December 9th, 2011
Weekend Matches: What To Watch Live, Later & With The Lights Down Low
Xabi Alonso strokes his beard whilst mulling over his team’s chances of winning this weekend’s El Clasico.
It’s going to be a big, contentious weekend of footy, we can feel it.
Short on time or interest to catch all the action as it happens? Yeah, we can feel that too.
There is a solve, though, that we’ve never explored before.
What we’re about to divulge, Kickettes, is our secretly cherished weekend match-viewing rituals. No one else besides our HQ knows what we do on the weekends, except now for all of our readers too. Get your electronics and bank balances sorted because you’re about to watch footy like you’ve never done before.
Head To The Pub, Open a Tab & Watch A Slew Of Games Live: Arsenal vs. Everton, Bolton vs. Aston Villa, Liverpool vs. QPR, Manchester United vs. Wolverhampton, Norwich vs. Newcastle, Swansea vs. Fulham, Wigan vs. West Brom (Saturday, 10 December; Kick off 15:00 GMT; 10:00am EST / 7:00am PST)
There’s gonna be a lot going on Saturday thanks the seven EPL matches that will be played at the same time on the same day. Your tab by the end of it all will be well into the triple digits and your phone should be chock full of unintelligible names and/or numbers.
Set Your DVR & Watch Later In The Weekend: Hibernian vs. Glasgow Rangers (Saturday, 10 December; Kick off 12:30 GMT / 7:30am EST / 3:30am PST)
Image via Facebook.
Glasgow is stacked in the American studs department, with Carlos Bocanegra, Maurice Edu and Alejandro Bedoya simultaneously suiting up alongside one another for the past few weekends. With the odds that this game will be a snoozefest high, and the likelihood that all three will feature being low, rely on your remote’s fast forward, rewind and pause buttons to do your exposed skin searching for you.
Curl Up In The Comforts Of Your Own Home & Watch With the Lights Dimmed Low and a Glass Of Pinot: Barcelona vs. Real Madrid (Saturday, 10 December; Kick off 21:00 GMT / 4:00pm EST / 1:00pm PST)
Real Madrid’s Gonzalo Higuain, Pepe and Angel Di Maria talk El Clasico strategy during today’s training. Image Credit: Reuters Pictures.
Except for ours: The bodacious bod to horrific hair ratio. There comes a point where the sheer number of perfectly formed muscle fibres in the average footballer’s body over-rides his ability to make good hair decisions. Multiply whatever an average footballer’s body is in numbers by 22 starting players and we have ourselves a tantalisingly untamed El Clasico. The first one this season, in fact.
And there’s no better way to watch it than by polishing off your own bottle of wine without interruption.
Yowser, that’s the most actual football reportage we’ve ever done and we’re exhausted. Any results you’re crossing your fingers for this weekend, Kickettes?
Ed. Note: We don’t plan on making this an ongoing series, unless our readers want it to be…?
In the event that happens, we ask for extra prep time to book appointments with our hair stylists. A few staffers will need to securely fasten their extensions before viciously ripping them out in weekly anguish thereafter.