September 17th, 2012
Weekend Results: Box Office Body Language
Basti’s feeling glad all over. Image: Alexander Hassenstein/Bongarts/Getty Images.
We’re not so much doing body language right now as exuding caffeine fumes and an air of menace. Luckily, our ‘baller boys are far more expressive with their appendages.
But you have to love me! I am Nandina, King of the Bottle Blond & Occasionally Excessive Highlights. Image: Julian Finney/Getty Images Europe.
Manchester United and Arsenal finally shook off their summer hangovers and addressed their goal differences, and not before time, given what happened last season. They beat Wigan 4-0 with goals from across the age spectrum, while Arsenal scored six with a little help from their opponents. They’re both creeping up on Chelsea, whose failure to beat QPR and a subsequent substitution prompted the most delightful of Spanish strops.
We’re glad to see you back, Nandina. We’ve missed you.
The pressure is on Manchester City, who dropped two points against Stoke City despite newbie Javi Garcia finding the net on debut. Liverpool’s Luis Suarez gave Reds supporters something to cheer about after an emotional week, scoring the equaliser in their game vs. Sunderland, while Andre Villas-Boas breathed again after Spurs picked up up their first three points of the season at Reading.
Everton meet Newcastle at Goodison tonight, so better make sure you confirm that pre-mix cocktail bulk order before 8pm BST. We have.
We couldn’t have put it better ourselves, hon. Image: Denis Doyle/Getty Images Europe.
Should a man with such unintentionally hilarious taste in clothes be in a position to dictate the fortunes of one of the world’s biggest clubs? It’s a question that’s been bothering us off and on since he told us he had the sadz, and despite his manager’s protestations to the contrary, we can’t help but feel it *might* be contributing to Real’s peculiar run of form. They lost 1-0 to Sevilla, while Barcelona cheerily wiped the floor with Getafe while wearing their spangly beverage suits.
Atletico Madrid also suffered their own bout of the wobbles this weekend; they were 4-0 up against Rayo Vallecano until the 82nd minute, when super sub Andrija Delibasic scored two in five minutes. Leo brought the score up to 4-3 on ’89, but Rayo were unable to score the equaliser and Atletico just snatched it. We thought about requesting a comment from Chelsea, but figured that they, and Kickettes of a Blue persuasion would just accuse us of stirring, so we left it.
We wondered if the bandaged hand was in any way connected to KPB’s previous ‘strain’. Sadly, it’s not. Image: Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe.
The reason you are currently staring at Kevin-Prince Boateng’s thighs accompanied by little copy is because we haven’t got anything to say other than he’s still on our F5 list and he ain’t leaving anytime soon. He’s crushed because AC Milan lost 1-0 to Atalanta, putting them in unlucky thirteenth while title rivals Juventus are already top and rivals Inter beat Torino 2-0.
Under the circumstances, rolling about on his back and giving us a flash of those delightfully smooth thighs is about the best we can hope for.
The big story in the Bundesliga this weekend was the sacrifice of shirt sponsors across the league in favour of the message, ‘Go Your Way’. You can read about the campaign, which promotes inclusivity, here, but suffice to say it gladdens our heart to see ‘ballers using their influence in such a positive way.
We might not be experts, but figure this is Salif Sane asserting his dominance over Mathieu Valbuena. Which is hardly fair, give the latter’s diminutive stature. Image: Vicent Kessler/Reuters.
Last but not least we visit France, where PSG cruised to their second victory of the season and Carlo Ancelotti narrowly avoided getting chased through the Paris streets by a crowd of scarf waving malcontents. Marseille remain clear at the top after a 1-0 win over Nancy, with lovely Lyon hot on their tail after a 2-0 win over Ajaccio.
How was your weekend, Kickettes? Or is it safer not to ask?