June 5th, 2008

The Kickette Guide to WAG Weddings

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As we wait with baited breath to see how many of Wayne Rooney’s stag party guests end up in prison and/or having their stomachs pumped, let’s take a moment to focus on the most important issues that come with wedding season in the world of footie: how to be the perfect wedding guest. Or, in WAG terms: how to get photographed more than the bride does and take out any other competition while doing it.

If you’ve not yet received your invite in the mail to the McRooney nuptials, don’t despair. We’ve got two experts at hand – Claire Challis and undercover WAG ‘Fabulous’, the authors of the brilliant book, The Beautiful Game: A WAG’s Tale to give us some exclusive tips.  Enjoy!

HOW TO BE THE PERFECT WAG WEDDING GUEST

Attending a WAG wedding isn’t just about buying a pressie and a new pair of shoes – so here’s your foolproof three-point strategy to a successful ceremony.

imageTHE ENGAGEMENT
Are you invited? As soon as the engagement has been announced, you need to work out the odds of you getting an invite. If your footballer plays on the same team as the groom-to-be, you’re in. If not, you need to put in some serious groundwork to ensure your invite is in the post, pronto.

Start an account with a florist, bakery, and drinks delivery firm and send the bride-to-be a congratulatory bouquet, box of cupcakes, and bottle of champagne. Make gushing remarks about her in the press. Invite her to lunch. As every WAG knows, making an impact is everything.

Keep an eye on your other half: All the attention on the engagement will give other famous footballers opportunity to do what they do best – play around.

imageTHE RUN-UP
Received your invite? Study it carefully. What hints does it give about the day itself – is there a theme? If so, how can you sneakily outsmart it, thus making sure you stand out most? Is it one, two or three parts – needing more than one outfit? Does it ban mobile phones – the sure sign of a magazine deal?

Make friends in all the right places: Send every boutique shop assistant for miles a bouquet, box of cupcakes, and bottle of champagne. Then make sure they have all your vital stats and that you’re top of their designer waiting list. Gucci, Chloe and Prada are your current WAG staples – but don’t forget luxe labels like Versace and Missoni for an extra bit of bling…

Buy up every fashion magazine: Circle every new-season ‘It’ item tipped for major style success and put in requests with said shop assistants.

Lunch: Practise your poker face, meet all the other WAG guests for champagne and salad and gleen information about what they’re planning to wear. Lie shamelessly about what you’ve already bought, then go out and buy things they’ve mentioned they like, even if you’ve no intention of ever wearing them yourself. There is no second place in the battle of the WAG wardrobe – winning is everything. (Plus, a WAG needs at least two choices for the day and two for the night!).

Get gift creative: WAGs don’t win brownie points for shopping from the gift list. Oh no. Your job is to find THE most outlandishly expensive and thoughtfully personal present the couple have ever been given. And then double it.

Beautify: Block book all the latest beauty treatments in the week before the wedding. We’re not just talking waxing and a tan. You want Botox, collagen implants and liposuction. But use a fake name. You don’t want your WAG rivals – or the press- to find out what you’ve been up to!

Keep an eye on your other half: Stag shenanigans are an ideal time for footballers to do what they do best – play around.

imageTHE BIG DAY
Plan ahead: You need professional hair and make-up. Your job is to out-do, out-accessorise, and out-gloss all the other WAGs. DIY Will. Not. Do.

Arrive early: The paps will have been at the venue for hours, despite the fact that most WAG weddings are covered by magazine confidentiality clauses. This is your moment. Work the cameras safe in the knowledge that in the absence of the bride and groom, a WAG wedding guest is the next best bet – and you’ll be splashed all over the front pages the next day.

Negotiate: Slip the wedding photographer the wink (or fifty quid) to get you pride of place in the magazine wedding snaps. Do the same with the security staff to let you out of the wedding venue for ‘a breath of fresh air’ where they know they’ll be paps waiting.

Drink red wine: It’s the ideal weapon to take out a fellow WAG if she’s found a better dress than you. ‘By accident’, naturally…

Work the breaks: The gap between ceremony and reception, reception and party, party and after-party are all ideal opportunities to change Your Look – and get even more magazine mentions the following week.

Keep an eye on your other half: Frisky wedding guests will stop at nothing to snag a snog with a Premiership footballer – and weddings are an ideal time for players to, well, play around…

The Beautiful Game: A WAG’s Tale by Claire Challis and “Fabulous”, £6.99 Headline Review is out now

imageGIVEAWAY
We’ve got ten spanking new copies of The Beautiful Game: A WAG’s Tale to giveaway to our readers.

Btw, this book comes Kickette fully approved. It’s full of references to real life events, has a brilliant narrator and leaves you with a realistic insight into the trials and tribulations that come with being a WAG in the Premier League. (Hint, it involves having to deal with your fiance getting snapped outside of a brothel the day before your wedding…).

Want one? Leave a comment below with the answer to the following question: Who is your favourite WAG? Contest closes on June 10th.

CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED; winners have been notified. Check your email!

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70 Responses to “The Kickette Guide to WAG Weddings”

  1. Just wished to say that I read your blog really regularly and I’m at all times amazed at a few of the stuff consumers post below. But keep up the beneficial function, it’s usually helpful.

  2. Anja says:

    VB is The Queen of All the WAGs. She earns her own money and became famous not because of Becks. And who else would go play with their children in the park wearing ridiculously high heels? Plus, she cares about her kids. But what I like most about her is that she has brilliant sense of humour and doesn't treat herself seriously – she admitted that she can't sing or dance, but the success she achieved is due to her hard work. (Last but not least: anyone remembers the "tractor exhaust pipe" remarks? VB wins hands down)

  3. sarabee says:

    Boo! PMSL!!!

  4. Neryss says:

    My favourite WAG is Zlatan's lady, Helena Seger. She's a tough independant lady who is a sucessful business woman in her own right and in no way a free loader like some wags. She's also older than Zlatan which goes to show they don't always go for the silly young things. Her dress sense is also fabulous in a 'I know I'm attrative and I don't mind letting you know way.' Ok ok she's like a version of Pamela Anderson. She has two very cute babas and Zlatan said he was glad they were both boys as Helen doesn't appreciate competition. What a wise woman! The fact that Zlatan is an arrogant lump of well sculpted muscle with plenty of attitude makes me love her even more. Close second is Yulia, in her lovely blonde I'll wear whatever I want awesomness but the fact that her husband does zero for me kinds ruins it for her, she should make an upgrade on her baller.

  5. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    I loved reading through that, it was really good!!! :o ) OK, so whose my favourite WAG?? You couldn't have asked a much tougher question really, errrr, I guess whoever hasn't flashed their bit's/lip's/hooker heels/Bentley/Platnuim credit cards. In truth, I don't really like any of them. Oh, actually I LOVE Posh, but only because she helped make one of the best night's ever, when I went to see The Spice Girls!!!!

  6. DAanika says:

    Its a like a war there! And when you think that Abby Clancy said that they are real sweet girls…. Favourite Wag: Toni Terry but Alex makes me laught!

  7. Cheyenne says:

    Hello, can't wait to see the Rooney wedding pics :D Love Coleen. I would have to say that my favourite wags are between Coleen and Toni Terry. On this occasion, I'll go for Toni. She's my favourite because, she's not the typical "Wag"; she stays out of the limelight pretty much, she always looks fabulous and she's stuck by JT even though there was all that rumours that he cheated on her 8 times. Although I would've stuck by him too cos he is gorge!:D

  8. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    I loved reading through that, it was really good!!! :o ) OK, so whose my favourite WAG?? You couldn’t have asked a much tougher question really, errrr, I guess whoever hasn’t flashed their bit’s/lip’s/hooker heels/Bentley/Platnuim credit cards. In truth, I don’t really like any of them. Oh, actually I LOVE Posh, but only because she helped make one of the best night’s ever, when I went to see The Spice Girls!!!!

  9. Robin says:

    My favorite WAG is: Coleen McLoughlin. She really does have a head on her shoulders, enjoys her new status but doesn’t flaunt it. She also loves her childhood sweetheart and you can’t get better than that.

  10. lose that girl says:

    Ms. Kickette — thanks for the tip re: the switcheroo. Okay, easy peasy…my fave WAG is Janelle Khouri, the partner of my Owen. She's classy and Canadian! Fancy a blog? Visit lose that girl

  11. klyn312 says:

    Scholsey's wife Claire is my fav. she is demure, classy, a great mother, supportive of her mans choice to be a homebody and I just think she is wonderful! She may not be a typical "media WaG" but she has been there from the beginning.. my fav "media Wag" is Coleen, she has loved Wayne forever and a day and despite questionable actions in the past, she is maturing into a class act.

  12. Alexandra Pato says:

    my favorite would be cheryl cole, or maybe i just feel bad for her

  13. Innocenza says:

    My favorite is Posh, the original. She's hilarious and usually up to something sort of crazy, and she still has time to hang out with her kids.

  14. Meriam says:

    My favourite WAG has to be Posh. Call it typical, but if it wasn't for her, there wouldn't BE WAGs, nor would they be as famous or amazing. It has to be her. Plus, I mean, with a husband like that I'd give anything to get close to her ;-)

  15. boo says:

    lovely piece of work this. here i'm joining in: my fave WAG is Wes Brown's Leanne Wassell, cuz she looks like a witch and is a well fed mama, plus you need some kind of abnormality to fall for a brownie with orange hair. yumm

  16. thetruemrsgerrard says:

    So many to choose from, but I would have to pick one from the scouse contigency who do represent so well! I’m drawn between Coleen and Alex who both embody the orange spirit with over-priced ill-advised clothing selections. As yet unjudged is the almost-Mrs-Rooney’s wedding, Alex attempted taste (as is her way) but I feel on producing adorable off-spring and for the must-have boob-job and near daily visits to the mecca that is Cricket, it has to go Alex, damn her for getting there before me!

  17. TammyV says:

    I love Elen…. she is that special blend of wacky, wild, iron-willed. She can shop til she popps/dropps (out the next kid); while displaying the most outragously odd fashion sense… Plus she can bring her man to his knees when he F*cks-up and gets caught. She seems to enjoy humilating him, and I love that about her

  18. Kickette Admin says:

    Soz LTG we just changed the question – so your speedy self will have to re-answer! Thanks x

  19. Malin ("MrsFernandoTorres", if I may) says:

    Eva Gonzalez. Breathtakingly beautiful. Second, Victoria Beckham.

  20. TammyV says:

    I love Elen…. she is that special blend of wacky, wild, iron-willed. She can shop til she popps/dropps (out the next kid); while displaying the most outragously odd fashion sense… Plus she can bring her man to his knees when he F*cks-up and gets caught. She seems to enjoy humilating him, and I love that about her

  21. sarabee says:

    Boo! PMSL!!!

  22. lose that girl says:

    Ms. Kickette — thanks for the tip re: the switcheroo.

    Okay, easy peasy…my fave WAG is Janelle Khouri, the partner of my Owen. She’s classy and Canadian!

    Fancy a blog? Visit lose that girl

  23. Kickette Admin says:

    Soz LTG we just changed the question – so your speedy self will have to re-answer! Thanks x

  24. Malin ("MrsFernandoTorres", if I may) says:

    Eva Gonzalez. Breathtakingly beautiful. Second, Victoria Beckham.

  25. FootballerChick43 - "Mrs.Ballack" says:

    Favorite Wag.. wow. Thats a hard one. Probably Victoria Beckham. You can tell that she sincerely cares about her kids AND David (rather than just loving the name) and even Jay Leno on The Tonight Show called her “down-to-earth.” And Jay Leno doesn’t exaggerate for anyone. She may wear some outrageous stuff, but normally it all looks great on her. She tends to ramble a little bit and say some things she shouldn’t during interviews, but that mostly just proves how normal she is. I mean, come on – if we were put under that pressure, we’d probably bang up some interviews too.

  26. az patios says:

    I think Neville was the only one not to sell the exclusive rights to some celebrity magazine. A million quid, who needs it.

  27. Michael says:

    What a beautiful couple!

    Michael
    Free Online Poker Guide

  28. dani,,PLQ,,Mrs Iker says:

    and has done so much with her life which cant be said for all of the rest x

    and i love her fashion sense

  29. dani,,PLQ,,Mrs Iker says:

    coleen is my favourite wag because she is down to earth and normal… and she understands what being a REAL women is all about

    plus she has to put up with wayne

  30. Bella says:

    You know its Mrs Becks, anyone wanting explanations, give a holler and I’ll be happy to oblige. xxxbella

    (apologies to Mrs Gerrard who is cute as a button, and Ms Torres who is cute, sweet, and potential fave—if there’s ever a permanent hall of fame for Mrs B)

  31. Zoe Chan says:

    Ha ha lol great article Kickette.

    My favourite wag is Lisa Carrick because she is stunning, is intelligent, has her own (pilates) business as well as being a mum. She also has genuine love for her man Michael having been with him since the age of 15.I also like her style especially at events.She always looks stunning

  32. Molly says:

    This book sounds absolutely amazing! I must have it! wink… My favorite WAG is Coleen McLoughlin. She is just amazing. I love her fashion sense. She seems like she is really down to earth but, and isn’t scared to indulge in WAG past times, the shopping, the beauty treatments and the parting. I’ll use those tips when I’m at her and Waynes wedding… when my invite comes.

  33. HoneyBee says:

    Hm……..Tough.Toni Terry.Because she seems normal in the sense that she isn't seeking attention,never involved in scandals,has given birth to gorgeous twins,always looks good,and I like John and Chelsea.

  34. The Fourth Official says:

    Well, I already won the FUGLY book from the last competition (got it last week, Kickette – thanks!) so don't pick me again, K. But for fun, I will say that my favourite WAG is Theresa Keane because we never hear about her and she makes my man happy. Fresh Legs Blog

  35. DiorHeels says:

    I really enjoyed this! It was great, I think true to life too. I mean yes, some of the things just seemed ridiculous that a regular person wouldn't do to prepare for a wedding, but that's what makes WAGs so special…they're not regular, so why act like it? I'd get the works too if I was one of them! :) My favourite WAG is Victoria Beckham. I admire her for being a strong businesswoman, fashionista, and mother to three beautiful children, not to mentio wife to the most famous footballer in the world. She has always been a classy woman, never having spats at restroom attendants like Mrs. Cole or cat-fighting like some WAGs have. She is an inspirational person, mainly with her fashion and I get all my hair ideas from her! :)

  36. Jesse says:

    Roy Keane's wife. Why? Because I don't know anything about her: she stays out of the spotlight and takes care of her children.

  37. MrsMichaelOwen says:

    Just wondering any pics of Robbie Keanes wedding Kickette??? I love Lou Owen then Mrs Gerrard..x

  38. jax says:

    Hmm. When you say favourite Wag, do you mean the one we like the most or the one we like to snark about the most? The one I like the most would be Colleen as she seems very sweet, quite intelligent (when it comes to making money), has not succumbed to the orange skin/horse hair extensions crimes like her contemporaries. Mostly I applaud her for spending obscene amounts of money on her wedding with different venues, parties, dress codes in a vain attempt to distract us from the inevitable eyesore that will be Wayne in a dress suit. Even getting the guests to dress in black so he will blend in. Nice try Colleen, but you can't fool us. My favourite Snark Wag hands down is the Frocky Horror Show that is Elen – totally in a class of her own. Never has so much hard earned baller cash been spent on clothes to absolutely no avail, other than to keep Kickettes endlessly entertained. Applause for Elen!!

  39. Dolce says:

    Oh, my favorite is Caroline (Kaka's woman). She's one of the very few who's got their act together and isn't chasing fame with ridiculous hair, makeup, and clothing!! Surprisingly, she's also one of the youngest. Wise beyond her years, I'd say…

  40. Kat says:

    Hmm. Tricky, very tricky. To be honest, my personal faves (of all time) would be a toss-up between Toni Terry, Cheryl Cole, and Elen Rives. Although, I also have a bit of a girl crush on Noemie Lenoir and I would throw her name into the mix as well.

  41. Brandy says:

    I already won an awesome gift from Benefit (LOVE IT!) which I got in the mail this week so don't pick me, but for fun: My fav? The one, the only, the original WAG: Posh!

  42. Emily (Giggsy's says:

    This book sounds fantastic and hilarious! I hope I can win a copy!! My favourite WAG is Stacey Giggs — yes, yes, even though she's married to my man. She seems well put-together and stays out of the spotlight, but still looks effortlessly fabulous and cool.

  43. lose that girl says:

    OOH, I want to win something!!! Pretty please with sugar on top?! The answer to the question: Gary Neville — ah, how I love Gazza — got hitched to Emma last summer. Nothing better than a Red Devils wedding!! <p/> I'm crossing my fingers that I'm a winner!! I *love* this post!! So timely and fun!! I cannot wait for the McRooney wedding pix in OK!! Fancy a blog? Visit lose that girl

  44. Pavi (Mrs Metzelder) says:

    This was the funniest thing I've ever read. Especially the part about keeping an eye on your baller right from the engagement to the wedding because you never know when he's going to stray. My favorite WAG has to be Olalla (Fernando's gf) because they've been together forever and they've known each other since they were kids. Plus they seem like a very normal couple and she's smart.

  45. thee_gerrards says:

    it has GOT to be the amazzingly impressive, unique own styled Alex curran-gerrard!!!!

  46. Tamra says:

    Abbey Clancy cuz her butt is an onion. :)

  47. Zoe says:

    Ha ha lol great article Kickette. My favourite wag is Lisa Carrick because she is stunning, is intelligent, has her own (pilates) business as well as being a mum. She also has genuine love for her man Michael having been with him since the age of 15.I also like her style especially at events.She always looks stunning

  48. MADALINA says:

    Hi!My favourite Wag is Alex Curran,because she is beautiful and sexy!

  49. Becca x says:

    A really good post Kickette :) My Favourite WAG is Coleen, cos she seems to generally love Wayne even though they have been though alot. She also works hard for herself and seems really down to earth and normal. She may seem like the typical wag but she has her own money. She always looks nice and she is happy with her body even though she isnt size zero. I think she is a good role model. She is gorgeous!

  50. BrianBridgePro says:

    It has to be Gemma. Surely no one in all of known history has so completely mastered the art of doing naught but smiling and displaying cleavage.

  51. Huyton Princess says:

    I love the main point of this: keep an eye on your man at all times. Gotta love the possessiveness. My favourite WAG is Nicola Carragher. She's naturally beautiful with great style, wearing everyday high street clothes and making them look fantastic and also doing the designer look in a very subtle and understated way. She appears to be very down to earth and normal, staying out of the spotlight with no desire to be famous. You don't read stories about her in the tabloids every week and you don't see many pictures of her. She's not plastered across the glossy magazines, giving interviews, papped shopping everyday. You don't see her and Jamie doing exclusive interviews and photoshoots with OK! and Hello! She's not living off Jamie's fame. She just sits back and looks after her children like a normal mum, and on the few occasions you do see pics of her, she's not shopping or doing lunch with her mates. She's just spending time with her kids. And I love her for that.

  52. BJ says:

    I LAUGHED at everything because i could so imagine doing something like this…but would never actually do it. my fav WAG: Sheree Murphy because she is an adopted Aussie.She has picked up the total nature of our ways of being totally relaxed and "no worries" look to her yet still is fabulously classy in her designer looks without being over the top decked in bling! i love how she wandered around the world cup with the aussie flag painted on her face and wore the kewell jersey to their family bbq in germany. oh and she makes some cute looking kids with one of my socceroos!

  53. lose that girl says:

    OOH, I want to win something!!! Pretty please with sugar on top?! The answer to the question: Gary Neville — ah, how I love Gazza — got hitched to Emma last summer. Nothing better than a Red Devils wedding!! <p/> I'm crossing my fingers that I'm a winner!! I *love* this post!! So timely and fun!! I cannot wait for the McRooney wedding pix in OK!! Fancy a blog? Visit lose that girl

  54. sarabee says:

    Lol, I was just about to order the book on Amazon till I read the rest of the thread….fingers crossed, hey, and no delivery charges!!! I have got to go with Alex CG on this one, not because I like her or condone any of her fashion disasters, rumoured naughty shenanigans nor personality bypass….but because she truly humours my life in all that she does, says and wears. Who would I snark about if she wasn't around?

  55. Squee says:

    …probably poor old Coleen. I bet Wayne's cheating on her right now infact… Has anyone ever seen the ITV show 'Benidorm'? I bet the gran from that show is definately Wayne's cup of tea and he's been scouring the streets of Ibiza for some octogenarian hussies to party with… Seriously though, I think 'Col' deserves a life of luxury and endless pots of cash as who'd want to be stuck with bloody Rooney for the rest of their life! He has the face that only his mother could love and I bet even then she sticks a paper bag on it.

  56. LoveLamps says:

    Favorite WAG = Victoria Beckham, Queen of WAGs. Lease favorite WAG = Elen Rives – I'm SO taking her place ASAP! PS – on the way to a wedding now my fellow Kickettes, the last time I will be a bridesmaid, as I am officially retiring after this one! Love the post Kickette and will be sure to share with the very laid back bride when I arrive tonight.

  57. linz826 says:

    Well I would say my favorite is Cheryl Cole…I like her overall, but Victoria is thee WAG there's no two ways about it, so she takes the crown, but runner-up is Cheryl for me.

  58. Anja (Miss Red) says:

    2 letters: VB. She’s a legend :D

  59. natalie says:

    well, well, well, my favourite wag? arent they all as bad as each other?no, im only joking.. i think olalla is the best as she stays out of the limelight and is never seen out with yellow moon boots(alex curran/gerrard, i’m talking about you). her and fernando look so sweet together and like they are genuinly in love with each other rather than just using him to get media attention. she has/had a real job and isnt seen flauting her flesh at trashy parties, therefore i think she gets my seal of approval

  60. sarabee says:

    Lol, I was just about to order the book on Amazon till I read the rest of the thread….fingers crossed, hey, and no delivery charges!!! I have got to go with Alex CG on this one, not because I like her or condone any of her fashion disasters, rumoured naughty shenanigans nor personality bypass….but because she truly humours my life in all that she does, says and wears. Who would I snark about if she wasn’t around?

  61. carly says:

    How fun! Thanks for that, very informative. I’ll definitely keep an eye on my other half, rest assured ;) A favourite wag? That’s a tough one. Can I vote for myself? lol

  62. sarah x says:

    im gonna have to say coleen mcloughlin, she always looks amazing and she seems like a nice person.

  63. Genevieve says:

    My favourite? The original and the best, Queen Victoria of the WAGs. My runner-ups are the gorgeous Cheryl Cole and the super-stylish Noemie Lenoir with honourable mentions to Alex Curran-Gerrard and Toni Terry for having adorable children. In the middle somewhere sits Coleen (marks off for being such a chav, marks back on for being quite endearing nonetheless) At the other end of the scale there is Sheree Murphy who does not deserve our Harry and in very last place is the hideous Elen Rives. And C-Ron’s whatsername does not even deserve to be mentioned.

  64. citrus joie says:

    I love Janelle Khouri because she stuck by her man and vice versa since they were 13, despite years of hellish long distance relationship. She plays football and looks fab wearing shirt and jeans to watch matches, which is what I wear.

  65. Nae_xo says:

    My favourite WAG has to be Coleen McDonald. She’s just so cute!

  66. Bella says:

    For some reason my comments are ending up in the old comment area (obviously my lack of talent in the tech department) so here’s my choice again: Anyone following my comments–as they should–knows its Mrs Becks, anyone wanting explanations, give a holler and I??ll be happy to oblige. xxxbella (apologies to Mrs Gerrard who is cute as a button, and Ms Torres who is cute, sweet, and potential fave???if there??s ever a permanent hall of fame for Mrs B)

  67. Nicole says:

    My favorite WAG is Alex Curran because she’s so crazy. No matter what the event, you know she’ll be there in some over-the-top outfit with weird accessories and huge hair. She’s a constant source of “Oh-no-she-didn’t” in my life. LOVE HER!

  68. carly says:

    How fun! Thanks for that, very informative. I’ll definitely keep an eye on my other half, rest assured ;) A favourite wag? That’s a tough one. Can I vote for myself? lol

  69. Pavi (Mrs Metzelder) says:

    This was the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Especially the part about keeping an eye on your baller right from the engagement to the wedding because you never know when he’s going to stray. My favorite WAG has to be Olalla (Fernando’s gf) because they’ve been together forever and they’ve known each other since they were kids. Plus they seem like a very normal couple and she’s smart.

  70. Johnna says:

    I’m sure no one is surprised by this in the least bit, but my favourite WAG: Toni Terry.