April 11th, 2011
Weekend Results: Hot Men Hugging
This picture is so full of win, we almost can’t stand it. Saddos? Pay attention. REAL men feel pain and give hugs. ’Kay? Image: Getty Images/Daylife
Morning team! With a magnificent week of football ahead, it is vital that you are fully conversant with the events in the major European leagues over the weekend. Several alternative sites would be happy, nay thrilled, to supply you with this information.
If you require a little more from your Weekend Results, such as incidents of manlove, facial hair related intrigue and the gratuitous exposure of abdominal muscles, you need not trouble your mouse hovering index finger any more. Scroll down at your leisure and immerse yourself in the only site that embraces the true meaning of ‘the beautiful game’.
You are with friends now.
Abou Diaby makes the most of a rare opportunity to show us what he’s made of. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio
If you support a team in the EPL whose name begins with ‘W’ and do not live in the pleasant environs of West Bromwich, chances are you are not a happy bunny this morning. Yes, West Ham, Wolverhampton Wanderers and Wigan Athletic all find themselves in the shadow of relegation after losing vital matches and although there are only seven points between twentieth place and eleventh, things are looking very gloomy.
The stand out fixture of the three was Bolton’s 3-0 stomp of West Ham, which prompted Bolton’s Zat Knight to comfort West Ham’s Chief Twit Carlton Cole with such tenderness we may never get over it. Chelsea took a while to stamp their authority over Wigan but eventually came away with a 1-0 win, while Wolves lost 3-0 at home to Everton. Not everyone was thrilled about this though; Jermaine Beckford took exception to being subbed by manager David Moyes in the second half and decided to tell him so. Whoops.
Spurs recovered from their Champions League disaster in midweek by beating Stoke 3-2, Peter Crouch offering a small apology for his sending off in that game with two goals, while Luka Modric got the third. West Brom beat Sunderland by the same scoreline, prompting further calls for manager Sunderland manager Steve Bruce to be sacked.
Elsewhere, Manchester United consolidated their position at the top with a comfortable 2-0 win over Fulham, Arsenal keeping up the pace with a 3-1 victory over a resilient Blackpool. Manchester City could leapfrog Chelsea this evening if they beat Liverpool.
Oh. And Fernando Torres didn’t score, prompting speculation that Roman Abramovich is considering selling the former Liverpool striker in the summer. Errr… pardon?
He’s back and scoring, but all the speculation is about his beard. And we thought we were the only ones with a facial hair obsession… Image: AP Photo/Daylife
With both Barcelona and Real Madrid collecting the three points necessary to maintain the gap at the top of the table, the big result in La Liga this weekend was Valencia’s 5-0 battering of rivals Villarreal. Roberto Soldado, who bagged four in last week’s fixture against Getafe, scored another brace in this game, while Juan Mata (left) also got two and Ever Banega one. Valencia are six points clear of the Yellow Submarine now, and look certain to finish in the coveted third place.
Image: Getty Images/Daylife
But before Barca fans perform the Kickette Victory Dance™ (please remember we take no responsibility for any police intervention that arises from this), we must mourn the injury to Baby Bojan, whose season is thought to be over after he suffered a serious knee injury during his side’s win over Almeria. On the plus side, he won’t have to train with Justin Bieber anymore.
Daniele De Rossi. He’s mad, he is. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio
Goals from Clarence Seedorf and Alexandre Pato were sufficient to give AC Milan the 2-1 result in the side’s game against Fiorentina, despite Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s continuing disciplinery issues (left). Milan maintain their three point lead at the top of the table but there’s no time for relaxation as Napoli continued their amazing march onwards with a 2-0 win away at Bologna and Inter aren’t far behind having beaten Chievo 2-0 on Saturday to stay in third.
All eyes were on the game at Stadio Friuli, though, where Francesco Totti scored a stoppage time winner to break Udinese hearts and take his team to a comfortable sixth place. He also scored from the spot early in the game, after a Giampiero Pinzi foul on David Pizarro in the box. Meanwhile, Lazio beat Parma 2-0 and took fourth, whilst Juventus narrowly beat Genoa 3-2 and are seventh.
Manuel Neuer presents his credentials for your viewing pleasure. Image: AP Photo/Daylife
If you’re a Bayern Munich fan, you’re more likely to be reeling from the news that coach Louis van Gaal has been sacked than Bayern’s 1-1 draw against Nuremburg. The decision, which will now lead to the kind of manager merry-go-round one would expect to see in English football, is unlikely to make Bayern’s late charge for the top of the table any easier.
Borussia Dortmund’s 1-1 draw with Hamburg might though. The league leaders were lucky to escape this tie with a point after Ruud van Nistelrooy’s thirty-ninth minute strike remained unanswered for the entire second half. It took a ninety-second minute goal from Jakub ‘Kuba’ Błaszczykowski to even things up and Dortmund’s five point lead will be noted with interest by second placed Bayer Leverkusen, who came from behind to beat St Pauli 2-1.
The ‘We’re sorry, what?’ award goes to Borussia Monchengladbach, who beat Koln 5-1 despite having spent most of the season languishing at the bottom of the table. They’re still at the bottom of the table, but it’s nice for the fans to have something to cheer about at least once a season, no?
Happy days at Lyon. Sigh. Images: Reuters/Daylife
Three unanswered goals against Lens see Lyon in third position in Ligue 1, a mere five points off the top spot. Is it too late for a drive to the title? It isn’t if Lille make a habit of throwing points away as they did against Monaco this weekend (Gervinho’s (left) sending off for offences against hair didn’t help). The 1-0 away defeat gave Marseille the perfect opportunity to narrow the gap between first and second to one point, but a 2-2 home draw against Toulouse kept it to three. A couple more wins for Lyon could see things become very interesting for the neutral as we move into the final eight games.
Former leaders Rennes look to have taken themselves out of the title race entirely after a 2-0 defeat to Brest pushed them into fourth. It wasn’t a great weekend for Bordeaux either, who continued their patchy run of form with a 0-0 draw at home to Arles-Avignon. Yes, that Arles-Avignon. Who have been bottom all season. We sent the matter to the Kickette ‘Mayhem and Fruit Beverages Dept’ for scientific analysis and they have confirmed that it is unlikely Arles will finish top, despite this astounding draw.
Brilliant work there, ladies.
Can you do better than that, Kickettes? Let’s hope so.