September 3rd, 2009
The TTO: Asier Del Horno v Carlos Marchena
Images via somoche.com
Let us state that after a
thorough hasty photographic inspection, we are thoroughly convinced 75% of the Valencia roster were manufactured in a dilapidated warehouse tucked far away in The Land of Hobbits. Oh, and just as these miniature men were placed on the Chiseled, Rock Hard Thigh assembly line, the machine combusted.
Luckily, Valencia’s two saving graces are Asier Del Horno and Carlos Marchena. One has “Del Horno” in his name, the other looks like the film version of Mike Brady. What’s not to love?
Meanwhile, can someone in Valencia’s training department please just hit “Submit” on their Amazon shopping cart order for a dozen Stairmasters already? And maybe one of those ye olden days body stretchers?
Sidenote: Okay. Soz. Way harsh. It’s been another long week here at Kickette HQ. We are taking it out on men and a team that truly do not deserve. We hope Zaida Villa can reach deep into her Lip Smacker’s coin purse and forgive the haterade on her father and co’s stature. Valencia dolls, can you fill us in why your lovely boys are all so… tall bone challenged?
Now on with the show!
Asier Del Horno
28 y/o. 6’0. Spanish left back.
Once you are able to control your inner 10-year-old long enough to move past his surname, one can appreciate the pristine surface layer that are Asier’s thighs. Smooth as a baby’s bottom, these sleek stems and their tennis ball sized muscle groups are just plain lush. Asier’s secret sauce is in his inner thigh… a recipe our Mums surely never made for us.*
What do we appreciate most? That Mr. Del Horno’s thighs never lose their swagger regardless of whether he’s playing, writhing in pain or on all fours. Admirable.
30 y/o. 6’0. Spanish Defender.
Marchena’s got a fiesty bag full of fit and firm parts at his disposal. Never one to mince his words (just ask Nicolas Burdisso) the club captain provides a wide leg palate with zero thighspace between. His glutes often play host to a common – and adored - game glaze (otherwise known as perspiration); they’re definitely in it for the long leg love haul. The four of us: let’s grow old together.
The bonus section of Marchena’s curvy quad and hamstring map are at the back. Proceed with caution and GPS.
Who gets your vote this week?
Kudos to the fair judging of last week’s match. Samaris won by way more than a leg hair.