June 5th, 2008
The Kickette Guide to WAG Weddings
As we wait with baited breath to see how many of Wayne Rooney’s stag party guests end up in prison and/or having their stomachs pumped, let’s take a moment to focus on the most important issues that come with wedding season in the world of footie: how to be the perfect wedding guest. Or, in WAG terms: how to get photographed more than the bride does and take out any other competition while doing it.
If you’ve not yet received your invite in the mail to the McRooney nuptials, don’t despair. We’ve got two experts at hand – Claire Challis and undercover WAG ‘Fabulous’, the authors of the brilliant book, The Beautiful Game: A WAG’s Tale to give us some exclusive tips. Enjoy!
HOW TO BE THE PERFECT WAG WEDDING GUEST
Attending a WAG wedding isn’t just about buying a pressie and a new pair of shoes – so here’s your foolproof three-point strategy to a successful ceremony.
Are you invited? As soon as the engagement has been announced, you need to work out the odds of you getting an invite. If your footballer plays on the same team as the groom-to-be, you’re in. If not, you need to put in some serious groundwork to ensure your invite is in the post, pronto.
Start an account with a florist, bakery, and drinks delivery firm and send the bride-to-be a congratulatory bouquet, box of cupcakes, and bottle of champagne. Make gushing remarks about her in the press. Invite her to lunch. As every WAG knows, making an impact is everything.
Keep an eye on your other half: All the attention on the engagement will give other famous footballers opportunity to do what they do best – play around.
Received your invite? Study it carefully. What hints does it give about the day itself – is there a theme? If so, how can you sneakily outsmart it, thus making sure you stand out most? Is it one, two or three parts – needing more than one outfit? Does it ban mobile phones – the sure sign of a magazine deal?
Make friends in all the right places: Send every boutique shop assistant for miles a bouquet, box of cupcakes, and bottle of champagne. Then make sure they have all your vital stats and that you’re top of their designer waiting list. Gucci, Chloe and Prada are your current WAG staples – but don’t forget luxe labels like Versace and Missoni for an extra bit of bling…
Buy up every fashion magazine: Circle every new-season ‘It’ item tipped for major style success and put in requests with said shop assistants.
Lunch: Practise your poker face, meet all the other WAG guests for champagne and salad and gleen information about what they’re planning to wear. Lie shamelessly about what you’ve already bought, then go out and buy things they’ve mentioned they like, even if you’ve no intention of ever wearing them yourself. There is no second place in the battle of the WAG wardrobe – winning is everything. (Plus, a WAG needs at least two choices for the day and two for the night!).
Get gift creative: WAGs don’t win brownie points for shopping from the gift list. Oh no. Your job is to find THE most outlandishly expensive and thoughtfully personal present the couple have ever been given. And then double it.
Beautify: Block book all the latest beauty treatments in the week before the wedding. We’re not just talking waxing and a tan. You want Botox, collagen implants and liposuction. But use a fake name. You don’t want your WAG rivals – or the press- to find out what you’ve been up to!
Keep an eye on your other half: Stag shenanigans are an ideal time for footballers to do what they do best – play around.
Arrive early: The paps will have been at the venue for hours, despite the fact that most WAG weddings are covered by magazine confidentiality clauses. This is your moment. Work the cameras safe in the knowledge that in the absence of the bride and groom, a WAG wedding guest is the next best bet – and you’ll be splashed all over the front pages the next day.
Negotiate: Slip the wedding photographer the wink (or fifty quid) to get you pride of place in the magazine wedding snaps. Do the same with the security staff to let you out of the wedding venue for ‘a breath of fresh air’ where they know they’ll be paps waiting.
Drink red wine: It’s the ideal weapon to take out a fellow WAG if she’s found a better dress than you. ‘By accident’, naturally…
Work the breaks: The gap between ceremony and reception, reception and party, party and after-party are all ideal opportunities to change Your Look – and get even more magazine mentions the following week.
Keep an eye on your other half: Frisky wedding guests will stop at nothing to snag a snog with a Premiership footballer – and weddings are an ideal time for players to, well, play around…
The Beautiful Game: A WAG’s Tale by Claire Challis and “Fabulous”, £6.99 Headline Review is out now
We’ve got ten spanking new copies of The Beautiful Game: A WAG’s Tale to giveaway to our readers.
Btw, this book comes Kickette fully approved. It’s full of references to real life events, has a brilliant narrator and leaves you with a realistic insight into the trials and tribulations that come with being a WAG in the Premier League. (Hint, it involves having to deal with your fiance getting snapped outside of a brothel the day before your wedding…).
Want one? Leave a comment below with the answer to the following question: Who is your favourite WAG? Contest closes on June 10th.
CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED; winners have been notified. Check your email!