May 28th, 2009
The TTO: Carles Puyol v Gerard Pique
Today’s Thursday Thigh off is brought to you by the sexy chicas at ONTD Football. Please pay them a visit; embrace the crazy, it’s for the best.
We still can’t get the Champions League theme song out of our heads.
Please send help.
We had a good final, and yourselves? We quivered on the edges of our seats in cross-legged anticipation and excitement. Not even the sight of Prince Will’s balding skull could slow us down.
Barcelona, it seems, should be the capital city of Earth. Beautiful league trophy, beautiful European trophy, beautiful football, beautiful architecture, beautiful people, beautiful food, beautiful beaches, beautiful Vicky & Cristina… and as word on the street would have it, some decent quads.
We’re still floating about in a sparkling red ocean of sangría over the Catalan victory. A toast, perhaps? To thighs. And delicious defenders. Come on a flex and tone journey with us.
Wait. We are going to explain it to you.
Sometimes, the CRonaldos and the FTorreses of the pitch get, well, boring. They’re too pretty, they’re too easy. They’re obvious. They’re breezy, fruit-flavoured wine coolers. Sure, you’d hit it, but you’d get bored. It’d be vanilla. They might make you breakfast in the morning – but what’s on the menu? Probably an egg-white omelette.
But oh, give us Carles! Mmm, our… hearts… are aflutter at his manliness!
With his distinctive hairstyle (really, it hasn’t changed at all since he was a babby baller… we admire such commitment), shiver-inducing torso area, thighs so fine, and ferocious captaining, we’re, um, going to go over there for a second please excuse us our mobiles are on vibrate if it’s urgent…
You don’t start off on Puyi, he’s quite an acquired taste. He’s like Czech fernet stock, he’s like your great uncle’s really old whiskey. He listens to death metal! He’s got pullable hair and we don’t doubt the existence of a handcuff collection! Tyra Banks introduced “fierce” into the fashionable global vernacular after seeing Puyol on the pitch. Yep, you’d hit it (literally, because he’d be into that), and then you’d do brekky and have Coco Puffs and, ahem, sausage.
We’re aware that not everybody understands this beautiful specimen. Taunts of “NER NER CAPTAIN CAVEMAN!” and “AHHH-aaah-AAaaAAHHH TARZAN!” do not fall on deaf ears. In retort, I offer you this: ooga booga unf unf mm mmm you Puyol me woman we mate now.
We didn’t really understand him and something just didn’t seem right, but we get it now. We were being a bit silly, and we apologize. We’ve come around and accepted the fact that he’s quite dreamy. He’s tall, like 6’4″ tall.
His goofy, prankster ways, sense of humour (he once described teammate Andres Iniesta as “a loaf of bread”… right up our alley), and Titty Henry’s “he’s a funny/cool guy” seal of approval, have us foaming at the mouth and clawing at discount airline websites.
Conclusion: yes please.
So… who gets your vote this week?
Congratulations to last week’s TTO winner, Theo Walcott. He and his pornstache took the win over Robin Van Persie. Next week, the Thigh Off is on hiatus – but will return with our Baller Bingo winner’s first pick!