June 13th, 2011

Weekend Results: Youth Over Experience

Okay Kickettes, we may have to reconsider our Cheech approach. Apparently, comedy devil horns and a gonky grin are the way to amuse him. Not exactly what we had in mind, but we’re adaptable. Image: Reuters/Daylife

Considering how much time we spend moaning about the Weekend Results and how their preparation impinges on our revelry, it’s something of a surprise that when given the opportunity to ignore football and competitions less omnipresent in their nature, we choose to write about them anyway.

We therefore suggest that you read through our reports on the opening salvos at the European U21 Championships in Denmark and the latest fixtures in the CONCACAF Gold Cup, thoroughly examine the photos we have found of nubile, athletic bodies, have a short, guilt-ridden review of your priorities in life and then forget the whole thing ever happened.

We have.

European U21 Championships

Danny Welbeck and Henri Lansbury express their relief at scoring an equaliser with a synchronised foot tap nipple grab, difficulty rating 3.6. Image: Getty Images/Europe

This tournament is a little like the Europa League for us. In that we would love to avail you of the details of the qualifying rounds, team form and all the other important stuff, but having undertaken a thorough cost/benefit analysis which pitted your interest in the details vs. our outlay of energy in figuring them out, we decided to eat some Jaffa Cakes instead.

Suffice to say, the highlight of the weekend’s four games for the majority of us was Spain’s encounter with England, which took place on Sunday evening. We would love to say to you England fans that your bubbas demonstrated a prowess on the field that suggest the current Spanish senior side could struggle in future years, but we’d be lying. England were competent and didn’t throw in the towel when Herrera Ander scored in the fourteenth minute, but Spain dominated for large parts of the game and showed much of the ball retention and passing prowess of their grown-up counterparts.

Danny Welbeck’s eighty-eighth minute equaliser gave England a valuable point, but we can’t help but wonder whether some minor tweaking of the Spanish team will inevitably result in them storming through to the later stages. We wouldn’t put it past them.

Highlights of Czech Republic’s fixture against Ukraine included Tomas Vaclik in goal. Ahem. Images: Getty Images/Daylife

Elsewhere in Group B, the Czech Republic’s 2-1 win over Ukraine gave them a useful three points and places them above both England and Spain. Both goals came via Bořek Dočkal, who currently plays for Czech league side FC Slovan Liberec. We know nothing about FC Slovan Liberec and aren’t going to pretend we do, but Dočkal’s performance yesterday suggests to us that they might want to offer him a new deal, or prepare to lose him.

In Group A, Belarus opened the tournament with a 2-0 win over Iceland, while Denmark failed to capitalise on their status as tournament hosts and lost 1-0 to Switzerland. However, while we feel for our Danish friends, please check out the gentleman at the root of your woes. Xherdan Shaqiri scored for Switzerland and is pictured for perving purposes to your left, when he was collecting his Man Of The Match trophy

Soothingly cute, no?

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CONCACAF Gold Cup

Sorry Clint, but you can’t argue with editorial policy. Try taking your clothes off, and we’ll see about bumping you up the pecking order. Image: Getty Images/Daylife

While we can pretend to ourselves that our coverage of the U21 tournamant has some semblence of a footballing basis, we sooo can’t with this. We shall be reporting on the results and showing pictures of players who look hot, regardless of standing, success or whether we’ve ever heard of their team. Any complaints should be directed to the Mayhem & Fruit Beverages Suite at Kickette HQ. Enclosing a strawberry pop tart in your letter ensures priority.

First up, the USMNT were defeated by Panama, leaving them in the rather invidious position of having to draw with Guadeloupe in order to qualify. With apologies to the Guadeloupe based faction of soldier boys and girls, we suspect this shouldn’t be too much of a problem, although we would have probably said that about Panama. But your guys did get beaten by that other footballing superpower Canada in the day’s other game, so whothehellknows what’s going on.

Before becoming totally overwhelmed with confusion, we must advise that El Salvador beat Cuba by six goals to one, while suspension ravaged Mexico side beat Costa Rica 4-1. Baby Cheech didn’t score, but nearly killed us with his cuteness anyway.

Have we missed any cuteness outbreaks? Be aware that it is your duty to share such things with other Kickettes, please.

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26 Responses to “Weekend Results: Youth Over Experience”

  1. Tsuyoshi says:

    CONCACAF is nice!

  2. Eugenia says:

    Mexico is playing great. I felt bad for Chicharito when he got his eye poked near the end of the game though. :(

  3. Tsuyoshi says:

    goalkeeper is hot!

  4. elizabeth says:

    Hmmm its times like this I miss the adorable Stu Holden. The Us should be fine but I think they'd be better off with him. Oh and where's Benny Feilhaber? His hotness is also missed. I can live with their lose this weekend, Mexico won and the Mavs beat the evil Heat. Its all good.

  5. Emari says:

    Meant AZ Alkmaar… oops.

  6. Audrey says:

    Rodolfo Zelaya of El Salvador needs to be featured. He scored an absolute golazo of a free kick against Costa Rica and there’s something mesmerizing about his eyes.

  7. Melanie Gedeon says:

    if only tim howards anger resembled the hulk…. without turning green or anything, just the shirt ripping.
    thats a show for everyone to enjoy :)

  8. @DebStimson says:

    Right…so watching the Spain v England game and the commentator was horrible! Javi(!!!) is NOT pronounced Xavi and De Gea is NOT a Barca goalkeeper. yeesh. Fabulous assist from Javi tho. And, as Blake rightly mentioned, the Spain's defense was a bit suspect, especially on England's goal.

    US, US, US…sigh. Panama totally dominated and deserved to win. Looked like we were getting continuously beaten by their speed. After you get beat a time or two, you'd have thought adjustments would have been made. It totally amazes me that we have not yet learned anything from Spain, whose players continually move off the ball so that their teammates have a) the proper angle to make passes without getting picked off and 2) are properly placed so their teammates have more than one option for passing the ball. I just don't understand how this basic principle is lost on so many teams. Even the good teams in the girl's HS soccer in my area know this.

    Mexico…what can I say. Definitely will be a team that I'd expect to be there in the semis. Guardado..que golazo! The guy was on fire…showing yet again, how many weapons Mexico has. And hats off to the fan in the pea pod suit. Obviously a Cheech fan. :D

    • Sarah, Madrid says:

      haha! De Gea barc goalkeeper! haha! I hate it when commentator does that, you be in the middle of the game and being distracted by trying to correct it and screaming: "no hun you are wrong, please someone tell him he is not"!

    • Leya_S says:

      Lol, I agree, those mistakes irritate me. Its like "you're a commentator, you should know these things!"
      Btw, thanks for the "Javi(!!!)" a la unamadridista!

      That aside, *sigh* I've had no time for love (read:footie) as I'm in a seriously intense program that requires me to be up at 4am, out by 6am, and back home by 8pm. I'm so out of the loop.
      But I will agree with you that the USMNT plays VERY flat, both on offense and defense, and thus makes NO runs off the ball. It's a little painful to watch.

  9. DaniS says:

    I was at the panama game and I gotta say the ref scored both goals for panama. Awful calls left and right, and 7 yellows – 5 for the U.S. On the bright side, I have never been that close to Bocanegra in my life and he looked amazing :)

  10. @BrittanyAFC says:

    all i see is Chicha's smile :) *sigh*

  11. Sarah, Madrid says:

    After watching Mexico, all I have to say: CAN'T WAIT FOR COPA! It will be such an interesting competition!

    All I have to say about Spain U-21: MATA <3

  12. Sergz says:

    I'll definitely buy Chicharito's jersey for this years Man United kit. There's just something about him, he's so cute, he's a great footballer and (from what I have seen) he has a great personality! He's quickly becoming one of my favourite players.
    I've bought Giggs & Scholes' shirts since 1995 but considering the recent events, it's time for a change. :(

  13. IrishBlue says:

    To be honest I just came in here, seen Chicha's gorgeous littte face smiling and I melted. I've a serious case of the Chich-itis at the moment. I need a remedy other than actually stealing him to keep for myself. Results? What results?

  14. mochara says:

    Ahh Chicharito, could he be any more adorable?

  15. Devilish-x says:

    Kickette, do you have any more jaffa cakes left? :)
    Oh and bubba chico looks so damn cute!

  16. US came alive too late into the game. They really have to stop doing that!!! Clint Dempsey looked sexy all night though.

    • ToysForBots says:

      I KNOW! The game was so frustrating to watch, especially because there were so many chances that they could have easily scored on, had they actually put their hearts into the game. Sure, the boys all looked good, but I'd prefer to see them all smiling after a game, rather than looking all angry and frustrated like they have for the past few.

      I'm looking at you, Tim Howard.

  17. Faija Sajeda says:

    Aww look at Cheech laughing – hes so adorable <3

  18. naylovee says:

    Nothing good to say about the Gold Cup but only because I'm bitter about the result. I think this is the first time the U.S. has been in this position in this cup.

  19. Leaaa says:

    And Denmark had an equaliser ruled out for offside when it wasn't! I couldn't bear to watch my poor babies lose undeservedly! :(

  20. The swiss goalie is also hot. And good, damn him, And I love all the Danish lads, all hot hot hot :-)

  21. blitzenTO says:

    The England/Spain match was pretty rubbish, TBH. The individual Spanish players are excellent but they had too many defensive lapses as a team. England was pretty poor overall but to their credit they never gave up and were rewarded with an equalizer. Fair result in a boring game. Hope the rest of the tournament is better. The main highlights for me were Thiago and De Gea, who were both great..

    I had more fun watching Messi play in a charity match on Sunday. That was pretty awesome. Barca needs to sign Pablito asap! :) )))))

  22. blake2108 says:

    That goalkeeper's hot.

    Love watching tournaments involving the younger players.