April 28th, 2011

Thursday Thigh-Off 2.0: Mario Gomez v. Maynor Figueroa

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Real talk, no chasers: it’s time for the big guns.

Don’t let the happily-go-lucky lead pic mislead you: this contest is not made for the meek. In our third week of commitment to the carved legs, we aim to empower you with a wide-open, no holds barred look at the Herculean hammies of Mario Gomez (Vintage) and Maynor Figueroa (Virgin, obvs).

Ready…set…flex ‘em fellas!


Mario Gomez

Kickette thighs sport soccer

Image Credit: REUTERS/Kai Pfaffenbach; Valerio Pennicino/Getty Images; REUTERS/Christian Charisius; REUTERS/Michaela Rehle; REUTERS/Max Rossi.

Champions league thighsKickette Thursday thighsGomez 2.0 TTOThere’s no ifs, ands or butts about ‘em: Mario Gomez has some serious sinews. Frankly, we’re not capable (read: sober enough) of counting the collateral damage his masssive trunks have caused throughout several TTO ties. Although his win/loss columns are dodgy according to our lackluster memories’ standards, Mario’s artillery should come with a warning: lethal to your lungs while in plain view. Stand back, Kickettes, we don’t want anyone getting hurt.

When we draw upon all the monumental thigh moments throughout footy history that forever changed how we viewed the beautiful game, Mmm Mario stands front, centre and often shirtless. Talented, naked and with shredded strains. Just how we love ‘em.

So can we stop now?

Seriously, need we show you any more?



Maynor Figueroa

Images: The Guardian; AP Photos.

And now it’s time for the fresh, modern meat. Pretty much everything any Kickette needs to know about 2011 footballer’s thighs are accounted for in our mischievously-chosen lead picture. For all intensive purposes, every man in the human race should use this man’s leg mounds as “thigh-spiration”. Ya know, to be randomly strewn on your fridge, gym locker and padded officule walls for when homemade muffin-temptations kick in.

We know, this virtually-unknown (in and around our HQ, that is) Wigan Athletic warrior is a rando, but who are we to bypass a man who always keep his glutes agape? And just when we thought Mario Gomez was the end all, be all of Kevlar thighs!

What we’re really digging about Figueroa, though, (other than purposely mispronouncing his name just to sneak a sexy stems footballer legsquick Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! rendition) is that he wears his shorts like hot pants never went out of style in the 70s/80s. To us, this was foo tball’s Golden Age – when men fearlessly fought for three points without seeing the need or point of warmth/organ compression/whatever the hell it is base layers are supposed to be doing.

Of course, no matter what the votes may say, we all know who the real winners are. Our ‘right-click-save’ buttons.


Congratulations to Steven Gerrard, who brought the Vintage pool’s tally to 2-nil with his win over his Virgin TTO competitor, Ryan Babel (by a thickly-coated leg hair margin, actually).


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16 Responses to “Thursday Thigh-Off 2.0: Mario Gomez v. Maynor Figueroa”

  1. Clari says:

    Do you see the definition in Figueroa's thighs?!? Now THAT'S chocolate thunder. Sorry ladies, Gomez is beyond gorge and in an overall contest would win hands down, but after careful consideration (and zooming, natch), Maynor wins it for me :)

  2. Lari says:

    Wow, such a nice surprise seeing one of my countrymen and seriously, I had no idea he had that level of thigh goodness

  3. [...] Thursday Thigh-Off 2.0: Mario Gomez v. Maynor Figueroa « Kickette … [...]

  4. mochara says:

    Figueroa's thighs are soo muscly! I like them, A LOT!

  5. Doug says:

    The word is legs. Spread the word!

  6. Meginha says:

    Holy hamstrings, Maynor!

  7. k says:

    Maynor!! <3

  8. Lisa Starr says:

    Maynor!! I love those big thick legs, reminds me of Daniele de Rossi's big guns.

  9. Isabella says:

    mm, gomez can wrap those thighs around me any time he likes ;)

  10. prettypeyton says:

    mario will always win…always. how can one resist those thunderous thighs?? they're perfect!

  11. Crackers says:

    Mario for me!

    Thank you for this Kickette, it's just the perfect thing to kick off Royal Wedding Weekend with (please, pretty please tell me you'll have pics of Posh+Becks, they are attending).

  12. ToysForBots says:

    Mario Gomez for sure! Figueroa's are just too bulky for my taste.

  13. JCJ says:

    I'm sorry but despite how much I love Gomez, Figueroa wins hands down. Would ANYBODY stand a chance against those thighs? I don't think so!