April 21st, 2011
Thursday Thigh-Off 2.0: Steven Gerrard v. Ryan Babel
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Image Credit: Mike Hewitt/Getty Images Europe.
One thing readers can be assured of when it comes to the TTO 2.0 – we hear your kudos just as loudly as your complaints. And when our HQ’s honorary virtual intern*, Blake, bellowed about the lack of hairy thighs in our 2.0 logo (at left), we sought to give the guy what he wants.
Today’s Vintage v. Virgin match features the formidable flexors of two former Liverpool team-mates: Steven Gerrard’s furry femurs v. Ryan Babel’s bald bulldozers. It’s an exciting contest, one that calls for full fat microwaveable popcorn with a side of spray butter.
*Title and position have yet to be discussed with aforementioned candidate.
Has there ever been a hairy set of thighs (other than Steven Gerrard’s) that have won any of the TTO’s illustrious challenges? We think naught, which confirms our widely-held suspicion that the success rate of our readers’ compliance to the thigh-off selection process is hovering somewhere below zero.
Image Credits: REUTERS/Phil Noble; Getty Images.
The win/loss ratio of Stevie G’s lean legs, however, is much closer to perfection. Quite the seasoned thigh-off veteran, he’s 3-for-4 in all competitions, having gone bone to bone with the likes of Frank Lampard (his only loss), Alessandro Nesta, Fernando Torres and Didier Drogba and Mario Gomez in a double header. Clearly you lot think this scouser has got some sexy stems, hence our rationale for giving his grainy gams another go.
We’ve been trawling the archives (a not entirely unpleasant task, obvs) and sadly failed to locate any recent stellar shots of his strains. We are aware of his injury outfit lows, however, which cover all of his tender vegetation that we demand to see. If we asked you to consider his entire body of work over the years, Stevie’s epically fit form might cause the whole of our audience to lose feeling in their toes.
But that’s not what we’re here for, now is it.
Image: REUTERS/Phil Noble.
Spring has sprung and TSG 1899 Hoffenheim’s Ryan Babel is baring it all. His luscious lower limbs are something of an erotic anomaly, nearly identical in superior size and steel structure. Across many countries, bulky manbits like these can be something of a taboo. On Kickette Island, they’re an object of our sexual obsession.
For those on the fence, it’s wise to consider rappin’ Ryan on the merits of his hair-free professionalism. Not the kind of guy to half-ass anything, he tends to take things slow, whipping his work horses into a sublimely suave state of seduction. Definitely a steady and sturdy approach to sheer hydration and rock hard hammies that we admire.
Who reigns supreme in our thoroughly enlightening muscle group analysis this Thursday, Kickettes? Before we go, we’d like to give a standing ovation to occasional nudist Fabio Cannavaro for his outstanding overhaul of Domenico Criscito in last round’s duel (66% to 34%).