March 26th, 2012

Weekend Results: Queries & Revisionist Theories

Boca was one of three players sent off during a particularly feisty Old Firm derby yesterday. The ref obviously hadn’t received our memo about keeping players with hot thighs on the pitch regardless of crap tackling ability. Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

Quick, get us an iced latte and a muscular midfielder, stat!

We don’t have to explain why, just someone please do it.

EPL


Invasion of Raheem Sterling’s personal space was only one of the accusations being thrown at Kenny Dalglish on Saturday. Image: AFP PHOTO/IAN MacNICOL.

Kenny Dalglish’s management career at Anfield is under scrutiny after an embarrassing 2-1 defeat to relegation threatened Wigan at Anfield. Wigan took the lead via a Shaun Maloney penalty, before Luis Suarez struck from a Gerrard pass. The Uruguayan then had one disallowed, giving way to Gary Caldwell’s 63rd minute strike and  speculation about King Kenny’s tenure coming to an end.

A message of support from Fabrice Muamba and tributes to the player from both sets of fans before the game spurred Bolton on to a 2-1 victory over Blackburn, while Chelsea and Spurs cancelled each other out in the early kick-off on Saturday.  Arsenal are three points clear of their North London rivals after a 3-0 victory over troubled Aston Villa, while a win for Manchester United tonight vs. Fulham would see them rise above City by the same margin.

The Blues could only draw 1-1 with Stoke City. If you haven’t seen Peter Crouch’s first half goal, you should probably check it out now.

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La Liga

Both cute, but today we’d lean toward the non-tattooed Soldado midriff over Alexis’ inked one. You? Images: JAVIER SORIANO/AFP/Getty Images, David Ramos/Getty Images.

Cristiano Ronaldo scored his 100th goal for Real Madrid in their 5-1 defeat of Real Sociedad, while Gerard Pique surprised himself and everybody else with a goal in Barca’s 2-0 away win over Mallorca. The gap at the top is now six points, which makes for a slightly more interesting run in than we were anticipating just a couple of weeks ago.

Getafe picked up a handy three points after beating third-placed Valencia 3-1 and Sporting Gijon snatched an equaliser late in their game vs. Bilbao, but the big news at the bottom was Real Zaragoza’s 1-0 victory over Atletico Madrid. Apono took the points for his side with a penalty in the 90th minute, denting Atletico’s hopes of European football next season, but no one at Zaragoza will be getting too excited – despite the rare win they remain bottom of the heap with nine games to go.

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Serie A

It’s fair to say that morale is not great at Inter lately. Image: REUTERS/Alessandro Garofalo.

Ibra scored twice in AC Milan’s 2-1 victory vs. Roma to maintain their position at the top of Serie A, while Juventus’ 2-0 win over Inter kept them in the title race. Draws for Udinese and Napoli saw them swap places in the table, while the bottom three remain precisely where they were after drawing their matches.

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Bundesliga

Disturbed or impressed, Kickettes? Image: Dennis Grombkowski/Bongarts/Getty Images.

Borussia Dortmund gave a much needed boost to their goal difference this weekend with a 6-1 away win over Cologne. Bayern Munich had a terrible weekend by their their own ridic standards – they only beat Hannover by one goal instead of the five and six they’ve been recording recently and remain second to Dortmund by five points.

Two goals from the unnervingly tongued Klaas-Jan Huntelaar vs. Leverkusen helped Schalke maintain third place, while Borussia Monchengladbach failed to recover from their midweek cup defeat to Bayern and lost 2-1 at home to tenth placed Hoffenheim.

Kaiserslautern are six points adrift at the bottom after a 2-0 defeat to Freiburg, who are now thirteenth.

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Ligue 1

Actually, why don’t we just stop fooling about? The open invitation to attend our offices that we extended to Olivier Giroud recently is now available to all Montpellier players. Especially you, Benjamin Stambouli. Image: REUTERS/Pascal Parrot.

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Montpellier and PSG share the top spot this morning after the latter stumbled to a 1-1 draw with Bordeaux. Montpellier’s superior goal difference gives them the edge – they beat St Etienne 1-0 thanks to an 89th minute goal by Olivier Giroud – but both teams will be happy to rest on the seven point margin between them and the next best placed club, Lille. They beat Evian Thon Gaillard 3-0, but hot on their heels are Toulouse who beat Auxerre 1-0.

Auxerre are now three adrift at the bottom with tough games vs. Lyon and PSG to come.

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MLS

Well, hello there. Someone is glad to be back in the goals, aren’t they? Image: Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images North America.

The New York Red Bulls chalked up their first victory of the season with a 4-1 win over Colorado Rapids, two of the goals coming from a rather frisky looking Thierry Henry (above). Toronto FC were also downed by a three goal margin – San Jose Earthquakes’ Chris Wondolowski denied a brilliant hat-trick by a pesky post.

A goal in the 28th second of the first half was enough to give New England Revolution the win over Portland Timbers, while David Estrada scored yet again for Seattle Sounders in their 2-0 victory over Houston Dynamo.

Real Salt Lake suffered their first defeat of the season against Chivas USA, while Montreal felt the impact (see what we did there?) of life in the big league with a 2-0 loss to Columbus Crew.

Sporting Kansas City’s 2-1 win over FC Dallas puts them in number one spot in the Eastern Conference, while Vancouver Whitecaps top the Western Conference despite a 0-0 draw with DC United.

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Did you survive? We hope so; the staffer who wrote this is refusing to come out from under her desk.

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13 Responses to “Weekend Results: Queries & Revisionist Theories”

  1. tasha says:

    Benjamin Stambouli :P

  2. racing says:

    Awesome learned something newnow now I’m fulfilled for this week. Thanks!

  3. RealFan7 says:

    Glad to see the boys in white back on track. Congratulations to CR on his 100 and 101. Hala Madrid!

  4. nayet21 says:

    Carlos Bocanegra! I just smile when I see him. He's soooooo hot and his voice, eyes, body, thighs… everything about him is yum! ok I need to control myself ;)
    And that picture is disturbing…
    On the other hand, Real Madrid won and I'm happy about that…

  5. FloraJane says:

    Peter Crouch's goal was a thing of beauty!! Just…wow.

  6. AnnaFCB says:

    Disturbed. SO DISTURBED. Also, gotta love Boca even when he's the enemy… I was sad to see him go :(

  7. littlegreenpea says:

    I'm obviously not a reds fan, but I'd feel a little sad if Kenny got sacked. Quite like the guy (for some odd reason).
    The race for the La Liga title is getting interesting. Even if Barca doesn't win, I hope rhey put up a good fight.
    I really hope Manchester United wins. Take advantage of the gap!!

  8. Haha So true. If you don’t like it Bobby, I am sure no one will miss ya.

  9. MissU Paolo says:

    As unhappy as I was about the City/Stoke draw, I was more upset seeing my bb Silva rolling on the floor in pain. He already has a bum ankle to deal with, he didn't need anything else on top of it! (Blood drawn but no yellow, wow.) Though even the bandage couldn't keep the fluffy hair down.

    • mybabyri says:

      Smdh City cant seem to have a break away from home, nobody can beat us at home but away we suck dk why I have a nervous breakdown when they play away. maybe they are just tired and burned out but please only 8 matches to go..come on!!!!

  10. Loninha - Brasil says:

    and Bayern wins again with a goal of Super Mario!

  11. LizzyHS90 says:

    Boca looking fine!

  12. Sarah,Madrid says:

    That's what madridista needed, game that we let our football do the talking in!

    I just love the Benz pipa cris trio and what are they doing!!!! Liga has been amazing unpredictable lately Malaga is now what third in liga with Valencia!! 4 points from osasuna sixth!!!! Athletic and atletico are not in the race currently, even Valencia could lose their spot. Crazy weeks ahead, ayy!