August 19th, 2007
The Finest Five: The Shortlist Continues
We really had our work cut out with updating this bloody Finest Five list.
Now look Kickettes: before you spam us with your faulty/ delusional/ obsessive reasoning for Jens, JT, Crouchie or anyone else we personally find subpar, remember, this is just our opinion. In crazed-fan-retaliation, please do not break into the Kickette offices and set alight our many lifesized David Beckham cardboard cutouts. That would make us extremely peturbed.
We can see the potential for many of your favs, in particular the thunder thighs of Lamps or the delectable abs on Smudger, but the physical attraction ends there. Mark Gonzalez is sizzle, but too short. Until Daniel De Ridder sorts his hair, he will be erased from our existence. Same to you, Fernando Torres – we see great potential, but we hate your current ‘do.
One final note on Steven Gerrard. We’ve never seen the attraction – no matter how many of you adore him. We appreciate the thighs, sure, and the accent works for him, but he has the smallest forehead in the country. And it’s wrinkled.
However: after seeing his spectacularly sexy free kick against Aston Villa at the start of the season… we saw the hotness – for one brief, shining moment, we got the Gerrard-love.
But now it’s gone.
Anyhoo, here’s our shortlist of our Finest Five in the leagues, in no particular order:
Official Finest Five to be revealed on Thursday, with full explanations. Further to everyone’s requests, we will be having a “Hall of Fame” and “Fugliest” category also. Because we’re serious about football like that.