October 3rd, 2011

Weekend Results: Traumatised Torsos

Image: AP Photo/Daniele Badolato; Dan Istitene/Getty Images Europe.

Early in the season it’s difficult for players to work themselves into sufficient frenzy to rip their shirts off and run around the pitch in merriment. Not so much at stake, y’see.

But fortunately for ab connossieurs like our good selves, trauma and disappointment also evoke a need to bury noses in polyester. So if you’re commiserating your team’s loss this weekend, just remember: every shirt has a silver (ish) lining.

Happy grazing.


Well, that’s one way to respond when you’re banished to the bench and your usefulness in the team is the subject of some serious speculation. Images: Michael Regan/Getty Images, Clive Brunskill/Getty Images.

Frankie’s hat-trick, plus two from Daniel Sturridge, might be great news for Chelsea, but Bolton Wanderers certainly didn’t need to be on the wrong end of a 5-1 thrashing. They remain bottom with a goal difference of -12 and Owen Coyle is surely only a week or two away from a media and fan driven campaign for his sacking. Blackburn Rovers manager Steve Kean has been fending off the inevitable for weeks now and his side’s 4-0 loss to Manchester City on Saturday  won’t have helped.

United and City are now level at top of the table, a sight we’ll probably get used to over the next few months. United snatched top after beating Norwich 2-0, but most people’s attention was on the possible blow-ups in the EPL derbies in Liverpool and North London. However, aside from the controversial sending off of Finest Five puppy Jack Rodwell and some more horrendously innappropriate and stupid chanting at White Hart Lane, shocks and surprises were limited. Liverpool beat Everton 2-0 while Spurs grabbed the bragging rights over the Gunners with a 2-1 win, during which Bacary Sagna broke his leg.

None of this pleased Arsene.


La Liga

Hat-trick Higgy, anyone? Image: JAIME REINA/AFP/Getty Images.

A hat-trick from an unexpected source condemned Espanyol to defeat this weekend too. His appearances have been sporadic to say the least in recent months due to injuries, but Gonzalo Higuain demonstrated he at least looks ready for action last night with three goals that contributed to his side’s 4-0 win over the Catalans. They are third.

Given their propensity for scoring recently, 1-0 is a fairly restrained result for Barcelona, but the win over Sporting Gijon sufficient to take them top of the table, even if they do have to share the space with Levante. They beat Real Betis 1-0, a fourth successive victory and remain unbeaten, although even we can see that will be tough to maintain over a season. Still, makes a change to have someone else in there, no?


Serie A

Claiming that Claudio Ranieri is a superior coach to Jose Mourinho would be controversial at the best of times. When Inter have just gone down 3-0 at home to Napoli? We can only conclude that the ‘tached dude is a relative. Image: Claudio Villa/Getty Images.

Heaven knows what they’re putting in the water in Milan, but it seems to be working. Two late goals from Marchiso secured a 2-0 victory over AC Milan and Juventus’ place at the top of the Serie A table, while ten-man Inter lost 3-0 at home to a fierce and pretty convincing Napoli side. Udinese’s 2-0 win over Bologna allowed them the privilege of snatching second place in the league while Napoli had to content themselves with third.

It’s two wins out of two for Roma’s pretties; 3-1 over Atalanta saw them climb to sixth, while Palermo and Cagliari occupy fourth and fifth spots after 2-0 wins over Siena and Lecce respectively.



Bayern Munich’s misfortune is our gain as Anatoliy Tymoshchuk, Holger Badstuber and Thomas Mueller commiserate their goaless draw with TSG Hoffenheim. Image: Reuters Pictures.

Despite the draw, Bayern Munich held on to top spot over the weekend, largely thanks to Werder Bremen’s 3-2 defeat to Hannover. A win for Borussia Monchengladbach could have seen them elevated too, but Freiburg secured only their second victory of the season and took the points in that game to lift them from the relegation zone and into fifteenth.

Borussia Dortmund and Schalke also have reasons to be cheerful after sporadic form; Dortmund beat second from bottom Augsberg 4-0 to go sixth, while a brace from Klaas-Jan Huntelaar saw his side beat Hamburg 2-1 and secure fourth.


Ligue 1

We don’t claim to be experts, but that looks like dangerous play to our weekend-addled eyes. Image: REUTERS/Vincent Kessler.

Javier Pastore may be blowing hot and cold in the style department but his on-pitch form is not in doubt after he scored in Paris St Germain’s 2-0 win over Lyon and his side took top spot. With only goal difference separating second from fourth, it’s nothing if not competitive in Ligue 1, a point driven home by the fact that if Rennes had not been beaten 2-0 by Lille, they would be in second this morning. That honour belongs to Montpellier, who drew 2-2 with Bordeaux.

Rennes had to content themselves with sixth, but they’ve got to be happier than Nancy, whose 1-1 draw against Evian extended their winless run to nine matches. Will they beat Arles-Avignon’s points tally of twenty from last season?


Thoughts, complaints and requests for nude photos of players should be written out below, while bribes with a net worth of five hundred dollars or more can be sent to the usual address.

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37 Responses to “Weekend Results: Traumatised Torsos”

  1. [...] from a perfunctory nod in the Weekend Results and the occasional photo of Yoann Gourcuff, Ligue 1 tends to remain somewhat [...]

  2. liiiisaa says:

    Proud of Lampsy!

  3. Elmy Escalante says:

    How can Fulham not be mentioned? They wear the tightest jerseys in the BPL! Talk about a wet t-shirt contest!

  4. MaverickPenny says:

    Horrified at the lack of mention of the OTHER London derby goalfest with the Cottagers smashing six past QPR with no response.

  5. Lizzy says:

    At least Aaron Ramsey scored. It helps with the defeat.

  6. littlegreenpea says:

    ABS, ABS, ABS!!!
    Rodwell's sending off…sigh. I would have kicked a metal pole too…
    I can't even begin to describe how wrong it is that the Arsenal fans were treating Adebayor in that way. That's really cruel.
    Manchester United and F.C. Barcelona won. So yay.
    And did I mention ABS already? We need more of those kinds of pictures, Kickette. :)

  7. Monica says:

    You forgot to add something! Bojan scored his first goal for Roma on Saturday! :)

  8. Very challenging thank you, It is my opinion your followers might want even more well written articles along these lines carry on the excellent effort.

  9. April says:

    To be fair, Owen Coyle hasn't been dealt with the best situation this season. I'd sooner listen for cries for Arsene's removal before his, and neither would be really fair given some of the circumstances (though you could argue that Coyle at least tried to sign Sturridge, and Wegner tried to sign, well, no one). Stu Holden comes back only to go right back out, amongst other injuries. While I've been following Chelsea now and hope success for them (well, anyone that can beat ManU, really), that spanking really just added insult to injury for Bolton, play on words intended. Also, they appeared to technically score another goal in that game that was incorrectly ruled as blocked by Ivanovic, so the goal differential should be knocked down by one.

    I really feel for them, because they did alright to surprise everyone last season until Holden's injury. But speaking of other teams going up against the big boys… how about Norwich holding strong for about an hour!? Had their finishing been any better, they may have had a draw! Their defense did WORK!

  10. blake2108 says:

    Hello James Tomkins!

  11. LuvinBale says:

    I am so happy for Spurs but the moment gets ruined when the "bad apple" fans decide to chant such disgusting things. He's is human you know!! Words do hurt.

    But YAY! for Spurs- we are on our way back!

    Bale played an awesome game – 3 attempts on goal that were just amazing. God I love him!

  12. Hot4Spurs says:

    First of all, I'm so happy for Spurs! I love you guys! Second, Everyone's talking about some of the Arsenal fans being disgraceful to Ade, but did anyone notice Everton fans throwing coins and drink bottles at Liverpool players? I know the derby games can be intense, but that is so disgusting!

  13. Pam says:

    And Levante — winning 4 in a row! Can I say I am totally impressed with their fighting spirit!

  14. Pam says:

    So happy to see Pipita Higuain scoing a hatrick! And Lampard too!
    They totally deserve the lime light.

  15. IrishBlue says:

    Who said Frank Lampard was past it?? That result felt gooood and it
    was so nice to see Frank get the hat trick, he's still got it :-D

    Also, what some Arsenal fans were saying about Adebayor was absolutely disgraceful. I know they don't like him but those comments were totally disgusting.

    To be honest I'm gripped by Rugby World Cup fever at the moment, I know
    its not soccer but it's still brilliant and full of hot men!

    • LuvinBale says:

      I am so on board with you about the World Cup Rugby games.
      OMG!! Those boys so effin' hot!! Thier arms, their sholders, their thighs. Sheesh!
      You know those boys could pick you up and throw you around and not think twice (in a good way.) Just make sure theres a soft landing- like a bed. ;-)

    • Miss Lampard says:

      I'm one of the girls who have Rugby World Cup fever..I saw the match yesterday Ireland against Italy. Maybe I should have supported Italy 'cause I'm Italian, but I have to confess that secretly I supported Ireland..O'Driscoll was brilliant he is such a fantastic player (I had a discussion in the last few days with my boy who is a rugby player), and O'Gara, even if this his last season is still incredibly breathless..England and Ireland are my 2 favourites ;)

      • IrishBlue says:

        Awh yea the whole country is getting up early every weekend to cheer them on but it's worth it, we are doing really well!

        O'Driscoll and O'Gara are amazing but Tommy Bowe……Tommy Bowe……he's actually married to me, he just doesn't know it yet ;D

    • Cait says:

      I love rugby! I'm really disappointed that Dan Carter is out of the RWC with a groin injury :( On the plus side, I will offer my services to massage his injury :P

  16. Kristina says:

    It was a pretty lackluster performance from the barca boys this weekend. But you're gonna have those days too, and as long as they win I'm happy. There was plenty to look at anyway. The new black away-kits for example. Xavi, Thiago and Adriano (!) looks hot as hell in those things. Well, Thiago would look sexy in a Santa-costume so no surprise there.

    And shame on those Gunner "fans" who chanted those awful things to Adebayor. There must be something wrong with you to do something like that. But I do feel for Arsenal. There's no end to their misfortunes.

  17. McRed says:

    The FA have GOT to do something about the fans' behaviour. I wish they'd follow the Turkish FA's example and enforce some women and children supporters only matches. We should start a Kickette petition!

  18. The Duchess says:

    OMG where is a post about the BBQ that Mourinho threw for my gorgeous boys at Madrid? Wow but Higgy is one sexy man! I would die to have one tango with him in my bed!

  19. Miss Lampard says:

    I'm over the moon for Chelsea..So proud of my boy Frankie..He showed yesterday to the whole world once more that he's not finished yet!! He's such a fantastic player and one of the best of the world in his role. Have you ever seen a falling star??I've seen Frank Lampard playing at the best game in the world, and for this week it's enough for me.

    • Miss XOXO says:

      After stay in bench, he learn how to scoring a goal….Thumbs up to Andres….Im very big Chelsea fan but I dont like he play like a last season….Lazy and not assist the team….He must prove to fans he deserve 150k per WEEK…..Come on Lampard.

  20. Cait says:

    I'm gutted that Sagna is injured :(

    More terrible news for Arsenal, Tomas Rosicky and his partner Radka Kocurova sadly lost their unborn child 5 months into pregnancy :( My thoughts are with them at this difficult time.

  21. EspePique says:

    I heard that some fans were chanting some pretty awful things about the Togo bus massacre to Adebayor, along the lines of "It should have been you." It's disrespectful in every way, and they should be ashamed of them selves. Can't even imagine how it felt for Ade.

    And the same thing happened here in Norway. Carl-Erik Torp got a sudden cardiac arrest last sunday while playing. And he will probably never play top football again. And yesterday before his team played against Valerenga, he talked to the fans and the clubs through through live video. And some Valerenga fans began to sing : "You should of died" and "Let him die".Who the f… does stuff like that? It's so disrespectul and awful it makes me sick!

  22. mata says:

    I can understand why Adebayor might not be popular with Arsenal fans, but to actually say that they wish he had been killed in that bus attack is sick. I'm sure it wasn't all Arsenal fans; it's a shame how a few bad apples can ruin things.

    I'm not even an Arsenal fan but I feel sorry for that club and all their bad luck, and now Sagna with a broken leg. Hope things take a turn for the better soon.

  23. Sarah, Madrid says:

    This is one of these rare weeks, that I ended up watching a lot a lot a lot of games ( maybe because there is international break coming*sigh*) anyway, my fav game is Malaga vs Getafe! Peter the lion goal looks likes something similar to what zizo could score * wink at Mourinho here*, baptista goal could easily be goal of la liga season and my man van gol scored yeah baby!
    All I have to say about my madridista game against espnayol Pipa! Pipa! Pipa!..Callejon class..
    Referee in inter vs Napoli game, I think one of the worse I seen in a while…
    Arsenal fans should be ashamed of adebayor chants, rivalries doesn't excuse being douchy! C

    FIFA virus please treat my players well..

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      Some of the gunners not all of course…btw, levante keep up the good work, bêtis is already starting to lose :(

  24. Dutchie says:

    why never something about the Eredivisie? The Dutch premier league?

    • Sergz says:

      Not being rude or anything, but they're probably just covering these leagues because they are the biggest leagues in the world. With many people following them to boot.

      Over here in Sweden, they only mention the Eredivisie when a Swede, like Toivonen or Elm, score goals, but these other leagues get regular coverage.

  25. AC_USA says:

    Just mentioning Arsenal makes me want to cry!! :( (((( Why are you struggling boys ? :( ((( Hopefully they can get it together and start winning. :)