October 23rd, 2007

Wayne Mows, Coleen Poles

Wayne Rooney was allegedly asked recently to take part in a music video for the song Rock Star, by Canadian rock band, Nickelback.  One of the band members is a big Man U fan, and wanted Rooney on screen alongside the other guest stars (Kid Rock, Kiss, ZZ Top and Nelly Furtado).  Wayne turned the offer down – saying the music wasn’t to his liking.  A record company source explained: “He turned it down as he only listens to hip hop and thought it would be bad for his street cred.“ 

Question: wasn’t Wayne spotted at a Christina Aguilera concert a little while back?  Didn’t he used to be a Busted fan?  We’re down with Christina and all, but when was the last time she was rollin’ with the homies down Crenshaw? 

Coleen McLoughlin looks set to sign another massive book deal.  God willing, 2008 will be her year of the Booker. 

imageRemember her first book,Welcome To My World?  Those 336 pages of WAGtasticness just weren’t enough.  Not nearly.  Coleen’s doing another five books, this time fictional stories of adventure and fun-filled adventure having fun.  Every page guarantees to feature designer labels and lager.  Publishers Harper Collins will be paying her several million pounds for the privilege of having someone else ghostwrite the entire thing.

In other news, celeb rags are reporting that Coleen recently had a pole installed in her and Wayne’s mansion so that she can give her fiance a sexy birthday striptease. That sounds like absolute bollocks to us, but we love the idea of it.  We’re thinking she’d go with a canary yellow bustier with matching garter and a side ponytail, and her killer move will be some sort of corkscrew spin.  Wayne has apparently already treated himself to a

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6 Responses to “Wayne Mows, Coleen Poles”

  1. I don’t get it… what does this have to do with that?

  2. tammyv says:

    How is it that none of us have book deals and we can both write intellectually and humorously?  Do we know that Coleen has these abilities?

    I got a fiver for the beer hat

  3. joecanada says:

    nickelback is one of the worst bands in the world. anyself respecting individual wouldn’t appear in one of their videos, regardless of street cred.

  4. Patty says:

    Didn’t Forrest Gump ride around on one of those lawn tractors?

  5. aja says:

    i’m just saying, for like a

  6. robin says:

    Wayne needs one of those hats you can get in the States that have a place on either side for beer cans and with straws for easy drinking as he rides his mower.