May 3rd, 2011
The Sizzle Query: Phone Tapping & Other Fantasies
As arbiters of gossip, it offends our sensibilities to be excluded from any grapevine, regardless of our connection to the subject matter. Several of our staff’s restraining orders involve stalker-ish type activities, including but not limited to, going through people’s bins, hiding in hedges in order to frog leap at unsuspecting ‘baller-type gentlemen and a variety of shameful acts we like to call our ‘interview process’.
As our CVs illustrate, we’re rather well-versed in the gossip game.
But with super-injunctions being flung about like tablecloths over embarrassing furniture – with certain tabloid newspapers being implicated over alleged phonetapping scandals and celebrities using Twitter to communicate things that give their agents and employers nightmares - it’s a difficult time for a newsgathering media outlets of repute like us. Our editorial policy precludes us from posting stories that send our lawyers into a hair-shedding, spit flecked frenzy (poor souls), but sometimes women just need to cut loose.
Given the circumstances, we have no alternative but to throw the query out to our beloved readership, who fully understand the implications of writing defamatory stuff about people on internet forums. Given unlimited superpowers of the kind we can only dream of, which player/WAG/manager’s phone would you tap? Whose closet would you hide in? What it be for personal perving or to uncover dirty deets? And what would be your excuse if caught?
As with certain other posts from the past we would ask you to sanitise your peculiar predilictions for family viewing. We already have a rough idea of what you’d do to your favoured guy given half a chance and a bucket of sangria, so we ask you only use your vivid imaginations for amusement, not detriment.
We know you have it in you.