August 28th, 2012
Weekend Results: Talismen & Tidy Professionals
Oh crap. It’s started.
How long are Arsenal going to be in mourning for Robin van Persie? We realise that losing a top scoring striker is a devastating blow, but getting your players to wear funeral attire for games and instructing strikers not to score as a tribute is a bit much. For the record, we reckon two goalless draws are sufficient to make the point and are ready for an Olivier Giroud goal celebration now.
United won a feisty encounter vs. Fulham, but not before Wayne Rooney exposed most of the contents of his thigh to aghast onlookers after an accidental clash with Hugo Rodallega. He could be out for two months – unfortunate, given the circumstances.
Elsewhere, Liverpool scored two stonking goals against Manchester City, then handed the Champions two opportunities on a plate, which they were more than happy to take. Everton continued their awesome start with a 3-1 victory over Aston Villa, Spurs drew 1-1 with West Brom and Swansea City brought the crazy with a 3-0 battering of West Ham.
Leo Messi. Perky. Image: REUTERS/Vincent West.
Scoring goals is rarely a problem for Leo Messi. He rescued Barcelona from an embarrassing 1-0 defeat against Osasuna with two late strikes, and looked surprisingly refreshing in Barca’s ‘tequila sunrise’ away kit.
Perhaps a beverage based kit option would improve things at the Bernabeu, where the manager and players are no longer on speaking terms after a draw and a defeat in their opening games. We’re thinking blueberry and vodka would work well, although we’re open to your suggestions. Blue seems to working for Real’s other rivals Atletico at the mo, and particularly Falcao, who scored a hat trick in his team’s 4-0 defeat of Bilbao. Just sayin’.
Someone’s happy. Image: VINCENZO PINTO/AFP/GettyImages.
Are AC Milan going to suffer an Arsenal-esque collapse after losing a talismanic striker? It might be a little early to say, but defeat in their opening game vs. Sampdoria wasn’t the most positive of starts to their campaign to reclaim the Scudetto, especially in light of the current custodians’ 2-0 victory over Parma.
Inter and Napoli made strong starts with 3-0 victories over promoted Pescara and Palermo respectively; Roma drew 2-2 with Catania; Lazio beat Atalanta 1-0; and Siena and Torino played out a goalless draw.
Score a goal, slide into the flag, break it. Get up, fix it, get on with the game. Hunty really is a model professional, isn’t he? Image: AFP PHOTO / PATRIK STOLLARZ.
The Bundesliga is always good for a frolic or two, and in the opening round of games it was Klaas-Jan Huntelaar’s turn to keep us entertained. He knackered a flag (and quite possibly Klaas-Jan Jnr) with a sliding goal celebration after scoring in Schalke’s 2-2 draw with Hannover 96, but mended it like a good boy afterwards. The flag, not Klaas-Jan Jr. If that had happened on the pitch we’d have probably already published the pics.
Bayern Munich began their campaign with a solid 3-0 victory of promoted Greuther Furth. Title rivals Borussia Dortmund also started the season with a 2-1 win over Werder Bremen, but while Mario Goetze scored, our staffer who covered the game reported no perkiness in the pants area. Disappointing.
Augsburg obviously couldn’t wait to move back into the relegation zone. The survivors by the skin of their teeth last season lost 2-0 to promoted Fortuna Dusseldorf and find themselves in the familiar environs of seventeenth.
Nom nom Nice. Image: REUTERS/Eric Gaillard.
As you can see from our lead image, things haven’t been going quite as well as Zlatan had planned since he moved to Paris St Germain. The big spenders have picked up three points from a possible nine, and fans made it perfectly clear what they thought after yesterday’s 0-0 home draw with Bordeaux. It wouldn’t surprise us is Zlats offered them all out for a fight, but we’ve heard nothing to that effect yet.
Marseille are currently top, the only goal in their 1-0 win over Montpellier scored by the charmingly chunky Andre Pierre Gignac, with Lyon bringing up the rear after a 1-1 draw against Evian Thonon Gaillard. Sochaux were defeated by Reims and find themselves at the bottom. On the plus side, they have plenty of time to do something about it.