June 13th, 2010

Thunder (In Our) Down Under: The 5 Hottest Australian World Cup Players

Australia can claim many things: great beaches, excellent indie makeup brands, and even one of our dearest Kickette staffers, who schlepped off to enjoy temperatures lovely and full of high UV indexes. Of course, this is also a nation that can claim a rather high abundance of man candy which we are always appreciative of. But enough of the chit and the chat, let’s get to the talent:

Harry Kewell (above)
This married, family man (who is still all over his wifey, Sheree) gets the top honours because of his recent Politix product shill. He’s been making beautiful moments with the clothing company for years, but the decision to strip for the shill in their recent underwear campaign sealed the deal for us. FYI, Sheree once told an audience of millions, (quite openly and proudly, we might add), about Harry’s incredible, “peachy bum”.

Lucas Neill

Is the soul patch a deal breaker? Debatable. But there’s just something about the hot-headed shelf-bottomed team captain that gets us going in the morning. As one helpful reader pointed out, we should base these lists on whether we would “strip them immediately in the street or just stop for a chat.” And on that note, Lucas, please remove your pantaloons.

Tim Cahill
He takes off his kit. All day every day. He’s on our Elite XI squad for his dedication to kit removal. Do we even need to discuss this?

Nikita Rukavytsya

We had the pleasure of discovering young Nikita back in 2008. At that point, our discussions centred largely around whether he needed more or less hair to be hot. Now? Are we bovvered? We’re focusing instead now on being able to correctly pronounce this delectable 22-year-old’s name so we can try to wangle our way into the team hotel. Bonus: he can model whilst looking awkward.

Carl Valeri

For a start, he’s a GQMF. Literally. For a finish, watch this video.

Thanks Sarah!

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31 Responses to “Thunder (In Our) Down Under: The 5 Hottest Australian World Cup Players”

  1. wanzy says:

    I used to be so in love with Harry lol those were the days.

  2. roshas says:

    Very very hot. Too bad they are currently getting their peachy bums soundly whipped.

  3. roshas says:

    i love you & me

  4. roshas says:


  5. roshas says:

    Valeri is delish! So is Neill, but Valeri OMG! The accent just makes everything 10x better ;)

  6. Taa says:

    · 45 weeks ago

  7. Alexandra says:

    Yes, yes, yes, double yes, double yes.

  8. Simone says:

    they are really hot.. but where are the 5 hottest german players??? ;-)

  9. Molly says:

    OMG I love the Aussies…their hotness is undenialable.

  10. Ines del Sol says:

    nice… package..
    new layout – rawr :)

  11. Sarah says:

    No worries, i giggled to myself reading my quote there.

    ps. Rook-a vit-sa is what you need to say to get into that hotel ;)

  12. Nandia says:

    The 1rst reason I love the Aussies is their accent!

  13. sarah says:

    I'm australian, i fell asleep after the first half… too painful to watch. why did cahill get a red card? anyone?

    • eyes_on_nando says:

      two-footed late tackle on bastian schweinsteiger… but timmy said afterwards that he pretty much made a meal of it, and that he was shocked that it was a red, he thought it only deserved yellow. and apparently afterwards schweinsteiger had the nerve (!) to tell tim that he was sorry that he got a red for it!! grrr.

      and now tim will miss the next match =(

      • sarah says:

        thanks. i just watched the replay. is it just me or does the ref seem a bit biased? that should've been a yellow card for cahill if anything, plus he missed the handball by germany.

    • Ess-Jay says:

      Lol he didn't deserve a red card… But… I think it was karma for all those dirty tackles against us Kiwis during the friendly last month!! :P

  14. eyes_on_nando says:

    so sad for my aussie boys!! =(

    we didnt deserve to lose so badly… credit to germany, they were better on the night, but it didnt have to be that ugly.

    good list, lucas is love =)

    and NIKI! he played for my hometown club here in perth… win =)

  15. Torres&Stevie&#0 says:

    Replace Cahill with Luke Wilkshire, and you have got a list!!! Although Neill should be first!

    • eyes_on_nando says:

      wilshire's not bad, i agree =)

      and i'm also a bit partial to the man-machine that is vinnie grella =)

    • eyes_on_nando says:

      wilkshire’s not bad, i agree =)
      and i’m also a bit partial to the man-machine that is vinnie grella =)

  16. ba says:

    I didn’t even notice Nikita and Carl Valeri. How i didn’t knew about them?? They’re so hoooot. I loveeed this top…they’re all so hot but Lucas Neill should be first, not Harry Kewell

  17. Ess-Jay says:

    As a Kiwi, I disapprove of this post!… And I just can't find any of these Aussies attractive, sorry… No offence to any of you ladies out there who do.. But.. I just can't.. I've loved every other "5 hottest ____ players" list, but.. I just don't get this one…

    When's the 5 Hottest Kiwi Players coming? :)

  18. caitanya says:

    Luca, Nikita, and Carl. Whoa, Nelly! I don’t see the Tim Cahill thing at ALL, sorry, although he has great tattoos.

    The DE vs. AU match was painful to watch. We walked out right after DE scored their fourth–i’m surprised they didn’t score two or three more on AU.

  19. EternalDreamer says:

    Definitely a hot group of guys. These posts are by far the best "who to watch" commentary ever.

  20. beril says:

    luckily two of them (kewell & neill) are in my team and can see them every week :) )

  21. tammyv says:

    I love me some socceroos, plus I just love saying soccerroos…

    Though watching them today, did not make me happy poor them, more Timmy C

  22. juventina says:

    Valeri is delish! So is Neill, but Valeri OMG! The accent just makes everything 10x better ;)

  23. Ella says:

    So cute, and my heart is breaking for them as I watch them play Germany!

  24. Very very hot. Too bad they are currently getting their peachy bums soundly whipped.