August 13th, 2009

The TTO: Carlton Cole vs. Glen Johnson


The new season can only mean one thing: the return of the Thursday Thigh Off. Thank quadness!

Today, we’re putting the spotlight on two talented workin’ boys from the England NT* and focusing on their excellent contribution to the global thighasphere. Welcome, Carlton Cole and Glen Johnson.

imageCarlton Cole
Standing at a towering six-foot-three, 25-year-old Cole’s adductors are incredibly longus and strongus. Possibly produced in a rock quarry, his asymmetrical thighs-wide-open approach leaves many ladies waiting to see which chiseled muscular strain will pop next.

When he’s not playing up front for England, CC does the day-job thing with West Ham. Bonus: Carlton is far from shy when it comes to showing off his… manscaping.


imageGlen Johnson

Redefining meaty bone, this new Liverpool boy’s thighs fall under the heavy machinery category of muscle groups. Glen’s a smart lad – he often forgoes the evil that is base layers, preferring to give everything in his shorts the air circulation it so requires and desires.

After last night’s iffy performance, some are asking if Glen can cut it at this level. If “cuts” like this can’t make it, we don’t know what will.



*This week’s team choices are brought to you by readers Malin and Baby Freya, who won our Baller Bingo competition earlier in the year.

Their prize was to pick two TTO teams for us to judge – the English NT is their first choice.

Who gets your vote this week?

A friendly reminder that this is strictly a fun and frivolous celebration of man flesh and man flesh only. Team colours at the door, and if you have nothing nice to say, at least bring presents/wine. Judging men is meant to bond and bring us all together, after all.

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35 Responses to “The TTO: Carlton Cole vs. Glen Johnson”

  1. striker says:


  2. Zatil says:

    Glen. Hands down.

  3. xmrssammiex says:

    If you wanna see some real quads check out Maynor Figueroa. They are out of this world!

  4. Dee13 says:

    glen johnson.. ohhh yes..

  5. HiL says:

    TTO is back! :D my vote is for Glen Johnson.

  6. Nuts over Nando says:

    Glen, Glen, Glen!

  7. boo says:


  8. mrs carragher says:

    Glen :)

  9. Allyra says:

    Carlton *.*

  10. Dreamgirl says:

    Carlton for me.

  11. Venice says:

    Ooo, delicious both pairs of thighs! Hmm I think I'm going to go with Cole.

  12. Liz (Mrs. Vucinic) says:

    After staring at the pictures for a while (what a hardship that was :P ) I’m going for Glen, Cole’s are a bit too slim for me.

  13. bluesfan says:

    Carlton Cole :)

  14. Genevieve Gourcuff says:

    Glen… he’s hotttt

  15. blue_skyz says:

    Glen,<span class="wbr"></span> definitely<span class="wbr"></span> Glen…<span class="wbr"></span> without<span class="wbr"></span> a<span class="wbr"></span> doubt.<span class="wbr"></span> Those<span class="wbr"></span> thunderous<span class="wbr"></span> thighs<span class="wbr"></span> combined<span class="wbr"></span> with<span class="wbr"></span> that<span class="wbr"></span> abs,<span class="wbr"></span> the<span class="wbr"></span> shoulders,<span class="wbr"></span> the<span class="wbr"></span> lack<span class="wbr"></span> of<span class="wbr"></span> base<span class="wbr"></span> layers,<span class="wbr"></span> the<span class="wbr"></span> lovely<span class="wbr"></span> eyes<span class="wbr"></span> =<span class="wbr"></span> hellooo<span class="wbr"></span> hottie!

  16. Mariam says:


  17. LoveLamps says:

    Glen Johnson.

  18. FootballerChick43 - says:

    Carlton. Most deffo.

  19. Emily (Giggsy's Gal) says:

    Most definitely Carlton Cole. Yowza!!!

  20. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    My laptop isn't letting me open the pictures up, so based on the mini versions my vote is with Glen.

  21. Hannahhh says:

    saw glen at anfield in the atletico friendly very niice

  22. lose that girl says:

    Carlton, definitely. I got all lost in "longus and strongus."

    lose that girl

  23. Fer_Lahm says:


  24. wanniemelon says:

    cole… for that last pic

  25. aristeia says:

    Good gravy. This is another tough one, goddamn. After MUCH perusal, I think I have to go w/ Glen… but it's so close. I can't stop looking at his thighs in that ab flash pic. Yum.

  26. Lolinha says:

    Mr. Carlton Cole. That last pic is really great. Yay for TTOs!

  27. imhereforthenando says:

    Most definitely Glen. He has the thighs of a champion. Could you please tell us who won the Barca thigh-off? I’ve been waiting for months!!

  28. bubbly_cheryl says:

    glen is super sexy and those thighs are hot hot!

  29. MUfcMarie says:

    Good God, I love this country! My vote goes to Carlton Cole.

  30. Baby Freya (Mrs Arbe says:

    Glen! Glen! Glen! :)

  31. hoppipolla says:

    Glen Johnson without a doubt

  32. Erin says:

    Oooh, a toughie! I tend to prefer the long & lean look, so on thighs alone, I must go with Cole. It was close, though! Glen’s got some lovely quads on him, and I appreciate the glimpse of chiseled ab as well. Plus, he’s got a cutie patootie face. And….focus, Erin! Thighs….Cole. I think. LOL

  33. Becky says:

    I dont like Glen Johnson but he does win this one for me!

  34. FirstTeamCoach says:

    Whilst Glen has mighty fine thighs, Carlton just edges it for me.

  35. Boston Red says:

    Something needs to be addressed here – how do I get that rub down girl’s job and how did she do that with a straight face?! I would have had a hard time keeping my tongue in my mouth.

    Anyway, Carlton Cole gets my vote, but I think Glen is hot too.