January 23rd, 2012
Weekend Results: We Need To Work On Our Cardio
Who does this tasty torso and tent combo belong to? Answers can be found in the relevant section. Image: AP Photo/Frank Augstein.
This weekend’s games offered their usual blend of record breaking rude boys, incomprehensible decision making and unnecessarily harsh twists of fate.
Be still our beating hearts; the summer break is a looooong way away.
This morning, Clint Dempsey can claim to be the first American to bag a hat-trick in EPL history, and call himself US player of the year. Image: Mike Hewitt/Getty Images.
In fact, the EPL was chock full of fabulous displays and disappointing reversals of fortunes. There was Wolves’ gargantuan comeback effort from a goal down against Aston Villa to lead 2-1, only for Robbie Keane to piddle all over any hopes Mick McCarthy may have had of his side clawing their way out of the relegation zone.
Or what about Gareth Bale’s wonder goal against Manchester City? It temporarily brought Spurs back from the brink of defeat, only for their hopes of a title challenge (and Scott Parker’s skull) to be crushed by Mario Balotelli’s right foot.
Mick McCarthy and his Tottenham team-mates are probably in a better mood than Arsene Wenger this morning, though. The Arsenal manager’s decision to replace the amazing Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain with the slightly less amazing Andrey Arshavin in the second half of their crunch game vs. Manchester United was greeted with boos from fans and incredulity from his No.1 striker. Arsenal went on to lose the game 2-1 and are now eighteen points off the lead.
Wenger is unrepentant. Which makes the next few weeks tough for Arsenal fans, and mighty interesting for neutrals, we reckon.
We didn’t forget that there are other teams in La Liga, trust us. However, we all need a helpful reminder once in awhile, so thank you for this, Levante UD. Image: JOSE JORDAN/AFP/Getty Images.
Valencia finished third by some distance last season, and while it’s still way too early for predictions, their patchy form of late implies they’ll be doing the same in 2011/12. Five points from a possible fifteen so far this calendar year, including one from yesterday’s 1-1 draw with Osasuna, has left them fourteen points off the pace, and as long as Barcelona and Real Madrid continue to pick up points like Kickette staffers pick up complimentary drinks, they don’t stand a chance of breaking the status quo.
Someone really should remind Cagliari’s El Kabir Moustapha that starting a row while wearing a head bandage lessens the impact of one’s argument by 32.6%. Tru fax! Image: Enrico Locci/Getty Images.
Juventus’ 2-0 defeat of Atalanta put them one point clear at the top this weekend, but despite dropping points and pride in last week’s derby defeat, AC Milan efficiently demolished Novara to keep the pressure on. Udinese are in third, largely thanks to Antonio Di Natale, whose goal in his side’s 2-1 win over Catania was his thirteenth in fourteen home games.
Unfortunately, his achievement was overshadowed by Francesco Totti, whose second goal in Roma’s 5-1 drubbing of Cesena was his 211th for the club and makes him the most prolific scorer for a single club in Serie A history. Which is pretty darn awesome in anyone’s book, no?
If you correctly identified the lead torso as Bastian Schweinsteiger, you should seek help as you’ve been spending too much time on this site. Before you do that, please enjoy Stuttgart’s Pavel Progrebnyak’s rather attractive thigh. Image: REUTERS/Ina Fassbender.
The top of the Bundesliga table is a little congested this morning, and Bayern Munich have no one but themselves to blame. Presumably well rested after a far longer winter break than most of us feel is fair, Jupp Heynckes boys capitulated 3-1 to last year’s play-off survivors Borussia Monchengladbach. Add to the mix a 3-1 victory for Schalke over Stuttgart, Borussia Dortmund’s 5-1 battering of Hamburg in their own back yard and the only thing separating Bayern from a vigorous challenge to their dominance is their vastly superior goal difference.
We don’t blame Basti for hiding.
It was the Coupe De France this weekend, so no Ligue 1 fixtures to report on. Check out what happened to your favourite Monsieurs here, and look forward to random, in-match nudity being posted as we find it.