August 28th, 2012
Weekend Results: Talismen & Tidy Professionals
Oh crap. It’s started.
EPL
How long are Arsenal going to be in mourning for Robin van Persie? We realise that losing a top scoring striker is a devastating blow, but getting your players to wear funeral attire for games and instructing strikers not to score as a tribute is a bit much. For the record, we reckon two goalless draws are sufficient to make the point and are ready for an Olivier Giroud goal celebration now.
United won a feisty encounter vs. Fulham, but not before Wayne Rooney exposed most of the contents of his thigh to aghast onlookers after an accidental clash with Hugo Rodallega. He could be out for two months – unfortunate, given the circumstances.
Elsewhere, Liverpool scored two stonking goals against Manchester City, then handed the Champions two opportunities on a plate, which they were more than happy to take. Everton continued their awesome start with a 3-1 victory over Aston Villa, Spurs drew 1-1 with West Brom and Swansea City brought the crazy with a 3-0 battering of West Ham.
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La Liga
Leo Messi. Perky. Image: REUTERS/Vincent West.
Scoring goals is rarely a problem for Leo Messi. He rescued Barcelona from an embarrassing 1-0 defeat against Osasuna with two late strikes, and looked surprisingly refreshing in Barca’s ‘tequila sunrise’ away kit.
Perhaps a beverage based kit option would improve things at the Bernabeu, where the manager and players are no longer on speaking terms after a draw and a defeat in their opening games. We’re thinking blueberry and vodka would work well, although we’re open to your suggestions. Blue seems to working for Real’s other rivals Atletico at the mo, and particularly Falcao, who scored a hat trick in his team’s 4-0 defeat of Bilbao. Just sayin’.
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Serie A
Someone’s happy. Image: VINCENZO PINTO/AFP/GettyImages.
Are AC Milan going to suffer an Arsenal-esque collapse after losing a talismanic striker? It might be a little early to say, but defeat in their opening game vs. Sampdoria wasn’t the most positive of starts to their campaign to reclaim the Scudetto, especially in light of the current custodians’ 2-0 victory over Parma.
Inter and Napoli made strong starts with 3-0 victories over promoted Pescara and Palermo respectively; Roma drew 2-2 with Catania; Lazio beat Atalanta 1-0; and Siena and Torino played out a goalless draw.
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Bundesliga
Score a goal, slide into the flag, break it. Get up, fix it, get on with the game. Hunty really is a model professional, isn’t he? Image: AFP PHOTO / PATRIK STOLLARZ.
The Bundesliga is always good for a frolic or two, and in the opening round of games it was Klaas-Jan Huntelaar’s turn to keep us entertained. He knackered a flag (and quite possibly Klaas-Jan Jnr) with a sliding goal celebration after scoring in Schalke’s 2-2 draw with Hannover 96, but mended it like a good boy afterwards. The flag, not Klaas-Jan Jr. If that had happened on the pitch we’d have probably already published the pics.
Bayern Munich began their campaign with a solid 3-0 victory of promoted Greuther Furth. Title rivals Borussia Dortmund also started the season with a 2-1 win over Werder Bremen, but while Mario Goetze scored, our staffer who covered the game reported no perkiness in the pants area. Disappointing.
Augsburg obviously couldn’t wait to move back into the relegation zone. The survivors by the skin of their teeth last season lost 2-0 to promoted Fortuna Dusseldorf and find themselves in the familiar environs of seventeenth.
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Ligue 1
Nom nom Nice. Image: REUTERS/Eric Gaillard.
As you can see from our lead image, things haven’t been going quite as well as Zlatan had planned since he moved to Paris St Germain. The big spenders have picked up three points from a possible nine, and fans made it perfectly clear what they thought after yesterday’s 0-0 home draw with Bordeaux. It wouldn’t surprise us is Zlats offered them all out for a fight, but we’ve heard nothing to that effect yet.
Marseille are currently top, the only goal in their 1-0 win over Montpellier scored by the charmingly chunky Andre Pierre Gignac, with Lyon bringing up the rear after a 1-1 draw against Evian Thonon Gaillard. Sochaux were defeated by Reims and find themselves at the bottom. On the plus side, they have plenty of time to do something about it.
Daaaaaaamn…Zlatan looks delicious! That look? Yes please!
Damn ladies.. was hoping for the pics of Totti and his son before the Roma game started.. that was precious moment op
I feel so bad for RM that they are doing…. not so well….
if you want to give real a beverageshirt make it mojito
Hazard is proven he has the potential to be the best player in the league.
Zlata is so fierce in that shot! You betta work!
Is it just me or does Zlatan look like Ian Thorpe…?
glad someone else finally had that thought too!!
As a united fan, I absolutely hate the tablecloth kit. But after seeing the away kit of Barca, I now feel bad for bashing the united kit so much. No offense to the Barca fans.
My apologies to his wife, but Ibra has quite the booty in that shot.
My poor Skrtl, he looked devastated when he realized what he'd done. And after such an amazing goal…so sad. Am looking forward to watching my reds take on Arsenal next, mainly because we need a win, but also Giroud is HOT!!!!!
I like and endorse your thought process.
Kinda how I look forward to the Spurs purely so I can watch AVB boss around lesser mortals.
I was heartbroken for Skrtl too, but because we played well (OMG and we only hit the woodwork once! Is this real life???) it ended up being far less painful than it could have been and I think Brendan's post-match defense of him basically said the same thing. I wanted to hug him for saying: "I'm proud of him for trying to play the ball in that situation." And I don't even trust him all that much (still).
One loss and one draw for Spurs. This season is not starting off the way I had hoped.
But on a happy note- Garth Bale showed his ass for almost a minute! Love it!!!
I paused the game and just stared. I love that man/boy…guy? Just love him!
Okay so I think Gareth Bale was so much more attractive before he got his ears done! He had a unique look! I mean he is still gorgeous, but I miss his ears! Maybe I'm the only one?
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Can we also give a big abrazo to Puyi for playing 15 minutes with a broken cheekbone!!! The man is unbelievable.
So cool!
Happy for Barca and Leo (who looks like an adorable 16 year old in that pic…maybe it's the haircut). Happy for Chelsea. Not so happy for poor Valencia. But happier than anything for the beast that is Falcao!!!
I'm torn about the Supercup on Friday…but at least there's almost a guaranteed Mata/Adrian hug in there somewhere.;)
I love how Wayne just got that enormous gash sorted and left the pitch without resorting to falling down, crying, clutching his face and trying to get the opponent sent off.
There is so much cheating going on these days in every league.
It seems that most of them don't fall to the ground clutching their face when they have a REAL injury. And, if you are Puyol you decide to play the remaining 15 min with a broken cheekbone
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Much respect for Puyol. I remember a commentator saying one time that Puyol never wants the medics to come out for him…that he takes it as in insult when they do. Probably a bit of an exaggeration but he's one player that it takes and awful lot for him to stay out of a game.
Despite the two sloppy giveaways, I am so so so proud of my Liverpool boys – they played brilliantly! Its a sign of whats to come for the future
Not to mention the transfer tottie that is all levels of hotness – NURI SAHIN 
P.S. Huntelaar is such a cutie, taking time to fix the flag
Lord that Jose and the Team are not a speaking terms comes around like every 3 months…
The ONLY thing going well for Madrid right now is the kits! Please, do not suggest they change them.
I thought that ESPN article was right about the defence. The Ramos is only one human man. He can't do it all himself. I'm anxiously awaiting the return of Pepe, and also hoping that at some point somebody realizes how badly we need another defender.
I dunno, I would not object to seeing Xabi Alonso covered in nothing but salty sweat and strategically-placed lime slices. Oh, yes, I already have an alcohol-inspired kit envisioned just for him…
Zlatan, you're an idiot, but daym how fine thou art!
Poor Skertl! I suffered with him. Why? They had it!
Barcelona may have gear from hell, but as long as they keep winning, and keeping the gap to Madrid, I'm happy. They looked a bit nonchalant, but the difference from last season is evident. Last season they would have lost. It's way too early to make any kind of predictions but it looks good.
Mou and his players not on speaking terms? That must be a first.
Woo what?, jajaja Mou just for the first time criticized his team publicly when he is known for protecting his players, he is Mourinho it is his game to know when to defend them or when to publicily say they sucked, he knows what he is doing because this is exactly what he did with Benzema, some time team needs some serious ass kicking in public to wake up.
Well, it WAS a first then. I'm sure the Only one knows what the Only one is doing. I'm sure as hell not expecting anymore lost points. In the near future that is.
Lets hope it works Sarah. The guys are just not playing well at all. Poor Ozi, don't know whats going on with him but NOTHING seems to be working for him. I didn't think Pipta played that well either. But putting Benz on seemed to add some spark.
I keep reminding myself that Madrid started out slow last year but….it still doesn't make it any better, particularly when Barca keeps winning.
Chelsea make me happy
:):)
Not sure what to make of the whole Joey Barton thing. I mean seriously, what does he expect? Moaning on Twitter as if he's the one who's being hard done by. I don't blame QPR for freezing him out, they don't need to be associated with that kind of crap. That man needs to sort himself out.
Barca away kit, do nike hate you guys? Poor Iniesta is not his color at all.
I'll admit that the yellow on the lower half makes everyone look a little bottom-heavy (already a challenge for your average player). Strangely, the one person who looks really good in it is Xavi. He looks good in every kit (all black, mint green, red and blue…every one). I'm beginning to think Nike designs only for him.
Yeah I kinda agree I used to love black one
That is for sure one ugly kit. Then again, I can't say their previous mint julep away kit was that much better either!
Yeah that's why I said Nike doesn't like them :p! at least mint you can see players, with the new kits under the sun I really couldn't see them!
LOL you're right! I don't like the mix of yellow and orange in a woman, you can imagine those colours in man! Bad idea!
It was a great weekend, minus my NUFC refusing to take any shots Chelsea.. seriously, passing was good, crossing fine, defense good.. NO ONE SHOT, mind-boggling
I love me some Wes!
On that Rooney gash, they said 1 month to start, now 2… this is exactly how it started for Stu Holden like 18 months ago and he STILL has not started again
Nando and Hazard scoring for The Blues…..Jumping, jumping happy…..;-))
Zlatan is GORGEOUS. Y'all need to cover his fine a** more!!
I totally support this! The curve of his behind in that picture is just beckoning me to reach out and touch it!
He takes fitness in his own level – And he gives you that look…. SEXY !!!!!