September 14th, 2010
The Sizzle Query: Loving The Injured Amongst Us
No, this isn’t an involuntary game of Operation - although we wish the Arsenal boys wouldn’t be so resistant towards the idea. Nor is this a bad attempt at ‘Baller Tic-Tac-Toe. (But again, not a bad idea for ‘Baller Bingo expansion franchises.)
Instead, we’re foregoing our usual repertoire of hot gimpwalker queries (where RVP is often spotlighted) to display the early season spread of crutch-ridden cuties. Yes, this IS where our minds wander during our Tuesday morning scones.
The worst type of ouchie, which equates to the most intensive type of lady-love treatment, Fulham’s Bobby Zamora suffered an agonizing broken ankle on Saturday, which his club confirmed was successfully treated during surgery later that night.
Initially the most traumatic, we like to think that a busted bone would be extremely beneficial to a well prepared Kickette - long days of rehabilitation on the sofa watching match reruns and snuggling your boy while he lies prone, immobile and best of all, totally helpless. Perfect, no? [Image: Getty Images].
Injured one week ago whilst playing against Switzerland for Engerland, Arsenal’s Theo Walcott brushed aside his 4-to-6 week layoff by keeping his calm, and cool composure as he was transported off the pitch. The upside to this type of injury is that the man is upright, coherent but still immobile (so we can keep him in our clutches.)
Despite an ankle injury that we can only imagine is as terrible as having a broken heel stuck in a sidewalk crack, baby-faced Theo makes us yearn for a ride on his gurney. [Image: Michael Regan/Getty Images]
Strains, Sprains and Short Stay-Aways
While broken bones and gurneys offer something in the way of the dramatic, strains and sprains are the kind of low level injury dreaded by ‘ballers across the world; painful but largely invisible. And while in one regard this appears to be exactly the kind of boo-boo that we are more than qualified to deal with (rehabilitation involving intensive massage of the affected thigh/calf/buttock with some sort of liniment, we feverishly imagine) there is one area that can seriously scupper a gentleman’s ‘playability’ and our subsequent cheery demeanor.
The dreaded groin strain. *shudder*
We don’t need to get into the sordid details with you here, Kickettes. Suffice to say, Nicklas Bendtner has been sidelined with this horrifying complaint since the World Cup, meaning this is a long term, unpredictable injury with no certainty of a time frame for a return to full fitness. Your commitment will certainly be tested with this one, Kickettes. Image: David Ramos/AP Photo
Anyone you’d like to give a ‘get well soon’ shout out to, gang?