dirk Kuyt is also out…

  11. Surly Wench says:

    Shout out to Werder Bremen's Per Mertesacker and his broken eye socket. Ouch. It's become a verb in my household whilst doing chores. "Hey, you just Mertesackered me with the broom, watch it."

  12. Yasmeen says:

    this totally reminds me of poor pique in the world cup. every match he was bleeding on some other part of his body :( and yesterday too! poor guy needs to wear a helmet on the pitch to protect his face

  13. mamaly says:

    Dear Evander Sno, get well soon

  14. Taskeen says:

    Gerard's constant face- bash sitiuation definitely needs some attention. Is it a deliberate ploy by the rest to injure his pretty face? Hmmm …

    • Andrea says:

      I agree with you, something needs to be done. At this point it is definitely starting to look like some sort of conspiracy against his beauty. Plus, my nerves can’t take him getting hit in the face again and again.

      • Taskeen says:

        Agreed, its definite conspiracy! And its quite an atheletic feat to injure that face considering how tall he is. They're obviously quite determined.

    • Niina says:

      I have said this before, but I actually think Pique is seriously more attractive when a little roughed up. Blood and a bit of stiches only add to his sex appeal, so I'm all for him running face first into war!

      Don't get me wrong, I don't want him hurt, but I love his bad ass attitude of not fearing a couple of scars.

    • Kc95 says:

      Hmmm… Barca does not seem fond of the pretty boys huh? At least not like Madrid.

      • Taskeen says:

        lol Barca has more than enough sexy to hold their own, but i definitely appreciate Real for all that they provide :)

        • Kc95 says:

          Oh of course, if we're judging on sexiness level alone, it's like comparing apples and oranges. They're both smokin', just in different ways.

  15. Rossanera says:

    Can we all raise a toast to the fact that Nando's gone almost a month without injury now? Yayyy !!!

    • Yes we can!! To Fernando!!! *drinks despite the fact that it is a moderately inappropriate time of day to do so*

      • jellenp says:

        "moderately inappropriate time of day to do drink" – I'm sorry, I don't understand. What is this that you say?

        • I was just saying that it wouldn't be all that appropriate to drink at 1 pm (which was the time where I am that I wrote it), but I joked that I would anyway.

          • DebS says:

            lol I wonder if Jellen meant that there wasn't an inappropriate time of the day to drink and that's why she was confused? :P

    • Zinny says:

      Ah thank god, my nightly Nando rain dance has been working, then. Poor guy, though. The last performance was not his best. I pray he gets back to his football sex-machine status of the past. I’ll always love him, though!

  16. Melaniee says:

    My love goes out to the man that I think needs a blood transfusion, the luscious Gerard Pique.

    I mean he's been bleeding all summer, I think he needs me with him to make it better <3(;

  17. I was pretty disturbed by Stevie's ear bleeding sitch this Sunday. I do love it when they wrap up their heads though, because it then becomes an entirely new fantasy where they come back from the war with an engagement ring for their true love (me, obvs).

    I'm creepy.

    • gin_in_teacups says:

      I'm with you. The bandages definitely add a wounded soldier look. Something about it just…yeah, it's good.

    • alvedon says:

      OMG, this is legit, the exact same vision I had watching Barca – Hercules and Pique came back on the pitch with the funny headgear. It's not creepy…its ~romantic~ yeah…it's kinda creepy, but it's entirely their fault for bleeding.

    • Samira says:


    • jellenp says:

      Oh good, I was worried I was the only one having those thoughts while his head was being wrapped. Bonus: he’ll be all lost and disoriented and need your loving guidance and repeated reminders of all the reasons he worships you.

    • DebS says:

      The whole ear bleeding injury concerned me. I mean it's not unusual for a headwound to bleed…there's just not enough skin/fat/muscle to take the blunt of the hit. The inner ear however? Not something you usually see bleeding.

      However, I did get a chuckle out of how quickly the bandage on Stevie disappeared after he first came back on the pitch. He hadn't even headed the ball so it was like…hmmph…bandages are for sissys…get this thing off me!

  18. gin_in_teacups says:

    The Florence Nightingale scenario is all well and good, but when one of my boys really does get injured it's just too agonizing to enjoy the fantasy. Lookin' at you Kaka – miss you bb.

    That said, I'm a sucker for bleeding boys. I don't know why, but it's so hot.

  19. Jo says:

    A few baby ballers, Matty James and Joshua King, were struck with ankle knack/possible ligament damage. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

  20. Little Miss Arsenal says:

    All my injured boys…Get well soon! Theo, Robin, Nicklas, Aaron & all the others i cant remember right now

  21. YasminMarisa says:

    Get well soon to Mr. Chocolate Legs himself, Robin van Persie. Really wish he wouldn't get injured so often but definitely wouldn't mind nursing him back to health…

  22. Bri says:

    Get well soon Kaka! We miss you on the pitch.