April 21st, 2011

Thursday Thigh-Off 2.0: Steven Gerrard v. Ryan Babel


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Kickette TTO 2.0

Image Credit: Mike Hewitt/Getty Images Europe.

TTO comebackOne thing readers can be assured of when it comes to the TTO 2.0 – we hear your kudos just as loudly as your complaints. And when our HQ’s honorary virtual intern*, Blake, bellowed about the lack of hairy thighs in our 2.0 logo (at left), we sought to give the guy what he wants.

Today’s Vintage v. Virgin match features the formidable flexors of two former Liverpool team-mates: Steven Gerrard’s furry femurs v. Ryan Babel’s bald bulldozers. It’s an exciting contest, one that calls for full fat microwaveable popcorn with a side of spray butter.

*Title and position have yet to be discussed with aforementioned candidate.

VINTAGE

Steven Gerrard


Alex Curran's husband legsHas there ever been a hairy set of thighs (other than Steven Gerrard’s) that have won any of the TTO’s illustrious challenges? We think naught, which confirms our widely-held suspicion that the success rate of our readers’ compliance to the thigh-off selection process is hovering somewhere below zero.

Image Credits: REUTERS/Phil Noble; Getty Images.

The win/loss ratio of Stevie G’s lean legs, however, is much closer to perfection. Quite the seasoned thigh-off veteran, he’s 3-for-4 in all competitions, having gone bone to bone with the likes of Frank Lampard (his only loss), Alessandro Nesta, Fernando Torres and Didier Drogba and Mario Gomez in a double header. Clearly you lot think this scouser has got some sexy stems, hence our rationale for giving his grainy gams another go.

We’ve been trawling the archives (a not entirely unpleasant task, obvs) and sadly failed to locate any recent stellar shots of his strains. We are aware of his injury outfit lows, however, which cover all of his tender vegetation that we demand to see. If we asked you to consider his entire body of work over the years, Stevie’s epically fit form might cause the whole of our audience to lose feeling in their toes.

But that’s not what we’re here for, now is it.

VIRGIN

Ryan Babel


Image: REUTERS/Phil Noble.

Spring has sprung and TSG 1899 Hoffenheim’s Ryan Babel is baring it all. His luscious lower limbs are something of an erotic anomaly, nearly identical in superior size and steel structure. Across many countries, bulky manbits like these can be something of a taboo. On Kickette Island, they’re an object of our sexual obsession.

For those on the fence, it’s wise to consider rappin’ Ryan on the merits of his hair-free professionalism. Not the kind of guy to half-ass anything, he tends to take things slow, whipping his work horses into a sublimely suave state of seduction. Definitely a steady and sturdy approach to sheer hydration and rock hard hammies that we admire.

Other Ryan Babel variables to mull over: he enjoys chicken, likes it with pepper, fanboys with the best of ‘em, is an international style icon and is totally cute.

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Who reigns supreme in our thoroughly enlightening muscle group analysis this Thursday, Kickettes? Before we go, we’d like to give a standing ovation to occasional nudist Fabio Cannavaro for his outstanding overhaul of Domenico Criscito in last round’s duel (66% to 34%).

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18 Responses to “Thursday Thigh-Off 2.0: Steven Gerrard v. Ryan Babel”

  1. xbabyshakesx says:

    Stevie G *sigh* thighs of a REAL MAN =]

  2. sweetbanana says:

    s a fan from 1899 Hoffenheim (oh yes, this little club has fans) I said Ryan!!!
    He´s really cute and – wow – his goal in Freiburg was so great. I still don´t understand the problem the coach had with this wonderful goal.

  3. @linvinnaar says:

    You're kidding right?

    Stevie's thighs are the kind of turn on that will make anyone spontaneously combust!

  4. FloraJane says:

    Men's thighs are supposed to be hairy. They just are. Frank Lampard has the absolute best thighs ever, but I'll focus on the contest at hand, so Steven Gerrard's thighs are quite nice and clearly win this one!

  5. Cherry says:

    Stevie. No one even comes close. Best legs ever.

  6. gin_in_teacups says:

    Stevie all the way. Everything about that man is perfection, and those thighs are beyond. My heart rate is going up just from looking at those photos.

  7. Sarie says:

    This caused absolutely no hesitation whatsoever. Stevie, all the way. Always.

  8. Carra's Girl says:

    Stevie. Hands down. Not even a competition tbh.

    Also why is Stevie never mentioned for Finest Five? He's number one for me no matter what.

  9. IrishBlue says:

    There's only one winner here and it's Stevie G. No question.

  10. blitzenTO says:

    I love them furry, so it's definitely Stevie G for me! So strokeable. :)

  11. blake2108 says:

    I'm sorry but you could have placed anyone in the world against Stevie G and they'd lose.

    Those legs of his are beyond words…

  12. Jen says:

    Stevie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anytime, anywhere his Scouse thighs can send me into a flutter!!! Not sure how he could ever lose……especially to Lamps?

  13. Red_Girl says:

    Ooh, those pix – I want to stroke Stevie's legs! You might have provided us with a link to that pic of his bare booty, kickette, btw.

  14. ToysForBots says:

    Steven's thighs are great, but there are sculptures of Greek gods with legs that aren't as immaculately muscular as Ryan Babel's. Wow.

    • chay says:

      i agree with you wholly–steven has nice thighs but wow! look at ryan's! he gets my vote, for sure

  15. Stephanie says:

    Absolutely Gerrard!

  16. @mezz98 says:

    Stevie – always!