April 3rd, 2008

WAG Watch: Elen Rives and the Bruise


images courtesy of BIG/KEYSTONE Press

Can anyone shed some light on what is occurring with the soon-to-be Mrs Frank Lampard’s face?

(And by ‘soon to be’, we mean, ‘if Frank hasn’t done it yet, he ain’t never gonna’.)

An injection bruise from some form of cosmetic procedure?;

A new makeup trend about to sweep the WAG world that peasants and lowly normals have yet to hear about?;

Is it an errant ink stain from a credit card receipt signing mishap?

We need answers, damn it.


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62 Responses to “WAG Watch: Elen Rives and the Bruise”

  1. cheryl_xxx says:

    u guys are so mean to the poor girl…….
    she probably got smacked in the face with a toy by one of ther baby girls,by mistake of corse…….

    frank wanted to marry her last year,but they probably didn’t do it coz she hads just had the baby and maybe she wanted to look nice in her wedding dress…..
    the year before that was the worldcup-so prob.no time,and in 2005 they had luna…..
    i mean i hate her too,but only coz she grabbed fankie before i could,but other than that she doesn’t seem so bad,
    she does wear some weird stuff at times,but not always………..

  2. tink says:

    she looks old, tired and unhappy

  3. Pau says:

    Becca: I am stunned with Elen

  4. Sarah x says:

    Kicked It The Face By One OF The Kids?
    Bitten By The Dog?
    Walked Into A Door?
    The Possibiltitys Are Endless..

    LoveLamps, Becca & Pau, Fancy Adding another Member To The Group, Im All Up For It :D

  5. The Fourth Official says:

    Okay, you name the song and give me a picture link and I’ll work on it this week.

    I’m on holiday at my sister’s house in Florida and have some time on my hands when I’m not golfing.  <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/smile.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />

  6. The Fourth Official says:

    I can *so* see you driving like a fiend down the expressway, cackling with glee, with John hogtied in the trunk, gagged with your bra.  You go girl!!!  JT, be warned, if your team comes to North America this summer, beware of beautiful innocent-looking blondes bearing duct tape!!!

  7. Elise says:

    Yeah, even first thing in the morning, my mind is in the gutter…or in certain baller pants, more to the point!  Bad Elise…naughty Elise…needs spanking (JT, where are you? LOL)  And since there are 3 ladies on here already staging a ‘steal Frank’ party, I think I’ll go after John.  I’m a bit torn since I like Toni…oh who am I kidding- I would SO take her man given the chance!  Yep…definitely need spanking!  And I just *know* John would be into it! 
    <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/lol.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="LOL" style="border:0;" />

  8. The Fourth Official says:

    You are *such* a tease, Elise , , ,  Ooo. that rhymes!

    Big things . . . LOL!

    I watched his press conference this morning on SAFC TV, and he looked so tanned and handsome after his few days in Spain. 

    I wuv him.  <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  9. Elise says:

    TFO, I’m just wondering how he managed to slide that into conversation about the news conference….
    ‘…something new to show you..‘ or
    ‘…expect big things this week…‘
    LOL.  Tease.
    Ah well, we live in hope, right?

  10. The Fourth Official says:


    More adorable Roy with adorable guide dog puppies.

  11. Becca x says:

    Forgot To Say In My Last POst But Ive Got The Full Elen Rives And Her Other Fiance Story Right Here..

    WARNING – Really Fugly Pictures.

    Nothing Unusual Really. You Have Been Warned

  12. Becca x says:

    Elen Is Going Down .. Becca, LoveLamps And Pau Are Going To Get You! vampire

    As For Goal Keepers .. Is Anyone Else Feeling The Joe Hart Love? smile

  13. The Fourth Official says:

    Elise, Roy threatened to pose naked at his weekly news conference the other day. He was joking with the reporters.  I on the other hand was so hoping it wasn’t a joke.

    He was in Ireland on Wednesday promoting the Guide Dog program.  Radio interview:


    Click on Roy Interview link on right hand side.

    Lovely Cork accent <sigh . . . . . . . >

  14. Elise says:

    TFO, I seriously hated to leave for work this morning, knowing I was going to miss some fun chatting with you today!  Damn that whole ‘gotta earn a living business’!  If I was a WAG I’d probably be one of the lazy ones getting slagged off for not doing anything but spending my baller’s money…….and hey, I’m fine with that! LOL

    I don’t think they’re going to LA this summer, but I can just track him down in England.  That way I can take the car, too, so I’ll be motoring down the expressway in the Bentley, baby.  I like to think I’d be able to convince him to go along for the ride (hehe) so I wouldn’t have to tie him up…until later! 

    And wow- a JT video just for me?  That is so awesome.  I am seriously touched, TFO.  Let me think about the song, and I’ll be gathering my favourite pics onto photobucket.  Man…just awesome. 

  15. The Fourth Official says:

    Elise, I’m thinking of making a video in your honour, dedicated to JT.  Just to say thanks for all the laughs you give me.

    What do you think of the Bangles “If She Knew What She Wants?“  Or suggest a favourite song. 

    But if I’m going to do a vid for you, you’ll have to post a link with all your fave pics, so I make sure I include them.  Don’t do a pic spam – just a link to a photobucket album.  LOL!!  (I don’t exactly have many JT pics on my computer. <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/wink.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" /> )

  16. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Danika, thanks but that’s way too much frills for this time of the morning, actually theres never a right time for that much frills!!!!!!!!

  17. michelle TN says:

    All that Elen needs is some good concealer.  I mean, if she can put on earrings, why not just a little dab of corrector?

  18. Gigi says:

    Dear Kickettes.

    Apparently I missed the entire goalie thread, but in my defence, that was WAYYYYY back in February, and I feel that it might just be time to revisit again.  We never seem to tire of Alex, so why should keepers be any different?

    Tammy, glad that the Toon Army is marching onwards and upwards. wink

  19. cheryl bites says:

    Gigi: until extremely recently, the Hotness Of Goalkeepers thread was on the “Most Popular” list on the left. You must have juuuust missed it. If you leaf back through the entires, though, it wasn’t that long ago.

  20. cassie says:

    i have to say her outfit isn’t too bad this time, i mean for her anyway.  that being said, her face is still fugly and makes me wanna barf.  the blue mark definitely does not help, but does distract from her usual nastiness.

  21. Elise says:

    Ya know…Morrissey has a song with the lyric ‘by Friday, life has killed me….‘  Turns out, this week, it only took til Thursday.  Ugh.  I was just feeling so blah and clicked Kickette and there was this…this….  (sigh)  Of all the women in the entire world…of *all* the women….(even bigger sigh)  Maybe Frank sees something we don’t.  Or maybe he just loves his kids.

  22. tammyv says:


    I think we have a whole thread on the love of the GK…I believe the love the guys who stand alone on the pitch knows no boundries

  23. Elise says:

    TFO!  LOL  I’m all for a replacement photo.  Much as I love puppies and butterflies, you know which one of those options has my vote!! LOL

    (taking a moment to dream of Naked Frank)
    (taking a moment to dream of the things I’d *do* to Naked Frank)
    (taking another moment to add Naked John)
    (taking a cold shower)

    And as a thank you for thinking of me:
    (no, it’s not Naked Roy…sorry)
    (p.s. Don’t know what the text is about, but the pic is cute, no?)

  24. tammyv says:

    I am of two minds: 

    1.) most logical/reasonable – she has two kids on the age of three.  Kid hit her accidently or in fit of tantrum with toy/face/elbow – a Kid related injury

    2.) Didn’t Lamps have a random bruise on his face in the last couple of week? I know Rio did but I thought Lamps did too.  Something dirrrty going down in that house? 

    I agree about the wedding… after she has popped out TWO of your big-headed children, dude step-up

  25. FootballerChick43 says:

    Its definately a botox bruise. Someone from my church got botox once and it left EXACTLY the same looking bruise in EXACTLY the same place. I mean, I know she could probably beat a body down if she ever needed to, but honestly – how could a bruise on your face be THAT tiny, that compact, and that purple any other way?

  26. Ella says:

    Oh, and I hate the blouse/shirt/whatever. And the shoes. And the jeans with the weird crotch-thing going on. And the fact that the horrible jeans go inside the horrible shoes.

  27. Ella says:

    AAAH! Michael Jackson again! LEAVE ME ALONE!

  28. carly says:

    My stomach has been turned upside down at the sight of this woman!

    UGhhh, no, no, don’t post any more Elen close-ups, please!

    I think that’s blue ink, from one of those cheap pens they give you at supermarkets, she was probably writing a check.  <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/sick.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="sick" style="border:0;" />

  29. QB says:

    you know what they said, a fug got to do what a fug go to do

  30. Gigi says:

    As someone who has visited a plastic surgeon, and proudly, for Botox, it is usually not injected in the nasolabial folds.  Restylane is usually the product of choice for this particular area of the face, and bruising does occur sometimes.  Not having used it yet means that I can’t speak from experience, however, if/when I do, I would: A) wait until the bruising subsides to go out, especially if I didn’t have a job to go to, which we all know that Elen does not have
    B) use a bit of coverup, which is not brain surgery to accomplish successfully
    C) find a new plastic surgeon, with a slightly lighter touch
    D) put a bag over my head when all else fails

    On to something far more important.
    Does anyone else out in Kicketteland have the same love, lust, desire, giddyness and overall obsession for all of those stoic, nimble and rather unsung heroes of ours, goal keepers?  I just came to the conclusion that they are rather like the drummer of the footie world.  The strong, silent type, that usually falls into the background, and overall, the best looking ones on the pitch.  Now this is my opinion, and I was just wondering if anyone else is so inclined?  Ladies, your opinions, please.

  31. Jacey says:

    Has to be Botox in an effort to hide those deep smile lines (that are perfectly fine, btw)

  32. DanyLamps says:

    She’s so ugly!!

  33. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    Looks like a poke mark to me!! LoveLamps you been out Elen bashing???

  34. LoveLamps says:

    Botox bruise.  Frankie can you hear me?  No botox here baby!

  35. Betsy says:

    Whatever it is, I think its kinda funny. I am not the biggest fan of Elen.

  36. Alex says:

    I say cosmetic procedure. It looks, you know, strategically placed. Radiesse, I believe. My aunt had it made, and it left a massive bruise on her face, for days. So hers is not so bad, I guess.

  37. LoveLamps says:

    Becca, Pau and Elise – let’s take this woman down and get Lamps for us!  We’re way too cute (individually and collectively) not to be with him and she’s way too gross!

    As for keepers, I second Pau on Mr. Ochoa.  Yes we have similar tastes in men despite the fact that I am a bit older than she.  NO do not ask me how much older because I’m not going to tell you.

    FINALLY – am watching LA Galaxy and just saw Becks score a goal!  No matter what and despite the fact that he’s blonde, he STAYS on my top five finest list FOREVER!  Love that man like a fat kid loves cake!

  38. RedGirl says:

    Her face reminds of those really creepy wax statues… Well, the statues has better clothes on them and they don’t have make-up issues…

    That has to be something related to some cosmetic treatment because if you look at that bruise you can see two darker little marks, like if they were made with a needle

  39. Pau says:

    Hello eveybody.. ok today I had a terrible day and I have too much to say:
    first of all:
    Gretchen Weiners: I have a Chihuahua, and let me say he is the cutest creature in the world.. and Elen.. Elen is barely a creature.
    HoneyBee: totally agree, but I have to add that

  40. The Fourth Official says:

    Phil Neville’s house?  Oh. My. God.  UG-ly. 

    Ally, I also can’t believe he has made *that* much money.  He’s Phil Neville, after all . . . playing for Everton.  Nuff said.

  41. Cherry says:

    Bruise be damned. What is that mess hanging off her chin? Or am I seeing things?

  42. Gretchen Weiners says:

    She looks like a chihuahua.

  43. Neryss says:

    I love Phil’s house, but his taste in curtains and upholstery is dire. Cream carpets must be a nightmare with children. The P&J;initials are kinda…

  44. HoneyBee says:

    I just defended Alex’s jiggly bits.Defending Elen in the same day would be to much.I honestly haven’t seen a picture in which she looks good(or anything near that). red face
    It’s easier to spot a Bigfoot than a good Elen’s picture.What was Frank looking at(maybe he wasn’t).
    How old is she?She looks like a tired 45-year old(I apologize to those who are 45-I’m sure you are all real foxy good looking vintage Kickettes and am actually being kind to Elen-she looks older). Security word(try35),and damn how I’m trying.
    But she has given birth to two children and Frank should finally marry her(maybe she has a nice personality,or something nice).

  45. Ally says:

    She really isn’t pretty at all, is she.

    Also: have you guys seen Phil Neville’s house?! It’s for sale and the Guardian has this whole gallery of photos on it; tbh I can’t believe PHIL NEVILLE had the money to afford it.


  46. xlxcx says:

    Why does she look like she’s going to eat me?

  47. Rusty says:

    I feel the need to draw in her eyebrows, like, right now.

    Maybe she was feeling a little blue?

  48. Becca x says:

    Gigi – I Feel The Goal Keeper Love Too And I THink We Deserve Another GK Post, We Have Been Good.

    As For Elen… Frank Please Stop Torturing Us! She is Not Worthy! All Actions Have Consequences And Now You Are Going To Have To Marry This Glittery Jean Wearing, Scary Eyed, Bruised Monster.
    Why Do You Do This To Yourself (And Us Of Corse) When There Are Soo Many Girls Out There That Would Do Anything To Have You ( Who May I Add Dont Make The Biggest Fashion Mistakes Of The Century) There Me And LoveLamps To Name Just Two. And Thats Just Here On Kickette.

    Some One Needs To Rescue This Man, And Im Up For It If You Lot Are <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/smile.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />

  49. goalkeeperette says:

    Haha Danika I’ve seen these already….  <img src="http://www.kickette.com/images/smileys/lol.gif&quot; width="19" height="19" alt="LOL" style="border:0;" />  Can’t wait to read the kickette view on this freakshow! Bring it on!

  50. Danika says:

    This is for MrsXabiAlonso who wanted something new:
    welcome to the peacock world

  51. brandy says:

    I’m thinking its a good ole fashion beating with the Ugly Stick is all wink

  52. The Fourth Official says:

    No!  My comments are centered too!  It’s very disorienting. Kickette must be trying something new.

    Yes, let’s get rid of the Elen pic – there is enough pain and trauma in the world today without inflicting more on us every time we open our web browser!  How about a nice picture of puppies or butterflies (for Elise) or Frank, naked (also for Elise)?

  53. MrsXabiAlonso says:

    OK we need another story soon because having this picture of Elen popping up everytime I open the page is scaring me!!! I wanna put it in a draw and lock it away!!!

    And whats with the centralising of comments? Is it just my pc doing it??

  54. Elise says:

    SuzyQ, I’d say your assessment is right.  I mean, of course we’re on the outside and can’t know what’s really going on (and admittedly are assuming an awful lot) but it seems to me the love might be gone.  I think you can see it in their eyes.  But I think those kids are the most important thing in his life and if keeping them with him means staying with Elen, then he’s going to stay as long as they can keep it together.  Happens all the time to all kinds of people.  God it just makes me so sad…for all of them.  I suppose if we really love Frank, we should be wishing he and Elen could rediscover whatever they had in the beginning.  But that would require a massive act of selflessness and non-jealousy, and I’m not sure I’m up to that today. 

    Also, God bless botox.  I’m sure I’ll be taking advantages of it one day!

  55. nicky xxx says:

    when i first took a look at this pic i thought she looked totally hammered and that shes been up the pub leaning over the pool table *hence the chalk mark on her face* What do you think..Elen…the secret pool champion in disguise??

  56. kaya says:

    Oh come on, it’s fair to bring it up. I don’t think anyone doubts Elen is a heavy botox user. Her facial expression screams it. It’s in her eyes you can see it.
    However, I do think if this bruise is “enchancement related”, it would be one of those filler thingees, and not botox which essentially freezes muscles in place.

  57. The Fourth Official says:

    Yes, botox here too.  Don’t knock it till you try it.  But it’s never resulted in a bruise like that.  Maybe she had a cyst or some precancerous growth removed.  Who knows?  Who really cares?

  58. klyn312 says:

    what a mess.

  59. LoveLamps says:

    People, Frank is just waiting for me to arrive in the UK (32 weeks and counting) and then Elen and her ugly bruise are HISTORY!  I’ll be a wonderful stepmum to those adorable girls! 

    And MXA, no Elen-bashing from me, just the reality of the situation.  She’s desperate and trying botox to keep him.  It won’t work Elen.  He’s MINE!!!!!!  [insert hysterical Wizard of Oz Witch laughter here] . . . .

  60. SuzyQ says:

    Elise – My theory on the Frank and Elen situ? She’s clinging on and he can’t shake her. If he really was so loved up he would have made it official and married her… instead he can’t get rid of her, they’ve got kids, she’s not going anywhere etc.
    At least that’s what I tell myself wink

  61. Danika says:

    First its nice to have a close up with Elen. I saw with this ocasion that she done something at her lips maybe a permanent line, but the bruise: maybe one of the girls hit her when she started, again, to smoke in their face. My mum said that in her professional opinion: not a injection but there are other chimical tratements that can cause that kind of bruise. And in the professional opinion of my friend Dana, make-up artist of L’Oreal: Elen at that white blouse a such pale foundation is stupid, and she needs to do to put it uniform on her face.There are shades and spots on her face. And she has to choose: red lips and no too much eye make-up or other wise.
    BTW: what she was doing all alone at a hotel?

  62. FabLove says:

    dude, her eye make up is kind of horrible. I mean, it’s beige. Brown. How worse can it get?

    & The bruise is funny. Such a weird location. wink