August 19th, 2007

The Finest Five: The Shortlist Continues

We really had our work cut out with updating this bloody Finest Five list.

Now look Kickettes: before you spam us with your faulty/ delusional/ obsessive reasoning for Jens, JT, Crouchie or anyone else we personally find subpar, remember, this is just our opinion.  In crazed-fan-retaliation, please do not break into the Kickette offices and set alight our many lifesized David Beckham cardboard cutouts.  That would make us extremely peturbed. 

We can see the potential for many of your favs, in particular the thunder thighs of Lamps or the delectable abs on Smudger, but the physical attraction ends there. Mark Gonzalez is sizzle, but too short. Until Daniel De Ridder sorts his hair, he will be erased from our existence. Same to you, Fernando Torres – we see great potential, but we hate your current ‘do. 

imageOne final note on Steven Gerrard.  We’ve never seen the attraction – no matter how many of you adore him. We appreciate the thighs, sure, and the accent works for him, but he has the smallest forehead in the country.  And it’s wrinkled. 

However: after seeing his spectacularly sexy free kick against Aston Villa at the start of the season… we saw the hotness – for one brief, shining moment, we got the Gerrard-love. 

But now it’s gone.

Anyhoo, here’s our shortlist of our Finest Five in the leagues, in no particular order:

Cesc Fabregas
Xabi Alonso
Iker Casilas
Carlos Bocanegro
Adrian Mutu
Dijibril Cisse
Fabio Cannavaro
Joe Cole
Carlo Cudicini
Bobby Boswell
Freddie Ljungerg
Florent Maluda

Official Finest Five to be revealed on Thursday, with full explanations. Further to everyone’s requests, we will be having a “Hall of Fame” and “Fugliest” category also.  Because we’re serious about football like that.

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85 Responses to “The Finest Five: The Shortlist Continues”

  1. Thanks for sharing this..really nice one..

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  4. carolina says:

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  5. oOomaiOo says:

    woow your list is hooot
    uuuh cesc fabregas and xabi alonso almost my favourite players
    and fabio cannavaro is sooo unbelievable beautiful O.o
    i think if you added fernando torres+ivan rakitic this list would be perfect ?

  6. chrystiee says:

    Okay… Let’s see:
    Kaka – check.
    Casillas – check.

    Aww <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="downer" style="border:0;" />
    …no torres or BALLACK.

  7. I’m glad to see kaka and cristiano are there too although i still want fernando torres to be there!

  8. Jo M says:

    No Roy Keane, No Ryan Giggs and No Alan Smith = Epic Fail.

    This competition is/was meaningless to me now.

  9. RedGirl says:

    I agree with you LFCgal… Nando needs a haircut, and badly.
    It was really funny to see how he left the field on Saturday with his hair looking terrible and then discovering what was his main concern during half time… that wild blond hair <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="tongue wink" style="border:0;" />

    Apparently the Kasper-mania is spreading really fast here, isn’t it? But I have to say that Smudger is still my favourite…

  10. LFCgal says:

    lol RedGirl, I can just imagine Rafa lecturing the squad at half time and then Torres gettin the mirror and comb out, and attempting to tackle the hair. He probably ended up with bits of comb stuck in his hair and a thump from Carra!

    It’s quite sweet how he’s apparently all loved up with his gal, he’s got that tattoo of their first kiss or summin, and they’ve been together since he was like 17, he says he just likes to spend time with her and shuns the limelight and extravagant ‘baller lifestyle involving copious amounts of alcohol and strippers <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />
    He said and I quote ‘I find greatness in her simplicity’ although I think I’d be pretty peeved if my man said I was simple!!

    But he’s deffo a hottie, even with the freckles and slight feminine look, so he can get away with it <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />

  11. RedGirl says:

    Robin, I think so too… He’s really really cute, and about my age…

    *goes to book a seat on the next flight to England*

  12. LFCgal says:

    hehe, I agree Frogface’s body is lush, but I just find his face kinda repulsive cos of the spots and the massive neck and the wideness of his face…however, I can accept sometimes he looks nice (a picture of him stretching on the beach semi-naked springs to mind, I am forever indebted to Kickette for that particular pic) so I can see the attraction (I usually go for tanned, tall, dark-haired guys after all), I think the fact he plays for manure kinda puts me off. Also the man bags and the general femininity. Kaka hottest ‘baller on the planet for me, with Iker closely behind! <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />

    As for Stevie, Terry and Alan Smith they’re all fugly in my book but everyone has different tastes.

    And I now agree Torres needs a haircut pronto, during the Sunderland game his hair was everywhere and then after half time it was all pinned back again, he must have spent all half time preening. But I still like the floppy blonde highlights when they’re not wild, I mean I bought the Daily Express just for a massive picture of him in his suit in his first press conf. and he had floppy hair then. When tamed, it reminds me of Becks’ floppy blonde highlighted hair from the Police ads…mmmmmm. Knowing Torres he’ll have a new do soon (and he looks delectable as a skin-head or with a mohican too), he’s like the talented, white version of Cisse.

    Kasper is a real cutie!

    Amanda – I totally echo your sentiments

  13. Robin says:

    Ok – anyone else finding Schmeichel absolutely adorable? A bit young for me but he’s totally cute! I just want to take him home and let him sleep at the foot of my bed.

  14. Amanda says:


    that’s all there is to it.

  15. Becca x says:

    I Dont Get Why People Are Talking About Personal Remarks.. I Cant See Any ‘Abuse’ Going On Here… Were All Mates Right..Even IIf We Do Disagree About The Hotness of Players x <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

  16. bianca says:

    I definitly agree with robin,redgirl and tammy: we all have the right to our own opinions & differing tastes! i am guilty of some unecessary personal attacks on other people on this site who disagreed with my point of view…in my anger i needlessly said some things i now regret (i recall saying something similar to sarah’s recent comment) and i would like to apologise to anyone i’ve offended:-)

  17. Anna says:

    Freddiegirl – Can I reach through the screen and hug you, please?! Instead of bashing each other for having differing tastes in footballer hotness we all should be a little more like Freddiegirl. Live and let live, girls. No need for eye-sight checking, name-calling, or (god-forbid) vandalizing Kickette offices. Remember we are ladies after all. Plus, we can’t run the risk of chipping our nail polish in the process. Seriously though, that’s a no-no.

    r. – Why stop the Iker love? I’m just getting started!

    Robin – Hahnemann does the bald thing very well. Although I will say most the reason why I love him so much is not only is he Reading’s backbone but he seems like a really genuine down to earth guy.

    Ballack’s Missing Hair – Exactly, more for us!

  18. Anna says:

    Freddiegirl & Ballack’s Missing Hair – The more hugs the better! Just don’t mess up my make-up.

    I agree with both Robin’s and Tammyv’s sentiments. ‘Iker love stuff’ does have a nice ring to it though.

  19. XxHannaHxX says:


    guys can i suggest one guy whos sure to brighten up your day? SERGIO RAMOS and plays for real madrid! mmmmmm smile
    nice to see cristiano is still up there ! xxx

  20. Tammyv says:

    I agree with Robin…I see no appeal in Christino or Stevie G but I can respect girls who do.  I love JT and most girls can’t understand that at all. 

    As I have told my friends, the beauty of the game is there are pretty boys for every taste: english,italian, american, hispanic, african and they all get shirtless and hug.  It is truly a beatiful game

  21. Robin says:

    You know what I think? That there are definitely enough hot footie men to go around.
    We all have our own particular tastes (and fetishes). The people who find Ronaldo drop dead gorg will never convince me and I know that I won’t convince anyone that Stevie G is the bees knees (unless they’re already headed in that direction of course) but it’s fascinating to find out what attracts each of us to each fella without degenerating into a hair pulling cat fight. I’d much rather drink champagne and discuss the finer aspects of abs. And thighs. And smiles. And eyes. And that we definitely can do.

  22. RedGirl says:

    Sarah: I think you’re exaggerating a little bit with that kind of comment about the world cup and the people who doesn’t like ronaldo… Personaly I don’t like him and that does not make me an “immature idiot”, in fact I’m not even english and, therefore, not angry, bitter or whatever you want to call it about that episode… Maybe you just have to learn to respect the others opinions instead of jump to that sort of conclusion…

  23. freddiegirl says:

    Ahh, so I did, Ballack’s missing hair, so I did…hugs for both you and Anna!  Where is Anna, she has to come on now….<img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />

  24. kickette says:

    Would everyone please read our comments policy on the about page –

    Differences of opinion are welcome as are lively debates.  But personal attacks on other commenters is not part of our regime and we’ll start to delete them if they continue.

    We now return to our regularly scheduled man appreciation.

  25. ballack's missi says:

    i appreciate hugs as much as anyone else, but i think you mistook me for anna, freddiegirl.

    *hugs you anyway*

  26. sarah says:

    Well,the people on this site are starting to sound like a scratched cd! It seems no matter how much the lampard/stevie/TERRY(??) fans scream about how hot they are i’m just not convinced! Infact they’re starting to sound like they’re trying to convince themselves…meanwhile the only thing i’m convinced of is that some people on this site have mental health issues! And the ‘iker love’ stuff? Wtf? And i agree that many immature idiots haven’t yet gotten over something that happened over a year ago at the world cup! That is the only reasonable explanation for calling the hottest guy on earth (AHEM thats cristiano of course) ugly! Either that or(as i mentioned earlier) a less than stellar mental status. I genuinely hope that some of the ladies on this site come to their senses for their sake!

  27. freddiegirl says:

    Awww…sure Ballack’s Missing Hair…(gives you a hug!)

    I can appreciate loyalty; what can I say?

    I will say for all the Iker fans, that is a really nice picture of him at the top of this article.  I never realized he had such a nice profile. 

    For younger boys what do you all think of Man City’s Valeri Bojinov?  I likes….shame he’s crocked for five months though.

  28. ballack's missi says:

    And Lampard kind of reminds me of Alfred E Newman of Mad Magazine fame.

    you’re killing me, robin! i lol’d.

    i like hahnemann and i think he’s a fine GK.

    aww, anna, it’s okay. we can share jens.

      <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="tongue rolleye" style="border:0;" />

  29. Anna says:

    The Jens comment stung a little bit but otherwise a very good shortlist. Thank you for not including Torres, JT, Smith, etc.

    Good to see Malouda, Cisse, Boca and Boswell and especially Cudicini and Ljungberg on there.

    Okay, is it just me or does Iker have like the most perfect nose ever?

  30. Robin says:

    Ronaldo is fine from the neck down – above that? Paper bag over the face please. And Lampard kind of reminds me of Alfred E Newman of Mad Magazine fame. Plus he’s just a prat.
    I do however agree wholeheartedly that Iker is fine. And I’m a StevieG fan – what can I say – his wry little grins get me every time. Plus HELLO the body (when he shows it).

    Anyone else kind of like Hahnemann the Reading GK?

  31. bianca says:

    Also, i’m sure there are some bitter england fans on this site who STILL haven’t gotten over what happened at the world cup, blaming cris for rooney’s violence?not that i’m saying all england fans are that immature…

  32. sarah says:

    Ok. I just cannot believe the people on this site! TERRY? LAMPARD? GERARD? WHAT THE HELL?Either you people sadly have absolutely no taste in men or you’re suffering from some kind of sight problem. As for all the comments on torres and iker i don’t even think that that kind of madness deserves a response. And the dickhead who thinks cristiano looks like a little girl: Shame! I feel quite sorry for you since you obviously haven’t had the pleasure of seeing ronnie shirtless! Those abs sure dnt look girly to me wink so please, people, do us all a favour and go have your eyesight checked!

  33. bianca says:

    I don’t get what some people have against cristiano: btw, anyone who likes torres’current hairstyle obviously isn’t thinking straight…(those comments about cris by LFCgal could be attributed to a questionable state of mind perhaps?) and for anyone who didn’t read, no one was ‘voting’ in the previous post, it was an opinion poll and though people included terry,lampard,etc. In their finest five’s many times,the final decision is(thank God) up to kickette!

  34. sandra says:

    i agree with Becca, more englishmen on the list please,have you really seen guys like terry,carrick,lampard or gerrard?

  35. freddiegirl says:

    You know what, LoveLamps?  I’m a loyal sort, what can I say?  As much as you and I can agree to disagree on our Freddie/Lamps love I can appreciate your Lampslove…:):)

    Becca, I have indeed seen quite a few footballers in person.  I travel to London once or twice a year for work and always catch a few Arsenal games.  (although I’ll be catching a West Ham game or two next time…)  I just saw Lamps out here in LA for the Chelsea/Galaxy exhibition game.  I was behind the goal post in the Chelsea section (LoveLamps, you’ll appreciate this) listening to all the Chelsea fans singing…“Super, super Frankie Lampard……!!!“  Good times!  It was at this particular game that I realized that Michael Essien is rather hot…as well as a great player.  And yes, kickette, I saw your beloved Becks as well….for ten minutes….LOL!

  36. LFCgal says:

    YES!!!! You are sooo right about Stevie, although his arrogance after goals when he does that thing where he pretends tp push the other players aside is kinda hot

    Cristiano is a spotty girl with a massive super-human neck but otherwise your list is spot-on. Apart from no Torres (I love the hair!!) or Luis Garcia, yes the guy’s short, but look at the face people, LOOK AT THE FACE.

    That’s all :D

  37. freddiegirl says:

    Sorry LoveLamps…I’ll take my bald Freddie anyday over Lamps.  And I’ve seen Lamps in person at several games and at London’s Chinawhite….not impressed sorry..

    Look at this way, it’s less compitition for you…:D:D

  38. LoveLamps says:

    Appreciate Becca X and those who gave proper respect to my FRANKIE and I appreciate that freddiegirl has her one love as I do and respectfully disagree.  Unfortunately, this was not a vote, so Kickette does have the right to choose here. However, we can still disagree and HOPE to persuade them otherwise.  smile

  39. FunkyKingster says:

    Why keep him in there…when no one vote for him…haha.  Cristiano the fine little girl. He’s fugly sorry he would make a fugly little girl.  Iker the finest of all of these then Cesc because he’s short. Torres On the list would be nice.

  40. Laura says:

    Please keep Cristiano in there!!!!!

    As for Gerrard: I don’t see the attraction either and I’m glad I’m not the only one.

  41. brandy says:

    Ladies and girls,

    Respect our Kickette!

    As cited above, this is soooo not a vote!

    Besides, she has better taste than those who think Lamps, JT, Gerrard and co. are somehow remotely attractive.

    That’s what she has her own website smile

  42. tammyv says:

    Robin – Lamps only looks like that some times, other times he is the cutest thing ever.

    One of the best Kickette posts EVER summs up the delimma:…

    Now, I totally agree with Kickette on the diaster that is Steve G..nothing, nada, no

  43. Becca x says:

    I Cannot Believe Malouda Is On The List GerrardLampard Smith Terry And Carrick All Got More Votes.. This Is Sooooo Unfair!! <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="raspberry" style="border:0;" />
    FreddieGirl – I Cannot Believe You Have Seen Lampard In Person Lmaoo You Lucky Girl!
    LovLamps- I Deffo Agree Lampard HAS To Be On THis List… Me And You Could Never Be Friends.. WEre After The Same Man!!
    RedGirl – I Agree That Smith And Torres (And Lampard Even Though You Dont Like Him That Much!!Which Is A Bit Impossible!) Deserve A Place On THat List!

  44. r. says:

    i’m convinced iker has THE perfect nose. or something very close to it. and trust, ive closely studied many of his pictures. ahem.

    i will stop eventually .. i swear.

  45. Minuksha Kaneshakarnar says:

    u discovered casillas!!!!
    and glad to see kaka and cristiano are there too although i still want fernando torres to be there!

  46. tammyv says:

    WAHOO!!! My AMERICAN nominations made the short list (Carlos and Bobby B!)  GO KICKETTE~

  47. kickette says:

    …just want to remind everyone, that this is our finest five list – who we prefer, our opinion on the boys… and we were very curious to know who all our readers would choose for their personal finest five (or 10, or 20!), which is why we were so thrilled with the responses in the comments last week … unlike the thigh-off, this was not a voting comp, just an opinion poll… so please don’t feel hard done by.

    maybe we should offer the ability for everyone to have a profile with a list of their finest five on it…?

  48. Tina says:

    Cesc Fabregas WOOOO!

  49. FunkyKingster says:

    I find no one hot on your list sorry…except for maybe Iker.  Cesc would be but have you seen him recently as for rest of them they are fugly.  Cristiano is not a man…He’s a five year old girl…face it.  He crys like one and dresses like one.  I’m not making fun of his looks because he has none but his personality is not so good either.  I vote for Iker but Nando deserves to be up there.

  50. Ally says:

    The only one you’re missing is Owen Hargreaves, Kickette, but other than that, everything seems to be up to standard.

    Casillas is, imo, the most beautiful man at Real Madrid (if not in all of Spain) so it is lovely to see him getting some recognition.

  51. freddiegirl says:

    Aww I’m just happy my beloved Freddie still made the list…I just lubs him…:):)

    And Fabio….he is beautiful!  I can’t believe he wasn’t on the list before!

  52. Victoria says:

    1. Cesc Fabregas
    2. Iker Casillas
    3. Fabio Cannovaro
    4. Gennaro Gattuso
    5. Claudio Yacob

    - Not in any particular order. It was hard enough picking 5 people. When will the Kickette 5 be published? I’m curious. Becks will still be on, yes?

  53. Sarah Becca And Char says:

    We Agree With You Carolina.. We Have Posted Our List So Many Time But None Of Them Have Been Noticed! I Know For A Fact That Stevie, Lampard, JT and Alan Smith Have Had More Votes than Malouda And Cisse!
    We Think Alan Smith John Terry And Frank Lampard Should All Be On The List!
    Has Anyone Realised How Fit Kasper Schmichael Is??

  54. bianca says:

    naturally, cristiano is on the list: thanks kickette at least some people in this world can still appreciate true hotness!! don’t know what people see in gerhard, glad i’m not the only one who is mystified as to why the whole world seems to be in love with him?lol…

  55. LoveLamps says:

    Please reconsider FRANK!!!!  See my blog for a long list of reasons why Frank should be on the list – SAY YES TO FRANK!!!

  56. Victoria says:

    Cesc Fabregas! Yay! And that picture of Casilas is so good-looking.

  57. RedGirl says:

    I still can’t believe Smithy and Torres are not on that list!!! I feel robbed :(
    And (although he’s not really my style) there were a lot of posts talking about Lamps…
    Besides, there’s no sense in discussing wheter Cisse or Ljungberg should or shouldn’t be on the list (as it was said at the very beginning) and then including them again…
    Sorry, I hope I’m not offending anyone but I wasn’t expecting some of these names to be on the list…

  58. LoveLamps says:

    NO FRANK!!!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!  Ok, I realize not everyone can appreciate the beauty that is my Frankie, but SERIOUSLY – bald Freddie Ljundberg is NO MATCH for the thunder thighs of my Frankie!

    Ok off my soapbox.  Love that MUTU is still on the list.  Some hotness never fades baby!  And I am THRILLED that my little Fabregas is on the list as well.  He’s just lovely!

  59. louisquatorze says:

    Victor Valdes is prettier than Iker Casillas, in my opinion. Iker’s face is kind of too squashed together for me. Good profile, though…I think that picture there may be the first time I’ve considered him attractive.

  60. Louise says:

    From that list:

    1. Fabio Cannavaro
    2. Adrian Mutu
    3. Iker Casillas
    4. Carlos Bocanegra
    5. Carlo Cudicini

    I don’t need to advocate for Canna—he’s shown everybody everything he’s got (literally), and he still gets it done at 34. 

    Others have represented Iker well, but I had to add this.

    For the Hall of Fame:  Paolo Maldini, Becks, Freddie

  61. brandy says:

    Ahhhhh, my dear Ms Kickette, you have FABULOUS taste in men!

    Thank you for shunning the talented fuglies JT, Lamps, Gerrard, Torres, Carrick, Smith… You were spot on about Stevie’s forehead!!! Good call!

    My favourites on the short list:
    and Yummmmmburg (seeing those CK ads have pulled me onside!)

    You do realize this means we can’t be friends though – we’d be going for the same bloke everytime!!!

  62. carly says:

    From that shortlist my vote goes for Carlo smile

  63. ballack's missing hair says:

    a little late to nominate, i know, but i’m amazed no one has put forward arne friedrich or yoann gourcuff. they are delish.

  64. ballack's missi says:

    your loss, kickette. <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

    i notice cesc has been growing his sideburns and styling his hair into a more, er, manly style. looking good, kid.

  65. Tres Bien says:

    Grazie per l’italianos!  Some of those Italians and Serie A boys are blindingly hot!  And yay for the Hall of Fame and Hall of Shame!

    Let me short list your short list:
    1) Golden Balls (HoF charter member)
    2) Kaka
    3) Mutu
    4) Fabio Cannavaro
    5) Carlo

    Ha, I just realized that 4/5 of those guys are Italian tied somehow.  In that case, subs: Iker, Fabregas, Malouda (beautiful cheekbones, esp in person!)  I refuse to put any L’pool folk, so (not so) sorry Xabi!

  66. Robin says:

    XABI! I’m glad he cut his hair for you.

  67. Onica says:

    You must have Fernando Torres on the list!! OMG

    And Fabio Cannavaro ……omg……this is me melting.  It was his pic that lured me to this site – just discovered it! Love it!

    Love the Iker Love here!!

  68. Becca x says:

    This List Is Disapointing In My Veiw.. Here is A Few People That Should Deffo Be on There:

  69. Bella says:

    Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, or used to be on Chelsea…they can’t buy EVERYTHING!!! :-( !

  70. r. says:

    kasper schmeichel is adorable.

  71. Aishah says:

    To Sarah, Becca & Charlotte… yes, I did notice Kasper Schmeichel… nice!

  72. r. says:

    i almost couldnt read the rest because i was still melting and celebrating the fact that iker was your lead-in picture. absolutely wonderful.

    his nose is amazingly aquiline in that pic too. sigh.

    this may not sway any votes (if they were already cast) but i will post them anyway, just because i can. (even i must admit he looks goofy at times – the ears! – but it’s all so endearing.)

    i hope that’s not excessive.

    the best kind of iker is when he’s in action. he’s always yelling, looks like he’s talking to his glove, and making crazy faces at his non existent defense.

    also: there is the case of his ridiculously pretty girlfriend. a fine spanish WAG (and we love them, yes we do), if i do say so myself.

  73. suzzy_q says:

    carolina – i think all the comments were for who everyone loves and would have on the finest five for themselves, not a popularity vote…

    still, no Alan Smith?!!? We wuz robbed!!!

  74. Noelle says:

    You just can’t get any better than Fabio. My God, he’s beautiful!

  75. Carolina says:

    I think some of us wasted our posts because that list hasn’t some of the most popular names.
    Some of the list are pretty ugly… no offence please, it’s only my opinion.

  76. Laurie says:

    And, also speaking theoretically, if you’re going to have your readers make judgments about our MLS boy Bobby Boswell, you really need to link them to his blog.

  77. Laurie says:

    Ooh!  You’ve discovered the Malouda love!  You have no idea how happy this makes me.

    I mean, y’know, from a theoretical, my-French-guys-deserve-love-too kind of standpoint.  Which has NOTHING to do with personal feelings about those cheekbones. 

    Nothing whatsoever.

    • I have the many of the same thoughts contained in this article. It's good to know I'm not the only person who has these views. You have written an excellent quality informational article. Thank you.

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