August 1st, 2008
The Finest Five: 3.0
It’s the first of the month, and time to begin the second half of 2008 with an update to our Finest Five list.
Before we begin, let us remind both our newer readers and the Kickette hardcore alike that the Finest Five is an ‘of the moment’ list, not a permanent one. A player being moved off the list doesn’t mean we no longer acknowledge his physical/facial abilities, just that we’re crushing for the moment on another. On the other hand, The Hot HOF is a permanent list which recognizes those who have served their teams/countries well and deserve something more formal on the mantlepiece.
Click through for our latest take on the hottest men on the footie pitch.
THE FINEST FIVE
2. ROQUE SANTA CRUZ – BLACKBURN
The Roque-effect began to kick into high gear whilst we were prepping last week’s TTO (of which Roque won in style, btw). We’ve mused on alternate careers for ballers before, and we’re quite certain in another life Roque was destined to be a fireman. Strong, brave-hearted, usually shirtless. A deep-thinking loner type who loves danger. Owns a motorcycle. He doses himself in non-flammable baby oil before leaping through burning buildings. And so forth.
images via ZUMAPress/KEYSTONE Press, Reuters
Link: Roque’s Official Website
4. SERGIO RAMOS, REAL MADRID
Some of the gentlemen on our F5 are here for their all-around attractiveness and good nature.
Others, like The Ramos, are here for one thing and one thing only. And it’s not exchanging hair conditioning tips, we can assure you.
images via PA Photo, ZUMA/KEYSTONE Press
A NOTE ON IKER:
Still number one, minutes, possibly even seconds away from being moved to the Hot HOF.
Just not yet. We like seeing him on top. Hee. Also, the profile? Is there anyone in the game with a better chisel?
image via PA Photo
THE DEPARTED/BUBBLING UNDER:
Cristiano, you will return. Probably within an hour, after we refresh our memories with this standout incident. But for now, we’ve gone a little wishy washy. You’re body is ridunkulous, we still recognize. Holla back when you’re on the pitch again and we will be listening, waiting with a large pile of laundry to wash on your abs of steel.
Lampsy, we still have love for you and your wacky fashion ways. In fact, we’ve really warmed to you over the last few months. It’s just time for us to spread our wings and move on to other options. It was nice while it lasted, our brief spring fling.
Fernando Torres: We are literally inches away from Fernando hitting the list. The naysayers can point out the hair issues, his boy-in-a-man’s body appearance and so forth, but there has always been a quality to Nando that we love. We adore his complexion, all 456 freckles of it. We swoon like idiots over his stompy-face pouty pout when he’s frustrated. Another major perk? The shy boy persona. Works a treat for us. Hang in there Fern, nearly there.
THE HOT HOF
RAUL GONZALEZ, REAL MADRID
Sometimes stalking, petitioning and email abusing us works. One of the most talented players out there. A great head of hair. Doe-eyes of chocolate. Museum worthy hip dips.
Makes us want to break into MOR radio showtunes of appreciation: We don’t know much, but we know we love you.
image via Reuters
THIERRY HENRY, BARCELONA FC
He’s French, he’s immaculately turned out (most of the time, anyway), and he was one of our favourite players to watch during French international games and his glory days at Arsenal. Few ballers we know make great style seem so effortless. Plus, there’s zee accent. Had to be done.