August 28th, 2007

The Finest Five: It’s Official

It’s the culmination of our life’s work. It is the reason we were put on this earth.  And it is good.

So, who made Kickette’s Finest Five cut?  If think you can handle the hotness, come on in.


1. Iker Casillas, Real Madrid


If we weren’t unilingual and proud, we would be taking an evening Spanish class just so we could say ‘Dios Que Hombre!‘ whilst fanning ourselves, looking heavenward and squealing like an idiotette.  He’s immensely talented, he acts a little barmy when tending goal, ( you know we love us some crazy), and his profile is the ish.  Iker rockets to the top spot on our list on the strength of his jawline alone.

Link: Beckham v Casillas – Pepsi ad

2. Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal


The Cesc-appreciation is a new thing for us, and is mainly due to his ongoing commitment to improving his hair.  We like him a little rougher around the edges – longer sideburns, not so coiffed, please and thank you.  Shaggy sexy, yes; man-headband or mullet, hell no.  We require our midfielders to be tough tackling and strong, like this man.  Also, Cesc looks like he could make a mean omelette.  In the morning. After all the sex.

3. Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United


We can’t help ourselves with C-Ron.  We want to be over him, but we can’t let go.  Perhaps it’s because his body is, hands down, the best in the biz.  It doesn’t hurt that he’s a fantastic striker, and the fact that he doesn’t give a shite what other people think of him is sexy. He’s like the slickster guy you meet when you go on holiday -  he may have spent longer getting dolled up than you did, he may be cocky and carry a man bag, but your basest instinct is that buying what he is selling will be a good thing.  Even as he trips a waitress over at the bar and then winks at his boys, you just can’t help yourself. It’s on.

4. Xabi Alonso Liverpool


Liverpool’s Xabi Alonso is a long-time fav of ours.  He may have a nose that some have labelled ‘bulbous’, but we see the larger sized snoz as a necessity. If his nose was perfect Xabi would be too dangerous to mere mortals.  It’s for our own safety.  Plus, we like to imagine that his nose ended up less than perfection after he got in a scrappy fist fight with his mate Cesc Fabregas.  The cause of the dispute? Our love, obviously.

5. Kasper Schmeichel, Manchester City


A week ago, he wasn’t even on our radar – nor the shortlist.  But we’re crushing on Kasper, and crushing hard.  We know he is a Danish embryo.  We are aware he was quite possibly still in nappies a few months’ ago.  But we adore the blonde on blonde looks and can sense a star on the horizon.  Sure, the potential for him to behave like a badly trained puppy is a potential problem, but for now, Baby S is on the list.  Please don’t call child services on us.



David Beckham, LA Galaxy
There is no other.  Becks is, quite simply, the sexiest man on the pitch.  His success, his willingness to experiment with his personal style and take risks, his sweet spot kicks, his ability to rise like a buff, chiseled phoenix and prove naysayers wrong – all tick the box for us.  Fatherhood suits him better than Armani.  And we hate to admit it, but all those stories about his affairs? Makes him hotter: he is fallable and driven by lust.  And insanely rich.  He’s the living nummies.

Fabio Cannavaro, Real Madrid
Italy is a country full of the suave, stylish and seductively-accented, yet for us, Fabs is head and shoulders above the rest.  It’s the twinkle in his eye and his claim to the best booty in Europe. (Trust us, we’ve checked).  He’s a fantastic defender.  Oh, and he has a hot brother, Paolo.  That counts for a lot in our books.

Freddie Ljungberg, West Ham
Naysayers will point out that Mr. L is losing the battle to retain a full head of hair; we say it’s the testosterone overload from his manly manliness that is the cause.  And we admit, Freddie’s aging has caused us to question the status of his place on our list – when so many younger ballers are vying for a placement.  But how many footie players have been very successful models for Calvin Klein? Who can attest to that level of sizzle? Who else can rock tightie whities like that? No one, dagnabit.  No one.


After so many dedicated responses to our questions about who your finest five would be, it’s only fair we show a little love to those that you love.  Because we love you.  Here are just a few…

Alan Smith, John Terry, Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard
Link: Love Lamps – Shortlist Published Without My Frankie

Fernando Torres, Kaka

Luis Garcia, Jens Lehmann, Xabi Alonso, Crouchie

Adrian Mutu, Carlos Bocanegra, Bobby Boswell, Dijibril Cisse

* Signifies the Finest Five ballers of the moment. This list is subject to change at any time, in particular if the named player messes with their hair, grows a moustache or does something to annoy the crap out of us, ie scores an own goal or wears plaid trousers.

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96 Responses to “The Finest Five: It’s Official”

  1. drug rehabs says:

    You girls are crazy!

  2. rosie ;) says:

    iker at number 1 4 ever!!!

    there is however a lack of joe cole??!?!
    pleeeease put him on the list smile

  3. pi2ng and desy says:

    hoLa…hoLa…..IKER CASILLAS
    somos Indonesianos…
    tanto gusto…

    I’m sorry for making mistakes in my words…So,, would you teach me EspanoL…???? POR FAVOR…..

  4. MizCasillas says:

    1/Iker Casillas!
    Great Choice!
    although i excpected ‘nando to be on the list,
    But I still cant fina what is attractive about Alonso, and that Kasper dude, to

    But anyway, Iker and Cesc are hoooot ! <3

  5. dOra n tOrres says:

    hy GuYs..plz..somebody send me pictures from fernando torres..without t-shirt..or on the
    a lot..fernando d best..luka modric is a really to good player..check it out..=)

  6. Sky Blue Princess says:

    From someone that, since he came on loan, has been watchin Kasper Schmeichel week in week out i can say yes he is abit of a cutie and a fab goaly but Steven Gerrard has got to be the hottest thing to step foot on the planet. Fernando Torres and Xabi Alonso are also abit fit but seriously Christiano Ronaldo is nothing special!

  7. Sky Blue Princess says:

    From someone that, since he came on loan, has been watchin Kasper Schmeichel week in week out i can say yes he is abit of a cutie and a fab goaly but Steven Gerrard has got to be the hottest thing to step foot on the planet. Fernando Torres and Xabi Alonso are also abit fit but i believe that David Villa should make his way into the finest five :P , kinda lovin the spanish atm. I am agreeing with the other people sayin C-Ron needs to go hes nothing special, he never was!!

  8. cheska_so_fierce says:

    where’s nando and kaka? cesc and lamps should be out. fine hall of fame though. =D

  9. Ellen Davis says:

    We need to bring Los into the finest five for good! Love him.

  10. RedGirl says:

    Katie you’re right! There should be an italian on the list! I suggest Luca Toni smile

  11. Katie says:

    Francesco Totti is by far the hottest footballer on the planet. He looks like a gladiator/pirate, like you’d never know when he’d go from making love to strangling you. Hot!
    Second would be Luca Toni who could pass for a freaking movie star easy. Third is Cannavaro, and yes I agree, he has the best butt in sports. The Italians should dominate this list.

  12. LucyLu says:

    Kickette, Kasper needs to go! You know it’s all about Nando now wink

  13. RedGirl says:

    EVDS… Please tell me you’re joking. I can look at him without remembering that a local journalist calls him Pinoccio (don’t know if the spelling is right), poor guy…

  14. Guiller says:

    The good about Alonso and Torres is that they are Spanish. And I admit that we, Spanish boys, are generally a bit overrated smile

    Well I should go to UK soon I guess xD

  15. Lucy says:

    Edwin van der Sar should be up there. He has quite a big following.

    Jens Lehmann is a good choice.

    I dont get whats so good about Alonso and Torrres?

  16. Kirsty says:

    Kinda liking the list, not really agreeing on C-Ron and Kasper.

    Xabi yes yes yes i totally agree.

    Shouldve been more Liverpool players in the top 5 tho i.e. Steve Finnan, Jamie Carragher and most importantly in my view, ur gona be shocked………………John Arne Riise
    I love him and he ahs the best body in the premiership not C-Ron.

  17. paris says:

    Kickette how could you not include the two best looking men in the world, FERNANDO TORRES and KAKA they are amazing!

  18. lleesylou says:

    loved your list but if cute blond goalies r ur thing them our uther man city goalie – joe hart is a god!!!!!!

  19. Guiller says:

    I agree with you RedGirl. I

  20. Rusty says:

    I typed something in Spanish, which took ages to write because I haven’t programmed macros for accents onto my computer, and I’ve forgotten the subjunctive (If I were to return to Spanish class, I’d study up on the subjunctive…heeee!), but I just want to say I’m insulted by anyone who even insinuates that just because I’m a girl and/or like sports players, I know nothing/very little about sports.

    Thank you.

    word: reason91

  21. RedGirl says:

    Guiller si alguna vez lees esto, te pido por favor no te confundas!!! Hay muchas chicas que AMAMOS el futbol!!!(y que sabemos los nombres de estos jugadores y d

  22. J says:

    I ADORE cesc and xabi.. two very fine spaniard! c-ron.. i always hated him, there is always something very cocky about him… but i guess he is hott..

  23. mia says:

    hmm what a lovely load of lads to look at… cesc is always number one in my eyes.. man that is one fine spaniard!!
    however… there are a few more lovelies…
    dare i mention armand traore.. oo and denilson basically most of the players from arsenal lol… theres something about rosicky’s hair that is so appealing!!

  24. Chileya says:

    Girls Girls!! How can Niko Krancjar not be in the top 5!! check my link above and appreciate what a fine assed man he is!!!!

  25. Guiller says:

    “I understand to have the addiction for the game

  26. Guiller says:

    hey I don

  27. brandy says:

    Dear boys,

    Don’t get mad/jealous because we happen to love both the game AND the players.

    You have your Victoria’s Secret models (or page 6 girls or whatever you call them elsewhere) to oogle over, and we have ours. Stop the judgement. Stop the astonishment also at the fact that women happen to have a sexual side just like men do.

    Welcome to the 21st century. It’s a great place to live, come and try it out.

  28. I understand to have the addiction for the game… but for the players ? Get back to the real life !

  29. em says:

    kasper is gorgeous x
    hmm…not too sure about iker..torres should be on the list and so should roque santa cruz raspberry

  30. j says:

    Lots of Spaniards in there…Yay Ronaldo and Cesc are in there! I didn’t really know who Iker was until this list, so I think I’ll be paying more attention to the Real Madrid games now….

  31. Emma says:

    Completely agreed with Kaya. He’s not fit at all.

  32. kaya says:

    OK, so when are you going to remove Crissy Ronaldo for being the selfish cheat he is? That is so not sexy.

  33. laura says:

    Hmmm…I still dont see the the attraction of C.Ronaldo. But other than that I’d say the top 5 is spot on!

  34. k says:

    damn i love the spanish boys. fernando torres should kick out kasper. gerrard’s a cutie too, i’ll admit

  35. paris says:

    Steven Gerrard should be number 1 he is soooooooooooooooooooo sexy Alex Curran is a very lucky girl xxxxxx

  36. Julia says:

    I agree with the first 4..maybe not in that order, but I agree.  But where are Fernando Torres and Robin van Persie…talk about pure sex!

  37. kaya says:

    I never have found C Ron hot, but I certainly know lots who do. I like Malouda, but how could he get the nod over Trezeguet?! OMG, now *he* is one hot papi.
    I also have to second Roque Santa Cruz.
    Kaka is cute because he thinks his talent is all thanks to jesus, but he’s just kinda gets even goofier looking with age.

  38. brandy says:

    Are “we” still lovin’ Florent and Kasper? Have we moved on yet? They are ephemary right?!

  39. Kookie says:

    Wonderful list!!! I really love it and the hawt guys on it…well, majority of them, that is. I maybe a Beckham fan for what seems like the longest time (going on ten years now—whew, I’m old!) but I can always appreciate to usher in new blood…or do I mean hot bods? LOL!

    Thank you, girls!!!

  40. Nucki says:

    I don’t think C.Ronaldo is cute or handsome…maybe he has a hot body…that’s all.
    Don’t forget Gerard Lopez Segu and Aitor Ocio from Recreativo Huelva and Atletic Bilbao…their both so handsome and sexy!!!!

  41. Rusty says:

    RedGirl, I made a pact to get over him by his birthday wink Don’t think it’s gonna happen though.

    And I dreamt about Steven Gerrard the other night. Ummm.

  42. RedGirl says:

    Rusty: Considering the fact that he is sooooooo cute, the rehab is just useless… Enjoy the addiction

  43. Rusty says:

    RedGirl, they took it out of the site? Noooo! I taped the game and finally saw the head-banging. Looked pretty bad.

    Sad thing is, I am about to go into Smudger rehab; I need to quit wink It’s hard considering how good-looking he is.

    Amy: Roque Santa Cruz…not bad. I just enjoy saying his name.

  44. Amy says:

    just stumbled accross this: good work.. iw as daydreaming in work today as people were talking about their fantasy football teams as to what MINE would be if the football didn’t matter a you see what i mean.

    one thing i havet o say: ROQUE SANTA CRUZ! welcome to the premiership! it hink he deserves some recognition from your good selves. he’s like luis garcia crossed with Kaka….

  45. RedGirl says:

    Tammy I’m sure he’s OK… Poor thing, I would slapped that idiot that hit him… And yes he looks pretty in the barcodes, in the England shirt, in everything…
    And I’m not obsessed at all rolleyes
    Just kidding, I’m mentally stable

  46. tammyv says:

    The smudger got slapped around the back of the head a couple of times.. It was brutal but he should be ok.  (Hopefully! Since he looks SOO pretty in the barcodes)

  47. RedGirl says:

    I’ll let you know Rusty. Apparently they took it out of the site (and given the way he looked in the pic I consider that as a big no- no)…
    Yep, he was subbed, but before that he got a pretty bad blow on the back of his head… Poor thing red face

  48. Rusty says:

    RedGirl, if you find it, please let me know…;) I caught the last 10 minutes of the Newcastle game on mad tape delay this evening and freaked because Smudger wasn’t in the game. Turns out he’d been subbed out in the 66th minute.

    Cate, I didn’t pay attention to the penalty kicks because of some medical emergency, I think.

    Becks…my love for you may be nearly over. It has been almost nine long years, but your decision-making skills lately leave me cold. And your oversaturation in the AMERICAN media makes me hate you.

  49. Ally says:

    Totally fab, Kickette. Casillas is probably the most gorgeous man in Spain and fully deserves top spot. And if you watch GolTV, the crazy commentator once described him as “having an orgasm back there” after Real equalized or something – I wasn’t paying enough attention to what was actually going on due to being distracted by that turn of phrase involving him. Just way too hot. (Further research shows that he said it after Real equalized 2-2 against Real Zaragoza last season. Not like it matters.)

    No Jose though? You should do something on ‘hot managers.‘ Plenty of the Italians have salt and pepper hair Ljungberg would kill for – and Jose would have to be the hottest manager around.

    And I’m glad you came to your senses and stuck with Cristiano. Hot AND talented. It can’t get better! wink

  50. sarah says:

    Well, all i can say is i’m glad cristiano is up there wink

  51. Rusty says:

    Becks rebroke himself? I had to buy tickets to four games to see him and he didn’t even play in my area. I’m almost completely done with him and I’ve been a fan since ‘98.

    If he keeps rehurting the same place, I’m officially done with him. (Especially because I find shirtless Smudger far more attractive than shirtless Becks.)

    Galaxy are tied now.

  52. Cate says:

    Of course they are. *sigh*

    Becks broke himself.

  53. RedGirl says:

    Rusty you’re right… Smudger looks great without a shirt wink
    I tried to get you a lovely pic of that I saw a few days ago but couldn’t find it long face

  54. Cate says:

    Robin: Hell hath no fury like a woman robbed of her sugar daddy.

  55. tammyv says:

    I was there and let me tell you it was an awful moment when he was laying on the ground, banging it.  When he immedantly got off the field, I knew it was bad, He never leaves volunteerly.

    I will have pretty Becks pics (hopefully they came out) soon

  56. Cate says:

    Galaxy are I FAIL at penalty kicks.

    No, to be honest, they got their asses handed to them on a shiny silver platter. I’m suprised it went into overtime at all, and to penalty kicks, my God. Pachuca must suck. Or have really bad luck. Or both. And they still won.

    Becks broke his knee joint. He can walk though! There’s hope!

  57. tina says:



    who in their right mind would think peter crouch is attractive! where is CARLO CUDICINI and JOE COLE! you forgot about theeeem. :(

    sheva, too. even though his wife is FUGLY.

    anyways; i love the finest five!

  58. il est avec moi says:


  59. Rusty says:

    Recently discovered this site and love it.

    Am I the only one who thinks Cristiano Ronaldo is far too young (and fairly unattractive) but drools over Andreas Ottl of Bayern, who’s a month younger? They look nothing alike, by the way. (And if CR and Andi are too young for me, that indeed makes Kasper Schmeichel a Danish embryo. He’s precious.)

    Oh, Paolo Maldini…yum.

    Not a fan of anyone on Liverpool.

    Sorry that this comment is a little disjointed – I’m also watching Superliga and staring at a completely different picture of shirtless Alan Smith at the same time (one from after the Roma game). And I’m supposed to wake up for work in six hours.

    No, I take that back…I’m writing this comment, staring at the picture (oh my god hot), then occasionally looking at the television to see what’s happening at the game. The game’s on in Spanish and the sound’s down. I haven’t even noticed if Becks is playing. The Galaxy are losing.

  60. Anna says:

    sarah – i’d just never bother to look at him. well, better late than never i’d say.

  61. Cate says:

    Tres Bien: Paolo is my bitch. He’s the only Italian that I can stand. And he happens to play for AC Milan, who beat my Liverpool boys last year. And I still love him. Must be something special, no?

  62. Emma says:

    I’m so happy my boy Crouchie got it… where’s Petr and Sheva, though? Eh?!?!?!?!

    Dare I mention… Robben? :p

  63. Becca x says:

    Im Glad To See Ronaldo And Kasper Both Made The List… IM A Bit Disapointed About Malouda I Still Dont Get Your Love For Him :S
    Im Glad Lampard Terry Smith Gerrard And Crouchie Got A Mention (But Carrick Is Missing!! raspberry)
    I THink You Done A Good Job Kickette x
    Well Done smile

  64. Shakira says:

    Not bad but where is Jose Mourinho or Roy Keane? You just can not have a list w/out those two fine looking men.

  65. Tres Bien says:

    Nice job representing the Iberian peninsula! 

    Thank goodness for the HOF- Keeps all the Golden Ball and Freddie people happy.  =)  And of course Il Bello… speaking of Italians, am I the only Paolo Maldini lover here?  Or is he just too aged for some?

  66. S A R A H ;; says:

    Well Kickette,,You Did Quite Well,, Good List, Im Glad Kasper Is In It,, Hes So Cute smile Anna I Cant Believe You Hadnt Seen Him Before,, You’ve Been Missin Out On A lot raspberry
    Im Glad That Frank Lampard Got Mentioned But I Still Think He Should Have Been One Of The Finest Five raspberry
    I Think That Torres And John Terry And Stevie G And Alan Smith Deserved To Be Mentioned So Thanks Kickette
    Well Done wink

  67. Robin says:

    Cate – I so could take Alex. She may have 6 inches on me but I am pretty sure I have at least 10 pounds on her. Plus, I am in it totally just for the body and the (to quote Julia Roberts) the sex… I couldn’t care less about his money!

  68. dani says:

    cristiano ronaldo so should of been numba 1 he beats them all serioualy Iker Casillas, first pffft please it should be cristinao , cesc and fernando toress

    at least ronaldo is 3rd

  69. Cate says:


    Yea, by the way. The list.

    Iker, aaaaaand. That’s it. Oh, and Cesc, I like Cesc. *sigh* The much anticipated list and I am LEFT WANTING! *cries* At least you didn’t knock Becks from his rightful place in the Hall of Fame.

  70. Cate says:

    Robin: first, good woman. And I dunno, but I think Alex might be pulling your hair out over her man. She got herself preggers post-haste to get a hold of that cash cow, she won’t go down without a fight.

  71. Julia says:

    I do not agree…

  72. jade says:

    Bobby Boswell is the hotness!

  73. emmetbeth says:

    Not too sure about old (or young) Kasper there…but the rest of the list is perfect! Fantastic job. I applaud you for being so tireless in your search for the finest five, wonderful work.

  74. freddiegirl says:

    Awww…I can live with with my beloved Freddie being in the ‘Hall of Fame’.  And Fab….just dreamy. I’s all that testosterone running around in Freddie’s little body that isn’t allowing him to win the hair battle…and that’s ok.  He’s only 30 so it’s that and not age.  Lubs him forever.smilesmile :)

    And Fab…did I not say he was dreamy?  I read an interview in Four Four Two with him awhile back and he cooks very well; said if he wasn’t a football player he’d have been a that’s sexy! 

    Good list..and nice mention for all the England national team lovers.  I admit I have a softspot for Alan Smith as well…:)

    My only disagreement is (please don’t kill me) is Ronaldo…I know we have different tastes but I don’t get it.  Beautiful body and a marvelous player but never thought his face was that attractive.  Ah well….he’s gets enough love from female fans he doesn’t need mine…LOL!

  75. LoveLamps says:

    Thank you Kickette for the link!!  My Frankie at least made the mentions!  He’ll always be my #1.  And kudos on Fabregas – FINALLY someone else sees the beauty!! I am SO tired of being emailed the mullet pics I could scream!

  76. ches says:

    Great choices. I <3 Casillas and Ron.

    Though I’m still not seeing the appeal of Malouda yet.

  77. louisquatorze says:

    *applauds* Good work, girls! You should be proud (although I’m still having trouble accepting Iker as attractive).

  78. ballack's missing hair says:

    brava, kickette. it’s time to settle down with a glass of mo

  79. tammyv says:

    FLIPPING BRILLIANT… Current, Fresh and almost perfect!  (WHERE OH WERE IS CARLOS?)

    Anyway, great job and other then subbing Carlos B for C-Ron I totally agree

  80. linzzer220 says:

    ahh, its ashame Frank did not make the official list, but he is still one gorgeous man to look at!

  81. RedGirl says:

    *looks at Alan Smith’s pic and faints*
    *fights for recover herself and sits again on the chair*

    Good list, but too bad Smudger didn’t make it long face
    Kickette, I would never call child services on you because of Baby S… I think it’s a REALLY GOOD CHOICE!!!

  82. HKG says:

    Well done girls, well done!!

  83. DanyLamps says:


  84. liverpoolchick says:

    I agree that iker is cute, due to the whole “spanish look” although i still believe that steven gerrard,xabi alonso,peter crouch,pepe reina,steve finnan and jamie carragher are far fitter than most of the top 5,(hmmm….guess which team im obsessed with???) buy hey as you said its an opinion poll!!

  85. Pau says:

    Kickette, you know I love you my friend, but I just don

  86. Anna says:

    lol @ Robin – sure…NOT TO stalk footballers. *gives Robin suspicious look*

  87. Robin says:

    Just to show how eager I was to see this list – I’m looking at it on my blackberry while sitting in an admirals club waiting to go to ireland (no not to stalk footballers, for a wedding). What was the first site I looked at? Well it was liverpoolfc but the second was kickette!
    Well done kickette, I’m not a ronaldo fan but I can appreciate that you appreciate him. And I’m certain you will not be pulling out my hair when I go after stevie g. Its a perfect friendship!

  88. Kyle says:

    What about Niko Kranjcar (Portsmouth)

  89. joeycole<3 says:

    a gd list
    but a few minor errors
    cesc nd ronaldo shud soo
    swap numbers
    also malouda nd torres
    need to be swapped
    and am horrified
    joeycole was now
    even mentioned
    hes sooooo cute
    overall tho impressive grin

  90. Aishah says:

    Okay, I’m satisfied.

  91. carly says:

    This was a good post to look at. smile

  92. Anna says:

    A job very, very well done, Kickette. The HOF is spot on as well. Iker continues to tr

  93. Portia says:

    I can dig it.

  94. Michaela says:

    OMG! Malouda has to be a joke & so does Kasper. They’re just not even decent. Cisse??? What is your obsession with that thing?!? Fabio should not be on the HOF. He’s okay but not a hall of famer. I think Fernando & KaKa really deserve to replace the two afore mentioned “cuties.“ Umm, I don’t see where you’re going with some of them but as long as you’ve got my Cristiano on there, I’m not too mad. : )


  95. brandy says:

    It feels sooooo good to see Iker where he belongs: atop the list smile Sigh and smiles smile

    Your take on Cristiano is SO spot on! He is Euro-Trash-Machismo Fabu!

    I don’t get Malouda or Kasper but I have a feeling they will be short lived after their newness to the radar fades and we go back looking for our old-time favourites (i.e. MUTU!!!)

    Bravo Ms Kickette!

  96. truly_thata says:

    Kasper Schmeichel ?!