Bridgey has a fag, hangs with wagabees. We're kind of over it. 
I hope Henry is happy with her…
These days we’re finding it hard to be totally thighjective, Kickettes.
So, to keep your life thighly entertaining, we’ve switched up the format a tad. Gawking and salivating are still welcomed and definitely encouraged. However, please let’s do our best to keep all of the “Um, like OMG, he totally ran train through all of ITV/C4’s reality stars” comments to ourselves. Because really, he’s only dosey-doed with about half of the Big Brother house. We fact check, natch.
This week we salute Tottenham’s successful season start by pitting man-ho of the century Jermain Defoe (see, we already slipped) against the many hair lengths of Niko Kranjcar.
Let’s get to judging.
Name: Jermain Defoe
Rundown: 5’6; 26 y/o; 2nd time he’s rode the Tottenham roster merry-go-round
Thigh Stats: floor-exploring beef jerkies; visible vastus intermedius; inner thigh and undercarriage proof that there’s no such thing as “overdeveloped”
Random: He once possibly bit Javier Mascherano’s arm. Also, his new girlfriend Imogen claims she’s the reason Jermain has been in such good form lately. Let’s hope they last more than an hour.
Why You Should Vote: He’s short, definitely stout with a mighty handle and a well-defined spout.
Name: Niko Kranjcar
Rundown: 6’2; 25 y/o; the new kid in town at Tottenham
Thigh Stats: waist-warming hip flexors; excellent thigh flashing extensions; spill over the chair lunge meat; and so on
Random: Niko has a great sense of humour and a thing for older women. He also succeeds at wearing headbands where others have failed.
Why You Should Vote: His pair would make great earmuffs – yes, we took it there.
Who gets your vote this week?
Congratulations and a pair of short shorts go to last week’s Juventus TTO winner... oh. It was a tie. Giorgio and Phillipe can fight it out for the tie break in the Official Kickette HQ TTO Tie-break Mud Wrestling Pit. We promise to take pictures.
Not bcoz i like the thighs (I do btw but thts not the point 
Niko Niko Niko!