July 21st, 2008

UVA Watch: Cristiano Hits Satsuma Orange

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image via NPG

Well, he’s knocked Fernando Torres and even Coleen McLoughlin out of the UVA sun damage competition, that’s for sure.

Cristiano Ronaldo has been pushing the limits of his suncream for several weeks now – first on holiday with ex-girlfriend Nereida, and now he’s toasting and roasting himself all over California.  Think you’re done, hon. Time to get off the barbey. 

Random: We love the dude in his speedos tanning next to C-Ron.  It’s Club Tropicana up in here.

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52 Responses to “UVA Watch: Cristiano Hits Satsuma Orange”

  1. Mrs. John Terry says:

    Can't wait until season starts again. Back in rainy Manchester, I hope his skin colour will return back to normal quickly. Or is that the reason, why he wants to join Real Madrid?

  2. MrsMichaelOwen says:

    I would like to see the stage after Satsuma Orange stage. x

  3. Venice says:

    Lol.
    Cristiano Ronaldo
    index.hr

  4. Genevieve Gourcuff says:

    OMG Venice!! That's hilarious… though I have to say I'm even more disturbed by the self-touching in the top pic than by the skin colour…

  5. Ali says:

    venice, i saw that picture on perez and decided not to go outside today. are you serious c-ron?

  6. jax says:

    Cris-P !!!Haaaa. That’s soo funny, Innocenza. Really awful – even the tackiest Wags aren’t that colour. He is going to age sooo quickly…Still I’m sure he thinks he will look quite delish in a nice, white strip…

  7. Filthygorgeous says:

    Club Tropicana, drinks are free, Fun and sunshine – there’s enough for everyone. All that’s missing is the sea, But don’t worry, you can suntan! *sing along everyone c’mon you know the words*! LOL. Eww C-Ron, just eww! C-Ron rocks the ‘Rico Suave’ look well enough without looking like a marinated chicken…now he really does look sleazy AND greasy! People are mad when it comes to tanning. I was at Bondi beach last summer when the temperature got up to 40 degrees on one day. There were girls on the beach putting oil on themselves to try and tan up, no sunscreen at all *SMH*

  8. I would definitely give out Free Invitations to those who could give me an opportunity to meet this guy.

  9. Speakers says:

    What the deal with men sun bathing anyway?

    Speakers

  10. Shells says:

    HOT! HOT! HOT!  I love the guy next to Chris too.  He is a BIG boy. <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/tongue_rolleye.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="tongue rolleye" style="border:0;" />

  11. princess says:

    he is really ugly

  12. Jamie says:

    Is there a bet on who gets skin cancer faster?

  13. ibra honey says:

    Or maybe he is that brown and it’s only the oil that’s making him look so unnatural and mannequin-like.

  14. ibra honey says:

    i really think it’s just in the photo. He CAN"T possibly be that brown.

  15. Becca x says:

    Club Tropicana haha.
    I think its time to get out of the sun. Fernando torres will look ike a milk bottle next to him, even with his tan (if i can call that a tan haha)

  16. aristeia says:

    What is that?  Burnt Sienna?

  17. LucyLu says:

    I still would

  18. brandy says:

    Wow, there is such a thing as “too tan”. I thought I had seen this phenomenon in Sicily where they bake in 110 degrees with baby oil – but he has actually surpassed that!
    I wish I was getting txt msgs as to his whereabouts, I’d be strategically placed at every step of the way!
    And the guy in Speedos? It’s why I love European beaches/resorts so much. All are tan and in speedos, aka my dream come true!

  19. Lindsey says:

    who cares! he works his tan veryyyy well, hotness

  20. carly says:

    argh…Soon enough he’ll turn into one of those thick skinned looking like reptiles I see in portuguese beaches. It’s inevitable. Get out of the sun, man!!

  21. tammyV says:

    I thought about him laying by the pool as I drove past the Beverly Hills Hotel this morning.  I was proud that I didn’t go in and kick him!

  22. . says:

    He looks like he has taken a bath in that brown stuff bodybuilders use for competitions. Quite appalling to be honest.

  23. dos santos girl says:

    He’s the colour of fried chicken, hee hee!

  24. LynxKitten says:

    His co-tanner >>>>>>>>>^infinity him.

  25. Emily (Giggsy's says:

    c9, sweets, I truly didn’t mean any offence.  I definitely don’t think that being blindingly white like me is “normal,“ and I sincerely apologise if I didn’t clearly express my concerns about these photos of Ronaldo.  I’m honestly jealous of people who can tan—I’ve never had a tan in my life! (I’m like Wazza that way)—but my problem with Cristiano’s uber-tan is that it looks sore and red and tender, not a healthy, sun-kissed bit of colour.  He looks overcooked, in my opinion.  I do realise that his being of Latin blood and of a complexion that enables him to get a dark tan quickly will always mean that he gets very tanned when out in the sun.  For anyone of ANY complexion or colour, baking one’s self in oil in the sun for hours on end will cause premature long-term damage to one’s skin, whether it’s cancerous melanoma, a smattering of freckles or plain old wrinkles.  Wrinkles that appear with age are fine and well and a natural part of getting older, but I do worry about anyone who chooses to purposely leave their skin unprotected in the increasingly intense sun.  Personally, I think the world should take their cue from the Aussies, who pride themselves on education about sun damage and various important ways to protect one’s skin from harmful rays.

    End of lecture/information session.  :S Apologies again for having caused any offense.  It certainly wasn’t my intention.  :( xx

  26. OK, ignoring the fact he is turning a very un-natural colour, the sun glistening off those abs has me licking my lips!! Very very hot (and not the burnt kind of hot).

    Love the speedo dude too!!

  27. sarah says:

    Dear me. Ha ha! I cried laughing when I saw this. At least its not pink! <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/raspberry.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="raspberry" style="border:0;" />
    Times up. Cooked enough. Alex Curran is heading the same way. Saw her in the papers this morning, on another holiday. Easy life for some people…

  28. Rusty says:

    yikes, and I’d been complaining about my own brown color, as I’m afraid of skin cancer. His tan blows mine out of the water. (And neither of us seem to have been in it.) Is the second picture an 80-year-old man with dyed hair?

    much prefer the old comment system.

  29. Two words:  skin cancer.

    And, yes, appreciating his sunbathing partner.  Quite nice.

  30. kaya says:

    Ditch the new comments system!!!
    :-D

    I’m certain that C-Ron is staying at a West Hollywood hotel. It’s right up his alley.

  31. fireitup says:

    He does look waaay orange in the second photo, but in the first C-Ron is basically the same color as Mr. Speedo next to him, only with a few liters more tanning oil.

  32. Innocenza says:

    The pics make my melanocytes ache. *shudder*

    c9, I think it’s the fact that DNA damage has to occur for a tan to happen (and the extreme to which he takes it) that’s scary.

  33. c9 says:

    It’s nice to know that a tan can be considered “seared flesh”. Remind to stay a beautiful shade of pasty white if I want to be considered normal. I guess being of a different skin tone does present it’s problems, even on the internet!!

  34. c9 says:

    Sorry ladies but I live in the land of the never ending sun. We ALL tan like this here where I come from, so before anymore of you make ridiculous comment about his tan and how TOO dark he may look, you may want to rethink that!!!! His tan is healthy and peeling is the best part of a sunburn, I of course having first hand experience. Once you peel and you moisturize, the tan that hides under it is phenomenal! (Well for me that is and probably for Cris too!) And besides getting some natural Vitamin D never hurt no one, think about it ladies <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/smirk.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="smirk" style="border:0;" />

  35. Emily (Giggsy's says:

    Oh.  My.  God.  That second photo almost made me cry.  That’s horrible!  I’m sorry, people, but to be that tanned is not even remotely attractive.  It’s disgusting and appallingly dangerous.  At this rate, he’ll be lucky if he isn’t one gigantic ball of skin cancer by the time he’s 30.  He really does look almost purple, which is a sign that he’s had waaaaaay too much sun.  Flippin’ heck, his skin will be so tight, he won’t be able to walk in a couple of days!!  SO unhealthy.  Loving his lounge neighbour, though.  Piss off, C-Ron, you’re blocking my view of the REAL man.  <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/wink.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

  36. HoneyBee says:

    Too tanned but still hot.He obviously needs to stay from the sun for a couple of weeks-I am more than willing to keep him entertained during that time.
    And it still bothers me that he is constantly wearing that rosary around his neck-considering his lifestyle.

  37. Sarah says:

    He is going to look 80 when he’s 40, that’s for sure.  And all leathery and gross.  Eugh.

  38. Innocenza says:

    Dear me! He’s gone from Cris-R to Cris-P!

  39. ibra honey says:

    BTW doesnt the black speedo dude look a bit like McSteamy from grey’s anatomy?

  40. ibra honey says:

    he looks ridiculously tanned. it must be just the photo. and his abs mmmmmmm…
    when the hell is the season going to start so we can see them do what they do best ie playing footy?
    PS, i’m new here.

  41. Sarita says:

    omg. horrible xP

  42. autumnmaple101 says:

    Sun-baked Cristiano…what a disgusting dish. You've overdone it hon, time to get off the roaster

  43. cheska_so_fierce says:

    lol! in his picture on perez hilton about his overgrilling, he looks purplish orange whatevs. and yes, that guy in the background is … ooh nice package.

  44. louisquatorze says:

    Have you ever watched a cooking show that featured a roasted piglet, or walked past Chinese restaurants that had roasted ducks in the window? Yeah.

  45. Pavi (Mrs Metzelder) says:

    He's giving the WAGs a run for their money, that's for sure! TFO, my first thoughts were skin cancer too!

  46. Pau de Silva (aka Sa says:

    I agree whit TFO: skin cancer.. jajaja, for real he looks too "oily"

  47. LoveLamps says:

    I'm BACK! And just in time to save C-Ron from skin cancer I see. God he's lovely but really, hasn't he read about the harmful effects of the sun. His bod is WAY to hot to get cancer. C9, go cover him up!

  48. Erin says:

    Ain't nothin' healthy or attractive about that seared flesh.

  49. Nelly says:

    Maybe he’s trying to build up a strong enough tan to last him through the winter? You know how the wheather is in Manchester–once he goes back, he won’t be able to tan for a while. Still, I don’t find this attractive. Ali, I saw the pics on Perez too, and he looked a bit gross to me. I never thought I would think that of Cristiano. Please-stay out of the sun!!!

  50. Pau de Silva (aka Sambu) says:

    I agree whit TFO: skin cancer.. jajaja, for real he looks too “oily”

  51. Pavi (Mrs Metzelder) says:

    He’s giving the WAGs a run for their money, that’s for sure! TFO, my first thoughts were skin cancer too!

  52. FootballerChick43 - "Mrs.Ballack" says:

    Wow. Thats all I have to say. Other than that – I’m going to keep all other comments to myself.