April 4th, 2011

Weekend Results: Myopic Merriment

Emmanual Adebayor succinctly shows how, often times, football’s loss can be Kickette’s gain. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

This weekend’s return to league action was abtastic, as you’ll soon find in our photo-heavy recap. It may be a good idea to wear your Chanel facemask while reading.

Before we start, though, allow us to pick your brains a bit. Are there any leagues chock full of torsos, wet men or bitcherfacers that we fail to regularly cover? Sound off, guys and dolls, because this is your chance to spread the cheery spirit and cheeky delight that “other” domestic leagues have on offer. Plus, we may get a sudden surge of motivation next week and feature one reader’s recommendation.

It’s not a guarantee – more like wishful thinking – but hey, it could happen.


Drinking problem, Wayne? Image: Getty Images/Daylife

Oh Wayne. You just can’t help yourself, can you? Manchester United are 2-0 down at half time away at West Ham, you come out and score a magnificent fourteen minute hat-trick, and all anyone is talking about this morning is the vile verbiage you hurled at a TV camera during your celebration.

Seriously, between this and your apparent inability to refresh yourself from a specially designed beverage bottle (above) we’re beginning to wonder whether you might need an eye test. Did you mistake the camera for the referee?

Speaking of visual impairment, Spurs obviously had half an eye on Tuesday’s ma-hoo-sive fixture against Real Madrid, causing them to drop points away to relegation threatened Wigan Athletic. Meanwhile, Kenny Dalglish questioned the quality of referee Martin Atkinson’s eyecare arrangements, with his Liverpool side falling to a 2-1 defeat against West Bromwich Albion.

Both West Brom goals came via controversial Chris Brunt penalties while Martin Skrtl struck for Liverpool. Former Liverpool & current West Brom manager Roy Hodgson presumably enjoyed the last laugh.

Another surprise emerged in the unlikely environs of the Britannia Stadium, where Stoke City took an early lead against Chelsea. Didier Drogba  (left) equalised after thirty-three minutes but last year’s champs were unable to break the deadlock and now find themselves eleven points adrift of leaders Manchester United. Arsenal also dropped unlikely points; their tormentors being Blackburn Rovers. Despite being fourteenth in the table, Rovers held the Adorkables to a 0-0 draw and seriously damaged their chances of beating Manchester United to the title.

Image: Getty Images/Zimbio

Finally, both Manchester City and Fulham emphatically beat unfortunate opposition to consolidate position in the EPL table. Fulham smashed three past a hapless Blackpool side, a resurgent Bobby Zamora scoring two. At the City of Manchester Stadium, Roberto Mancini’s men scored an impressive five against Sunderland, taking them to within ten points of rivals United. Woop!

La Liga

Yes, we have placed a call to Shakira RE the goal celebration ish. Hopefully it will be resolved soon. Image: AP Photo/Daylife

It would’ve been a wild n’wacky pundit predicting that Sporting Gijon would have a decisive effect on the outcome of La Liga this season. But the struggling side potentially put paid to Real Madrid’s hopes of snatching the title from Barca with a shock 1-0 win, simultaneously ending Jose Mourinho’s incredible nine year unbeaten run at home. Barcelona were able to pull eight points clear of Real with a Gerard Pique inspired 1-0 victory over Villareal, who are now drifting in fourth.

Valencia continued their comfortable canter toward a third place finish with a 4-2 away win over Getafe, all four of their goals coming from Roberto Soldado. Diego Costa also filled his boots in Atletico Madrid’s 3-2 away win over Osasuna; he scored a hat trick.

Other results of note included Hercules 3-1 away win over Real Sociedad and Levante’s victory over Malaga by the same scoreline.

Serie A

Hello, Kevin Prince Boeteng. Were you looking for us? Image: Getty Images/Zimbio

AC Milan have maintained their three point lead at the top of the table after a 3-0 victory over rivals Inter. Alexandre Pato scored two, but the cupcake for ‘Most Eventful Game’ goes to Antonio Cassano, who got himself yellow carded, scored a last minute penalty and was then sent off for a second yellow.

Further bad news for Inter came on Sunday as Napoli powered to yet another Edinson Cavani inspired victory; 4-3 over Lazio sending them into second place and pushing Inter back to third. Interesting times in Milan, no?

Image: AP Photo/Daylife

Roma slipped to sixth after a 2-0 defeat to Juventus. Kickette favourite Milos Krasic scored first for Juve, his work consolidated by Alessandro Matri midway through the second half. Udinese lost ground in their fight for Champions League qualification, their 2-0 defeat to league strugglers Lecce also giving a leg up to Lazio.


Friday night’s Bundesliga game between St Pauli and Schalke 04 was halted in the eighty-eighth minute after a linesman was struck by a plastic cup full of beer, reportedly thrown from the crowd. Schalke were 2-0 up at the time, and are likely to be awarded three points for the victory after an investigation this week.

Top two Borussia Dortmund and Bayer Leverkusen both held their nerve to take three points from their respective ties, although Dortmund were slightly more convincing with their 4-1 victory over Hannover. Leverkusen scored a seventy-fourth minute goal against FC Kaiserslautern and trail Dortmund by seven points.

Also leaving it relatively late were Bayern Munich, who took seventy-seven minutes to score against bottom placed Borussia Monchengladbach. Arjen Robben did the damage, sending his team into third place and seven points behind Leverkusen.

Fifth placed Mainz lost the initiative at home against SC Freiburg, only managing a 1-1 draw, while Torsten Frings scored for twelfth placed Werder Bremen in their 1-1 draw against Stuttgart.

Ligue 1

Lille’s Eden Hazard demonstrates that pretending to sing into a flag is a more credible goal celebration than the collapsing star jump that was Gerard Pique’s. We’re just saying. Image: Getty Images/Daylife

A 3-1 win against Caen saw Lille consolidate their position at the top of Ligue 1; they are now four points clear of second placed Marseille who beat Lens 1-0. Third placed Rennes failed to keep up pace though, a 0-0 draw against lowly Auxerre left them training by three points.

Meanwhile, Lyon were stunned by a two goal stoppage time comeback by Nice, who ended up drawing their game 2-2. Having led 2-0 for the entire second half, they conceded first a penalty in the ninetieth minute, then Renato Civelli scored the equaliser after ninety four minutes.

Elsewhere, bottom placed side Arles were defeated 2-0 by Monaco. We’ve come to terms with this though, having liberally doused ourselves in sufficient quantities of cough mixture to make everything seem warm and fuzzy.

How’re you feeling now, Kickettes? Light-headed, sniffly and exhausted, like us? Do tell…

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61 Responses to “Weekend Results: Myopic Merriment”

  1. IheartSpain says:

    Yes, we love women's football. Canada is ranked 6th – yeah! and England's ladies' goalie plays for ladies Vancouver Whitecaps during the summer and she is AWESOME.

  2. xbabyshakesx says:

    heart broken as a gunner and madridista
    but am happy for Bayern

  3. FloraJane says:

    The only bright spot I saw this weekend was Bobby Zamora's performance in the Fulham match. He was fantastic! I do hope he gets another England call up. As for that hideous statue, Mr. Fayed is fully entitled to spend his money however he chooses but to put the thing at their stadium makes absolutely no sense. And telling the fans who are objecting to it to basically f-off makes even less sense.

    Also congrats to Stoke for that point they earned off my boys at Chelsea. They fully deserved it- much as I hate to admit it. It's not that my boys played poorly- they didn't. But Stoke were just as good. I've always said Tony Pulis doesn't get the credit he deserves. I think he should be in the frame for the England manager's job when Capello finishes.

    Also, I've always tried to like Wayne Rooney, but there's no getting around it anymore- he's an a**hole.

  4. Winnie Mata says:

    meh…Benfica is still in second, and as usual, Sporting is still playing catch-up ;)

  5. Winnie Mata says:

    what a horrible weekend.
    no words for Real, and Arsenal is just pissing me off.
    i cannot wait till this season is over and i can breathe
    i am SO on edge lately.

    on another note…The Prince is looking positively delectable.
    he brought a little sunshine to this rainy day
    (it's seriously raining where i am…no pun)

  6. MercedesPaz says:


  7. Agnes Wonka says:

    Wazza I worship you…..no matter what!!!
    I support you for being strong – tempered, like me :)

  8. balicious says:

    I was fapping over the abs in the above picture but then i realized that i was looking to Adebayor aaaaah :/

  9. Pamela W.G. says:

    Rooney is so full of anger, he scores an awesome hattrick and starts swearing at the camera. He should learn a little from Chicharito, I just love his BIG BIG smile on the fourth goal. http://twitpic.com/4g31f5

  10. Sarah, Madrid says:

    :( , Iker looked disappionted and I was too babe. I loved Ronaldo in the beginning of the game, that was an *aww* moment, then I dont what happened to my boys, we looked like we throw the towel for Liga, . Ade I hoped you looked in front of the goal as good you looked in the picture.

    Oh well, we lose one, win one, it is football, teams sometime loses, although I am saying it with a broken heart, Kudos Barcelona for officially winning Liga :) . Hala Madrid

  11. Caderyn says:

    I just think the Bundesliga needs to be stalked more. Just look at any one of the rosters and you'll find pah-lenty of hot guys.

  12. Jen says:

    Heart broken that my Reds lost to their former manager….Roy Hodgsen really pulled one over on us. It was a terrible weekend for results except Barca. I hated seeing Man U come back from 2 down……

  13. @DebStimson says:

    I missed the Barca game but saw the highlights. I really wanted to see that game too. : Pique's goal was spectacular and the assist from Busi…fantastic. But the celebration? I had to smh at that one. Such a silly man he is!

  14. @DebStimson says:

    I can't stand him either. He just seems a bit arrogant to me and seems to have anger control issues. Of course, cheating on your wife when she's about to give birth to YOUR baby certainly didn't help his cause in my eyes. I'm sorry but just because you are a good footballer doesn't excuse behavior like that.

  15. mochara says:

    Ugh does anyone else just hate so see Wayne Rooney doing well? Am I just bitter?! Poor Arsenal, they're gonna have to give it their all from now on…. love them all the same <33

    • @DebStimson says:

      no, I hate it too. Wish it was Chicharito or Berbatov who got the hat trick, especially since I doubt they would have cursed right at the camera for God and everyone to see. =

    • Jen says:

      I really hate Rooney as well!! It's tough even when he pulls on the England jersey. He is a horrible thug, and a conceited little Shrek!

  16. lorena_yGp says:

    Lyon won,Pique scored=Barce won, MANCHESTER WOOOON!!! and what a hell of a game that was- I lost my voice :-)
    P.S. and Real lost so ALELUJA!!!

  17. stargirl_candy says:

    where's the bayern pics?

  18. Bri says:

    =D so happy about the Porto win. Hell yes. I was waiting around all day on Sunday sooooo excited.

  19. osama khalid says:

    NO DOUBt that this season is going to be won by MANUNITED…

  20. Marie says:

    Best weekend ever!!!
    First India wins the cricket world cup (YAY!), then real madrid lose, then Barca win ….oh i jus want to freeze this moment!!!!

  21. Lotte says:

    I forgot: A big cheer for Milan! Hooray!!

  22. Soon2beWifeOfNAsri says:

    You know the saying if you dont have something nice to say dont say nothing at all….well that firmly applies to arsenal. A bunch of chokers, am beyond the stage where i expect us to fail, real champions fight till the end ala MAN UTD 2-0 down at half time and fricking win 4-2….shame Rooney had to overshadow a amazinf come back with his angry fuelled comments…

    Anyways we can't even score against a Blackburn a team that have no clean sheets away this season, and that have lost every away game in 2011. Loool oh well we had nothing to lose anyway. The title went tits up at Newcastle anyhow, i know our fans are quite at the grove but bloody hell, the atmosphere was dire!

    Congrats man utd for winning your 19th premier league title!

    Disgruntled Gooner.

  23. Deanna says:

    Only highlights of the weekend:
    Theo, Cesc, Song all finally returned and Van Persie isn't injured.
    PIPITA is back
    David Silva was amazing and got a goal.

  24. Sergz says:

    When West Ham scored their second penalty I trashed my living room a bit. Crisps and pillows were flying everywhere. Heh. But, oh my God what a comeback! I haven't been so happy in months! I don't give a damn about Rooney swearing in front of the camera, what I was doing in the privacy of my own home was worse.

  25. diana says:

    We fucking won the derby!!!!!!!!!FORZA MILAN!
    I'm still very excited.The team was brilliant, played a fantastic game.
    Couldn't ask for a better weekend; Barca won, Bayern won!

  26. Kitty1979 says:

    Am I the only one who thinks the FA charging Rooney is a complete load of s**t. I mean come on! Don't get me wrong I don't agree with what he said but the guy practically saved United's ass on Saturday. What next?Are the FA going to charge every single player who swears on the pitch if they're caught on camera?
    He apologised straight after the game. Fine him if you will but a two match ban yer havin a laugh. The FA are joke!
    I can't help but think that if it was any other player this wouldn't be an issue……………………

    • @DebStimson says:

      Gotta disagree with you on that one. Do you know how many kids watch the games and idolize Rooney? These guys should be held to a higher standard of professionalism, imo. I sure hope he doesn't get "caught up in the moment" around Kai. It won't be cute once he's old enough to start repeating what he hears his parents, etc. say. And Rooney didn't just get "caught on camera" dropping the "f-bomb", he went UP TO the camera and said it straight to the camera…on.purpose. it was a "OMG I can't believe he just did that!" moment for me.

      And seriously? He should be let off the hook because he "saved United's ass on Saturday. " If that's really what you meant, that's a pretty lame excuse, imo.

  27. Lashes says:

    Both my teams played like crap, but only one lost and it wasn't the right one. STUPID Liverpool unable to keep up their good play. Actually went to the winning game, which apart from the fresh air and sun was a complete waist off time, I almost died from boredom (they play danish second best league).

    This weekend made me cheer for Arsenal, only because I can't stand the thought of ManU winning the league! EEEEEEW

    Thanks for the abs and an almost secure la liga win for Barca!

  28. BarceLisa says:

    Good to see some love for Kevin-Prince. And Adebayor WOW i never knew he was so abtastic. Great weekend for me, all my teams won. Nothing more to say than that really…

    This weekend I almost OD'd on Schadenfreude thanks to you-know-who losing his home unbeaten streak, after earlier accusing Sporting Gijon of lying down against Barca.

    Speaking of, I'm surprised no one else is talking about the tweet Kickette posted (see right) of Shakira being a Real Madrid fan. Hey, we all make mistakes right? Besides, Geri doesn't seem to care.

    The EPL action was out of control this weekend. Fergie was right when he said United played like Champions. That second half was amazing to watch. Title number 19, here we come!

    Lots of love for AC Milan for their derby win. Rossanera is still celebrating, Party on girl.

    • Thea says:

      Am so happy! cheers me up – only bright spark in being half way around the world working with really bad flu!

      • Lotte says:

        It's good to know that the guys are doing what they can to cheer you up, isn't it? Now if they could only get a few past the Shakthar goalie you would be right as rain, wouldn't you? Here's to your health!

    • OD on schadenfreude=genius phrase. I'm going to use it at work today! I couldn't believe Mou and RM lost at home. Didn't watch the game. I do want to give a shout out to Villareal. They played their hearts out (and didn't sit back to ball watch or hope for a mistake) and had it not been for VV, Santi Cazorla was on the way to equalizing.

    • Irena says:

      Shakira's songs have been playing at Santiago Bernabeu since quite sometime although they've stopped now :P and she was given a shirt (number 4) by Real Madrid president back in 2004 so yes, she was apparently a RM fan

      • Siv says:

        They haven't stopped. "Loca" was still playing before the Sporting Gijon game.

        • Sarah, Madrid says:

          The shakira banning was a joke, april fool and it was number 5 because she liked zizo and she was??! You know she can still support Real Madrid while dating a barcelona player, this could only spice the relation more ;)

  29. JA7 says:

    Double heartbreak for me this weekend </3
    first Liverpool lose to west brom..i think the second penalty was unneccessary :(
    then ARSENAL end up having a goalles draw!!!!! that was just awful :( n poor nasri got a huge bump on his head *kisses it better*
    buh arsenal srsly dont let man united win the title this season.. :( </3

    • JA7 says:

      Oh yeah it was Ibrahim Afellay's birthday this weekend! Happy Belated birthdaaaaaaay hottie! <3

    • Leya_S says:

      The worst part is that usually, if Arsenal is not gonna win the title, I'll cheer for Liverpool, and then after that, any other team except Spurs and ManU…..except for the part where the only team that can realistically take the title from ManU IS Arsenal, so I can't even be like "Well at least Liverpool will win it" or something.

      • JA7 says:

        I know rite..it's just heartbreaking for me to see Arsenal play this way :( lik there are still a few games left and i styll have hope..though i just hope im nah bein blindly optimistic..

  30. Zoey says:

    Um, point of correction AC Milan are now 5 points clear not 3. By the way Pato confirmed or almost confirmed that he and barbara berlusconi are dating. He said he dedicated his goal to the fans and his girlfriend, when asked who that was he said that everyone knew who she was because she was cheering for him in the stands.

  31. nandosfreckles says:

    You know, Rooney should take goal celebration advice from Pique, but the outcome wouldn't be as cute.

    Also, I am so sad for my Liverpool boys, what a great start it was then everything went downhill. The chances of 4th place don't look so great but I hope I'll be eating my words soon.

  32. Bri says:

    Kickette…you failed to mention PORTO WON THE CLASSICO…=D love love kiss kiss

  33. Lotte says:

    This weekends most beautiful moment (apart from the one where Valeria Iniesta Ortiz saw the light of day for the first time) was when "Hottie" Perotti and "EYES" Navas embraced after they both had collaborated to give Sevilla their first goal. What a sight! Thank you!

    Victor "sex" Valdes was on fire!! Thank you for that!

    Lastly, thank you Adebayor for showing us you fantastic abs!

  34. blitzenTO says:

    God bless Manolo Preciado! Iker face! Visca Barca!

    Best. Weekend. Ever.

  35. Sergz says:

    When West Ham conceded their second penalty I trashed my living room a bit. Crisps and pillows were flying everywhere. Heh. But, oh my God what a comeback! I haven’t been so happy in months! I don’t give a damn about Rooney swearing in front of the camera, what I was doing in the privacy of my own home was worse.

  36. Nicole says:

    I don't know any complete leagues that need to be covered, but I do know that Alberto Lora of Sporting Gijon in La Liga should get covered. I don't know that I've seen him on your website before but he certainly should be. Very handsome and sweaty!

  37. Kait says:

    As a RM fan, I could not believe it when they lost to Sporting. It was horrible! Plus Iker looked so sad, and a sad Iker = a very sad me. I guess I still have the Champions League. Hala Madrid!

    • D0li says:

      At first I was supprised, then pissed. I can't believe all our top players are injured and the rest of the team couldn't hold down base and score some points.. now all hopes are gone and I have a feeling UEFA is too..

      Will Ronaldo be fit by Tuesday? Who knows!

    • MadridistaJenn says:

      Agreed. Any loss is painful, but a Sporting loss is like a root canal without meds.
      On a more positive note, there's Tottenham tomorrow and Pipita is back!
      Hala Madrid!

      • @DebStimson says:

        " and Pipita is back! "

        And he almost scored on his first game back. Glad to hear he felt fine after the game.

        And Sporting's goal….who the heck was supposed to be covering that guy?! As gutted as I was over the loss, I actually loved how everyone, including Iker was involved in trying to score. The passing just was not there for Madrid. And DiMaria, pass the darn ball please. I really hate when guys think they can take on 3 players and not lose the ball, especially against a team that's playing well defensively. :

        • Sarah, Madrid says:

          Although I believed Liga was over since Deportivo game, but still it is very painful to see your club lose at home.Ramos should have covered it but Mourinho went all in by playing 3-4-3 and pushing forward including Ramos to get a goal, he risked it to win, it didnt pay off:(. That was such a great scene seeing Pipita back, he is not like only back, he is back for real to play and just seeing him on the pitch, made every pain go away. There is a UCL and CDR, we have to fight, HALA MADRID.

  38. gin_in_teacups says:

    This weekend? Head. Meet desk. Not good for either of my teams. Fortunately, I can concentrate on the fact that I should be in Madrid this week going to the CL match, but instead I'm stuck writing a never ending succession of essays for school. Nothing like your studies to take your mind off the football! Wait… I think that's supposed to be the other way around… Come on boys, I need wins from you to lift me out of the grad school doldrums! Especially you Real. You best play to win against Spurs. But if for some horrifying reason you don't, Sergio, I am here to comfort you. Call me.

  39. hereforthenando says:

    Losing to Roy Hodgson's West Brom was a bitter pill to swallow. He couldn't win any games when he was with us, but when he goes to manage a relegation-zone club, he can beat us? Liverpool need to be consistent, dear god. Consistently good, though. I would hate to see them play like that every week!

  40. Leya_S says:

    Umm so this is the best weekend update ever bc the pics are BRILL.
    Oh Arsenal. There just AREN'T excuses anymore for them. I don't know what else to say. They played a man up with most of the team finally healthy and still failed to deliver. ManU was behind going into their 2nd half, but they got the job done. The Gunners need to do the same. We can't keep dropping points when its crucial, its ridiculous.
    Plus side: GERARD PIQUE SCORED!!!! And was on television the night of the 31st in an Informe Robinson special!
    Also, not a RM fan, but I was sad for Jose and his like 9-year unbeaten-at-home streak finally being broken. :( Love you Mou!

    Lastly SUPPORT WOMEN'S FOOTBALL!! US and England played a friendly on Saturday at Leyton Orient (refereed, of course, by the most famous female ref this side of creation, Sian Massey). Game was AMAZING! I was sad for the USA's unbeaten-in-a-friendly-since-2004 streak being broken, but the Brits played absolutely fantastic! Women's World Cup 2K11 will be awesome.

    • Crackers says:

      Yes, women's football needs our support too….sure we love our WAGs but I'm more thrilled by the ladies who ARE the 'ballers.

      And dear God in heaven, both my fav teams lost this weekend. I want a drink, stat.