April 26th, 2010
Weekend Results: A Tad Short On Skin
Having spent the weekend biting our nails over as yet undecided leagues, compiling the F5 results and giving ourselves the Jaffa Cakes shakes, things are a bit tense at Kickette HQ. We won’t deny it. Punches Words have been exchanged. Handbags have been thrown. Hip dips have been cried over.
In this kind of situation, usual advice would be to evacuate the area while the riot squad move in, but it’s way too late for that. Ladies, grab yourself a bucket of espresso, a nail file and a fistful of Inter Milan’s Marko Arnautovic (above) and follow us over the jump for more.
Psst. Better get out of the way, Marko, or we’ll consume you and your provocative little tummy like so much chocolate cake.
Taking their lead from the Kickette Christmas party 2009, EPL highlights this weekend included dislocated limbs, vomiting and regrettably provocative hair styles.
Manchester United kept pressure on Chelsea with a 3-1 win against Tottenham Hotspur at Old Trafford. Patrice Evra vomited. A lot.
Wayne Rooney watched the game with Coleen and son Kai who was wearing a United jersey with ‘My Dad’ written on the back. So sweet we may become unconscious.
Meanwhile, at the Emirates, Arsenal fans undertook a campaign of theatrical booing at to welcome back cherished ex-Gunner Emmanual Adebayor. Clearly worried that the crowds wouldn’t have enough material to keep them going, Adebayor generously supplied more ammunition (above).
In the same game, City’s goalkeeper Shay Given dislocated his shoulder. It looked quite painful.
PFA Young Player of the Year James Milner scored a controversial penalty to win the derby match against Birmingham, while Liverpool relegated Burnley from the Premier League with a 4-0 stomping at Turfmoor. Off the pitch however, Fernando Torres was busy expressing his concerns about his future at the club. *Gulp*. Anything to say to that, LFC girls?
Frankie Lampard took his season tally to twenty goals as Chelsea put seven past a hapless Stoke side at Stamford Bridge. Saloman Kalou scored a sweet hat trick but the whole lot of them should be ashamed of themselves. Seven goals and you all keep your clothes on?! We are in outrage.
This hoarding plus Tim Cahill’s posture and facial expression had us extremely concerned about an outbreak at Everton. (The sign says “crabbies”! And Tim is… geddit? It’s funny!) No, we will not grow up, but thanks for asking. Aside from the potential outbreak (hee) the Toffees were able to bring in a 2-1 home win against Fulham.
While Barcelona beat Xerez 3-1 at home – putting them ahead by a point with four to play, Real Madrid also won away at Zaragoza ensuring the title race goes to the wire. (As you can see, Higgy did the right thing on exit.) Oh, and Guti-pie? We’re not sure, but we think Iker’s trying to tell you something.
In other news, David Villa and his soul patch scored a penalty to give Valencia 1-0 home win against Deportivo. He also kept his clothes on.
Inter beat Atalanta 3-1 and regained the initiative at the top of the table after Roma lost at home to Sampdoria. Sampdoria’s Antonio Cassano (above) was one of the few players this weekend who observed the Kickette endorsed celebration of running around in his pants. We enjoyed it.
Of course, we can’t forget to mention the Rangers big title win in the Scottish League. We’re not betting women, but we’d put some money on a few pints being consumed to celebrate. (Possibly by the person who helped Nacho Novo throw together this delightful ensemble.) Congratulations!
How was the weekend for you?