January 31st, 2011
Weekend Results: Pointy Fingers & Pretences
Another volunteer for the Kickette nudey calender? Step this way please, Mr Eto’0. And please remove your shorts. Getty Images/Zimbio)
In the spirit of inconsistency that we like to think has become our byword of late, we chose to ignore the Coupe de France results last week in favour of an early lunch and cocktails. This week, we are going to provide you with a rundown of the English FA Cup results in place of the EPL, risking a late lunch and moodiness throughout the rest of the day.
All complaints at our cavalier attitude toward European domestic cup competition should be addressed thusly: Person In Charge, Dept of Whothehellcares, Kickette Office, The Pub, Chiswick.
Thanks for your interest!
English FA Cup
The gods of football saw fit to suspend the EPL fixtures this weekend to help us avoid any transfer related Spanish boy wranglings, but we confess, it’s going to be hard to get through a whole post without mentioning it. Whoops.
Moving swiftly on, the FA Cup threw up one or two surprises this weekend (as it is wont to do) but results largely went to form. After a short scare, Arsenal beat League 1 side Huddersfield by two goals to one, an early Huddersfield own goal cancelled out firstly by Sebastien Squillaci’s sending off, then Alan Lee’s second half equaliser. It was down to Captain Cescy to sort it out, a late penalty saving Arsenal’s blushes. They play Leyton Orient away in the fifth round. (Image via elpais.com)
Fellow North Londoners’ Spurs were not so fortunate however; they were smashed 4-0 by Fulham, all the goals scored in the first half. Two fouls in the penalty area, the second sufficient to see Michael Dawson sent off, allowed Danny Murphy to slot two penalties home. Brede Hangeland and Moussa Dembele did the rest, landing themselves with a tie against either Bolton or Wigan, depending on who wins their replay. The first tie was a 0-0 draw.
We don’t usually have much cause to mention non-league Crawley Town (left) on Kickette. But they forced themselves onto our radar this weekend with a shock 1-0 away win against Torquay United. Why should you care, we hear you ask? Because they drew Manchester United at Old Trafford in the next round, y’see. We’ve already sent the interns into the cellar to dust off all of our favourite clichés for the occasion; expect to see much ‘giantkilling’ and mention of ‘minnows’ in our report. Hurrah!
We were planning to lead with Sevilla’s 3-3 draw with Deportivo La Coruna this weekend, on the grounds that a few of you have pointed out we never mention them and we’re in quite a good mood. Then Real Madrid lost to Osasuna and the world turned upside down.
The 1-0 defeat for Mou’s team leaves them seven points behind Barcelona, whose imperious form continued with a 3-0 win over Hercules (the man on the left scored not one, but two. Again). Those in the know (‘proper’ football journalists etc) reckon that Real’s title chances are ovah - a matter we feel certain will not cause any arguing in our comments section. Sigh. (AP Photo/Daylife)
Malaga and Levante both lost their games and consequently prop up the table. That’ll teach ‘em.
Borussia Dortmund also look unchallenged at the top of their table; a comprehensive 3-0 win over Wolfsburg taking them a virtually unassailable eleven points clear. Closest rivals Bayer Leverkusen beat Hannover 96 by two goals to nil, leaving Hannover in fifth place.
Inexorably rising up the table after a poor start have been Bayern Munich, their latest win (3-1 away at Werder Bremen) puts them in third. Arjen Robben is back in the goals, but honours must be offered to Per Mertesacker who helpfully contributed a goal to both sides.
Despite a 1-0 victory at Eintracht Frankfurt, Borussia Monchengladbach remain rooted to the bottom of the table on sixteen points. They share their unenviable position with Vfb Stuttgart, who lost to Freiburg by the same margin.
Back with a full fixture schedule after a winter break, Arles-Avignon began the new year as they finished the last. Yes, they were beaten; this time 2-1 by Paris St Germain. We realise that our continuing coverage of their travails may be placing undue pressure on them, but after an editorial meeting we have decided to continue covering them. It’s like a drug to us, you see.
At the other end of the table, (a place that the Arles players have only heard rumour of), Lille sit proudly, a 1-0 win over Lens giving them the three points. Tulio De Melo scored and flashed his tum to celebrate (left). Lyon are in third despite a 2-1 defeat to Valenciennes, and Rennes slip to fourth after a heavy 5-1 defeat to tenth place Sochaux. (Reuters/Daylife)
That has got to hurt.
Inter Milan’s 3-2 victory over Palermo came via a Samuel Eto’o penalty, a result we are pleased with as it led directly to a topless moment (top); something increasingly hard to find with that pesky yellow card for taking ones’ shirt off rule. Inter are now on thirty eight points alongside Roma.
Edinson Cavani (left) scored his second hat trick of the season and took his tally to a massive seventeen goals in Napoli’s 4-0 win over Sampdoria, whilst Juventus slipped to seventh after a 2-1 defeat to Udinese. (Reuters/Daylife)
AC Milan’s new signing Mark Van Bommel managed to make a splash on his debut; unfortunately it was directly into an early bath after he was sent off in Milan’s 2-0 win over Catania. Goals from Robinho and Zlatan Ibrahimovic (who else?) confirmed the Rossoneri’s position at the top of the league, they are currently four points clear.
‘On topic without too much snarking’ is the order of the day in the comments please, Kickettes. Make us proud.