December 7th, 2009

Weekend Results: Clothing Removal Scorecard

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There were some pretty intense matches this weekend – none of which we watched. (Don’t ask.) But instead of being Negative Nellies about the whole thing, we’re going to focus on ‘ballers in their birthday suits. It’s our go-to happy place.

Also handy for cheering us up: judging those that are naked. Our score card (including Mr. De Rossi) is below. Hope the weekend results were as good for you as they were for Ab-Rollers and white cotton.

Daniele De Rossi

We’re glad that DDR follows his mother’s advice to always wear clean underwear because one always knows he’s going to strip down to them. Those in Serie A have been spoiled for quite some time, but DDR’s consistent nekkidness ensures his skivvies make their way all the way to everyone’s internal hard drives. Video, you ask? Certainly.

Grade: B – …post game, he lost pants, shoes and an eye-mask which all rate high in our books. However, he was docked for lack of backside pics and proportionate views (ahem) .

Abs and tentsCristiano Ronaldo

This man’s midsection is like hosting a cocktail party with 9 of your closest BFFs:

You all sashay into the bar/restaurant’s center booth (which only holds six but reassure the hostess that ”you’ll squeeze”.) Fast forward to getting sloshed on top-shelf dirty martinis and dishing on post-university whereabouts of former frenemies. Then, without warning, in walks Ch’acne. Eyes roll as memories of the sloppy sorority gal who stole all of your ex-boyfriends flash in front of you. Buzzkill. Who invited her anyway?

Grade: B+ …It’s December and C-Ron’s only stripped twice. Also, he may have more abs than we have fingers, but chest acne is for frat-boys; thumbs up (or sideways – hee) for the short-tent poppin’.

FRANCE SOCCERYoann Gourcuff

Normally, Yoann knows what we need and he gives it.

Generously.

Without wanting or expectation of anything in return. Such graciousness is truly unparalelled in the game of modern football. A knighthood? An honorary PhD? Head of Harrods? Let’s give all truly important titles to this man.

This weekend he took the time to de-robe without haste. Hear, hear.

Grade: C … However. The tying of the jersey over the shoulders like some sort of commission-hungry retail salesperson at Ralph Lauren does Mr. Gourcuff no favours.

In fact, teasing like this only serves to frustrate and is not in the good spirit of the season nor the game. Points docked.

SPAIN SOCCER PRIMERA DIVISIONSergio Ramos

So he’ll do flips and get wild during goal celebrations but our resident Spanish bad-boy merely teased us with his shoddy shirt lift-up.

We know and enjoy his obliques of steel, so why not just give them some air once every 10 minutes?

Grade: D … we are scoring the ability to REMOVE undergarments, not wave them around in the wind; the view from underneath saves him from absolute F(ail)

We’re short on Premier League skin exposure – if you have witnessed, please let us know asap so we can include!

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36 Responses to “Weekend Results: Clothing Removal Scorecard”

  1. lonelySTARSHINE says:

    <3 <3 <3 Gourcuff!!!!! <3 <3 <3

    But stupid cameras never film those moments for a long time, which always makes me angry!

  2. Regiii says:

    oh, adorable Italians and their tendency to get undressed after the matches!!!! what would my life be if there weren’t guys like DDR? lol

  3. aristeia says:

    Nananananananana Dani crotch! So proud of my capitan futuro, during and after the game! Viva la pazza gioia di essere Romanisti!

  4. Mel says:

    If Ronaldo was green, I would mistake him as the incredible hulk….

    I'm not impresset with his body, rather disgussed. It is too much. It almost looks like he is on steroids!

  5. jenny says:

    This really is the best blog in the history of the Internet. Bless you ladies! :)

  6. LizB (Mrs. Vucinic) says:

    Giving as always DDR, just in time for the holiday season (:

  7. bubbly_cheryl says:

    if i had a body like ronaldo (if i were a man) i would walk around naked!, or i would love to sneak into the changing rooms, what i wouldn’t give to see a sexy wet footballer in a towel just like rio and vida with the premiership trophy!(what a lucky trophy)

  8. Mel says:

    A very important aspect to this removing shirts is it is rewarded with a yellow card.

    Ramos is simply being smart, when he doesn't remove his shirt completely, like Ronaldo did.

    Ramos has a history of getting a lot of yellow cards…. A getting one for taking off his shirt, would be stupid. Let's save the yellow cards, for something better, like ensuring the opponent doesn't score….

    Some of you might not know this. Ronaldo got a yellow card for removing his shirt. I thought okay, that was stupid, but he is not the type to get yellow cards often.

    Think again. He kicked down his opponent when the game was coming to an end, he saw another yellow card, which translated into a red card.

    He had to leave the field.

    • bubbly_cheryl says:

      mel, surely they can remove their shirts at the end of the match, and throw them into the crowd or swap with opponents, and as long as what ronaldo’s actions don’t affect man utd- i don’t care (as much as would)

      • Mel says:

        Why would his actions affect man united, when he plays for real madrid, and they own him now?

        I just meant, to avoid getting a stupid yellow card, they should rather remove their shirt after that match/at half time, in stead of doing it during the match and get a yellow card for it.

        In fact shirts shoul always be removed at half time and the end of a game.

        That it is a stupid, to reward a player with a yellow card if he takes his shirt off during the game, is another matter.

        The should rather give yellow card to players who don't remove their shirt at half time and at the end of a game!!!

  9. teamtoto says:

    O_o at De Rossi….

  10. Liz says:

    Ahhhhhh Sergio. Just take it all off next time please. Come on! IT’S CHRISTMAS!

    And C-Ron gets turned on by himself, doesn’t he? If I looked as hot as him, or Cheryl Cole, I would too haha.

  11. boo says:

    pic's too small for me to see properly, but isn't that the area where C-Ron has chest hair? maybe the wax was too hot?

  12. Lidoli says:

    Ok, so I was watching the Real Madrid match and until almost the end of the second half I was doing my nails and thinking about the cocktails I was going to have and then………

    CRIS and HIS TORSO!!!! MY God! this guy is HOT!

    that’s it!!! Im packing and heading to Madrid!!!! :)

  13. Avenath says:

    We need more of this in the EPL!!!

  14. Inés says:

    cron’s stripping was a complete madness! I almost fainted when I saw that!

  15. carly says:

    Boo to Lashes sporting that ridiculous tie over his chest. Gah, you don’t do that to people!!

  16. Rocalover says:

    Hehehe you guys just made this very cold day , warmer!

  17. Lisa says:

    I try really hard to see what it is that girls love about The Ramos and I just can't figure it out. Maybe if there wasn't so much hotness on the rest of the team I would understand, but come on…you have Albiol, Iker, Jesus lovin' Kaka, even sexy daddy Raul-so what is with Sergio Ramos?

    Okay, I'll give him points for the chest-it is nice, but that hair is just blah.

    • Sasha says:

      Sergio has presence about him. A certain Je ne sais quoi. He's definitely an acquired taste. Like tofu and marmite.

      And I can not get enough tofu, marmite or Sergio Ramos García. =D

    • Mel says:

      What is it about The Ramos you ask?? Tsk!

      Hello, he’s 23, single and very, very rich!!!
      I’m guessing he has multiple houses around Spain, other than his enormous home in Madrid.

      He drives Audi’s and a huuuuuuge Porsche!

      And he is looking for the love of his life, a non famous, low-key girl. I <3

      (I'm sooo planning my wedding to him in my head…)

  18. Oh, hurry back, Kickette. I love me some nekkid Timmy!

  19. Venice says:

    Tim Cahill stripped after scoring in the Everton – Spurs match yesterday.

  20. lila says:

    I don’t care what anyone says, Yoann is always an A+ for me!!!

    • lulu says:

      I totally agree with you he is gorgeous!!
      i’d have him over cristiano anyday!

      • Rocalover says:

        I second that motion!!!!!!!!
        YoaNN ll the waaayy

        • Zo.acm says:

          And I third it… Yoann can do no wrong… he shouldn't even be graded, it goes without saying it'll be an A+ and extra credit for those lashes.

          I even like the way he knotted the t-shirt :P

  21. Merel says:

    Yoann is love.

  22. BS_Guapa_grl6 says:

    Oh Kickette u have def brought the heat on this cold gloomy winter!!!! This shows why football is the best sport ever :) I'm surprise there is no picture of Gatusso he is like the king of pleasing the ladies lol…well I'm off to inspect n save these pictures esp De Rossi's as my new screen saver…

  23. becca says:

    thank you god, they have got rid of base layers!