September 24th, 2012

Weekend Results: Surprising Surges

Yuto Nagatomo of Inter demonstrates that FIFA directives can easily be sidestepped with a little half time improv. Image: Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe.

Ooh, nudity.

Make the most of it, Kickettes. Sculpted abs of this calibre are an endangered species at this stage of the season.


Goalscorers in gingham. Image: Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe.

A win for Liverpool against Manchester United would have been the perfect end to a day of pride and remembrance at Anfield, but Alex Ferguson’s boys aren’t the types to be distracted by ceremony. Despite a full blooded Liverpool performance, including a captain’s strike from Stevie G, Rafael and Robin van Persie scored the goals that took the points in yesterday’s early kick-off. United remain one point behind Chelsea, who narrowly beat Stoke City the day before, thanks to an 85th minute strike by Ashley Cole. Liverpool fans would almost certainly prefer it if we didn’t discuss their current position in any depth.

Southampton finally reaped the rewards of positive play in the EPL at the expense of Aston Villa, who they beat 4-1, while Everton & West Brom continue to fly high in third and fourth respectively. Everton taught Swansea a harsh lesson in EPL life with a 3-0 win while West Brom had Roman Lukaku to thank for a 1-0 victory over promoted Reading.

Meanwhile, AVB used ridiculous speculation about his tenure at Spurs to help turn a 1-0 deficit into a 2-1 victory at home to QPR. Laurent Koscielny kept Arsenal’s unbeaten run alive with a late equaliser at Manchester City, while West Ham and Sunderland cancelled each other out in their mid-table clash.

Wigan continued their strategy of not winning anything until April with a home defeat against Fulham. They’re fifteenth now, but it’s only a matter of time before they’re jostling for position in the relegation zone. It’s how they roll.


La Liga

Ooh, it’s like a terrifying three-headed beast of love. And footballing doom, obviously. Image: David Ramos/Getty Images Europe.

Our usual approach to La Liga results is a quick bit of mental arithmetic to work out the points difference between Real Madrid and Barcelona and some vague speculation about whether the team chasing will be able to usurp their rival to the title.

This has obviously been rendered redundant by Real’s indifferent start, so for today (and possibly the forseeable future) we’ll limit our speculation to whether Los Blancos will be able to turn over their next opposition, which is Vallecano tonight. We’re going with yes, on the basis that their absurd Crissy inspired win vs. City in the Champions League last week must have boosted the tanned one’s mood.

Unlike Xavi’s late goal in Barca’s 2-0 victory over Granada, which took the side four points clear of nearest rivals Mallorca and caused us one of us to drop half a glass of cranberry and vodka onto our glam, sofa surfing sweat pants. Mallorca beat Valencia 2-0 and they are second, although level on points with Malaga who drew 0-0 with Athletic Bilbao.

Anyone know how to get cranberry out of jersey?


Serie A

Bendy ponders how on earth he’s going to whip his knickers out in just ten minutes. Image: Marco Luzzani/Getty Images Europe.

Cagliari’s fixture against Roma was postponed after the club president Massimo Cellino defied an order that the game should be played behind closed doors by inviting everyone anyway. Cagliari were being punished for their new stadium’s failure to meet safety standards, but it’s possible that Celliono’s actions could see Roma awarded all three points. Which would be handy right now.

AC Milan’s problems don’t seem to be diminishing, either. They lost 2-1 to Udinese, and compounded matters by having Christian Zapata and Kevin-Prince Boateng sent off. Inter also lost, but to Siena, who remain bottom but close to positive figures for the first time this season.

We doubt this will be of comfort to Massimiliano Allegri at this point.



By failing to pay attention to teams like Eintracht Frankfurt, we’re missing out on all manner of treats. Please welcome Takashi Inui (l) to the booty club, Kickettes. Image: Getty Images.

Bayern Munich’s superior goal difference separates them from promoted Eintracht Frankfurt – the only other team in the Bundesliga to have picked up four wins from four games. Bayern beat Schalke 2-0, while Frankfurt beat Nuremburg 2-1 on Friday night.

Borussia Dortmund can only visit such heady heights in their memories for the time being though, after Hamburg ended the Champion’s 31 game unbeaten run with a 3-2 defeat. Dortmund are currently fourth, while Hamburg remain perilously close to the relegation zone, despite a much needed (and quite surprising) three points.


Ligue 1

Anthony Le Tallec is clearly not impressed with Paul Baysse’s pony. Neither are we, but hair becomes a side issue when shorts and shirt collude with us in this way. (See Neymar for further info). Image: FRED TANNEAU/AFP/GettyImages.

The shame of being beaten to the tent by four blokes last week has caused us to steadfastly avoid photos of Zlatan celebrating his two goals vs. Bastia. In fact, we’re thinking of boycotting Ligue 1 all together, we’re so ashamed. Suffice to say, PSG beat the promoted side 4-0 and if there was any undue excitement on display, we didn’t see it because we weren’t looking. So there.

In other, football related news, Marseille perch cheerily atop the table after a 1-0 win over Evian, while Lisandro Lopez’ late equaliser for Lyon kept them just ahead of PSG in third and within touching distance of the leaders. The league’s surprise package so far is Lorient, who finished last season a point above the relegation zone. They drew 1-1 with Nice and currently sit fourth. Troyes are bottom after losing 3-1 away at Sochaux.

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32 Responses to “Weekend Results: Surprising Surges”

  1. xoWinnie says:

    Tello makes it so hard to fully hate Barca…he is SO BEAUTIFUL! but my will-power is strong! those long-lashed hazel eyes aren't wearing down MY resistance–NO SIR! *turns head*

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  3. sez says:

    I felt so bad for Liverpool and most of all for Agger. I hope him, Kelly and Borini get well soon.

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  5. Miss_F says:

    Seeing Messi lose it with Villa and Thiago was hilarious! He's usually so composed.

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  7. Rhea says:

    Go barca! This start of season is the stuff of dreams!

  8. Kristina says:

    "Ooh, it’s like a terrifying three-headed beast of love. And footballing doom, obviously." Your caption-skills are unbelievable, Kickette!

    Xavi's goal was so perfect! In all aspects. They really needed that first goal. Even Messi was frustrated and yelled at both Thiago and Villa. Granada has a good defense.

    I usually don't like Agger, but oh those tears! I felt for him so much, and for the whole team. They just can't seem to get a break.

    And yay for the adorkable Koscielny! A great goal and comeback!

  9. Jayy says:

    I cant believe Shelvey got sent off and Evans was left on the pitch. Bloody disgrace how United got the penalty and we had a genuine shout over one too. Not to mention RvP and his "studs showing tackle" which only got a yellow and was shockingly similar to Shelvey's tackle.
    Anyhoo yesterday was a polite reminder of why I dislike United so much :)
    P.S. the Madrid match being cancelled was a shame but the words sabotage and ruse are being thrown around too much lol!

    • Sergz says:

      Shelvey got sent off because that tackle he did is career ending, we saw the exact same thing happen to Stuart Holden in the past and Evans got sent off as well.

      Also, don't know if you watch Sky Sports or not, but that was actually a penalty. I've lost count on how many times they zoomed in and looked at the situation in slow motion, but Johnson (I think it was) clipped Valencia's heel as he was about to shoot the ball. So it was a correct decision.

      BUT Suarez was supposed to get a penalty too! But his reputation as diver (and his over acting) didn't help him there…

      • Utd Girl says:

        Thank you for this! You said everything I wanted to say! #GGMU

        • gblfc says:

          Agreed, except for the man utd penalty – it definitely was NOT a penalty. Even on sky, they had to slow it down frame by frame, and if you look at the "contact" between johnson and valencia, it is so incredibly minimal that it would not have resulted in the spectacular display he made when he went down. If you watch it you will see that valencia was already on his way down before the "contact" was even made. The ref had a clear view and when you play it back in real-time it does not look like there is any contact made, so the referee should not have given the penalty. I just hope my poor Martin Kelly makes a speedy and swift recovery, that was a nasty injury – imagine just a freak foot placement for the ACL to rupture and he's out until the new year – owie.

          • Jayy says:

            Ohhh I know!! :( :( Poor Kelly – as soon as I saw the replay of how he went down, I knew it would be a nasty one. I was proud of the youngsters though – Sterling ran circles around Evra and I was surprised he got taken off, but he is a lil' un haha. Suso played well too!
            Along with Agger and Borini being injured, I'm worried about how our squad will cope, we have limited options aswell but fingers crossed my boys recover quickly. YNWA.

      • Jayy says:

        My problem isnt with the decisions Utd got – I agree with the penalty. I had more of an issue with the decisions we DIDNT recieve, like the Suarez penalty. I think its harsh to call him a diver – yes he does over react but to call him a diver means Welbeck should be included in on the list for his spectacular tumble last week, along with Oscar and Ivanovic's play acting from yesterday's match v Stoke.
        As for the tackle, the majority of pundits were slightly surprised that Shelvey was sent off solely, without Evans being penalised in anyway. Redknapp mentioned this after the match and so did BBC on MOTD 2. Especially if you compare it once again to David Luiz's tackle yesterday, which only recieved a yellow.

    • tammyv says:

      Shelvey went over the ball, studs up landing on Evans ankle then sliding straight through to his upper thigh. It was always a straight red. He never tried for the ball. Evens was trying to get the ball passed while falling, when Shelvey came in from the side on the tackle. Evans was never trying to tackle or even in a position to tackle which is why he was not carded. Shelvey coming in hard, from the side over the ball was the only foul.

      However, that was never a penalty or a foul for that matter. Johnson never made contact with the ball, it is true but he never made contact with the player either. There was no foul and it should have been a draw.

      • HiL says:

        I totally agree!

        The media totally blew it out of proportion…. that tackle from Shelvey was pretty dangerous, and everyone should stop blaming the refs Liverpool had more chances to score than us and they didn't… so…..

        Rafael's goal was a beauty!!!!!!

        GLORY GLORY!!!!!!!!!

    • April says:

      Not even a Liverpool fan, but I felt that Evans should have gotten sent off. Shelvey's tackle was dangerous with studs up, but Evans was two footed, from what I saw. Getting to the ball first or not, that was a 50/50 challenge and he went in two feet up. It's a red. Others have been sent off for that while not even having touched the other player. Shelvey should have controlled his temper better and stayed away from his Twitter until calming down. Glad to see the club paying mind to the PR-end of things with that.

      Penalty was definitely soft. Don't like hearing that people are threatening the ref and his wife, though (seriously, the people that involve families in that are even grosser than gross).

  10. gin_in_teacups says:

    No mention of the SABOTAGE last night? I know it was a big inconvenience and pain in the butt, but come on, it was also kind of hilarious.

    • Miss_F says:

      I was quite glad it was rescheduled.. Had work early in the morning so would have missed it! Now I get to see a bit of Ozil after aa long day at work… Mmm !;)

      • gin_in_teacups says:

        I'm glad too. I was working last night and I can watch online at my job, but it was much better tonight when I had the evening free. Also, I am not at all convinced that Ozil's goal was offside!

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      It is not funny, it is embarrassing! such a shameful act, put Spain and liga into shame! Rayo's fans get ticket problems which I get it, president shouldn't have taken advantage of RM and Barcelona game importance just didn't include it in seasonal tickets, with this economic crisis, rayo's fans being in the poorest part of Spain, he shouldn't done that, but to vandalize is scary to say the least, by the crisis is getting larger, more actions like this could happen, police and Rayo's board should do something about it as an example for rest of Spain.

      • DebS says:

        I agree with the vandalizing. It seems many of the teams in La Liga don't have much money to begin with and then to purposely cause the club to incur MORE expenditures isn't helping any of the fans.

        Figures that I finally found an on-line stream that didn't freeze or lose sound and the game was postphoned. :

  11. tammyv says:

    The AVB thing is silly, "Tottenham were jeered off at half-time, desperately inferior to Queens Park Rangers"

    Um, QPR have a keeper who won the treble, including a semi-final over two legs against Barca, a right back who won the CL last year, a capt who won four prem title and the CL. Dear Sports writers, please research before you judge. They bought 12 players over the summer and completely rebuilt their team.

    Also, we need an in depth analysis of AVB's turquoise blue, beaded bracelet of power, as seen here:…

    As for the rest of the weekend. YAY Demba Ba… and it is ok Cissi, you will get your goal-scoring at will powers back soon. Don't worry.


    • Krystal says:

      Tottenham played horribly that match. However, I would personally like to kick all fans who boo their team at half, regardless of who their team is. Julio Ceasar is a pretty great keeper, I agree. QPR is not looking as horrible as everyone thought they would. The press is so ridiculous.

      Meanwhile, anytime you want to post photos of AVB, Kickette, I'm happy to stare.

    • April says:

      Gah AVB! Sometimes I think his tenure at Chelsea couldnt work out because it would just be too much hot for me to take at one club. The universe may have exploded or something, had it been allowed to continue.

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      Well QPR have Granero! I am following game for him in last few weeks, I am pleasant,y surprised on their development! They were by far the better team vs spurs, so unlucky to lose!
      I don't know but I feel avb didn't learn much from Mourinho when it comes to press!

      • DebS says:

        I've been watching the QPR games too just so I can see Granero play. Granero is fitting in brilliantly at QPR. Of course, I wish he was getting this much playing time for Real Madrid though. :(

        I was so gutted that QPR lost that game when they were the better team for most of the game, imo. I really see QPR having a good season. They have quite a few new players that haven't had a lot of time to play together and yet they seem to be getting on well together.