June 5th, 2009
…The Continental: Say Farewell to the Fellas
Well hello there.
I see you’ve caught me in your bed. I told you I would be back. And I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve already undone my shirt and bow tie. It was a clip-on, but I still managed to untie it. I’ve also undone my pants, and by the way you’re covering your eyes I can tell you’ve already noticed that. Ha-HA! It’s strange, isn’t it?
While we wait for my cousin Timitar Berbatov to set up the hidden cameras, you can watch me stare wistfully into the distance. Gaze upon my widow’s peak. Drink in my hint of a smile reminiscent to that of a stroke victim. And admire my tattoo. It means “passion and mystery are the essence of life”, you know. Ji-Sung Park once said it really means “fart arm life gas” but he is a liar and I choose not to believe him.
I’m afraid I have some bad news. No, it has nothing to do with STDs or small rodents