July 15th, 2010
Transfer Totty: Newbies On Premesis
Thierry Henry tries on his new uniform. Images: Getty Images via mlssoccer.com, AP Photos via Daylife, Getty Images via Zimbio
‘Ladies, the market is now open for shopping.’
When this kind of announcement is heard in the Kickette office, it’s generally an excuse for a no-holds-barred scramble for the door, a sight which the few who have seen it (and survived) have described as similar in appearance to a lion-meets-bear pit.
In the case of the football transfer window though, we take a rather more cautious view. You see, we worry about our boys. The all-consuming horror of seeing them uprooted from their safe, warm, friendly clubs and hurled into a frightening new arena where they don’t know anyone and their lunch money is just asking to be stolen is distressing.
We’ve taken a moment to examine a few of the confirmed movers and shakers in the transfer market in order to identify their capacity for survival in their new playgrounds. Anyone up for a game of kiss chase?
David Silva aka The Clever Kid With The Expensive Kicks who sits at the front and gets stuff thrown at him.
From Valencia to Manchester City
Cute as a button and with a price tag of £24million, we feel young David is going to have a bit to prove at Manchester City. Having just missed out on the all important fourth spot in the EPL last season, the pressure will be on the team to perform. As they are rumoured to be in the market for practically every player in the world, competition for places will be tough.
There’s also the small matter of Silva having been part of a victorious Spanish World Cup squad.
This, we feel, is the football equivalent of arriving on your first day at school carrying your books in a briefcase. You’re asking to be kicked.
Oh Titi. What can we say? Your temperate balance of hawt and cool has had us entranced us from the moment we glimpsed your va va voom. Some of our happiest moments have been spent admiring your er… gait as you loped, gazelle like down the Highbury byline with the ball at your feet. Even the fact that you were too cool to celebrate didn’t annoy us totally. A bit, but not totally.
We feel that you will fit in well in New York. The standard of football may be lower in the MLS than in La Liga, but a player like you should be playing week in, week out. The tightness of the shirt won’t hurt, either. Just keep those hands to yourself in the playground.
We’ve little fear for Artur on his first day at Fiorentina. He is more than capable of holding his own in any situation, noted as he is for provoking crowds of several thousand people single-handedly.
It’s not as though this kind of thing has been an issue in Italy. Ahem.
Michael Ballack aka The Been There, Done That Kid who’s seen it all before
From Chelsea to Bayer Leverkusen
Having missed out on a stupendous German World Cup campaign due to a heartbreaking injury (and temporarily losing the captaincy as a result), we can see why Ballack felt the need to return to comfort territory. A fans’ favourite during his previous tenure at Leverkusen. MB has stated that their support was key in his decision to return and that now the ‘circle is complete’. Aww, bless!
Let’s hope Micky B recaptures his mojo super quick. This world is a better place when this baby is bangin ‘em in.