September 17th, 2009
The TTO: Jermain Defoe v Niko Kranjcar
These days we’re finding it hard to be totally thighjective, Kickettes.
So, to keep your life thighly entertaining, we’ve switched up the format a tad. Gawking and salivating are still welcomed and definitely encouraged. However, please let’s do our best to keep all of the “Um, like OMG, he totally ran train through all of ITV/C4’s reality stars” comments to ourselves. Because really, he’s only dosey-doed with about half of the Big Brother house. We fact check, natch.
This week we salute Tottenham’s successful season start by pitting man-ho of the century Jermain Defoe (see, we already slipped) against the many hair lengths of Niko Kranjcar.
Let’s get to judging.
Name: Jermain Defoe
Rundown: 5’6; 26 y/o; 2nd time he’s rode the Tottenham roster merry-go-round
Thigh Stats: floor-exploring beef jerkies; visible vastus intermedius; inner thigh and undercarriage proof that there’s no such thing as “overdeveloped”
Random: He once possibly bit Javier Mascherano’s arm. Also, his new girlfriend Imogen claims she’s the reason Jermain has been in such good form lately. Let’s hope they last more than an hour.
Why You Should Vote: He’s short, definitely stout with a mighty handle and a well-defined spout.
Name: Niko Kranjcar
Rundown: 6’2; 25 y/o; the new kid in town at Tottenham
Thigh Stats: waist-warming hip flexors; excellent thigh flashing extensions; spill over the chair lunge meat; and so on
Random: Niko has a great sense of humour and a thing for older women. He also succeeds at wearing headbands where others have failed.
Why You Should Vote: His pair would make great earmuffs – yes, we took it there.
Who gets your vote this week?
Congratulations and a pair of short shorts go to last week’s Juventus TTO winner... oh. It was a tie. Giorgio and Phillipe can fight it out for the tie break in the Official Kickette HQ TTO Tie-break Mud Wrestling Pit. We promise to take pictures.
Niko Niko Niko!
Defo! Guy can clean up quite well.
I don't know where De-Hoes thighs have been – oh wait, we do! – so I would never ever pick any part of him over Niko. Insanity.
Niko FTW.
Unf, Niko. And yes, it's b/c of his thighs. Although I love his other bits too.
Jermain Defoe has got my vote!!
I don’t like either of them very much. But I’d have to give it to Defoe.
Nikooooo!!
Niko!!!! <3<3<3
Niko
Niko Niko Niko!
Niko
i think defoe is the winner
Niko! His legs are so beautiful, just like the rest of him.
Most difficult decision of the day. I think Defoe wins by a smidge
Niko today, tomorrow and forever
Defoe! The bite is what really won my vote!
Arrghh this is hard
Not bcoz i like the thighs (I do btw but thts not the point 
) but bcoz they both left pompey 
.
But having said that i have loved Niko since Day 1 so my vote goes 2 him.
Niko. Deffo.
Voting for Niko because
Venice has a gun to my backhe is thigh-tacularHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
But seriously, Ven, get that gun out of my back, I’m also voting for Niko!
Niko. He just wins at life.
That earmuff comment made my day.
Jermaine gets this one, since it’s a thigh-off.
I’ll go for Jermain. The muscles on his thighs are much sexier…
Deffo Niko!
I really really want to go for the Niko because he is SO much cuter. But on thighs alone, I must be fair and give it to Jermain. :S
Niko all the way! Not only do we adore his thighs but his calves, his hair and his facial hair. Lurve him!!! My vote's for Niko!
Oh Niko ♥♥♥
To be honest, I think his calves are more spectacular than his thighs, but I still would, oh yes I would, and even though Defoe's certainly aren't bad either, I vote Niko because his are longer and, I cannot lie – because he's Niko.
Also, I think muscle definition is not as noticeable on fair complexion as on darker skin, so pics can be a bit misleading, especially when put against.
I do completely love his calves in that top pic!! And he’s taller. Dang it…maybe I have to change my vote. I was trying to only look at the thighs, but…
Even though they are mini sized my vote is with Jermaine DeHoe.
No brainer… Niko niko niko. I like them to at least be an inch taller than the size of my hamsters growing up. That leaves Jermain out for everything.
can we have an mls (read: sounders) tto? please?
sorry i'm not voting but i hate spurs too much.
Nico! Great thighs. I've been voting on definition lately, so this vote goes based on the size and his are longer. Yummy…
I don't love him, but Jermain Defoe is the clear winner in this case.
But really, the thigh-off is all about that. Instead of thinking about their dubious pasts, their sometimes paper-bag-worthy faces, or our complete hatred for them/their team, we focus all of our judginess on the region below the belt. Sometimes, that's just refreshing.