April 4th, 2011
Weekend Results: Myopic Merriment
Emmanual Adebayor succinctly shows how, often times, football’s loss can be Kickette’s gain. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.
This weekend’s return to league action was abtastic, as you’ll soon find in our photo-heavy recap. It may be a good idea to wear your Chanel facemask while reading.
Before we start, though, allow us to pick your brains a bit. Are there any leagues chock full of torsos, wet men or bitcherfacers that we fail to regularly cover? Sound off, guys and dolls, because this is your chance to spread the cheery spirit and cheeky delight that “other” domestic leagues have on offer. Plus, we may get a sudden surge of motivation next week and feature one reader’s recommendation.
It’s not a guarantee – more like wishful thinking – but hey, it could happen.
Drinking problem, Wayne? Image: Getty Images/Daylife
Oh Wayne. You just can’t help yourself, can you? Manchester United are 2-0 down at half time away at West Ham, you come out and score a magnificent fourteen minute hat-trick, and all anyone is talking about this morning is the vile verbiage you hurled at a TV camera during your celebration.
Seriously, between this and your apparent inability to refresh yourself from a specially designed beverage bottle (above) we’re beginning to wonder whether you might need an eye test. Did you mistake the camera for the referee?
Speaking of visual impairment, Spurs obviously had half an eye on Tuesday’s ma-hoo-sive fixture against Real Madrid, causing them to drop points away to relegation threatened Wigan Athletic. Meanwhile, Kenny Dalglish questioned the quality of referee Martin Atkinson’s eyecare arrangements, with his Liverpool side falling to a 2-1 defeat against West Bromwich Albion.
Both West Brom goals came via controversial Chris Brunt penalties while Martin Skrtl struck for Liverpool. Former Liverpool & current West Brom manager Roy Hodgson presumably enjoyed the last laugh.
Another surprise emerged in the unlikely environs of the Britannia Stadium, where Stoke City took an early lead against Chelsea. Didier Drogba (left) equalised after thirty-three minutes but last year’s champs were unable to break the deadlock and now find themselves eleven points adrift of leaders Manchester United. Arsenal also dropped unlikely points; their tormentors being Blackburn Rovers. Despite being fourteenth in the table, Rovers held the Adorkables to a 0-0 draw and seriously damaged their chances of beating Manchester United to the title.
Image: Getty Images/Zimbio
Finally, both Manchester City and Fulham emphatically beat unfortunate opposition to consolidate position in the EPL table. Fulham smashed three past a hapless Blackpool side, a resurgent Bobby Zamora scoring two. At the City of Manchester Stadium, Roberto Mancini’s men scored an impressive five against Sunderland, taking them to within ten points of rivals United. Woop!
Yes, we have placed a call to Shakira RE the goal celebration ish. Hopefully it will be resolved soon. Image: AP Photo/Daylife
It would’ve been a wild n’wacky pundit predicting that Sporting Gijon would have a decisive effect on the outcome of La Liga this season. But the struggling side potentially put paid to Real Madrid’s hopes of snatching the title from Barca with a shock 1-0 win, simultaneously ending Jose Mourinho’s incredible nine year unbeaten run at home. Barcelona were able to pull eight points clear of Real with a Gerard Pique inspired 1-0 victory over Villareal, who are now drifting in fourth.
Valencia continued their comfortable canter toward a third place finish with a 4-2 away win over Getafe, all four of their goals coming from Roberto Soldado. Diego Costa also filled his boots in Atletico Madrid’s 3-2 away win over Osasuna; he scored a hat trick.
Hello, Kevin Prince Boeteng. Were you looking for us? Image: Getty Images/Zimbio
AC Milan have maintained their three point lead at the top of the table after a 3-0 victory over rivals Inter. Alexandre Pato scored two, but the cupcake for ‘Most Eventful Game’ goes to Antonio Cassano, who got himself yellow carded, scored a last minute penalty and was then sent off for a second yellow.
Further bad news for Inter came on Sunday as Napoli powered to yet another Edinson Cavani inspired victory; 4-3 over Lazio sending them into second place and pushing Inter back to third. Interesting times in Milan, no?
Image: AP Photo/Daylife
Roma slipped to sixth after a 2-0 defeat to Juventus. Kickette favourite Milos Krasic scored first for Juve, his work consolidated by Alessandro Matri midway through the second half. Udinese lost ground in their fight for Champions League qualification, their 2-0 defeat to league strugglers Lecce also giving a leg up to Lazio.
Friday night’s Bundesliga game between St Pauli and Schalke 04 was halted in the eighty-eighth minute after a linesman was struck by a plastic cup full of beer, reportedly thrown from the crowd. Schalke were 2-0 up at the time, and are likely to be awarded three points for the victory after an investigation this week.
Top two Borussia Dortmund and Bayer Leverkusen both held their nerve to take three points from their respective ties, although Dortmund were slightly more convincing with their 4-1 victory over Hannover. Leverkusen scored a seventy-fourth minute goal against FC Kaiserslautern and trail Dortmund by seven points.
Also leaving it relatively late were Bayern Munich, who took seventy-seven minutes to score against bottom placed Borussia Monchengladbach. Arjen Robben did the damage, sending his team into third place and seven points behind Leverkusen.
Lille’s Eden Hazard demonstrates that pretending to sing into a flag is a more credible goal celebration than the collapsing star jump that was Gerard Pique’s. We’re just saying. Image: Getty Images/Daylife
A 3-1 win against Caen saw Lille consolidate their position at the top of Ligue 1; they are now four points clear of second placed Marseille who beat Lens 1-0. Third placed Rennes failed to keep up pace though, a 0-0 draw against lowly Auxerre left them training by three points.
Meanwhile, Lyon were stunned by a two goal stoppage time comeback by Nice, who ended up drawing their game 2-2. Having led 2-0 for the entire second half, they conceded first a penalty in the ninetieth minute, then Renato Civelli scored the equaliser after ninety four minutes.
Elsewhere, bottom placed side Arles were defeated 2-0 by Monaco. We’ve come to terms with this though, having liberally doused ourselves in sufficient quantities of cough mixture to make everything seem warm and fuzzy.
How’re you feeling now, Kickettes? Light-headed, sniffly and exhausted, like us? Do tell…