January 15th, 2007
Victoria Beckham Screwed: In quotes
image: rex features
Now that the diamond dust is settling on the big LA move, we’re sort of thinking Victoria is screwed. Aside from the pressure of converting to Scientology by Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, she’s got the following to contend with:
1. Playboy playmates would like to have a photo shoot with her. And hang with her husband.
One of Hef’s main girls, Bridget Marquardt said: “She should do a pictorial with us. We’ve got big plans for her. I think she’s going to fit in fine – they’re both gorgeous.“
And Hugh Hefner, Playboy founder said: “I think Hollywood is gonna love him [David]. The girls at the mansion have been talking about it and want to be sure that we put him on the party list.“
Er, Victoria? Take it from us. You do not want David kicking it at the Playboy mansion. Under any circumstances. Even if you were trapped at the photoshoot with wrinkly old Hef breathing down your neck, wrapped in a maribou-trimmed feather boa that was on fire, you still wouldn’t want David entering the building. Or even approaching the gate. Nuh-uh.
2. On that note, there are reports that Victoria has already been warned to “hold onto her husband.“ A source said: “LA is full of the world’s most beautiful, slim and sexy young girls and she knows David has a roving eye.“ Who are these mysterious, wise sources? No one knows. No one cares.
3. Here’s the worst of the bunch: MLS wives are warning that the lifestyle Victoria is used to as a footie wife doesn’t exist Stateside. Nobody has a private jet or a chauffeur. (Is that legal?) There are no private boxes for players’ families at the games. Cari Marshall, wife of Galaxy midfielder Tyrone Marshall: “We watch the game from an open area with tables, where the kids can run around. I bring Play-doh, soccer balls and colouring books.“
4. Wait, did we say that was the worst one? Let’s have Cari bring it on home with this gem: “I’m hoping Victoria will bring a lot of stuff and we can buy from her – she has her own fashion line, doesn’t she?“